(Dear diary....... 馃搩馃摐)
Strong hands held me, drawing me into a protective embrace. "hush baby, it's okay. It's just a dream. " Damon's voice cooed me. I was already at the verge of hyperventilating. My whole body was shaking badly.
"Da... Damon, it's our child. She... She....died. " I stuttered out fresh tears rolling down my face. From my peripheral vision I saw Alaric's head bowed down in what I think is shame. Right now I didn't care, I knew deep in my heart that I would never do anything to him, most especially now that I have found out Alice is his mate. Apparently my scream had attracted all of them in the sitting room which I was sleeping in. I felt suffocated and excused myself from them as I trudged to one of the rooms. Before I turned the knob of the door, I turned to them and said. "It was a girl. " I didn't want to see their expression and I quickly entered the room.
Their happiness was contagious to my deep and great sadness, right now the only thing I wanted to do was to be alone and let out my sorrow. Not even Damon was what I needed now. I only needed myself, and as if on cue the tears that streaming down as I clutched to my knees weeping silently.
Gruesome images flashed in my mind, the one of where blood pooled down on my legs. The one of the dream, the little girl that looked like me, so sweet and innocent,..... And then killed. I choked our another sob. Will I ever pass through this traumatic experience, or will it always be the same for me...... For me to remember every single details of the child I lost? Of being denied the opportunity to experience the joy of motherhood?
Dear diary, I felt so alone, with no one to confide in. The only person I could confide in now was so distant.
He spends every single time with his brother Damien, and sister Alice. Okay, maybe not every single time because at intervals he always comes to check on me and drag me out of my misery, but the bitterness I felt towards my current situation over rides every single sanity left in me. I gave him the cold shoulder, and I thought that maybe he will stay back and cuddle me in bed, but the moment I shout at him to get out he simply stares at me in disbelief and walks out.
When on the other hand I expect him to stay back and sooth me with sweet words irrespective of my coldness. That might be selfish, but that's what I need, and what I want.
I have never felt so lonely in my life compared to what I was feeling now. The emptiness in me added to my misery, I felt so forlorn and...... Dejected.
I felt that nobody understands me, not even my mate Damon, I felt that everybody had dejected me, and I felt like the world has turned it's back against me. Dear diary, you're the only one I can confide in without having to worry of what you think about my pathetic situation.
The door creaked open revealing Damon, as usual I turned to the other side of the bed not wanting to meet his gaze. Yeah, that was how pathetic I am.
"Haven..... " he calls me his voice with gentle tenderness. That only made my pathetic situation more pathetic. Ever since what happened, they have been treating me like a glass that could break at any mistake. They talked with hushed voice as if their voices will blow me over. And believe me I HATED IT. I hated how they treated me as if I was weak, just because I lost a battle and a child doesn't make me weak!!!
I didn't answer him. I clasped my eyes tightly willing sleep to come. If I faced my 'never-understanding' mate right now, I fear I might loose my sanity and run mad. My hand involuntarily and unconsciously touches me stomach, I closed my eyes tightly savouring the pain of the child we lost. My child and Damon's child.
What did I just say, my child and Damon's child? No, that's a lie. The child I lost is my child only, and it's not Damon's child. He might have contributed to creating that life, but he is in no way the father of my dead child. He is just a stranger, a complete stranger to me. I tried to choke back my tears, to choke back my loss, but my emotions spiraled out of control and my tears came down like a heavy rain. It just dawned to me that I didn't only loose my child, but I also lost Damon.
"Haven talk to me please " the bed dips and hands that sends tingles down my spine brushes my shoulder. I tried not to let my anger combust, but like I said, my emotions got the best if me and I flared up.
"Don't touch me! " I snarled at him. "Don't lay your filthy hands on me. Just don't. " he looked bewildered, but that was the least thing I cared about right now, all I could see was rage.
"Haven...? " and don't even call my name I snapped angrily at him. "What's all this about?" he asks looking bewildered, surprised, and....hurt. But I didn't care.
"It's all about my unborn child I lost. " I said emphasizing on the word my.
"Our child. " he tried to correct me but that only increased the degree of my anger.
"She is not your child, she is my child child and mine alone. "
"What are you saying, " Damon spat out. His powers were coming to the edge as his eyes shone a bright gold.
"All I am saying is that you're a heartless controlling jerk. All you do is to lie and pretend that everything is okay. child died but what did you do? Nothing. You did nothing that's because she means nothing to you. Her death means nothing to you, and my misery also means nothing to you!!!" I was screaming now, the gold hue in his eyes had faded and his eyes had returned to its normal blue color. He was looking at me with the expression of sadness mixed with a tinge of anger.
"And I know if I die today it will mean nothing to you, all you care about right now is your brother and sister. I have been so wrong to ever think you loved me.
"Stop that Haven!!!" he growled at me, anger taking over the sadness in his eyes. "You're being irrational because you know nothing. You know nothing about how I feel about the whole thing. "
"I lost a brother for hundreds of years, that day I lost my other half. I was a complete disaster and a sicker for a king. I had to pull my shits together and act as if I was okay, I tried to be the king everyone wanted and then you came into my life, you came into my life was it was a disaster, you came into my life when I had sacrificed the hope of having you with my sisters life. And right then, you were my everything, my world, and my star." he stops and captures my gaze on his, what I saw they shook me to the core. I saw so much pain and sadness and hurt, pain that almost drowned me my mere looking at it. The pain almost drove me insane. He trudges to me and holds my face in his hands. That was when I noticed the bandage that was wrapped on his two hands, they looked quite bloody.
"Haven, I knew you would always be the light in my life, I was in so much darkness when you came, and that was why I always called you my radiance. That's because you're indeed my radiance. And then not few days ago, I lost my unborn child Haven. I was happy I didn't loose you, because I might run mad if that had happened. Neither was I happy that I lost my child, Haven I have always dreamed of having a child, of having little me and you running round our house, but I can't change what has happened....." The pain in his eyes took my breath away.
"Neither can you bring back what you have lost Haven. I have mourned loosing two siblings and just got them back yesterday, Haven I don't want to mourn again. I just want to be happy. Even if it's for just a few minutes....." how could I have lost my trust in him so easily. This man loved me so much obviously, but why have I done other than to show self loathing.
"Damon, what happened to your hands?" I asked the tears I have been holding back escaping my eyelids.
"The day I heard we lost our child, I went to let out my pain..... " he trails off and I gasped in horror. Oh Damon, don't say any more I love you. I pulled him in a hug which he returns. I was on full blown tears while he rubbed my back soothingly.
We shared a hug of what we lost.
We shared a hug of our pain.
And we shared a hug of our strength, we drawed strength from each other.
"I'm sorry Damon, for ever doubting you. " I said into himself short. "it's okay Haven, from now on I will always be by your side, I promise. " I hugged him more tightly if that's possible.
"I love you, " I said.
"I love you too. "
I disentangled from the hug tipping his chin up. I captured his lips in a kiss which he returned back fervently, my hands wrapped around his neck as his tongue seeked entrance into my mouth which I gave him willingly. I allowed him to dominate me entirely, wrapping his hands on my waist and drawing me closer to him.
"You know we can still make more babies right now. " he said huskily while I giggled at him.
"Pervert." I chided him playfully as we disengaged from that kiss.
"Yes, I quite agree that I'm your pervert. " I smiled warmly at his words. I know I have lost my child, but this man right here with me makes everything better. I love him so much that I'm willing to do anything for him. Anything.
A knock interrupts our trance revealing Alice. She blushes on seeing the way my hands were wrapped around Damon's neck and Damon's hands on my waist, and then our laboured breathing. She probably sensed what we were doing before. Alice eyes shone brightly, and I knew the reason. It was Alaric, he makes her happy, and for that I am happy. I made a mental note to talk with Alice later. It has been long and perhaps I needed a girl time.
"I'm sorry to interrupt you guys, but Killian is here, she wants to see you and it's urgent. "

(Dear diary.... 馃摐馃搩)
Dear diary,
I was so happy for the little talk I had with Damon. At least we had reached a mutual understanding which I'm glad and happy for. Well to the main thing, Killian had requested to see us which I was kinda happy and glad for. I decided I needed to pull my shits together and act like an Eliess I am.
I have lost my child, I better started learning how to get over it. Although I was still confused on how I had conceived at the first place, confusion didn't even begin to cover it. I can still remember that me and Damon went to take a shot at the hospital, I was given contraceptives which would have hindered me conceiving, but somehow they contraceptive didn't work which made me more confused.
I guess I would enquire more about that. I didn't study science in high school, I was an art student so I really don't have knowledge about all these stuffs. By the way I sucked in Biology.
"Killian, " I greeted grimly. She still had the face of Winlock, the face brought bad memories to me, the memories of when Dakar had captured me and tortured me. But it wasn't Winlock, it was Killian. Damien and Alice had told us apparently, well more like I overheard them saying something about that.
"You're still wearing her face? " I asked her.
"Yes, Winlock is still alive, and as long as she is alive I still need to wear her face."
"Oh, why is she still alive? " I asked. Damon rubbed my back comfortably, trailing circles on the back of my hand soothingly. I knew he was trying to calm my nerves down, these days my nerves were getting the best of me.
"Dakar has been questioning how Damien and Alice managed to escape. I managed to deceive him into thinking that my sister whom I referred to as me manged to use to a powerful magic to infiltrate the cellars and create a potato which Damien and Alice escaped from. Right now Dakar thinks that I Winlock, manged to catch my sister Killian and throw her into the cellars before she could escape with Damien and Alice. But Dakar is in the least disturbed about Alice and Dakar, he believes that as long as he has win this war, then he has everything he wants. " wow. That was very brilliant I thought to myself.
"So right now, Winlock is in one of Dakar's dungeon with your face. Is that what you're saying? " I asked to which she nods. I was about to ask how she managed to perform such spell that could change appearances but decided against it. This explains why she has been acting weirdly for some time now. That explains a lot.
"Appearances might be deceiving, but what about the soul? " I ask the question that has been disturbing me. I was afraid for Killian if Dakar looked through her soul and sees that she is not as dark as Winlock's soul, what then would happen? Killian might have been able to change their faces successfully, but that doesn't say the same for the soul. Winlock's soul was dark, and well Killian's soul was light.
"Well that won't be a problem, " she replied sullenly. And then it dawned to me, she now practiced dark magic, and now even if Dakar wants to look through her soul, the only thing he would be able to see will be the blackness. I choked back a sob and engulfed her in a hug. I could tell she didn't expect that immediately as she was a bit reluctant to return my hug back, after some seconds she hugged me back.
She has sacrificed her light just to see that I will win, just to see that the people she loved are safe. I glanced at Damien, his eyes were glistening with un-shed'd tears and then an emotion; love. I disengaged form the hug and smiled at Killian.
"Your sacrifice won't be in vain. Dakar would pain for what he has done to every one of us. He would pay for everything single pain he has inflicted upon us. I promise you that. " I said. She smiles at me.
"That's why I'm here. Right now Dakar had colonised the lightelves, he has mounted his throne there, " she says and I stare wide eyed.
"Has he done anything bad to them? " I asked fearing the worst.
"Well no, not yet. But I fear that he might start soon, which is why I want us to do something very soon. Minimum of two weeks Haven, that's all we have before Dakar causes serious damage. " I nodded my head in understanding.
"We shall prepare, and please be safe. " I begged her.
"I'm always safe, " she grins, "but I need one thing from you both, " she says referring to me and Damon who was still rubbing my back. "You both have to be strong and together. Only you both can win this war. Not even me, and not anybody else. The darkness that hovers around the lightelves can only be removed by you. I hope you understand that? "
"Yes we do. Me and Damon, we are stronger than ever. " I said confidently.
"Now that's my Eliess. " a different voice replies to me smiling. Rapsy.
"Please do go to Damien before you leave." I pleaded with, she leaves and jumps into Damien had for a hug and heart warming embrace. I smile at the duo, they looked perfect together. Damien was looking better now, at least he was looking very clean and I now noticed he actually has blonde hair and not brow hair. O god, how many years of not taking his bath at that horrible place. I tried not to feel nauseous over the situation as I felt anger swell in me.
Dakar would pay for this, and all the Darkelves would also pay for this.....for everything.
"Eliess, what would you like to eat. " I heard Rapsy's chirpy voice asking me. But I couldn't answer, my lips couldn't move, I felt something big swelling up in me, something like wave, and before I knew it I could only see blackness as my soul was transported to another dimension.
(The reborn... 馃洝)
Forgiveness 馃檹
I found myself in an empty building that looked like an ancient church. Anitics and chandelier light bulbs decorated the building I was in, tiny Christmas lights were all blinking and twinkling giving the room a very nice and beautiful feeling.
I went outside and what I saw was a complete contrast to the inside. Here, the walls were all cracked and had dents, and the woods used to construct the windows decayed. It was a gory sight.
It was the typical beautiful inside, ugly outside feeling. A woman wearing white came out, I couldn't see her face because of the light that was reflecting on her. When she got closer I got who she was...
"Mother. " I breathed out. It has really been long since I had seen the goddess of light.
"Daughter. " she said in return flashing me one of her best smile.
"I failed you. " I said, sobs wracking my nerves.
"No daughter, don't say that. You didn't fail, and you will never fail. Victory is yours and shall forever be yours. "
"How? " I was tired of people telling me I didn't fail. No, in fact, I was tired of people acting as if I didn't fail. Can't they just tell it right into my face that yes, I did fail them.
"Daughter, the key to your victory lies in one thing, one very simple thing..... " she trails off.
"What's it? " I ask my interest picking up.
"Forgiveness. " she says, and instantly I knew what she was talking about.
"No!! I will never forgive them. All of them shall die for what they did to us.... To my unborn child. " hot Rafe was flowing in my veins.
"Daughter, that's the only way to see the light of this war. There is bitterness in your heart, and this bitterness will only cost you more death. It's time to forget what happened, and forgive the people who did it. Remember, there are also your people no matter what. "
"Have you ever lost a child...... No, do you realize the pain of loosing your child. Well I guess you don't so don't preach to me about forgiveness! " this time the tears were streaming down my face.
"I have lost a child Haven. And that child I lost was you. Did I ever got to see you grow, did I ever had to breast feed you, to enjoy the joy of motherhood. No, but duty and obligations ripped you away from me and for your protection I had to send you to world of mortals. We all makes sacrifices daughter, and the sacrifice I made was you. Your unborn child is a sacrifice, and it's time you stood up and do what's right, trust me, this hatred you have for the darkelves will only bring more hatred and deaths, and that dear daughter I know you don't want. "
I was on full blown crying. She was right, and that only made my emotional breakdown worse.
"Are you ready daughter? Are you ready to let go of your past, to let go of what had happened, and to let go your bitterness and anger, are you ready to face your rebirth? " her hands were stretched out reaching for mine.
One heartbeat
Two heartbeat
Three heartbeat
"Yes, I'm ready. " and I joined my hands with hers.
"Spring of life, today we bring forth a new life, and today we erase an old past. " these were her words. And power erupted through me, power I have never felt before, power so strong that it shocked me to the core.
"Now daughter, go and claim your people. And not just that, make sure you have the head of the man who brought this chaos at first. " Mother says.
"O trust me mom, the man who killed my child and separated my people and turned them against each other shall not go scot free."
And I came back to reality.
I looked around and I noticed I was on a bed. With Damon, Rapsy, Alaric, Alice, Damien, and cage circling me. Damon was quick to be at my side.
"Are you okay? He asks worriedly kissing my hands.
"Yes I'm fine. "
"You gave us a scare. "
"I'm sorry about that. "
"What was that all about? " Rapsy asks.
"My reborn. My rebirth has taken place. " everyone around me let out a surprised gasp.
"And this time around, we have a battle to win. Everyone should prepare, tomorrow night we are going to kick some ass. " I said while Damon chuckled.
"Really queen Haven, kick some ass. I love that innuendo. " I turned and looked at Cage making sure his gaze meets with mine.
"And tomorrow evening, no one should touch Dakar. He is mine to deal with. " his gaze didn't waver a bit, it was as if he longed to have his father killed, but that didn't mean I liked him one bit.
Just then a thought popped in my mind and I smiled.
"Damon please, can you get me my spell book. " right now I needed to go through some things. I tapped into the new power that was blazing brightly like fire in me. The animosity of the power was breathtaking.
I drowned myself into the words of my spell book, different images of how I will bring Dakar to his knees running through my mind.
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