✍️✍️✍️✍️ The Kiss 馃拫馃拫馃拫馃拫 18+ Reading Episode 181 || 182 ...191 ✍️✍️✍️✍️

THE KISS
{Loving him with all his flaws.}
By KELSAY (M.M.A.)
CHAPTER 181
||•MARIANA•||
My mom is with them and she’s sitting on the couch while taking pictures of Amy and Morgan who were dressed in matching personalized white tops. The studio was blasting with Intentions by Justin Bieber. Amy was singing loudly to it and making her dance steps her pose for the pictures.
Looking at 17 year old Morgan’s tall form and her mother’s petite form makes it look like a brother and a sister. If anything, Amy is an ageless beauty. She looks younger than her age and still very pretty.
“Picture perfect guys, you don’t need no filter.” My mom sang out to them. Yeah, she’s young and free when with Amy. The things they do together.
“Gorgeous, make ’em drop dead, you a killer.” Morgan sang back to his mom, pointing his hand at her and whining his waist in a manly way.
“Shower you with all my attention
Yeah, these are my only intentions.” Amy also sang, drapes her arms around his neck, and kisses him motherly.
Since I’ve known my mom’s best friend, Justin Bieber has been her favorite. I remember singing one of his songs with them when I was a kid.
Mom saw us by the door and made Morgan reduce the volume of the song.
“Oh my God, Mariana you’re here. I miss you so much.” Amy engulfed me in a tight hug.
“I miss you too so I came and look at who I brought again today.” Nervisa was hiding at my back once the hug was over so I stepped aside.
“She’s Nervisa, right? You brought her here the last time.”
“Yes, she’s my boyfriend’s sister.”
“Your boyfriend? Paula, didn’t you say they got married or something?”
“Yeah but I think my daughter is more comfortable saying ‘boyfriend’ .” My mom replied.
I do not know what to say so i didn’t refute my mom’s answer.
“Hi, Nervisa. Come to me.” My mom called.
“No, she’s coming to me.” Amy picked her up before Nervisa can even protest or accept.
“You’re so beautiful Nervisa. How about I model with you?”
Nervisa’s eyes widened. “Really?”
“Yeah.”
“Thanks.” She smiled.
“So do you accept?”
Nervisa looked at me but I really don’t have a say. I don’t know what Novan will say about it.
“I can’t say anything now but I’ll like to think about it and if you don’t mind, we can make a few practices.”
“That’s the spirit. You know what? You’re already my favorite.”
“You’re also my favorite,” Nervisa replied shyly.
“Aww.” Amy didn’t stop herself from pecking Nervisa.
“I’ve always wanted a cute girl like you to do these things with. I’m so happy you’re the one.”
“What are you waiting for then? Let’s go already or?”
“Sure. Bye Paula. Meg, I’ve broken up with you for the meantime.”
“I’m blessed.”
And truly he is. Morgan hardly stays at home so anytime he’s around, Amy tries to make the best out of it by troubling the hell out of him.
He went to sit by my mom and craned his neck towards the phone my mom is holding, he pointed out pictures that she should send to him.
I sat myself down and brought my phone out. I wonder where Marion could’ve gone.
“Mom? Where’s Marion?”
“He went to hang out with his friends at the park. Playing football and other games.”
“Okay.”
“How are you? I didn’t know you’ll come here.” Mom asked.
“Yeah. I’m bored.”
“Bored? Why should you be bored while I am here?” Morgan gets up instantly.
“Come with me. I have somewhere to take you.” He took my hand and raised me up from the couch.
“Morgan, remember your mom doesn’t want you to leave the house.”
“Don’t mind her. She’s the one who left me for her exes daughter.”
My mom and I gasped.
“Oh sorry. I shouldn’t have said that but our life is kind of revolving around that of Jude’s. We can’t do away with that ever so we must as well get used to it and that’s the fact.”
“Fact yes. But don’t say this in front of your father. You know what I mean.”
“Yes, Aunt. Mariana let’s go.” He put his around my neck this time and we walked out of the studio.
“You know what?”
I shook my head.
“When we were kids and even growing up, I thought I would be ending up with you.”
“As in?”
“Like dating. I used to crush on you and I admired you. You were like that idol for me and suddenly you vanished. I missed you each day. Didn’t you miss me?”
I stay quiet. Did I miss him? Of course, I did but I didn’t know who. I hope Morgan is not trying to tell me what Edward also said.
“How did I forget? You lost your memory so how could you miss me?” He chuckled.
“I had this constant feeling of missing someone but I just didn’t know who.”
“Yeah, it can be. So I wished to see you each day but you never came. When you finally came, you were with a friend and I fell for her instead. I was with that childish ancient idea that, since our families are close, we’ll also end up together. Even my mother was thinking the same until she saw Betsy in my room and I had to introduce her to them once and for all.”
“Really? You did that?” I remember Betsy telling me that she’s going to be introduced to Daniel and Amy but I didn’t hear more from her.

“I did and I’m waiting for the world to know too. You know our age gap. I’m 17 and she’s 19.”
“That’s not a gap? I know people who have a decade and more between them but they’re happy and nobody is judging them for it and even if they did judge, what is their shit? It’s your life and you decide for it.”
“My friends tease me about it a lot and even my dad uses that to scold me at times. When I do something he doesn’t like, he would be like, ‘this is why you’re with someone older than you.’ It always gets me worked up and I don’t like to stay at home.” He said undertone and I could feel the hurt in his voice.
He took away his arm from me and put his hand in his pocket for his key with his head lowered.
“It’s not about the age, it’s what you feel Morgan.”
“Yeah I know but…. but Betsy gets shy with me sometimes when we’re in public. She doesn’t go out with me sometimes because of that and covers it with some flimsy excuses. I don’t know what to do.”
“Didn’t you tell her you don’t care what people think?”
“Countless times. You know, sometimes I want to drop and pick her to school but she declines it. Even today I wanted to take her to work but she didn’t allow it. I hate this and I don’t want her to work and now, I’m stuck here in this house with my crazy mom.” He laughed but it was far from humor. He just boiled out his frustrations.
“I’m sorry about this but she loves you.”
“I’m trying not to believe that anymore even though I know. She’s supposed to be proud of me and our relationship but shame is all she feels. She’s ashamed of me Mariana! The way she acts when she comes out with me makes it in such a way that I don’t take her along anymore.”
“You guys don’t seem like you have these problems. You’re always happy and together and I thought…”
“It’s just pretending. She likes to be indoors with me more than outdoors. She only lives with me because she wants to make up for the times she won’t be out with me. Besides, you have a lot of things going on already and we didn’t want to bother you.”
I bit my tongue to scold myself. I’m a really bad friend. All this was going on and I didn’t notice.
“Don’t feel bad. We were the ones who hid it from you. So we pretend to be happy.”
Still. I should’ve known.
“So..did she opts for a breakup or something?”
“No, but they say action speaks louder than words right? I want to free her.”
“No. I will talk to her. Don’t do anything yet. Betsy should be crazy. It’s just two years and you even look twenty and not your age.”
“She doesn’t see it that way. Perhaps she got someone more mature. I really love your friend Mariana. I don’t know how it even happened but when I realized, I was so gone into her to the point of no return. I also didn’t wish to date someone who is older than me but do I have a choice? My heart already decided.”
“I’m going to talk to her and see why she’s doing what she’s doing to you.”
“Forget it. She hasn’t even told her parents about us.”
“What!” I’m shocked.
He nodded with a little smile. ” Hypothetically, would you have done the same thing if we had dated?”
“There is…” I wanted to answer but my ringtone interrupted. My heart leaped out of my chest when I saw that it was Novan.
I want to answer immediately but Morgan is standing here and waiting for me. He won’t feel good if I should walk away now to pick my call. I care about Morgan and my Best friend very much so Novan has to wait for now even though all I want to do now is rush home, throw myself on a bed, and have his call.
“Sorry.” I apologized.
“No, it’s nothing. You should pick your call.”
“No. Answering your question, I will never have done that and it’s not because I know you. I would do the same for everybody.”
“Why?”
“If I love you, I love you. It’s not a drill. My love is not based on appearance or anything that is on the outer. Our feelings for each other is what matters because it is what will keep us together. When I love you, it means I want to spend the rest of my life with you. These are my only intentions.”
He laughed.
” Heart full of equity, you’re an asset
Make sure that you don’t need no mentions
Yeah, these are my only intentions”
He continued singing it and making dance moves. Now I understand who he really is. He was being emotional just a moment ago but now she’s laughing and dancing. No wonger they’ve been able to fool me all along that they’re happy in their relationship. He can mask his emotions very well but that is bad.
You won’t know if something is wrong with him. Here he is singing and dancing but deep within he’s dying.
“You gave me the right words I needed to hear so You don’t have to worry about me anymore. Now tell me where you’ll like to go. We can go car racing or do some dance or singing videos. We can go back to my mom’s studio and record anything that comes to our mind or we can go watch a game or we can even play a video game together, we can swim, we can go to the mall or the park. We can even travel to Miami Beach now or..”
“It’s okay.” I laughed.
“There is lot of things we can do.”
“Yes but I want to talk to Novan then I will choose later.”
“Alright. I’m going to be my mom’s photographer for now and also to see what she’s doing to Nervisa. Her brother won’t spare her.”
“Yeah yeah. Go check on her for me. Thanks.”
I walked to the parking lot and settled in my car. Novan has called twice already.
I want to dial his number but his call came in again and I quickly picked with my heart pounding against my chest.
“Riana.”
I want to shout at him, I want to scold him, I want to be mad at him. I want to tell him how much I’m mad at him and all the things but just hearing his voice, he calling my name makes me forget about all that and for now, I just want to cry and rant to him how much I missed him and how my life has been miserable ever since he left.
“Riana? Are you there?”
“No…Novan.”My voice breaks and my tears rush down my cheeks.
“Are you crying? Please don’t. I told you not to.”
“How can you tell me that? I woke up and I didn’t see you except for that letter. What am I supposed to do?”
“I’m sorry.”
“Then come back to me.”
“You know..”
“Why would you leave me? What if someone tries to hit up on me in your absence. Will you be okay?”
“I won’t be okay. Fuck I will die but then, I have come to realize something. I gave you some stupid rules because I was afraid to lose you. My jealousy was top notch. I will fight you whenever I see you with a guy. I used to do all that but I was wrong. I made it all about me. When you love someone, you don’t impose things on them and you don’t suffocate them. Let them live freely and if they’re really yours, they’ll always come back and be for you. You love me Mariana. We can make it…”
“No! We can’t make it! Why are you doing this? You leaving is bullshit. What more? You switched schools. You fucking relocated while I am here. Why would you do this? Your reasons don’t make sense at all unless you want to punish me.”
“No.”
“I don’t want to spend my life away from you Novan. We barely got together and in the morning you left. Please return. I’m begging. I’ve been miserable without you and I can’t go another more day. I miss you so much. I haven’t even got to give you a hug. Please just come back.”
“It’s just for a while then I will come back or you’ll join me. Stop making it seem that I’m leaving you entirely. I can’t do that to myself. Understand that I need some time okay. I need space from everything.”
“When will you get enough space?”
“Soon. It won’t take long and you can join me.”
“How soon? It’s just a day and I’m like this.”
I hear him sigh. “I’m sorry.” I feel him pacing and running his hand through his hair.
★★★
THE KISS
{Loving him with all his flaws.}
By KELSAY (M.M.A.)
CHAPTER 182
||•MARIANA•||
“And you said you were gonna call me yesterday.”
“I got down not long ago. You know it’s almost twenty hours or you’ve forgotten?”
“Didn’t you take your laptop? You could’ve emailed me.”
“I’m sorry.”
“No, you’re not.”
“I am.”
“You aren’t.”
“Okay, you’ve won. Tell me how you’re doing.”
“You already know.”
“How’s my sister then? Are you at my place or..”
“I came home and right now I am in Morgan’s house and Nervisa is inside with his mom.”
“What? Is she a decent lady? And what the hell are they doing?”
“Calm down. Nervisa likes her okay.”
“Of course I know. I just don’t want her to not be with the right company. Tell me, I hope the celebrity lady hasn’t stripped my sister naked and taking damn photos in the fucking name of modeling.”
Oh, God! How did he guess it so perfectly?
“Answer me, Mariana.”
“Nervisa isn’t doing anything okay.”
“You’re lying.”
Yes, you’re right.
“Relax, my mom is also here,” I said this before realizing he doesn’t like my mom either but he surprises me by saying.
“It’s fine if Paula is around.”
“Why?”
“She’s your mom and she’s a decent woman. Keeping my sister all alone with two crazy club freaks in the name of Amy and Meghan whatever Morgan shit is dangerous.”
“She’s safe.”
“I hope so.”
“and…Amy is a decent woman. Don’t speak of her like that.”
” Whatever. If I see my sister’s picture across anywhere she’s dead. Before that even happens, Tricia will bring her to me as soon as possible.”
“Uhm Novan…”
“What?”
“Nervisa doesn’t want to leave. She said she’ll stay here with me.”
” Fuck No! Where she lives or go to is not hers to decide.”
“Are you kidding me?”
“I’m serious. It was a favor I did Tricia when I left her behind. If not for certain things, I wouldn’t have and now you want me to leave her because she said so? Oh, come on!”
“You’re being overprotective of her. It’s bad.”
“Only I know how best to take care of her so don’t tell me shit!”
I gulped. We’re getting there again and his rude attitude is surfacing.
“Let her live, Novan. And don’t make it in such a way that you’re the only one Nervisa has. For goodness sake, her mother is still very alive.” I try to reason with him.
“Don’t go there, Mariana! I am the only person she has in this world. There is no one else and nobody can love her better than me. Tricia is nobody and I hate her!”
Seriously?
“Alright. You can come and drag her to go live with you. Don’t shout at me over this!”
“Yes, I will.”
” Great! And I’m hanging up.”
“Fucking do it already!” He yelled once more and the line went dead. He just worsened the dull ache his absence caused me.
Why must he always be like this?
I dropped my head on the wheel with an exasperated breath bursting through my nostrils and I closed my eyes. I don’t know how long I remained there but when I got out, I walked back into the mansion, and just like Novan speculated, Nervisa’s face was made up heavily. She’s almost unrecognizable and she wore a short white flowery dress. She’s on heels and her hair is made up. She looked gorgeous regardless.
They were in the living room and slipping through pictures they took on the gigantic plasma TV in the living room.
Now I know how long I kept in that car.
“This is going to sell a million. Just look at that. Everyone will soon want you on they’re covers if I post it. Tell me, should I ?” Amy asked Nervisa with her eyes on a particular picture in which almost everyone including me in the room was enchanted by. It’s stupendous and absolutely stunning. The expression is a killer.
“I don’t mind..”
As much as I don’t want to do it, I know Novan will be angry and he’ll yell at me again if he finds out that I had a means to stop it but I didn’t despite telling me that he doesn’t want Nervisa to model.
“No Amy. You won’t put it anywhere.” I said before Nervisa agrees. Novan will see it and get furious.
Nervisa’s face dropped and it saddens my heart. She was having fun.
“Why? Please allow me. She’s got talent and passion for this. I didn’t have to tell her what to do. She’ll be the smallest but richest child model in no time and she’ll be famous. Don’t dull her shine Mariana.”
“This is not me but her brother. He won’t allow.”
“Oh, that crazy boy.”
My eyes blazed on her instantly and she made an apologetic face while my mother and Morgan just laughed.
“Alright. I won’t post this but you should talk to your boyfriend that Nervisa has potentials that shouldn’t be tamed.”
“I will.”
“Okay.” She said. How I anticipated Amy’s attitude toward Nervisa is nothing like this. Amy is being nice, sweet, and kind to her.
I sat down and we watched many of the pictures they took in different clothes. They were beautiful and I’m thinking my mother supplied Nervisa’s clothes.
We had lunch together and I had a swim with Morgan in his balcony pool. It was amazing since it’s been a long time I did that.
I drove Nervisa back to Tricia then drove to Betsy’s workplace where I waited for her to close.
A few minutes later, she stepped out of the Anosova bank smartly dressed and still looking neat.
I honked to get her attention and she smiled when she recognized the car that honked.
“What a surprise!” She said once she got in beside me.
“How was work?”
“Good. Just stressful.”
“What are you doing?”
“Last week I did marketing and this week, they sent me to the auditing department.”
“You’ll do well.” I smiled at her, put the key into the ignition, and stepped out of the parking lot into the streets.
“Yeah.”
“How about a home meal?”
“It’s just what I need now to regain my lost energy.”
I drove to a restaurant well known for their home-cooked foods and I watched Betsy eat. I miss those times where I cook for her and whine to her about how I hate to do it but it was all a lie. I enjoyed cooking for her and I can do it again. I don’t mind.
“You’re not eating?”
I shook my head. “I had lunch not long ago.”
“Oh okay.” She focused back on stuffing lobsters into her mouth.
I checked my phone to see if Novan called back or even texted but he didn’t. I’m at awe that his ugly temper still hasn’t left him. Even when he’s far away, we’ve started the silent treatment. How will we prosper with this always happening?
I put the phone back after ignoring an unknown number’s call. That should be Edward because he has been calling and messaging me and none did I reply to but blocked him all at once. I gave him a genuine friendship but she threw it right into my face and it left a scar that won’t fade anytime soon.
My eyes migrated from my phone to Betsy as I tried to find a nice way to discuss what Morgan told me with her.
“You don’t have to filter anything. Just spill.” She said to me.
“What?”
“I know you brought me here for a reason so tell me what it is.”
“Yes.” I paused for a moment.”You and Morgan. What is going on?”
“Nothing. We’re fine. Why do you ask?”
“Are you perhaps ashamed of him or something?”
“Is that what he said to you?”
“No. Just answer me.”
“If I will answer you then you have to tell me all that he said to you.”
“Please, Betsy. I want us to resolve this amicably. Are you ashamed of him?”
She licked her fingers and wiped it lastly with the tissue.
“If you’re ashamed, then there’s no need to be with him. I’m afraid.”
“Don’t tell me you believed whatever he told you.”
“If I did, I won’t be here.”
“Then what?”
“Just tell me already. He spoke bitterly and I felt bad.”
“He’s been clingy and that’s all. I didn’t like it and he’s vexed. He’s always been like that. Always scared that I will find someone older than him.”
“And what do you do?”
She shrugged.
“Tell me, Betsy.”
“Okay fine. He gets all over me. Not a breathing space does he give me. He’s always clinging on me like some fucking glue.”
“You should understand him better Betsy. You’re older so you should know how insecure she’ll be.”
“What of me? I have to walk with someone I am older than…”
“You’re being childish. Nobody will know his age if he doesn’t say it. He doesn’t look like a boy Betsy.”
“Yes but I just don’t like his clinginess. It’s infuriating.”
“If he doesn’t cling to you then who do you want him to cling on? You should be happy he loves you and doing everything to be with you despite the age. He could go for his age mate but he chose you. He even introduced you to his parents but you, what have you done?”
“Look, truly deeply, I love him but I also hate his constant need of possessing me and how he does it in public. I’ve tried to overlook it a thousand times but I can’t anymore. He’s practically all over me and people look at us. I don’t get embarrassed because of him. In fact, dating him is a privilege but how he follows me everywhere and get eyes to look at us is what I don’t want…”
“What can be better than having your man all over you?” I raised a brow.
“It’s beyond that. He follows me to the washroom, when I’m talking to someone, he intentionally walks over and sometimes interrupts me. He’s overdoing it and it’s not healthy. He needs to trust me that I love him alone. I won’t leave him for anyone. Trust is the problem here. Can’t he see that even Donovan is away? He won’t leave for some fucking space if he doesn’t trust you to remain faithful to him. This is what Morgan has to learn.”
Wow. Maybe Novan actually needs the space for what he’s been through. It doesn’t mean he doesn’t need me. He does. And if I don’t support him, that will make me Morgan. But I trust Novan and our case is quite different. I know Novan won’t cheat on me especially after everything we’ve gone through but in case he throws everything away and does it because I’m not there with him, then that’s his problem. I’m just sad that I will die an old maiden after he moves on.
There is really nobody else for me.
I think trying to solve Betsy’s problem has somewhat solved mine too. I will give Novan all the space. What matters is that he loves me just as much as I love him too. Despite everything, our love has always remained.
“You’re right but you also have to assure him. Do something that will make him know that you ain’t gonna live and he’ll have peace of mind.”
“What do I do?” She buried her face in her palm.
” Maybe you can start by showing him to your parents.”
“You think that will put a stop to his insecurity?” She looks at me.
“It’s just some of the ways. First, tell me why you didn’t do it long ago?”
“I think my parents don’t like him or want me to even be friends with him. ”
“Why?”
“Nothing. I just think that they won’t like him.”
“I see. So you’re busy drawing critics yourself. Why?”
“Because me not introducing him to them is not gonna solve anything. Morgan started behaving this way when we first..uhm..well…” She looks away with her bright red cheeks.
“When what?”
“The..the.. first…I mean our first time. I was the one who took his virginity.”
Oh. My lips form a circle.
“He also took yours right? So what’s the deal?”
“I wasn’t a virgin. I lied to you. I’m sorry.”
“When did you..”
“It was in high school when we came to Australia.” She bites her lips and looked everywhere but me.
“Who..who was it?”
“Please don’t be mad at me. I’m really sorry.”
“Just tell me.”
“First was with Mason…”
“Wait. Which one? Is it the one who used to be Novan’s friend in high school?”
She nodded.
“And you said that’s first so who’s the second?” I’ve already started fuming. I can’t believe Betsy.
“Don’t be mad at me please. I’m sorry.”
“Just tell me the second person you slept with.” My voice is harsh.
Her face looked horrified and she looked around. Did I shout?
“It was… Ro… Ronnie.”
My jaw dropped and I gaped at her.
“We were drunk and..”
“And you kept all this from me? Fuck you, Betsy!” I grabbed my key from the table and stormed out.
What is wrong with her? I don’t keep anything from her. And if I did, I eventually tell her. Why did she keep this from me? And why did she lie to me?
Betsy and I shouldn’t be doing this. She’s my best friend. I should be able to see through her. I should be the one to know her most just like she knows me. Why the fuck!
She keeps doing this. First, it was her relationship with Morgan and I have to find out the most horrible way, and now this. Why’s she not being honest with me while I’ve been everything but that?
“Mariana, wait! I’m sorry!”
“No! Don’t follow me!”
“Please just hear me out.” I don’t know how she managed to get to my front.
“I don’t wanna listen.”
“Please.”
“You keep doing this Betsy.” My tears welled up when I thought of my betrayals. Anybody I put my trust in kept doing this. Every fucking person! I thought my Betsy won’t do this but.. why Betsy?
“Listen, I happened to have taken some of their stuff plus the alcohol. I wasn’t in my right senses and it happened. It’s a sheer one night mistake. Ronnie understands so we don’t talk about it. Please you have to understand. I liked Mason but he just wasn’t so nice like your Donovan. He left and never contacted me but I don’t like Ronnie…”
“Where are your values? I’m so disappointed in you. You’re not my friend Betsy!” I turned towards my car.
“You have to forgive me for this last time Mariana. I’m deeply sorry.”
“Like you haven’t said it before.” I fired at her.
“Yes. Fine. Let me finish telling you everything. You wanted to talk to me and know the reason for the disagreement in my relationship.”
“I don’t have to know anymore. I know you’re the cause of it. You’re not faithful. You’re not honest!” I turn back to face her and point an accusing finger at her.
“Don’t jump to conclusions. Listen to me for once. All that happened before we started dating. Well, Morgan was showing signs of likeness towards me before it happened with Mason. Ronnie’s own was a mistake. Before I knew it, It has already happened and Morgan and I weren’t officially dating though he expressed his feelings at that time. Morgan and I had our first sex when we came back from the club one day. After it, I told him everything and since then, he started feeling insecure. He doesn’t trust me and he thinks I will go back to Ronnie. He has been saying he hates frat parties. Well, it’s because of that. I don’t know what to do about his insecurity as it keeps going high each passing day so we fight a lot and pretend to be happy when out. I didn’t know what to do so the only way is to make it seem as if I’m ashamed of him so that he’ll leave me but he won’t do that as well and he won’t stop getting scared. I don’t know. Maybe if he was my first as well, he won’t be the way he is and we would be happy. I seriously don’t know what to do about his insecurity anymore and it’s frustrating. Please tell me what to do. I know I fucked up and I’m sorry. But I love…I love him.”
Her words touched me but I didn’t allow it to diffuse into me. Not anymore.
“Well then go face your problems and don’t bring it to me. I’m sorry for caring too much and trying to help. I’m sorry.”
“So you’re not gonna help me?”
“What have I ever gotten from doing that? Tell me, Betsy!” All my life, I’ve always tried to help others but nothing have I gotten so far from it.
“So you don’t trust me?!”
” Trust.” I laughed dryly.
“First, you kept your relationship from me. You kept it from me, Betsy. Then when I found out, you gave me an excuse of a reason and I forgave you. Then I found out that you knew when Novan was deceiving me. Yet again, you gave me a reason and I forgave you. When I asked you about your virginity…I didn’t even ask. We were talking and it came to that. You told me that you guys haven’t crossed the line and you’re still a virgin. I believed you. The thing is, I don’t care if you’re a virgin or not. If you fucked multiple times with different people or not. I just don’t want you to lie to me. Give me that right and respect as your friend at least. You’ve been unfair Betsy. I told you everything but when it is yours, you hide it and cover it expertly. If it wasn’t for my dear cousin and my so-called best friend’s happiness I sought, I wouldn’t be knowing this and then finding out about yet another betrayal. You know what, you’re just like Aria. And just like I did with Aria, I don’t want anything to do with you ever again. I better be without friends than have your types around me. I don’t want someone who hides things from me and expects me to tell her mine as a friend. I want reciprocated energy, not one-sided shit!”
I regret some of my words because I’m beyond angry that my filter button is deleted.
“Okay fine. Just because your life is perfect and going in a certain way you want everyone’s life to move the same. You don’t know it’s all destiny and luck. You got a boyfriend who loves you more than anything and he was your first as well. The one I liked took my honor away and didn’t love me back. I didn’t know Morgan’s fondness towards me would get to this extent and I was careless enough to mistakenly take drugs from your boyfriend’s druggie crew. I got high and it happened with Ronnie. I know it’s my fault but I didn’t wish for it. I would also like for him to be my first because I love him. And you think I am happy that he’s insecure because of my mistakes? You’re making everything worse and I’ve already asked for your forgiveness. Why should you bring the past in now?”
“Perhaps because you don’t change and you keep reminding me of the past..” I got into my car and drove away. There is only one place I want to be now.
★★
THE KISS
{Loving him with all his flaws.}
By KELSAY (M.M.A.)
CHAPTER 183
||•MARIANA•||
Taking a two hours drive with a heart split into two, feeling hurt then leaving your friend in a parking lot to find her way got to be one of the hardest things.
But I desperately need to be away and our.. Novan’s cabin sounds like a good idea.
When I finally arrived, the sun had successfully hidden behind the clouds completely and even the orange glow was disappearing, setting darkness into the woods surrounding the cabin. If I didn’t see securities around this area, then I don’t think I will still be here. It’s quite scary when it’s dark and You’re alone.
I walked to the lake and admired how peaceful the water is and how beautiful the sight is as the half moon glowed on it. If only my life would also be peaceful just like this lake, I will be grateful but it’s never the case. I find myself always jumping from one problem to the other. Betsy thinks my life is perfect? How can this life of mine be perfect when I got separated from my parents for a decade then when I returned, my friend Aria tried to take my place and conspired against me. I lost her. I got a phobia. Then I didn’t get any sweet boyfriend who doesn’t throw unnecessary tantrums. He’s arrogant, a crackhead and he’s deceived me a number of times. My parents changed my course and now I am in year one instead of two and at a point, my mother turned and worked against me. Jude threw a stupid stunt that caused me a lot. Edward too is the reason my relationship is like this then Betsy? Betsy of all people. Hers is like a cherry on top of my cake. She said this life of mine is perfect? What is perfect about this?
I wrapped my arms around my body and continued to stare into the water when Ciara’s innocent pretty face popped and I remembered what happened between her and Novan. The remembrance is like bile on my tongue.
Even though she’s lesbian, I can’t help getting jealous and furious.
I walked away to my car and took the cabin keys. I opened it and cinnamon mixed with any scent I can name as Novan’s hit my nostrils and I embraced it. I locked the door and got in further.
The place still looks the same as the last time when I switched the lights on. Nothing much changed except that, Novan didn’t arrange and pack some things in here. When I got into the bedroom, his jeans trousers were laying on the floor, and some of his shirts on the bed. I picked them into the closet and when I sat on the unmade bed, I picked one of his shirts and threw my face into it, inhaling his scent. I feel like I’m closer to him at this place yet I miss him badly. I wish he would be here to cuddle me and I will cry out my problems to him.
I got my shoes off and settled into the bed, Novan’s shirt tightly in my clutch. My phone buzzed in my pocket and I brought it out, picked, and put it on my ear.
“Riana?” His deep voice rumbles through my ear and I get up, wiping a tear from under my eyes.
“What?” I snapped.
“Nothing. Are you okay? I’m having a weird feeling. I don’t know. Tell me, who troubled you?”
“Nobody troubled me. Leave me alone.”
“I’m sorry.”
“No. You also keep saying this. I’m tired of hearing it.”
“That’s it. Who said sorry to you? What did the person do?”
“Why do you care? Leave me the hell alone.” I hanged up but a second later and he’s calling back.
“What do you want?”
“I said I’m sorry. Now tell me if you’re alright.”
“If you cared about me, you wouldn’t have acted the way you did today.”
“That’s why I am sorry but you should know who I am by now. I do that when I am frustrated. I’m sorry.”
I stayed silent. It’s true. That’s the way he is but it hurts me each time he does that.
“Where are you? Tell me what is wrong else I will die of worry. Please.”
“It’s nothing. Just Betsy and I. We fought.”
“What did she do?”
“She’s secretive and loves to lie to me.”
“What did she keep and what did she lie about?”
“A lot. Do you know Mason?”
“Why not? He was my high school friend but left to London after completion to continue school there.”
“Did you know that he had a thing for Betsy?”
“Nothing much. They fucked that’s all. Didn’t you know?”
“You also didn’t tell me.”
” Could you listen to yourself for a second, please? How can I go about talking about people’s shit? Not any other shit but sex stuff. Do you know, you were a prude in high school and you’d have fainted if I tell you that. Then again, Betsy is your friend I can’t sell her out in case she didn’t tell you. Again, I don’t give a fuck about anyone’s life and what they do. Betsy looked to be pretty in love with him then.”
“She didn’t tell me that. I thought she was a virgin all along.”
“What? virgin? Oh please!” He laughed. “At a point, I didn’t like her. You’re decent and she didn’t look like it with how she behaves among us. I still don’t like her and she fucked Ronnie during one of the parties right on that couch we used to sit and…”
“It’s okay. I won’t hear more.” I feel so ashamed now for Betsy. How can she get laid in front of them? So much carelessness. Has she no shame? Despite all that, she still goes to the frat party.
“So what? You feel betrayed? If that is it then don’t be. She doesn’t deserve your friendship.”
“That’s not it.” We deserve each other.
“Then?”
“I’ve been honest with her Novan. I don’t hide anything from her but that’s all she does.”
“Why do you tell her your shit anyway? And what have you been telling her that you expect her to also do the same?”
“She hid her sexual status despite drilling me to hear mine..”
“Wait! What the fuck! You tell her when we fuck? Are you two crazy or what? So when I fuck you, you tell her? Who does that?”
“Is not like that. She knows that I’m not a virgin and the last time before you left, she heard it and asked about it.”
“Still. Who goes about talking about sex just because of friendship bullshit. You won’t like it if I tell my friends, best friend, or not that I fuck you. It’s fucked up and doesn’t make any tiny fucking sense. If I do that, then it means I do not love you. I cherish our moments so much to share it with some motherfuckers.”
He’s right. I can’t imagine how I will feel if he tells his friend about our intimate moments.
“Listen, some people just don’t like to share those things and maybe Betsy is just embarrassed to tell you. She feels you’ll judge her or something. I’m not trying to make up reasons to justify her but that’s what I feel. Just put yourself in her place. Three men have already gone down into her rathole whereas, it’s just me for you. She wouldn’t have said it? And would you have if you were her?”
“I can’t answer that now.”
“You don’t have too. Just think about it and let Betsy be. She’s wrong alright but you’re equally wrong for telling her about us. I’m offended. Do you realize what you did?”
“No, what?”
“It’s just like Hardin betting on Tessa’s virginity then after taking it he talked about it with his friends.”
“No. He didn’t do that. He only told them lies.”
“The bloody sheets and condoms were not lies.”
“I mean verbally.”
“What’s the difference?”
“So much and I just hinted it to Betsy. I never went into details so Mr. Anderson, once again, your argument holds no points. It’s baseless, come back with a strong one next time.”
“Fine. My points may be invalid Ms. Dominguez because our story is different from Hessa’s but you still wronged me.”
“I’m sorry.” Talking to him has lightened me up and I don’t feel as hurt as I was when I arrived here.
“So if I fuck you now too will you go and tell her?”
My stomach tightened and I looked around. I wish instantly that he’s here.
“No. Not anymore…and I never did anyway. I just admit it to her but never described it.”
“Yeah. I know you didn’t write an essay about it to her.”
He said slowly and I settled back into the soft comfy bed. I brought his shirt to my nose while holding it tightly with my free hand.
“Where are you now and what are you doing Mariana?” His voice is hoarse and low. I pressed the phone tightly to my ear then pressing my legs together as well.
“I’m at your cabin and right now, I am in bed. ”
“When did you come?”
“Not too long until you called. I’m sorry, I should’ve informed you before coming.” He called at the right time.
“It’s our cabin. Don’t say mine. You didn’t sign the papers for it but whatever that is mine is also yours. ”
“And whatever that is mine is yours too.”
“Oh please. I can’t own your shits and what do you even have? ”
I don’t let his honest harsh question affect mr because he’s right.
I don’t really have anything. All my things were provided by my parents.
“Why don’t you want my shits?”
“I already got the one I like.”
“Which is..?”
“YOU.”
“Novan.” I’m bewildered and wished I wasn’t talking to him on phone.
“I don’t need anything else. You’re all I’ve ever wanted.”
“I love you.” The words flow before I could stop myself. “You know that right?”
“I know.”
“What are you doing now?”
“Nothing. Right now I’m just sitting.”
“So what are your plans?”
“A lot but I’m yet to get them accomplished.”
“That you can’t tell me?”
“Of course I will but…”
“Not now. I get it.”
“Yeah. Don’t be offended.”
“I’m not.”
“Good. I miss you.”
“I didn’t tell you to go.”
“Yeah, I didn’t have a choice.”
“Maybe you didn’t.”
“I don’t want you to be mad at me.”
“Then you have to be good. Quit shouting at me.”
“I’ll try, whatever it takes.”
“Call me every day will you?”
“I will.”
“Maybe this ‘I need space’ policy of yours will actually work in our favor after all.”
“How?”
“We’ll get to talk every day and it might improve our communication.”
“Does it mean you no longer mind?”
“I mind a lot. I’m just trying to see the positive side of it.”
“I couldn’t see that.”
“Yeah. This should also be a way we could try if we can work on a long-distance or not. If we fail and things get worse, then I’m coming or you will come.”
“I like how understanding you are and your positivity.”
“Like you said. I also don’t have a choice. We’re miles apart Novan. I can’t sit and cry all the time because I miss you. I need to adjust and I feel I should support you on this. I hope I can trust you. You won’t leave me?”
“Never! You?”
“You’re the only one for me.”
“It’s nice to hear you say that.”
“I expect the same thing from you.”
“You can trust me on that.”
“Alright.”
“I miss you, babe.”
“You left me sore the last time.”
“You were supposed to.”
“I didn’t have enough of you.”
“Me too. I wanted to fill you in on all the months we spent apart. Don’t think you’re free. You owe me a lot. It’s 293 days in ten months that we spent apart. And you know if we’re together, I will be fucking you at least thrice every day. Should I times it?”
“No!” I laughed.
“I will. It’s..uhm.. 879 rounds in ten months.”
“What? Okay, let’s take that time of the months own out.”
“No. I love to fill you even if bloody. Don’t cringle your nose.” His warning was late.
I already did.
“You’re impossible.”
“Yeah, how about we reduce your debt?”
“How?”
“Let’s switch to a video call and I’ll show you.”
“Novan.” My heart has begun to race as my mind brainstorm what is in Novan’s mind at the moment.
“I’m hanging up to call on video.” He informed me and cut the line.
A second later and he’s calling. I picked and smiled into the video. He wasn’t showing until a few more seconds and he was standing in front of the camera with his tight dark blue jeans hugging his legs like a second skin. He didn’t have a belt on so the waist was loose, showcasing his V angled in his front, the waistband of his Calvin Klein and the dark tiny hairs from his stomach, then traveling into his jeans. It’s quite the sight. I’m attracted and lust feels me.
“I’m here.” His face appears finally and it knocked the breath out of me, leaving me speechless. “Get up for me? And placed the phone somewhere just like I did but I should be able to see you like you’re seeing me.” He requested.
I nodded and looked around. The bedside table is the only thing so I pulled it from the head of the bed to its middle and placed my phone on it.
“Can you see me?”
“First show me around the room. I’m not really comfortable about you being alone there and I’m far away.”
“Nothing will happen. I didn’t open any of the windows.” He’s just worried for no reason.
“I don’t think there are thieves. I’m worried about a creep. It can even be any of the securities around. I swear I will…”
“It’s okay. Can you see me now?”
“Yeah. This is better but we’ll figure somewhere better next time to put it.”
“Okay.” I lay back on the bed, with my hands wrapped around my stomach, my legs are straight and pressed tightly together. He looks at me, smiling then shaking his head.
“What?”
“Don’t you think you lack flexibility right now? You look tensed and not relaxed.”
“That’s because I don’t know what to expect. It’s getting me nervous.”
“I wanted us to have sex. Just like I taught you before leaving.” So this was the reason why he was persistent. I just knew it and I felt it.
“Then?” I don’t feel humiliated except for the heat that rushed to my neck then to my cheeks.
“I will just watch you now till you sleep. We’ll do it some other time.”
“Why?”
“My love for you is not always about the sex. It’s more and everything.”
There. Once again, he has me overwhelmed and utterly awed in admiration for him as my heart swells and swells and a giddy appreciative smile plays ridiculously on my lips. I can’t help me when he tells me such sweet honest words.
“What?” His face is serious.
“Nothing.”
“Do you doubt me?”
“No, I’m just overwhelmed.”
” Okay! Take your clothes off then. I want to see you.”
I made to get up.
“No, don’t get up. Just stay on the bed and drag them down.”
I obey him then dragged my lose skirt down first. I held the Hem of my plain shirt and pulled it over my head. Even through the phone, I’m getting heat on from the way his eyes were taking in every movement of mine then looking at me.
“Take everything out, dear.”
My smile is wide at his affectionate endearment.
By the time I was done my whole body was on fire. Novan is laying down, his dark eyes raking me carefully and intensely. He’s sucking on his bottom lip as well.
My hands move to cover my breast.
“No don’t. Please.” He begged.
“Why?” My voice is low. I’m not sure if he heard but I took my hands off and I hear him exhale deeply.
“You’re so beautiful and sexy. I’ve never seen your type before.”
He’s lying. I don’t think I am as beautiful as him. My eyes moved to his face and half of his long body. I drag my eyes to his front and a moan flew from my lips at how his jeans have tightened around him than before and his visible bulge.
“I want to see you too,” I demanded. I wished we used the laptop so I can see him completely.
“We’re doing it then.”
“Yes.” With the air changing around this room, I get more confident and set right in the mood.
“Didn’t you bring a laptop?” He asked as he struggled to get his skinny dark blue jeans off.
Just what I also thought.
He turned to his side after taking the jeans off leaving him now in just his Calvin Klein. I can see his hard elongated part clearly now. I squirmed and made sounds I pray he doesn’t hear.
“Spread your thighs for me, babe.”
I shudder instantly and oblige.
“Christ!” He moaned. “Tell me, Mariana.
Do you want something?” My eyes meet his through the screen and I beg him to read the answer from my eyes if he can see.
“Talk to me Riana.”
“You.” I breathed out heavily.
“What do you want us to do?”
“Oh, Novan!” I closed my eyes and let my head fall on the pillow. My legs spread wide on their own and I began to imagine all the things. Novan’s long fingers, Novan’s lips, Novan’s breath on my clit, his dirty tongue, his filthy words in my ear. His praises, his moans, and grunts. They drove me wild. All I hear after that is his demands.
“Faster babe..use two… you’re so good.. talk to me…how do you feel? Call me my name babe..”
“Baby..” I moaned out loudly for him to hear.
“My love..”
“I’m coming too.”
“Let’s do it together babe.. let’s go.”
“Talk to me first Novan.”
“I’ve always wanted to fuck you hard in this cabin..no..I wanted to start fucking you from the lake then hard on the kitchen cabinet then take it to the bedroom. Where you’re laying now with your thick wide thighs spread apart for me like the dirty girl that you’re then I will drive hard, fast and deep inside you. I plan to make your legs shake, I planned to make you come repeatedly I plan to leave you sore..”
Before he even finished, I’ve exhausted myself and lay weakly on the bed with sweat lacing my skin while panting heavily and loudly with eyes closed.
This is nice, can’t be compared to having him here but it’s okay than not doing this at all.
I finally opened my eyes and he was smiling at me. I covered my face with my palm then used the pillows to cover them completely.
“What about your v area? Won’t you cover, I’m having quite an amazing view. Oh, look, wow.”
I slapped my thighs shut and pulled the comforter up. His laughter is loud and I’m glad I can hear it clear even through the phone.
“Have you?”
“Yes, we did together and I didn’t miss the show. Only you did.”
“Stop teasing me.”
“Isn’t it amazing how you switch quickly from dirty bold girl to innocent shy girl with skirts sweeping the floor?”
“You’ll never stop.” I yawned.
“No, but I will pause for now. Let’s sleep.”
I nodded. “Goodnight Novan.”
“Goodnight.”
My eye is still on him and he kissed me through the phone. I smiled and throw a kiss back at him.
Our eyes connected, never breaking until I opened them and saw his closed, his lips parted lightly and soft snores purr out in melodies.
I looked around the room and it was bright. It’s morning.
Novan and I slept with our phones on. I can see the warning that I need to charge popping from time to time. I wore one of his shirts from the bed, picked my car key, and rushed out.
It was freezing outside and I would’ve regretted coming if what I came for wasn’t important.
I opened the car and got my power bank out then run back inside.
I’m glad that my boyfriend or husband was still sleeping. I inserted the cord then lay comfortably on the bed to admire him like a creep.
When I saw him stir, I closed my eyes immediately and pretended to be asleep.
“Open your eyes, honey. I knew you were looking at me long ago.”
Shit!
I opened my eyes and met his. He smiled and whispered “good morning.”
This feels like I have him here with me.
“Good morning.”
“Did you have a nice sleep?”
“Yes. I didn’t expect you to wake early.”
“I have a lot to do today that’s why. Relocating is really not that simple.”
“I get it. Is there any help I can give?”
“No. I don’t think.” He got up and I saw the dampness drawn on his front.
“Are you looking at it? You’re the cause.”
“I won’t deny but you’re responsible for mine too.”
“Yeah yeah. I’m going to the bathroom to clean and I have a lot of shit to do so…”
“Okay. I will also have to go clean.”
“Sure. Bye Mariana.”
I lingered on the line and watch his disappear. After a minute, I end the call and got up as well.
THE KISS
{Loving him with all his flaws.}
By KELSAY (M.M.A.)
CHAPTER 183
||•MARIANA•||
Taking a two hours drive with a heart split into two, feeling hurt then leaving your friend in a parking lot to find her way got to be one of the hardest things.
But I desperately need to be away and our.. Novan’s cabin sounds like a good idea.
When I finally arrived, the sun had successfully hidden behind the clouds completely and even the orange glow was disappearing, setting darkness into the woods surrounding the cabin. If I didn’t see securities around this area, then I don’t think I will still be here. It’s quite scary when it’s dark and You’re alone.
I walked to the lake and admired how peaceful the water is and how beautiful the sight is as the half moon glowed on it. If only my life would also be peaceful just like this lake, I will be grateful but it’s never the case. I find myself always jumping from one problem to the other. Betsy thinks my life is perfect? How can this life of mine be perfect when I got separated from my parents for a decade then when I returned, my friend Aria tried to take my place and conspired against me. I lost her. I got a phobia. Then I didn’t get any sweet boyfriend who doesn’t throw unnecessary tantrums. He’s arrogant, a crackhead and he’s deceived me a number of times. My parents changed my course and now I am in year one instead of two and at a point, my mother turned and worked against me. Jude threw a stupid stunt that caused me a lot. Edward too is the reason my relationship is like this then Betsy? Betsy of all people. Hers is like a cherry on top of my cake. She said this life of mine is perfect? What is perfect about this?
I wrapped my arms around my body and continued to stare into the water when Ciara’s innocent pretty face popped and I remembered what happened between her and Novan. The remembrance is like bile on my tongue.
Even though she’s lesbian, I can’t help getting jealous and furious.
I walked away to my car and took the cabin keys. I opened it and cinnamon mixed with any scent I can name as Novan’s hit my nostrils and I embraced it. I locked the door and got in further.
The place still looks the same as the last time when I switched the lights on. Nothing much changed except that, Novan didn’t arrange and pack some things in here. When I got into the bedroom, his jeans trousers were laying on the floor, and some of his shirts on the bed. I picked them into the closet and when I sat on the unmade bed, I picked one of his shirts and threw my face into it, inhaling his scent. I feel like I’m closer to him at this place yet I miss him badly. I wish he would be here to cuddle me and I will cry out my problems to him.
I got my shoes off and settled into the bed, Novan’s shirt tightly in my clutch. My phone buzzed in my pocket and I brought it out, picked, and put it on my ear.
“Riana?” His deep voice rumbles through my ear and I get up, wiping a tear from under my eyes.
“What?” I snapped.
“Nothing. Are you okay? I’m having a weird feeling. I don’t know. Tell me, who troubled you?”
“Nobody troubled me. Leave me alone.”
“I’m sorry.”
“No. You also keep saying this. I’m tired of hearing it.”
“That’s it. Who said sorry to you? What did the person do?”
“Why do you care? Leave me the hell alone.” I hanged up but a second later and he’s calling back.
“What do you want?”
“I said I’m sorry. Now tell me if you’re alright.”
“If you cared about me, you wouldn’t have acted the way you did today.”
“That’s why I am sorry but you should know who I am by now. I do that when I am frustrated. I’m sorry.”
I stayed silent. It’s true. That’s the way he is but it hurts me each time he does that.
“Where are you? Tell me what is wrong else I will die of worry. Please.”
“It’s nothing. Just Betsy and I. We fought.”
“What did she do?”
“She’s secretive and loves to lie to me.”
“What did she keep and what did she lie about?”
“A lot. Do you know Mason?”
“Why not? He was my high school friend but left to London after completion to continue school there.”
“Did you know that he had a thing for Betsy?”
“Nothing much. They fucked that’s all. Didn’t you know?”
“You also didn’t tell me.”
” Could you listen to yourself for a second, please? How can I go about talking about people’s shit? Not any other shit but sex stuff. Do you know, you were a prude in high school and you’d have fainted if I tell you that. Then again, Betsy is your friend I can’t sell her out in case she didn’t tell you. Again, I don’t give a fuck about anyone’s life and what they do. Betsy looked to be pretty in love with him then.”
“She didn’t tell me that. I thought she was a virgin all along.”
“What? virgin? Oh please!” He laughed. “At a point, I didn’t like her. You’re decent and she didn’t look like it with how she behaves among us. I still don’t like her and she fucked Ronnie during one of the parties right on that couch we used to sit and…”
“It’s okay. I won’t hear more.” I feel so ashamed now for Betsy. How can she get laid in front of them? So much carelessness. Has she no shame? Despite all that, she still goes to the frat party.
“So what? You feel betrayed? If that is it then don’t be. She doesn’t deserve your friendship.”
“That’s not it.” We deserve each other.
“Then?”
“I’ve been honest with her Novan. I don’t hide anything from her but that’s all she does.”
“Why do you tell her your shit anyway? And what have you been telling her that you expect her to also do the same?”
“She hid her sexual status despite drilling me to hear mine..”
“Wait! What the fuck! You tell her when we fuck? Are you two crazy or what? So when I fuck you, you tell her? Who does that?”
“Is not like that. She knows that I’m not a virgin and the last time before you left, she heard it and asked about it.”
“Still. Who goes about talking about sex just because of friendship bullshit. You won’t like it if I tell my friends, best friend, or not that I fuck you. It’s fucked up and doesn’t make any tiny fucking sense. If I do that, then it means I do not love you. I cherish our moments so much to share it with some motherfuckers.”
He’s right. I can’t imagine how I will feel if he tells his friend about our intimate moments.
“Listen, some people just don’t like to share those things and maybe Betsy is just embarrassed to tell you. She feels you’ll judge her or something. I’m not trying to make up reasons to justify her but that’s what I feel. Just put yourself in her place. Three men have already gone down into her rathole whereas, it’s just me for you. She wouldn’t have said it? And would you have if you were her?”
“I can’t answer that now.”
“You don’t have too. Just think about it and let Betsy be. She’s wrong alright but you’re equally wrong for telling her about us. I’m offended. Do you realize what you did?”
“No, what?”
“It’s just like Hardin betting on Tessa’s virginity then after taking it he talked about it with his friends.”
“No. He didn’t do that. He only told them lies.”
“The bloody sheets and condoms were not lies.”
“I mean verbally.”
“What’s the difference?”
“So much and I just hinted it to Betsy. I never went into details so Mr. Anderson, once again, your argument holds no points. It’s baseless, come back with a strong one next time.”
“Fine. My points may be invalid Ms. Dominguez because our story is different from Hessa’s but you still wronged me.”
“I’m sorry.” Talking to him has lightened me up and I don’t feel as hurt as I was when I arrived here.
“So if I fuck you now too will you go and tell her?”
My stomach tightened and I looked around. I wish instantly that he’s here.
“No. Not anymore…and I never did anyway. I just admit it to her but never described it.”
“Yeah. I know you didn’t write an essay about it to her.”
He said slowly and I settled back into the soft comfy bed. I brought his shirt to my nose while holding it tightly with my free hand.
“Where are you now and what are you doing Mariana?” His voice is hoarse and low. I pressed the phone tightly to my ear then pressing my legs together as well.
“I’m at your cabin and right now, I am in bed. ”
“When did you come?”
“Not too long until you called. I’m sorry, I should’ve informed you before coming.” He called at the right time.
“It’s our cabin. Don’t say mine. You didn’t sign the papers for it but whatever that is mine is also yours. ”
“And whatever that is mine is yours too.”
“Oh please. I can’t own your shits and what do you even have? ”
I don’t let his honest harsh question affect mr because he’s right.
I don’t really have anything. All my things were provided by my parents.
“Why don’t you want my shits?”
“I already got the one I like.”
“Which is..?”
“YOU.”
“Novan.” I’m bewildered and wished I wasn’t talking to him on phone.
“I don’t need anything else. You’re all I’ve ever wanted.”
“I love you.” The words flow before I could stop myself. “You know that right?”
“I know.”
“What are you doing now?”
“Nothing. Right now I’m just sitting.”
“So what are your plans?”
“A lot but I’m yet to get them accomplished.”
“That you can’t tell me?”
“Of course I will but…”
“Not now. I get it.”
“Yeah. Don’t be offended.”
“I’m not.”
“Good. I miss you.”
“I didn’t tell you to go.”
“Yeah, I didn’t have a choice.”
“Maybe you didn’t.”
“I don’t want you to be mad at me.”
“Then you have to be good. Quit shouting at me.”
“I’ll try, whatever it takes.”
“Call me every day will you?”
“I will.”
“Maybe this ‘I need space’ policy of yours will actually work in our favor after all.”
“How?”
“We’ll get to talk every day and it might improve our communication.”
“Does it mean you no longer mind?”
“I mind a lot. I’m just trying to see the positive side of it.”
“I couldn’t see that.”
“Yeah. This should also be a way we could try if we can work on a long-distance or not. If we fail and things get worse, then I’m coming or you will come.”
“I like how understanding you are and your positivity.”
“Like you said. I also don’t have a choice. We’re miles apart Novan. I can’t sit and cry all the time because I miss you. I need to adjust and I feel I should support you on this. I hope I can trust you. You won’t leave me?”
“Never! You?”
“You’re the only one for me.”
“It’s nice to hear you say that.”
“I expect the same thing from you.”
“You can trust me on that.”
“Alright.”
“I miss you, babe.”
“You left me sore the last time.”
“You were supposed to.”
“I didn’t have enough of you.”
“Me too. I wanted to fill you in on all the months we spent apart. Don’t think you’re free. You owe me a lot. It’s 293 days in ten months that we spent apart. And you know if we’re together, I will be fucking you at least thrice every day. Should I times it?”
“No!” I laughed.
“I will. It’s..uhm.. 879 rounds in ten months.”
“What? Okay, let’s take that time of the months own out.”
“No. I love to fill you even if bloody. Don’t cringle your nose.” His warning was late.
I already did.
“You’re impossible.”
“Yeah, how about we reduce your debt?”
“How?”
“Let’s switch to a video call and I’ll show you.”
“Novan.” My heart has begun to race as my mind brainstorm what is in Novan’s mind at the moment.
“I’m hanging up to call on video.” He informed me and cut the line.
A second later and he’s calling. I picked and smiled into the video. He wasn’t showing until a few more seconds and he was standing in front of the camera with his tight dark blue jeans hugging his legs like a second skin. He didn’t have a belt on so the waist was loose, showcasing his V angled in his front, the waistband of his Calvin Klein and the dark tiny hairs from his stomach, then traveling into his jeans. It’s quite the sight. I’m attracted and lust feels me.
“I’m here.” His face appears finally and it knocked the breath out of me, leaving me speechless. “Get up for me? And placed the phone somewhere just like I did but I should be able to see you like you’re seeing me.” He requested.
I nodded and looked around. The bedside table is the only thing so I pulled it from the head of the bed to its middle and placed my phone on it.
“Can you see me?”
“First show me around the room. I’m not really comfortable about you being alone there and I’m far away.”
“Nothing will happen. I didn’t open any of the windows.” He’s just worried for no reason.
“I don’t think there are thieves. I’m worried about a creep. It can even be any of the securities around. I swear I will…”
“It’s okay. Can you see me now?”
“Yeah. This is better but we’ll figure somewhere better next time to put it.”
“Okay.” I lay back on the bed, with my hands wrapped around my stomach, my legs are straight and pressed tightly together. He looks at me, smiling then shaking his head.
“What?”
“Don’t you think you lack flexibility right now? You look tensed and not relaxed.”
“That’s because I don’t know what to expect. It’s getting me nervous.”
“I wanted us to have sex. Just like I taught you before leaving.” So this was the reason why he was persistent. I just knew it and I felt it.
“Then?” I don’t feel humiliated except for the heat that rushed to my neck then to my cheeks.
“I will just watch you now till you sleep. We’ll do it some other time.”
“Why?”
“My love for you is not always about the sex. It’s more and everything.”
There. Once again, he has me overwhelmed and utterly awed in admiration for him as my heart swells and swells and a giddy appreciative smile plays ridiculously on my lips. I can’t help me when he tells me such sweet honest words.
“What?” His face is serious.
“Nothing.”
“Do you doubt me?”
“No, I’m just overwhelmed.”
” Okay! Take your clothes off then. I want to see you.”
I made to get up.
“No, don’t get up. Just stay on the bed and drag them down.”
I obey him then dragged my lose skirt down first. I held the Hem of my plain shirt and pulled it over my head. Even through the phone, I’m getting heat on from the way his eyes were taking in every movement of mine then looking at me.
“Take everything out, dear.”
My smile is wide at his affectionate endearment.
By the time I was done my whole body was on fire. Novan is laying down, his dark eyes raking me carefully and intensely. He’s sucking on his bottom lip as well.
My hands move to cover my breast.
“No don’t. Please.” He begged.
“Why?” My voice is low. I’m not sure if he heard but I took my hands off and I hear him exhale deeply.
“You’re so beautiful and sexy. I’ve never seen your type before.”
He’s lying. I don’t think I am as beautiful as him. My eyes moved to his face and half of his long body. I drag my eyes to his front and a moan flew from my lips at how his jeans have tightened around him than before and his visible bulge.
“I want to see you too,” I demanded. I wished we used the laptop so I can see him completely.
“We’re doing it then.”
“Yes.” With the air changing around this room, I get more confident and set right in the mood.
“Didn’t you bring a laptop?” He asked as he struggled to get his skinny dark blue jeans off.
Just what I also thought.
He turned to his side after taking the jeans off leaving him now in just his Calvin Klein. I can see his hard elongated part clearly now. I squirmed and made sounds I pray he doesn’t hear.
“Spread your thighs for me, babe.”
I shudder instantly and oblige.
“Christ!” He moaned. “Tell me, Mariana.
Do you want something?” My eyes meet his through the screen and I beg him to read the answer from my eyes if he can see.
“Talk to me Riana.”
“You.” I breathed out heavily.
“What do you want us to do?”
“Oh, Novan!” I closed my eyes and let my head fall on the pillow. My legs spread wide on their own and I began to imagine all the things. Novan’s long fingers, Novan’s lips, Novan’s breath on my clit, his dirty tongue, his filthy words in my ear. His praises, his moans, and grunts. They drove me wild. All I hear after that is his demands.
“Faster babe..use two… you’re so good.. talk to me…how do you feel? Call me my name babe..”
“Baby..” I moaned out loudly for him to hear.
“My love..”
“I’m coming too.”
“Let’s do it together babe.. let’s go.”
“Talk to me first Novan.”
“I’ve always wanted to fuck you hard in this cabin..no..I wanted to start fucking you from the lake then hard on the kitchen cabinet then take it to the bedroom. Where you’re laying now with your thick wide thighs spread apart for me like the dirty girl that you’re then I will drive hard, fast and deep inside you. I plan to make your legs shake, I planned to make you come repeatedly I plan to leave you sore..”
Before he even finished, I’ve exhausted myself and lay weakly on the bed with sweat lacing my skin while panting heavily and loudly with eyes closed.
This is nice, can’t be compared to having him here but it’s okay than not doing this at all.
I finally opened my eyes and he was smiling at me. I covered my face with my palm then used the pillows to cover them completely.
“What about your v area? Won’t you cover, I’m having quite an amazing view. Oh, look, wow.”
I slapped my thighs shut and pulled the comforter up. His laughter is loud and I’m glad I can hear it clear even through the phone.
“Have you?”
“Yes, we did together and I didn’t miss the show. Only you did.”
“Stop teasing me.”
“Isn’t it amazing how you switch quickly from dirty bold girl to innocent shy girl with skirts sweeping the floor?”
“You’ll never stop.” I yawned.
“No, but I will pause for now. Let’s sleep.”
I nodded. “Goodnight Novan.”
“Goodnight.”
My eye is still on him and he kissed me through the phone. I smiled and throw a kiss back at him.
Our eyes connected, never breaking until I opened them and saw his closed, his lips parted lightly and soft snores purr out in melodies.
I looked around the room and it was bright. It’s morning.
Novan and I slept with our phones on. I can see the warning that I need to charge popping from time to time. I wore one of his shirts from the bed, picked my car key, and rushed out.
It was freezing outside and I would’ve regretted coming if what I came for wasn’t important.
I opened the car and got my power bank out then run back inside.
I’m glad that my boyfriend or husband was still sleeping. I inserted the cord then lay comfortably on the bed to admire him like a creep.
When I saw him stir, I closed my eyes immediately and pretended to be asleep.
“Open your eyes, honey. I knew you were looking at me long ago.”
Shit!
I opened my eyes and met his. He smiled and whispered “good morning.”
This feels like I have him here with me.
“Good morning.”
“Did you have a nice sleep?”
“Yes. I didn’t expect you to wake early.”
“I have a lot to do today that’s why. Relocating is really not that simple.”
“I get it. Is there any help I can give?”
“No. I don’t think.” He got up and I saw the dampness drawn on his front.
“Are you looking at it? You’re the cause.”
“I won’t deny but you’re responsible for mine too.”
“Yeah yeah. I’m going to the bathroom to clean and I have a lot of shit to do so…”
“Okay. I will also have to go clean.”
“Sure. Bye Mariana.”
I lingered on the line and watch his disappear. After a minute, I end the call and got up as well.

THE KISS
{Loving him with all his flaws.}
By KELSAY (M.M.A.)
CHAPTER 184
||•MARIANA•||
“Where have you been sis? Came home looking for you yesterday but you weren’t there.” Marion walked into my room not long after I came back.
“Your friend Betsy was also here all night waiting for you.” He added.
“I went somewhere far from home. What? Did you miss me?”
“Not really. Mom told me Nervisa was here and I regret not being around.”
“Forget about that girl Marion. Her brother will castrate you.”
“Her brother is also my in-law.”
“Does it mean you like the girl..”
“Bad mind. I’m going.”
“You said you didn’t miss me but you did her. What should I think?”
“I said not really.”
“They’re the same.”
“I just care about her because she’s my friend. I’m leaving.” He turned and jumped away.
I got my dress off and had a proper bath before getting down to eat something.
The rest of my day is spent at my NGO with Tricia, Nervisa, and Marion. It was so much fun. It has always been but I’m sad that Tricia is leaving tomorrow and with Nervisa.
“Have you been able to talk to my brother?” Nervisa asked on our way back.
“Yes but wait a minute.” With one hand on the wheel and controlling it, I used the other to pick my phone and called Novan. After so many rings, he finally picked and I put it on speaker.
“The fuck Mariana! I’m busy! My phone will explode if you keep on like this.” He scolded harshly. I wonder what could be getting him so worked up.
“Sorry. I didn’t know. We’ll talk later then.” I get ready to hang up.
“You called for a reason so talk. I will listen.”
“Tricia will be leaving tomorrow. Nervisa still doesn’t want to go and I will love for her to stay with me..”
“You don’t listen. I already told you that she’s not going to stay there while I am here.”
“She’ll be with me, Novan.”
“That is the problem. Just because you own some fucking NGO and your ass pocket is wonderfully loaded, you wanna take my sister as one of your stupid charity cases. She’s not needy. I’m her brother and I’m alive.”
Where from these splintering words?
I looked behind me, feeling extremely humiliated as I took in the shock expression on Tricia’s face and the two children at the back who were probably pretending to be into themselves than the conversation I’m having with my angry boyfriend. I’m glad Tricia didn’t try to say anything. I then took the call from the speaker and plugged in an earpiece.
“Why are you always like this?” I whispered. Sometimes when he acts this way, I want to ask ‘who is this?’ because he looks unrecognizable.
Who would’ve thought that after yesterday he’ll be doing this?
“Are you asking? You called me in the middle of something not once and not twice. I was thinking you were gonna tell me something good only to bring something we’ve already talked about to fucking annoy me and screw my day up.”
“Who are you? You don’t cease to amaze me Novan.” I made my voice as low as possible as I drove. Seriously, he doesn’t surprise me and I wish I didn’t feel the pain as well when he does these things.
“Don’t play innocent!”
“If your day went bad is that my fault?” I asked.
“Of course it is!”
” Really? Why do you forget so quickly Novan? After all that happened last night, you talk to me like this the next day? How is it possible that you keep being this rude and cold to me every damn time?” I’m actually trying to see something good from the distance but after yesterday morning which I’ve come to realize and now today, I don’t think things will move well though I still have a tiny hope remaining. He keeps getting irritated at everything and thinks it’s okay to pour them out on me when I call.
“If the place is not good why not come back? Why are you fighting to be away from me when you and I know it can’t be possible. You can’t live without me Novan.”
“Oh please, don’t flatter yourself now.
I was able to live without you when you distance yourself to fuck with that fucker.”
“That is not ‘without’. We lived in the same house and you see me at least thrice in a week…”
“That’s enough! I’ve got things to do.”
“Novan don’t hang up..” my mouth fall open but I closed it back and swallowed my tears.
I think being away really suits us. Ten months of not being together were at least a whole pain to take at once but these daily doses, I can’t take.
“What did he say?” Nervisa asked.
“I’m sorry,” I mumbled to her.
The ride is awfully awkward and in silence till we got home and I dropped them off. Before leaving, Tricia stopped me, taking ahold of my elbow.
I leaned on the car and faced her when she let go.
“Do you put up with this every time?”
“What?” I tried to play innocent of what she’s asking.
“He gives you the ugly attitude all the time?”
“No. It’s nothing. I think he’s just mad at something or something went wrong. I called him several so that must’ve angered him. I don’t blame him.”
“Don’t make up excuses for him. How he spoke to you is not the best and I don’t like it.”
“It’s because you don’t really know him. I’m sorry but that’s just the way he is.”
“You tolerate it and that’s the only reason why it’s happening. On no condition should he talk to you like that and I will be disappointed if you see nothing wrong with it.”
“He loves me.” I defend him yet again. Call me a fool.
“I don’t doubt that but if that is how he is to you, then it’s not healthy. He loves you but he must respect and value you. It’s all part of it.”
“I promise he’s not always like that.”
She didn’t take my word.
“He should be able to make you happy all the time. I saw your face when he said that. You used the earpiece for a reason and I read all your expressions while you talked. Listen, he’s my son and I want all the best for him and even though I know I am not in the right position to say this to you, I won’t condone him misbehaving towards you. I know you’ll take it all in because you feel you deserve it for leaving him ten months for his own good but he doesn’t see it that way. He thinks you did him wrong. With that in his mind, he’ll keep throwing the bad attitude. He’ll come and apologize and because you love him, you’ll make up and he’ll do it again. You’ll forgive and the cycle will keep going, endless. You shouldn’t feel bad for the ten months gap you gave. He should be appreciative of it as well..”
“That’s not all. I also did something wrong.”
“What is that if I may ask?”
“I kept a guy as a friend which he didn’t like and even warned me to stay away from number of times. I didn’t listen because I thought that he was just being jealous but he was right. The guy actually liked me.”
“Haven’t you settled that?”
“We have in a way.” I only remember us having…Uhm sex that’s all.
“So you think that is enough for him to be an asshole to you? If you allow it, he’ll walk on you Mariana. You’re too good for that. Please don’t allow it.”
Marion tried to make a conversation but I was far from him as I drove. I keep replaying Tricia’s words. As much as I’m trying not to accept it, I know she’s right.
” Don’t let your love for him make you tolerate certain things you’re not supposed to. He should be lucky to have you, not the other way around. Just look at him and you. So much difference yet you love him..”
“Forget about the intimate sections..every boy likes that..”
I closed my eyes for a moment.
I did nasty things with Novan yesterday, something I will never do with anyone and the way he acted today made me feel so used, cheap, and humiliated. He talked to me as if I’m nobody. As if I’m a call girl he used who’s not supposed to call him in the morning and he doesn’t know why she’ll be calling him.
“Set a standard for yourself. You’re worth more. It’s not normal for a man to talk to a woman the way he did.”
“Don’t say it’s the way he is. He can change. You might tolerate it today but if he doesn’t stop, you’ll get fed up and it will be too late.”
“He has to respect you. It’s important. Don’t feel guilty about the things you might’ve done wrong and use it as an excuse to cover up his attitude…”
” There is more to ‘ I love you ‘, Mariana.” His mother said.
“My love for you is not always about sex. It’s more and everything.” And this is Novan telling me this. These perfect words that made me feel so special and important just yesterday and today…
“Watch out sis! What are you doing? We are gonna crush..”
I snapped from my deep thoughts by Marion’s panic cry then dangerously brushed past a car we could’ve rammed into.
“What were you thinking? You almost got us killed.”
“I’m sorry.” I parked the car to calm down before starting the engine again.
Once we got home and without parking the car properly like I used to, I jumped out of it and padded across the hall, rushed up the stairs, and banged my door close loudly once I’m inside. Even if I bring this whole house down, the weight of Novan’s attitude won’t be lifted and the depth to which Tricia’s words reached in me can’t backtrack.
I want to sit on the floor and cry over the bitter truth I just got to know today but I didn’t. Why should I always cry? I should think and figure out ways here.
Ignored Betsy the entire night when she came to me. Nothing she does moves me until she got tired..no she took a break and left. I’m expecting her tomorrow as well.
Novan didn’t call me and the next day, Marion together with Betsy and Morgan who came with us uninvited to the airport to see Nervisa and Tricia off.
“I didn’t want to go,” Nervisa complained to me.
“I’m sorry for not being able to help.”
” I’m also sorry that my brother is an asshole.”
“Don’t say that. He’s your brother.”
“That’s the more reason why I can say that.”
“Yes but he’s an elder.”
“You win.” She smiled but it didn’t touch her eyes.
“I will miss you.” I kneeled before her and hugged her.
“I’m missing you already and everyone. Your brother is a good person.” She said.
“Yours is too.” I pulled back and smiled softly at her.
She laughed. “We all know the truth.”
“Sharon is coming with you right?”
“No. She said she has things to do and you know America is far from here. Can I tell you a secret?”
I nodded eagerly.
“I think she got a boyfriend she doesn’t wanna leave behind.”
“What? You think?” I turned my head to the direction where Sharon stood with Tricia as they chatted.
“I know. I even know the person but I won’t say so don’t ask.” She cocked her head to the side with a gleeful teasing gleam.
“Then you didn’t share any secret.”
“At least I tried.”
“Yeah but…”
“I will miss Amy.” She changed the topic cleverly.
“Didn’t you take her number?”
“I did. I mean, I will miss having her get me dressed up. She’s a cheerful soul and I want to be with people just like her. Thank you for taking me to see her. It has been my dream to meet her one-day since I can remember. I’m really happy that she’s not the type of celebrity who is nice on TV and social media but horrible in real life. In fact, ‘the Dominguez and Dantes are good humans. I love all of you and I’m lucky to have met you all.”
“I am lucky to have met you too.”
“Oh come on. I’m not a celebrity like you and the others.”
“I am not a celebrity.”
“Who says so? Just look around us. Do you see how people’s cameras are clicking on us? If not for the securities here and Morgan’s macho bodyguards, they’ll be suffocating us by now.”
She’s right. I’m glad I don’t notice the people anymore. I used to get nervous when I go out and people are taking pictures and gathering around me but I just don’t care or make the effort to take them into account.
“I don’t agree with you.”
“You don’t have to.”
“So I ..” I paused when I saw Marion coming closer.
“I’m sorry for misplacing your gifts.” Her face has suddenly gone sad and she’s fiddling with her fingers.
You didn’t misplace them. Your brother took them out when you were asleep.
“It’s okay. Give me a minute.” I got up and dusted my knee.
I walk past Marion but not without ruffling his hair. He scowled at me and I laughed.
“Excuse me,” I said to Betsy when she was standing in my way. She’s actually leaning on my car and on the door I want to open and get Nervisa’s jewelry.
She moved without saying a word and I delayed walking to Nervisa and Marion. I don’t know why I’m doing it but I just feel I should give them time to talk.
After three minutes, I got to them.
“Look what I have here?” I dangled them and she beamed beautifully.
“Oh my God! I thought I lost them. Where did you get them?”
“Not gonna tell.”
She rolled her eyes and stretched her palm.
“Let me help you put it on.”
“Okay.”
“Uhm… Sis, don’t you have Tricia to say goodbye to also? I will help her with it.” His eyes plead with me.
I really don’t want to think into this. Is my brother really liking Nervisa or what? Is he not too young for this? And Nervisa. She just clocked ten.
Marion said she’s his friend so I will take his word for it.
I dropped the accessories in his palm instead and walked to Tricia and Sharon.
|•MARION•|
I smiled within when my sis walked away from Nervisa. Her time with her alone was taking forever and I couldn’t stay waiting any longer. I scowled at her to show my displeasure when she ruined the hairstyle I spent hours making to perfection. Mom wouldn’t even help me. The same hairstyle Nervisa always compliments me for. She likes it when I gel my hair then brush it back only leaving a few strands to fall on my forehead. She said I look like a Disney prince. As cheeky as it sounds, I like it.
“And what is this? You came to see me off yet you couldn’t make your hair the way I like you to do it for me for the last time?” She frowned.
“I’m sorry, my sis is responsible.”
She huffed and her eyes remained on my scattered hair with a scowl.
“So you’re leaving?” I asked the obvious.
“As you can see.” She shrugged like the matured girl she always tries to act like.
She answered me well. That was a lame question.
“Why didn’t you do anything about it?”
“I did but I guess my brother is not as in love with your sister as we thought. He refused and spoke rudely to her. I felt bad.”
“You don’t have to feel responsible for your brother’s attitude. He’s like that but my sister can’t stop loving him.”
“I wonder. My brother can be really horrible at times.”
“It’s what they call unconditional love or something.”
“You’re right.” She agreed with me and dashed me a smile.
“I’m really going to miss you. Call me when you have the chance.” I tell her. Out of all my friends, she’s my number one favorite.
“I will.” She turns away from me then looks around before her eyes fell on her shoes along with her thick blonde hair. She looks so much like her mother. So beautiful but she’s sad now.
“What’s the problem?” I raised her chin up to look at me.
“I really don’t want to go and especially away from you. You’ve been so good to me.” She says quietly that if I hadn’t removed wax from my ear just recently, I wouldn’t have heard.
“Don’t worry. I will worry my dad to send me there on vacation. He has a lot of houses there and even my grandpa used to live there.” I’m already cooking up ways I could convince my dad in my mind. I know my mom won’t agree because she’s clingy on me.
“What if he denies you? Your parents love you so much that they can’t stand being away from you for long.”
“They love me so they won’t deny me anything.” I boast proudly but regretted it almost immediately. This is the girl who hasn’t received any love from her parents apart from her brother. I shouldn’t have said this. She’s a strong girl so she didn’t show it but deep down I know if she’s not jealous of me, she wishes she’s me.
“You sure?” She asked.
“Yes.” If only my dad also doesn’t adopt the habit of clinginess from his dearest darling wife.
I groaned mentally when I saw my pesky pecky sister taking her calculated step towards us.
“My sister is coming.”
“Do something to send her away, please. She doesn’t stop talking when she starts.”
“Thought she’s your friend.”
“Friend. yes. And you’re also my friend but I want more time with you and not her. If my brother is around and being loving to her, she doesn’t even spare me a pathetic side glance. That’s who she is. ” She whispered quickly.
“Really?”
“Yes.”
“Okay, she’s here. Time over for us. This is sad but you should look cheerful..”
She grinned and I almost burst into laughter.
“Look what I have here?” My sister dangled two necklaces and a bracelet before her and she beamed widely from ear to ear.
Women.
I wonder why they love jewelry so much. Even this girl over here. It’s in every girl’s genes. It is said that they’ll do anything to get it, especially the gold and diamonds.
If I knew she’s also obsessed with them, I would’ve gotten a bunch of them made for her.
“Oh my God! I thought I lost them. Where did you get them?” She even lost her breath.
“Not gonna tell.” That’s my sister being playful and acting happy. She almost got us killed yesterday and I’m wondering if I should call that Donovan guy myself and warn him to be careful with my sis. I don’t know why he fancy to be a jerk to her.
Beautiful Nervisa rolls her big eyes at her and opens her palm before her to drop them.
Great. I will take it and put it on for her.
“Let me help you put it on.” My sister offered.
What the hell is wrong with my sister? Why is she getting in my way so much today? As if her boyfriend didn’t do enough.
“Okay.”
What? She agreed? She sure doesn’t want my talkative sister to leave. But I want her to go so I’ve got to do something.
“Uhm… Sis, don’t you have Tricia to say goodbye to also? I will help her with it.” My emerald eyes meet her brown eyes pleadingly. Looking into her eyes is like looking into my dad’s. They share the same eye color.
On the other hand, I’m slightly embarrassed. I told my sister yesterday that Nervisa is just a friend which is true but the look in her eyes says she’s thinking otherwise now.
After a long thoughtful look at me, my sister finally dropped them in my palms and walked away. She’s a self-made detective. I can’t help picturing her starting to dig out information that does not exist against me.
Nervisa and I sighed in relief at once.
“Thanks.”
“Shut up!”
“Oh, why?” She asked sadly yet sweetly.
“You weren’t doing anything to send her away.”
“I can’t say no to her.”
“You have to learn to. Now give me your hand.”
“Alright.” She gave me her little hand and I put the heart-shaped infinity diamond bracelet around her wrist. It’s so beautiful.
“I want to kiss your hand…I mean your wrist.” I say before I knew it.
“Okay.”
I feel my ears burn as I lower my lips to her wrist where I put the bracelet.
“It fits you well.” I praise her.
“Thanks.”
I nod with a goofy shy grin. Next was the two necklaces. One is the infinity heart shaped which is a choker and the other is a personalized one with her name on it but not a choker. I brushed her hair aside and put it on.
“You look beautiful.” I compliment her after putting it on.
“Thanks again. Your sister got them for me. She’s an angel.”
“I know right.”
We share a smile for some minutes without saying anything to each other.
“My sister thinks I like you.”
“What’s wrong? I like you too.”
“Not the way you..” I had to stop myself. She’s still young and doesn’t know those things.
“Yeah, I like you,” I said, which is true.
“Me too.”
Her flight got announced to come on board, bringing an end to our farewell party. We looked behind us and the crew was walking towards us.
At this crucial melancholic juncture, we both know what happens next.
Hug and separate.
and so, I didn’t hold back, neither did she.
Just like Cinderella, we remain hugging as we wait for dawn to set unwillingly, for them to get to us which will bring an end to this blissful moment and allow the reality to set in, to knock us back to the time when we didn’t know each other.
★★★
THE KISS
{Loving him with all his flaws.}
By KELSAY (M.M.A.)
CHAPTER 185
||•MARIANA•||
“So..”
“It’s time.” I finished Tricia’s sentence for her.
“Yeah. About what I told you yesterday. I’m sorry if I must’ve said more than I should.”
“No, you didn’t.”
“Okay. I hope you know I do not seek to brew fight among you two. I just care about you and I think you should always get the best things in life and if my son isn’t, then I don’t want him for you either. It’s not that I don’t love him. I do but the way he spoke yesterday scared me. His dad used to be that angry. I’m sorry if my sentiments sent bad vibes to you but I have pure intentions. Think about what I said and make the right decisions but if at the end you want him just the way he is towards you, then that is not a problem also but it could be dangerous for your relationship. I wished I was a better mom. I would’ve called him and scolded him but then he wouldn’t even pick my call and you know, I’m so ashamed for what I did to them. I am the reason he is the way he is. I’m sorry…”
“Don’t say that. Everyone makes mistakes in life but it’s the responsibility of those we wrong to forgive us. If they don’t, then it’s their problem. As long as they don’t forgive you and free you of the guilt, they too shall not have a piece of mind. Sometimes, I think your son’s lack of a forgiving heart is what is retarding us because one has to forgive in order to move on in life.” It’s sad that even Jude’s death didn’t change a thing in Novan. He still holds that resentment towards his parents.
“You’re so sensible at such a young age. It baffles me.”
That is what happens when life is a dick to you since childhood. I believe it is what I passed through that gives me more light about this world we live in. It didn’t give me light on trusting too much though.
“You shouldn’t hold back in winning him back. He’s a tough one, I hope you know by now. It wouldn’t be easy.”
“What can I do again?” She sighed sadly. “He doesn’t want my money nor my presence. He barely looks at me when we’re close. I feel he’s never going to forgive me.”
“I don’t like that you’re giving up. Please don’t. Novan still hasn’t recovered from his father’s death and I won’t forgive you if he suffers the same guilt so please paddle harder. I want to be able to see the two of you talk nicely and act like a mother and son. It’s very important and I will cherish that day and make it the best of my life. ”
“You always find a way to defend and fight for him. Don’t you?”
I shrugged. What can I do? Novan is my life even if that life is causing me pain. I don’t have a choice at all. I love him completely.
“I guess so.” My pouty lips thins into a smile.
“You spoil him, I can see.” Her smirk is lovely.
“I only love him.” I slipped my hands into the side pocket of the jeans I am wearing.
“You won’t accept it.” She laughed and I laughed along.
“Would have love if you stayed to celebrate Christmas and the new year.” New year’s Eve is Novan’s birthday and it’s just a week away while Christmas is just in four days. I hope I will see him. How long will he stay mad or will we stay mad at each other? We haven’t even talked about this new issue and here I am already wishing that he’s here with me. No matter what, I know I can’t live without him ever.
“That was what I planned but then I have to forfeit what I would’ve used this time for to come and push it to the Christmas time. I’m sorry. I will make sure to celebrate Easter with you and all the coming Christmas.”
“Alright.” I got closer and hugged her. “Safe trip and let’s stay connected.”
“Sure, stay safe. It has always been nice spending time with you.”
“Me too.”
“You’re the best.” She waves as she begins to walk away. I walked with her till we reached where I left my brother and Nervisa. They were still hugging.
“That is enough now you two.” I touched my brother’s shoulder and they finally pulled back.
“Bye Nervisa. We’ll miss you.” Betsy kissed her on the cheeks and Morgan hi-five Nervisa.
“You have a great mom. Tell her I didn’t wanna leave but I have to.” Nervisa tells Morgan.
“I will. Take care and don’t stop missing us.”
“I won’t.”
I hug her for the last time before waving till they’ve climbed the airstairs and disappeared into the plane.
“Marion let’s go.” I grab his wrist but he snatches it away and walks ahead of me.
“I will drive with you.” Morgan walks in line with me.
“Didn’t you bring your car?”
“Can’t I ride with you?”
“It’s bad to leave the person you brought with behind.”
“I’m not leaving her. She’ll drive in my car.”
“No.”
“Fine but tell me why you two are not talking to each other.”
“Nothing.” I opened my car door and settled in behind the wheel. Marion sat at the back with headphones against his ears and Sharon sat beside him.
He’s upset, I’m sure.
He got out before I did when we got home and rushed straight to his room. I already dropped Sharon off.
I met my grannies in the living room except for Nicholas and sat with them.
“Hi, oldies.” I joke.
“You call us oldies yet you haven’t given us great-grandchildren.” Grandma Victoria said.
I paused for a second to look for what to say.
“Well, I don’t want to share your cookies with anyone.”
“That’s not accurate. I’m willing to make cookies all day for them. It’s not my problem.”
“Getting a great-grandchild is not what will determine that you’re old. Come on, you two are already old.” I got up and head towards the staircase.
“Yes, and we know you’re dodging this conversation that’s why you’re leaving.” Toby and Victoria chorused.
Surely, they are right.
“You’ll have to give us a great daughter or son before we die Mariana. You have to or else, we’re not happy.”
I chose to ignore and I walked straight to my room. Taking a laptop, I decided to use the internet to learn something or just watch videos or browse what is new and trending.
Minutes later, I had a guest.
“Did you see Nervisa’s face? She didn’t want to leave.” Betsy comes in and sits on my bed.
“Yeah.”
“Why didn’t you do something? You could’ve talked to Donovan and she’d have stayed.”
If only you know.
“Why didn’t you do anything? Marion is sad as well. Those two seem to be a lot fond of themselves. Isn’t it cute?”
No, it isn’t.
“Those two will make adorable couples don’t you think?”
“No!” I said sternly. There’s no way I will support a relationship between those two. I don’t even want it to happen.
“Why?”
I didn’t answer her. If only I don’t end up with Novan then they can but if I end up with him for forever, then they can’t. That’s just it. I refuse to give myself any explanation.
Well, I don’t even know why.
“Leave it. What are you doing?” She got closer to me on the bed and peered into my laptop. I’m currently at a movie sight and I’m attracted to * forever my girl.* it’s an American romance drama movie. I’ve read the book already which was written by Heidi McLaughlin. I am with the hope that the movie matches the book.
“Gonna watch a movie? Nice.” Betsy said and got even closer than before.
“Oh, that’s forever my girl. It’s a nice movie. Liam didn’t actually leave Josie at the altar for no reason. It’s discovered that he..”
“I will watch. Please don’t spoil my movie for me.” I stop her before she spills everything. I don’t need a spoiler.
“Okay. Zip.” She zipped her lips dramatically and I twitched my lips to the side.
Even though she has watched, she still watched till the end with me.
“Good movie wasn’t it?”
Yeah. He left her on the altar, came after 8 years to win her back and saw she had a so帽 for him. After so much ups and downs, not much though. They finally reunited and lived happily ever after. Same lines all the time. Nothing intriguing but it’s a good movie.
I put the laptop down and walked to the washroom, leaving her in the room.
“Are you going for a bath?!” She shouted after me.
“Have you eaten? I will get us something.” She said when I got out.
“No thanks.”
“It’s almost 6 pm. You should be hungry. I will go and get us food.”
“I said no! What is your problem? Just let me be!” I yelled.
“I’m just concerned about you so is that a problem.”
“And I said no! No Betsy. That is what I said.”
“Why are you doing this to me? I’ve been begging. I’m begging. Please let this slide.”
“Are you going to force me to?”
“That isn’t what I said. I don’t know why you’re being so hard on me and this is no big issue.”
“Seriously?”
“Yes seriously. Why should I tell you about those disgusting things?”
“Liar! They’re not disgusting, Betsy. If they were you won’t still be flaunting yourself so proudly at those damn fraternity parties without a single iota of shame!”
“I don’t know you as someone who’s judgemental Mariana.”
“I’m not! It just baffles me that my friend has to still be among the same people who watched her getting laid and not be ashamed.”
“Nobody noticed. They were all high except your boyfriend who came to meet just when he arrived….and.. everyone was minding their business. It’s not the first. Those things happen at parties every day.”
“Those things are not for you Betsy.” My voice calmed.
“It has already happened and I’m sorry but I couldn’t have said them to you even if I wanted. You were still a virgin and sometimes I wish I’m still intact for Morgan just like you were for Donovan.”
“I didn’t say you should say them to me! I just don’t want you to lie to me.”
“I’m sorry.”
“It doesn’t change anything.”
“So you won’t forgive me?”
“Just leave out of here.” I turn my back to her.
“So now you’re kicking me out and you won’t forgive me? If you can forgive Donovan for all the things he does then why not me? I’m your friend Mariana. You met me even before him.”
“So? He knew me before you.”
There is silence and I want to turn to check if she’s okay before I hear her talk.
“Fine, I’m leaving. I don’t have anything more to say. If this is it for us and what you want then fine…I don’t have a choice, Mariana.” Her voice breaks and I hear her sniff then before I turn, she’s out, leaving the door to bang loudly. Her hurried steps down the stairs are what I hear after.
★★★

THE KISS
{Loving him with all his flaws.}
By KELSAY (M.M.A.)
CHAPTER 186
||•MARIANA•||
“Fine, I’m leaving. I don’t have anything more to say. If this is it for us and what you want then fine…I don’t have a choice, Mariana.” Her voice breaks and I hear her sniff then before I turn, she’s out, leaving the door to bang loudly. Her hurried steps down the stairs are what I hear after.
I let my weight reduce sluggishly on the bed and dig my nails into my hair. I picked my phone afterward and checked Miss calls, messages, or anything from Novan but none.
I held his teddy and buried my face into it. His scent is getting off bit by bit from the teddy and replacing it with mine. What do I do to bring them back?
The paparazzi rushed me when I arrived, they surrounded me, blinding me from my main view but they failed. My eyes never left him. He’s the apple of my eye.
I’m glad I got here in time before the ribbon-cutting ceremony is done. God! I was getting late but I wanted to look good too. Today’s Novan’s big day after years of success and winning of multiple international awards. Today, he’s opening his very first restaurant. I will save myself the stress of describing the restaurant but it’s incredibly huge and plush. Nothing you’ve seen before. Very big considering it’s his first restaurant. I need not worry about what happens next because Novan has all the fame and everyone knew what he can do. This restaurant is sure going to blossom and get a straight five star in a year. I’m hoping.
None of the questions the journalist asked did I answer as I passed them to my object of interest who’s looking handsome than before in a three-piece expensive suit, shiny shoes, and sleek haircut. His appearance alone gets me all numb up, stomach and heart fluttering. Today, I’m so proud to hold a very important part of his life. Over the years, Novan has been just the man of my dreams. He faced his demons, fought them, and Chased them out. It was a drastic change. However…
He’s called forward and I stepped to his side, hooking my arm into his. I smiled at him but he didn’t return. He’s probably tense.
A tray was brought and when he picked the decorated scissors, everyone clapped.
We walked to the ribbon, all camera’s set on us and I stretched my hand to put on top of his own while we cut the ribbon but out of the blue, a lady appeared and Novan smiled at her while they cut the ribbon. Then Novan placed a kiss on her forehead.
I smiled to mask my pain in front of the paparazzi.
“Mr. Anderson, who’s Miss Dominguez to you?”
“My girlfriend.”
Yes. Novan doesn’t count our marriage and hasn’t gone through the necessary effort to give me a proper one either so basically, we’re still dating though it has been long.
“You didn’t cut the ribbon with her. Could there be a reason?”
“My girlfriend doesn’t mind so why are you asking me?” He throws the question back into the faces of the over-ambitious journalists.
“Miss Dominguez, is it true? Don’t you mind?”
My tongue was too heavy for me to lift and talk so I just shook my head affirmatively.
“Mr. Anderson, kindly tell me who your inspiration is. You’ve been wonderfully successful the past years and your awards don’t seem to end. There should be someone behind it. Who was the one who motivated you during your first award? I mean Bocuse D’or.”
“Me, myself and I.” He boasts proudly and I looked up at him.
“Far from business. Anderson, do you wish to wed Miss Dominguez soon? If yes then when?”
“Wedding? I don’t have to! She can pass for a fling. It should remain that way.”
My jaw let loose and I believe my expression is terrible because that is what I feel inside.
How can he say I am his fling? As if that was not enough, I feel his large palms grab my behind then slapped it, drawing a hoot from those who saw.
My knees go weak. My glossy eyes didn’t allow me to see what was going on and I wished I went deaf so I won’t hear Novan’s soft chuckles.
“She loves me so she doesn’t mind. Right, Mariana?”
Who’s this man?
I took a step back, then another. Before I knew it, I’m running. I got into my car and drove away.
That day, I hoped that he’d come and apologize to me but he didn’t. The next day he came screaming the whole house down.
“What the fuck Mariana!” He yelled once he got inside our bedroom and began to pace angrily around.
“What the actual fuck!” He yells again.
“You don’t get to yell at me Novan!”
“Why can’t I? Do you know what you did? You embarrassed me in front of those nosy bastards! You fucking disgraced me!”
“Oh, I disgraced you?!”
“Of course! It was my fucking occasion and instead of supporting me through it, you fucking walked away!”
“What should I do? Stand there and let you keep humiliating me?”
“What is wrong with that? And is that humiliation? Is that what you call it? I hit your butt every fucking day! I fuck you every day and you show me how dirty you are every fucking day as well. Why are you getting shy about it now?”
God! Who talks like this about his girlfriend?
“I’m not shy! I felt humiliated, Novan! You didn’t cut the ribbon with me when you know it has been my dream to do that with you. I have always wanted to count your success and share in your happiness but Novan…you..you didn’t cut the ribbon with me and you kissed that strange girl in front of me after cutting it with her. That’s not all. You call me a fling Novan! A fling!” I cried.
“Why are you being a complaining nagging needy bitch now? This is how I’ve been all this time and you didn’t complain. You love me regardless and I love you so much..”
“Hold it there! You call this love? This is not love Novan! You do not love me!” I point to my chest with my index ruefully.
“Who says so? Tell me why you’re saying that now!”
“If you loved me, you’ll treat me with respect! You won’t humiliate me and make me feel like a whore..!”
“So then! You’re my whore! My fucking whore don’t you know? You make me do things to you and I can fuck you now! I bet you’re wet for me already!” He licked his lips wickedly and got closer to me. I stepped back, my heart thumping as my agonized tears stream. At this point, he’s the ugliest creature I’ve ever beheld. Maybe this is him and I’ve been overlooking all along. Novan isn’t actually handsome. He’s a demon. A demon I sadly and unfortunately fell madly in love with.
This time is not. I’m not wet. I’m scared. I’m scared of this man whom I’ve done nothing but loved with my all.
“You’re crazy Novan! Step away from me! I’m not your sex machine or some toy.”
“Oh come on. Nobody is here. Stop shying away and you can be my anything.” He got his blazer off then worked on his zip.
I shook my head and stepped further away from him.
“Don’t go away from me Mariana. This is what we’ve always done. This is what we’ve known how to do best. After this, all our problems will vanish.” He brushed my hair from my face to my ear.
“You’re always beautiful. Even in tears. Please don’t cry. Okay, I’m sorry.”
“Don’t come anymore near me Novan! I don’t want you!”
“Yeah, I know.” He whispered and slipped his hands into my shirt.
I slapped his hands away. “I said getaway! You’re disgusting and you don’t respect me! You keep throwing shit at me all the time then you coax me into sleeping with you. It’s not done that way!”
“Is this not what you’ve been putting up with yet you didn’t mind? What happened today and why do you want me to change? I have always been like this with you from the beginning but you never complained. Why now? And what the fuck do you need respect for? And what does that even mean? We’re good like this, please don’t complicate our lives further. Tell me, who is poisoning your mind against me? I’m the only one for you Mariana. You can’t be with anyone but me even if I am horrible. I don’t have a choice and you don’t have one as well. If you leave me, who will want me? You must be wanting me too miserable forever. You want me to die..”
“Don’t say that.” I put my hand over his lips. I’m so pathetic.
“Then why are you suddenly sounding principled? Who’s poisoning your mind and feeding you with that respect bullshit? How I treat you is not their cup of coffee Mariana.”
“You don’t treat me well Novan. Please treat me right.” I plead. I’m staring into his eyes now.
“I’ll treat you right, babe.” He breathed and captured my lips. He kissed me just how he knows best and I’m ashamed to admit that I’m enjoying it and wanting more already.
“Try for me Novan,” I whispered into the kiss.
“I will. I will treat you well just…” He carried me to the bed and before I knew it, his long hands were in my panties.
“just like this.” He slipped his finger into me and swallowed my moans with his lips on mine.
“I will treat you right just like this..like this..”
I froze. When I recovered, I gathered all my strength into my hands and pushed him off of me.
“Mariana, Mariana! Wake up! I’m here!”
I opened my eyes and immediately closed it and backed away violently when I saw Novan beside me.
“Go away! Don’t come near me!”
“What is it, Mariana? It’s me!”
“Yes, and I said go the fuck away from me do you not get it!” My throat hurt from shouting too much.
“Okay calm down princess. It’s your father, Pablo.”
I heard my dad’s soothing voice and it startled me for a moment before my eyes opened and it was no more Novan but my dad.
His arms open and I fly into them.
His protective strong arms wrapped securely around me, protecting me from Novan if he’s around.
“Dad.” I snuggled further into him.
“You had a nightmare?”
I nodded.
“Do you wanna talk about it?”
“No.”
“Okay. Go back to sleep. It’s over.” He tried to get back but I held him back.
“Please don’t leave me,” I begged my dad.
“Alright. I wasn’t leaving anyway.” He lay back and brought me back into his arms.
I tried to close my eyes but all I see is Novan and his cruel words and that look when he licked his lips. It was pure lust I saw and not a single sign of love. He looked wicked. Did I do that to him? He was supposed to be better.
“You’re tense. Are you remembering your nightmare?”
“Yes, dad. I’m getting scenes.”
“It’s okay. You don’t have to close your eyes if they’re coming.”
I nod again and try to relax on him.
“I would like to ask you a question dad.”
“Go ahead.”
“How is a man supposed to treat a lady?”
“Just any woman?”
“If they’re couples or have something serious going on.”
“I will list. So first, a man must treat a woman with full respect. Know how to talk to her, don’t belittle her by disregarding her views. Don’t shout at her and make her happy. Have time for her. Women like attention and also like to be praised. Do whatever that will make her happy.”
“Can you explain in details? like a full lecture?”
” Alright. First of all, generally, every man must respect a woman. Any woman. They shouldn’t be looked down upon. It’s even more essential in relationships. Both partners should be able to respect each other. As to how a lady should be treated, as I said earlier, she must be respected in every sense, her views, her likes, and dislikes. Under no circumstance should she be looked upon or should she be brought down? Even if what she’s suggesting is really not what you’ll go for, listen to her then you can come in later and bring what you think is best. If she still doesn’t go with it, you must drop it and respect her decision and choice. As a man, you must put her before your needs and have her best interest at heart. Always, ladies first. You must be supportive and encouraging. Arguments in a relationship are not new things and your relationship is not the first going through that. What a man has to do is not let the sun to set on his anger. A man has to be in charge of his emotions. He mustn’t lose it quickly and not in front of her. Having self-control is key and it’s embarrassing to lose your temper and throw tantrums in front of her. That’s total immaturity. Profanity and bad speeches should be avoided and never should the man use abusive or insulting language. He shouldn’t call the lady out of her name. When these arguments occur, don’t hold it for long, make amendments as soon as possible, and don’t let it get to the point you’ll be screaming into each other’s face. Knowing how to talk to a lady is also important. It should be of respect. Don’t shout at her, don’t be rude, and don’t insult. Women like surprises. A man shouldn’t hold back in throwing that in from time to time. Get her thoughtful and well-intended gifts and take her out on exciting dates not only to bed. A man must be a reason for the joy in his woman’s eyes not for the tears hence ‘the treating her right’ concept. Make her happy extremely and every day… I’m rambling..” Dad chuckled. “There is more, princess but this will also do.”
“Yeah, thanks.”
“You’re welcome.”
We stayed silent the next few minutes until I panicked that I must’ve said something my family shouldn’t know while dreaming.
“Why did you come to my room dad?”
“I was working up late in my study until I wanted to go to sleep and decided to see you before retiring but then I heard you yelling NO! DON’T, DON’T. So I rushed in thinking someone was attacking you only for it to be a dream. You wouldn’t wake up so I have to shake you over and over and when you did you run away from me then came later into my arms. What was it about? You were scared.”
“It’s the accident.” I lied.
“I’m sorry but..it doesn’t look like it. You were scared of something and you wanted to be away.”
“There was a monster on the plane with us this time and it was coming for me. It was so frightening and it wouldn’t go away from me….and..and.” what a creative lie.
“It’s okay. I’m so sorry.” Dad caressed my hair softly.
“Is that all I was saying? In the dream?” I wanted to be sure if I haven’t said more than I should have in my distorted state.
“Yes.” Relief washes over me. “Is this your first time?”
I nodded and he held me tighter to Comfort me. “Go back to sleep. I’m here.” He kissed my damp forehead and lingered there while my eyes closed.
Why will I have a dream like that about Novan? And why is it about my conversation with Tricia?
||•DONOVAN•||
We were yelling at each other. I was yelling and I looked angry but I managed to find her attractive and she’s indeed attractive and her beauty is rare. She’s mad but I wanted to seduce her. I succeeded. I got her on the bed but then I said something and she pushed me strongly away with all her might am sure. She hugged her knee to her chest and cried painfully. It’s then I realized what I did. It dawned on me but the worst aspect is that I didn’t regret it.
I’m panting like a fish out on land when I woke up bathed in my own sweat. Fuck. It was a nightmare. What happened? I was talking and I was mad but I didn’t know what we both were mad about.
Why am I even thinking of this? It’s just a silly ass dream. The fuck why am I even dreaming? Never have I before.
Should I call Mariana?
I hope she’s alright. Of course, she is. If she isn’t I will know. She’s probably just sad about what happened and it’s her entire fault since she’s refused to not mind her business and let mine be. I hate how she always wants to have control over every fucking damn ass shit.
I read the message Tricia sent on my phone instead which states they’ll be in Los Angeles, California shortly.
||•MARIANA•||
I don’t know when I slept but I woke up with a splitting headache.
“Water,” I mumbled to myself while massaging my forehead. I need water to wet my throat. It’s too dry and it hurts.
“Here’s the water.” My eyes opened and I see mom, dad, and everyone.
These folks say what?
A common dream and they’re here. What if…
“What is everyone doing here?” I sit up, rolling my eyes at their exaggerated act of caring.
“Are you alright?”
“Absolutely.” I took the glass of water my mom presented and pour it down my throat.
“It was only a dream. Please everyone should leave. I’m not dying.”
“You haven’t had a nightmare before Mariana. When did you start having them?”
“This is the first.”
“So are you okay?”
“Three grannies, Marion, mom, and dad please leave.” To say this is just a nightmare. A nightmare I lied about.
“We brought food. I learned you didn’t eat anything before going to bed.”
“Alright, thanks. Now everyone out!” I got up to the washroom. When I came out they were gone.
I’m really hungry but my appetite didn’t rise seeing the food on my bedside table instead my stomach turned. It’s a warning. I dare not eat else I will be taking a hundred-meter race to the washroom the entire morning.
I have a need to call Novan so badly and if I didn’t, I won’t be free.
I hope he’s already buried his pride and massive ego so they won’t work against me in our conversation or make him not to pick.
As it rings, my heart beats along. I’m so anxious. I hope this ends well. There won’t be a fight right?
Why am I so nervous in the first place? I should be able to talk to Novan without getting scared.
★★★
THE KISS
{Loving him with all his flaws.}
By KELSAY (M.M.A.)
CHAPTER 187
||•MARIANA•||
After the first ring, he didn’t pick. I called again and yet again he didn’t. To avoid history from repeating, I put my phone down and went to take a bath. While cleaning myself, I heard it ring and without thinking twice I ran out of the bathroom with the towel. Just close to the phone, I slipped and hit myself onto the floor. My butt received the greater part of the pain and I know I won’t be able to get up now as my waist feels like it has been locked or something.
I stretched my hand and picked the phone from the dresser. The call has already ended so I went to my call diary and it was Novan. My pain subsided. My fall wasn’t in vain after all. It would’ve been worth it if I was here in time to pick but it’s okay.
I dialed his number but it didn’t go through. A second later his call came through. I picked and raised it to my ear.
“Are you alright?” Is the first thing he asked.
Even though it makes me happy that Novan cares for me, I can’t help thinking the other way round. Why does he keep hurting me when he loves me? Why does he show that he cares when he is in fact most of the reason behind my tears?
“Why do you care? You were rude to me three days ago then you didn’t call to check up on me. When I did, you’re asking if I am alright. If you’re so concerned why didn’t you call me? Let’s be real Novan. At least you to me.”
“Man can’t ask about your welfare again and not be remembered from genesis to revelation the things he did and don’t even recall any more? I don’t like this type of Mariana. I am telling you.”
“And what is this type of Mariana?” I asked.
“Ungrateful needy bit…”
Wow.
“Bitch.” I finished for him.
“Yes. Bitch. Stop this. It doesn’t suit you.”
“Really Novan? You actually have a short memory. After talking to me just how you please, you don’t feel remorseful about it but boasting it out that you don’t remember? And you call me a bitch? What have I done to you?” I’m marveled by this man.
“I should be asking you that! Yet again you didn’t call me for anything relevant. You called to fight me. Are you serious?!”
“Why didn’t you call to at least say sorry to me for your disrespectful behavior? You do not treat me well Novan!”
“Where the hell is this coming from now? Why do you say I don’t treat you well? Do I beat you? Do I fuck you without your consent?”
“See. You don’t even have knowledge of how a woman should be treated. You talk to me as if I am not human. As if I am a piece of trash.”
“You’re really showing me wonders this morning Mariana Dominguez. I can’t fathom why you’ll be spitting this nonsense now. Wow! You’re a surprise package.” He chuckled and that infuriated me.
“Even your mother knows you don’t treat me well. You’re emotionally abusive Novan!” I blurt out.
He didn’t talk for a while. I brought the phone down and looked at the screen and he was still on.
“Hello.”
“I’m on the line.”
“Then why are you not talk…”
“I will talk. I’m just shocked. Did you say, Tricia? You fuckin went to consult that motherfucker?”
“She’s your mother. Stop calling her that..”
“Oh shut up! Who else will you go and pour our matters too? If it’s not your stupid friend Betsy and her boyfriend, then it’s that asshole Edward. If it’s not him then Jude. Thank God his ass is dead but you quickly jumped on my mother and rattled everything out after his demise. Who is that woman to speak against me? And because of that you’re here questioning me. Questioning my behavior when all I’ve spent my life doing is trying to improve for you. I talk like that, like this. You knew it! You know me better than that woman and you knew me before her but once she gave her analysis and commentary from your specially formulated cock and fucking bull story, you came blasting my phone as usual with your endless calling just to start a fight with me. Where’s your boxing gloves, Mariana? Come on, show them to me. I’m sure you didn’t forget it.”
I can picture him with a mockery face.
“I didn’t tell her anything. Stop saying what you don’t know. Your call was actually on speaker and she heard the way you talked to me.”
“I don’t talk to you any differently Mariana. This is just me being me and if you piss me off, I give you a piece of my mind. That is how it has always been and you never complained. It wasn’t a major issue for us but a side one. However, when award-winning counselor Tricia Salvatore stepped into your life, she opened your eyes and now you can see the light. How amazing. I should go to her and let her open my eyes to see my Mariana because this is definitely not her speaking. My Mariana has bigger issues to deal with. Not this.”
“Don’t you get it and stop being dramatic? I have had enough Novan. I have. You can’t continue to be the way you are with me…”
“So you’ll break up with me?” He cuts me off.
“Let me land…”
“No, tell me..”
“Keep quiet! I’m talking. I don’t like it when you lose your temper on me and shout. It really hurt. After what we did that day at the cabin, I didn’t expect you to be different towards me the next day. You were so rude and I felt humiliated. All I want is for you to realize this and mend your ways..”
“Else what?”
Is he throwing a challenge? Well, have it then.
“I can not continue being with a man who doesn’t respect me. A man who doesn’t treat me the way I deserve. I can’t.”
“It has gotten to this. What else do you want me to do for you Mariana? Should I kill myself? ”
“Do the right thing!”
“Oh please. There’s nothing wrong with me but you. You’re so needy and you keep wanting more and more from me. That is why you’re ungrateful. What haven’t I done?!”
“There. You repeated your motto. ‘What haven’t I done?’ Look Novan, I have dignity and some level of respect that I can’t bear anybody putting down. And this is what you’ve been doing and you say I’m ungrateful? If there’s someone who’s ungrateful here then it’s you. If you don’t know let me tell you. Your character is very ugly and do you look at yourself? Yuck! No decent girl will want you but me! Ever since I met you I have poured my blood out for you. I did so much whereas you were just sitting around like a bum and messing up. Messes that I cleaned for you. I went out of my way and chose you. I went against my family for you. I fought for you and I established you. You don’t even know, do you? You think a young inexperienced college student like you stand a chance to compete with those people at a whole Bocuse? Do you even know how you got there? It was by me. I did every fucking connection and you came up a chief chef. Didn’t it baffle you? Didn’t you find it suspicious? Oh, you thought it was your talent alone? No…”
Wait. Hold on..”
“Allow me to talk. You said you’ve done a lot for me so now keep quiet and listen to what I also did then you can do comparisons.
You thought you got there because of your capability but well that wasn’t it alone. I bet you believed that only recommendation bullshit that I told. The truth is, I didn’t only do that. I fought my ass off to get you to where you are today. There’s more actually which I did but decided not to say. I didn’t do that for the credit? I did it because my boyfriend’s self-esteem was low. Too low. And I wanted to lift it. I thought by doing that, you’ll have some sort of confidence that you’re actually good. Day in day out, I think of how you can get better. Every of my thoughts was filled with your betterment and if I will fuck Edward to ensure that you’re better, I would have. Look at yourself now Novan. Can you compare it to how you were before? No right. Now you see? You should be holding me in high regard but no. You thought I went ten months away from you because I enjoy suffering, I take pleasure in making you miserable? I wanted you to be good for me. I wanted you to be a better man so I have to compromise. You wouldn’t be good if I don’t pretend to be mad at you. For ten months we suffered together and today we can say you’re clean but yet again my sweetheart didn’t see it that. He saw the bad side and didn’t spare to make me feel bad about it. You know I will never cheat on you. If you ever did trust in me, there won’t be any jealousy at all. But you don’t. You thought I like Edward then you left me. Right now you left me. You don’t know what I am passing through Novan. You don’t! That Edward deceived me and broke my trust. Someone I’ve always fought you for. It happened he was a part of some of our problems. He then said he loves…”
I stopped. What am I saying?
“Talk Mariana. I’m listening. What did Edward say.”
“No!” I won’t win this argument if I tell him that everything he said about Edward was true.
“Don’t say it. Right now. I have nothing to say. I don’t know. I’m shocked. I can’t even believe it. You actually said those things..?”
“If you had apologized from the beginning and told me nicely that you’ll improve, things won’t get this far.”
“Have you been listening at all? I have always wanted to improve. If I can give up on drugs what is this that I can’t do? You should know me, Mariana. I love you more than anything in this world. I love you but today I feel betrayed. I won’t apologize for anything and you can go and be with Tricia. As you said, you actually made me but today, you broke me. You’re full of deception and today I regret ever falling in love with you. I’m not good for you. Go for someone who will be perfect. It’s done… it’s done. You’ll let me be and I will also let you be. I’m sorry for your time wasted. You gave yourself to me and right now I wish I can give it back. You know what, I’m glad I left after all. My sister is even here…”
“I just wanted you to be a lot nice to me Novan. Why are you taking it far?”
“And I couldn’t. I don’t want to give you more pain. Go okay. We all deserve it.”
“Alright fine! You keep being an asshole and you’ve refused to accept your mistakes. If your father’s death couldn’t change you, then who am I? Nothing else will change you, Novan. You’re the strangest thing I’ve ever met. Your heart is so cold. All your parents need is your forgiveness and even after one died, your hatred is still strong. Good luck with it. You think I’m going to beg you? That’s before. Now I know I deserve more than you’ve ever given me.”
“Great. It’s nice to know that even your sweetheart Edward whom I thought will make you happy when I dumb your sorryful ass even betrayed you. Now you’ll die an old maiden because my love which is the strongest and deepest of all to send you to matrimony is no longer there. I may be flawed but no one can make you happy than I make you. There’s no one else for you Mariana. It’s just me, your Novan.”
“Don’t be so sure and full of yourself. It’s just a matter of time and I will replace you. It is then you’ll know that you weren’t so special after all. Edward must’ve betrayed me but he still loves me and whatever he did was for the love he has for me.”
“I see. So he managed to say it finally. Wow. I wish you two good luck. I won’t be an obstacle in his path anymore. Tell him that. I..am.. happy for you. I am.”
“You can’t be good one last time?” My lips trembled. I don’t mean all of that. I don’t want him to leave me.
“I can’t. ”
He didn’t say that.
Re.. really?”
“This is me. Take it or leave it. I won’t add more or less.” He said without even stuttering.
“Okay.” I choked.
“Okay.”
There’s a silence on the line.
I want to hear something. Say something Novan. Tell me you love me at least. I don’t even know why I want him to say something when he has said it all.
The silence even on phone is bone-chilling. It’s deep and painful.
I fear this will be the last time for us. Once this call is over then that it’s for us too.
He sighed and the next thing, the line went dead. My heart dropped and escaped into my mouth while my phone fell from my hands. I wanted to cry but I couldn’t find the tears. My entire body is all numb up.
Many minutes passed and I am still sitting on the floor where I fell but the towel wrapped around me now. All I keep asking myself is, how did it happen?
How?
★★★
THE KISS
{Loving him with all his flaws.}
By KELSAY (M.M.A.)
CHAPTER 188
||•DONOVAN•||
I paced back and forth like a mad man after the call with Mariana. Everything is driving me insane. I can’t think. My mind is in a haze. I’m lost.
“Even your mother knows you don’t treat me well. You’re emotionally abusive Novan!” She blurts out.
I clenched and unclench my fist. Novan you won’t destroy anything in this room. You won’t.
My subconscious advised and I wished my body would comply. My adrenaline is shooting rapidly and I badly want to get my anger off on the things in the new room.
“I will talk. I’m just shocked. Did you say, Tricia? You fuckin went to consult that motherfucker?”
“She’s your mother. Stop calling her that..”
Who’s she to tell me how I should and should not refer to my mom? She has no idea about anything yet she thinks she’s all-knowing and mighty.
“Don’t you get it and stop being dramatic? I have had enough Novan. I have. You can’t continue to be the way you are with me…”
“So you’ll break up with me?” The hell I didn’t even know how I am with her.
“Let me land…”
“No, tell me..”
“Keep quiet! I’m talking. I don’t like it when you lose your temper on me and shout. It really hurt. After what we did that day at the cabin, I didn’t expect you to be different towards me the next day. You were so rude and I felt humiliated. All I want is for you to realize this and mend your ways..”
“Else what?” I said it so fast before realizing what I did but that didn’t make me take it back. As much as it terrifies me what her answer will be, I want to know.
“I can not continue being with a man who doesn’t respect me. A man who doesn’t treat me the way I deserve. I can’t.”
Seriously? What else does she want me to do? Every day with a fucking time table for me. A task for me to accomplish. Why can’t she be satisfied?
” Look Novan, I have dignity and some level of respect that I can’t bear anybody putting down. And this is what you’ve been doing and you say I’m ungrateful? If there’s someone who’s ungrateful here then it’s you. If you don’t know let me tell you.”
My chest is heaving. I don’t know how far I can go without turning this room upside down.
“Your character is very ugly and do you look at yourself? Yuck! No decent girl will want you but me!”
God. I put my hands over my ears but her voice won’t stop breaking through.
” You think a young inexperienced college student like you stood a chance to compete with those people at a whole Bocuse? Do you even know how you got there? It was by me. I did every fucking connection and you came up a chief chef. Didn’t it baffle you? Didn’t you find it suspicious? Oh, you thought it was your talent alone? No…”
I couldn’t hold it anymore. I knocked the lamp over. It didn’t crash like I wanted so I went for it and threw it against the plasma TV.
It’s quite fucking hard so it didn’t crush. I picked the bedside table and threw it against it. It fell from the wall and crushed on to the floor.
I can’t believe she did this to me. I can never forgive Mariana for this. She fooled me.
“You thought you got there because of your capability but well that wasn’t it alone. I bet you believed that only recommendation bullshit that I told.”
I was surprised as well and I in fact thought about something like this that is why I warned her from the beginning to stay off. That I want this to be my win. I want to win purely with my skills.
“The truth is, I didn’t only do that. I fought my ass off to get you to where you are today!”
What?!
I kicked at the shelves and brought it crashing to the floor.
“I did it because my boyfriend’s self-esteem was low. Too low. And I wanted to lift it. I thought by doing that, you’ll have some sort of confidence that you’re actually good.”
No! You broke me today by revealing this. You didn’t do me good. How do I live with the fact that I won not because I worked for it but because you did some underground business?
I warned her. I warn her not to. I wanted a fair win.
My eyes searched for more things to break but my image is what I saw in my wardrobe. Who fixes a mirror to a wardrobe anyway?
My reflection stared back at me and I saw the person. The person Mariana is talking about. Truly, I am not worthy of her.
“Your character is very ugly and do you look at yourself? Yuck! No decent girl will want you but me!”
Yes and I don’t want any decent girl but you.
“Look at yourself now Novan. Can you compare it to how you were before? No right. Now you see?”
Of course, I am no longer the Novan of before. As much as you made me, you destroyed me as well. You ruined me. This is not me? I was never like this and my life was less complicated. You make me do and care for things I never even thought of.
“You don’t know what I am passing through Novan. You don’t!”
Maybe I don’t.
“If you had apologized from the beginning and told me nicely that you’ll improve, things won’t get this far.”
I know a sorry could patch things for us in a way but I don’t know why I’m not saying it.
” You should be holding me in high regard but no.”
I did in my own way. Perhaps you don’t notice. You don’t know how much I adore you.
It’s just that… it’s sad. Sometimes I don’t know how to really behave. I do whatever comes into my mind without thinking about it. I can’t seem to control it.
I also don’t want this for us Mariana. It’s tiring. I’m tired of our multiple fights. I just want to be good and now you brought something else up.
Talk is talk. How do you want me to ‘talk it again?
Shouldn’t I be able to freely say what comes into my mind?
“I regret ever falling in love with you. I’m not good for you. Go for someone who will be perfect. It’s done… it’s done. You’ll let me be and I will also let you be. I’m sorry for your time wasted. You gave yourself to me and right now I wish I can give it back. You know what, I’m glad I left after all. My sister is even here.”
And why the fuck did I say that? God knows I don’t want to ever be away from her. Why did I say it?
I don’t regret anything I did with her. Falling in love with her is the best thing I’ve ever done. Mariana is the best thing that happened to me and I’m so proud to have her love me the way she does.
But.
She annoys the wit out of me. She doesn’t listen to me. She behaves like a bitch all the time and I am too of an asshole than the nice boy he wanted to turn me into.
“I just wanted you to be a lot nice to me, Novan. Why are you taking it far?” Her voice pleads with me. Hitting on that constant feeling I get when she’s not alright. Before she picked my call I knew something happened to her. I felt it. I just don’t know what. I asked her but she was busy pointing out my flaws and being the jerk, I went with it.
“I don’t want to give you more pain. Go okay. We all deserve it.”
Which is true. I don’t know why two people have to be disagreeing all the time. I feel there is something wrong with us or we were actually not meant to be. I don’t want her to suffer anymore.
She doesn’t deserve it which I know and I will be too selfish to not let her go.
Even more, I didn’t expect her to say it. That she won’t beg me. Why would she say that? She spoke as if she doesn’t want me anymore and it hurt so much.
“Alright fine! You keep being an asshole and you’ve refused to accept your mistakes. If your father’s death couldn’t change you, then who am I? Nothing else will change you, Novan. You’re the strangest thing I’ve ever met. Your heart is so cold. All your parents need is your forgiveness and even after one died, your hatred is still strong. Good luck with it. You think I’m going to beg you? That’s before. Now I know I deserve more than you’ve ever given me.”
She’s disappointed and her words show that she has given up. She expects too much from me and I’m failing to meet them.
I got a flick of hope and excitement when she said Edward betrayed her. I was relieved that finally, she saw who he is and that she won’t go close to him anymore and I wanted to taunt her for it. I wanted her to be hurt that there is no one for her. I wanted her to know that I am the only one for her hence those words.
“Great. It’s nice to know that even your sweetheart Edward whom I thought will make you happy when I dumb your sorryful ass even betrayed you. Now you’ll die an old maiden because my love which is the strongest and deepest of all to send you to matrimony is no longer there. I may be flawed but no one can make you happy more than I make you. There’s no one else for you Mariana. It’s just me, your Novan.”
I was so sure but then, she has a stubborn spirit. She challenged me.
“Don’t be so sure and full of yourself. It’s just a matter of time and I will replace you. It is then you’ll know that you weren’t so special after all. Edward must’ve betrayed me but he still loves me and whatever he did was for the love he has for me.”
These words shattered me. I knew I lost her. She said she’ll replace me and she’s no longer sounding mad at Ed. Will they get back together? I will rather not live to see that day.
I stepped away from the mirror. I made sure I don’t look into it anymore because I can’t look at myself without her in my life. She adds beauty to my life, she makes my life beautiful but I am an unappreciative fool.
“You can’t be good one last time?”
She gave me one last chance to take my words back. She really didn’t want this and I wish I could tell her that I will keep trying the rest of my life for her but I just couldn’t say it.
Seriously, I didn’t know what was wrong with me. I don’t understand. I let her slip away from me just like that. I hung up.
I’m an asshole. I am horrible. I don’t deserve her. It’s good we’re done because I really can’t be what she’s dreaming of. I will never change. I am this way and will always be.
I also hate her guts for what she did to me. She’s always not listening to me and doing what she likes. I wish I could burn that medal. I wish all that didn’t happen.
My eyes mistakenly met with the mirror and my two fists crushed into it angrily. Cutting me deep am sure. I didn’t care about the flowing red liquid. I hit them into it where it didn’t shatter. I don’t want to see my image. Anywhere I see it, I punch into it.
Another of my violent thrust is followed by footsteps.
I stopped for a minute and the door opened revealing Nervisa and Tricia.
“What are you doing here?! I barked. “How dare you come here? Didn’t I tell you to wait at the airport?”
“We waited for one hour but you didn’t show up so we have to come.”
“Well then leave already! Out I say!” I pointed to the door.!”
“What is this Everett? What are you doing!”
“None of your stupid fucking ass shit business!”
“Of course it is. How can I leave Nervisa alone here with you? Look at the state you’re in. How will you take care of her?”
“Same way I did when you left. Now don’t act mrs nice. You’ve done so much that I can’t thank you enough.”
“You’ve gone from bad to worse. How will you!”
“Don’t fucking question me or I strangle you here and now. You’re such a wicked witch I’ve never seen before. And your ex-husband was a wizard. The two of you don’t want me to be happy. You hate me!”
“I don’t hate you!”
“Of course you do. When Jude was around he did something that broke us up and now you. You poisoned the girl I worked for all my life and single-handedly, you came in one night and Rob her off me. That girl was my life yet you took her away. Who needed your opinion anyway? I don’t even want you in my life and neither did I give you the right of being my mother. Why must you go and tell her to leave me? You hate me so much that seeing me happy will be a problem for you. You took the only thing that matters to me.”
“If she matters to you then why don’t you treat her the way she deserves? She’s somebody’s daughter Everett, you can’t keep being cruel towards her. If you’re stressed up, go handle it yourself but don’t stress her out with it as well. You could….”
“Shut up! Shut up! Don’t say anything to me. Don’t! I hate you and get the fuck out of here!” I spit at her.
“I won’t leave without my daughter!”
“Your daughter?” I laughed. Real laugh. Then one you throw your head back and laugh it off.
“I’ll call the police if you try to stop me. She’s my daughter.”
“Police? Is that all you can come up with?” I laughed harder.”I’d love to see you try that.”
“What can you do?”
“You don’t wanna know. Come Nervisa. Come to your brother. This woman is very bad. Very very bad.”
The small girl just stared at me pitifully with her eyes pregnant with tears.
My eyes landed on her neck and I saw the necklace then back to my wrist where I had her name etched boldly into my skin with her million-dollar chain around it.
Why the fuck am I even keeping it? I don’t want anything that will keep reminding me of her? It will be torture.
“Take those things off, Nervisa.”
“No! Don’t tell me what to do. Mariana gave them to me.”
I see.
“That is why I don’t want you to keep it. We no longer know her.”
“Speak for yourself. I like her so much and she’s nice. You’re the bad one. You’re bad and I wish I can follow Tricia instead. You’re the bad one. You keep hurting her.” She ran out and I faced Tricia.
“You heard her. I’m bad but she prefers to be with me instead. Now leave.”
“She also loves you though you’re bad but you make her pay for it. Remember if Nervisa also leaves, you’re going to be alone forever and maybe it is then you’ll learn to value and know the worth of people when they are with you. I have gone through it and that’s why I am saying it. Believe it or not but if you don’t stop all this immaturity…”
“Will you stop already? I say leave!” I began to push her by the shoulder.
“I will leave. You don’t have to kick me out. I just have to say one thing. I’ve been saying it all the time. I’m sorry for everything I did to you. I deeply regret it and I’m truly sorry. I’m your mother, I do not wish for you to suffer that’s why I am saying all that. When I talked to Mariana, I didn’t mean it the wrong way but I should’ve known better. I should’ve known how your relationship was before saying anything. I’m sorry but I don’t regret telling her that. I’m a woman also and I can’t bear if my husband speaks to me the way you did to her. That girl is the best for you. Please don’t chase her out instead chase your demons out and welcome her. If your demons won’t go, let her come and calm them for you. You need her as much as she also needs you. Please make your mind up. The last thing I want is seeing your relationship with that sweet girl falling apart. I’ve witnessed your love for her since you were a child and I know how much she means to you. Please don’t stop getting better?”
“Are you done?”
“I want you to forgive me too. I’m sorry.”
“Bye Tricia.” I walked down the hall and held the door for her.
★★★
THE KISS
{Loving him with all his flaws.}
By KELSAY (M.M.A.)
CHAPTER 189
||•DONOVAN•||
Nervisa appears and hugs her and as they hug, Tricia stares at me as if inviting me for a family hug. She dare not.
I grabbed Nervisa’s luggage and groaned. I didn’t know how badly I wounded myself.
I drag it anyway to the only room left and swallowed all the pain. I wonder why she packed so much shit.
It’s a two-room apartment and I paid for just three months since I knew I was going to go back to Australia but now I guess I have to go pay for the entire year or even more.
When I got to her new room which wasn’t so big like the one she had back in Australia, I dropped her bag on the bed. I intend to unpack for her but then, my blood was dripping everywhere and I didn’t want to stain her dress.
I walked back to my destroyed room and to my bathroom to clean up. The last one barely healed before I did this again. Now it’s all busted and starting to swell. It hurts so much as I picked the pieces glass out.
I closed my eyes and let the water run over it while hissing.
“You’re not even so strong after all.”
I opened my eyes to the voice and my sister was sitting on the toilet seat while looking at me.
“How are you?” I asked as I washed the blood away. It’s not like it’s going to stop now if I don’t bandage it.
“There is nothing wrong with me. The question is how are you, Nova.”
“I’m fine.”
“No, you’re not. Tell me what happened to you and her. Why were you so angry?”
“We broke up.”
“You broke up? But why?” Her face holds great sadness than before.
” You won’t understand.” I picked cotton and laid it over my knuckles before lacing the bandage over. I could only do one hand and not the other. I wish she was here. She used to do it so well and I stare at her face the entire time.
“Let me help you with the other hand.” Nervisa offered.
“Can you?”
“Yes. I’ve bandaged Marion’s wound before.” She took the cotton and the bandage.
“What! When?”
The hell.
” He’s my new friend. The friend I said I will show you.”
“Friend?”
“Yes, friend. Hope there is nothing wrong with that.”
“There is. Why would you be his friend?”
“We can be friends. If you don’t stand a chance in that family anymore, I do. The entire family likes me too.”
“I see. Are you in love with him?” I raised a questioning brow.
“If I were you I wouldn’t have mentioned that.”
“Why?”
“If you do, you’re gonna plant that idea into me and I will start thinking of it, reading meaning into things and before you know it, I will question myself if I love him or not. I will wait patiently for a sign from him then boom! Right now I am not and never want to so please, don’t say it again else what you just said might just come to pass. I like him a lot already. Don’t make mistakes dear brother.”
I’m bewildered.
“How old are you?”
“Ten.”
“And you’re talking like this already?”
“Is that enough for you to share you and Mariana’s disagreement with me? Haven’t I proven mature enough? Won’t I understand?”
“Yes you’ve proven but I don’t like to share my relationship matters. I don’t do it too quickly.”
“I’m your sister.”
“I won’t tell you!” I snapped.
“Fine. But I will say this. If you disturb Mariana again I will leave for Russia. Here you go.” She left my big hand and walked away. She actually did a good job. She bandaged it neatly. I wonder how many wounds he bandaged for Marina’s pretty brother.
“But we’re not together anymore,” I whispered to myself and soaked a towel. I dropped it to the floor when I was out of my room and with one foot on it, I dragged it on the floor following the trail of my blood.
Nervisa walks around the house, taking in every nook and cranny.
“The house is nice. Cute and simple. Is that my room over there?”
“Yes.”
She ran into it and when she finally came out, she complained of hunger. I dumped the towel somewhere and went to sit.
“I can’t cook now but I will order something for you okay.”
“We can go and eat out. I want to see the city. I’ve heard from a lot of my friends that California is a beautiful city and I testified that as we were coming.”
“I’m not in a jubilant mood to go sit in a restaurant Nervisa. Please understand. I can take you out some other time.”
“Fine.” She sat down across from me.
“Where’s the TV? I want to watch.”
I looked at the empty wall and remembered the one I crashed in my bedroom. I wonder why I didn’t fix it here but my room instead. I’ve spent a lot of money the past few days to get here and now I have a lot of things to pay for to replace the one I destroyed.
“I will get us a TV tomorrow.”
“I don’t want to stress you so I will agree.”
I nodded and brought my phone out to order. “What will you take?”
“Pizza or shawarma. The pizza I want, pork and mushrooms then octopus.”
“What kind of combination is that?”
“Marion also likes that combination. It’s his favorite.”
“How did you know?” I gaped at her. Just what am I missing?
“We’re in the same school so when we go for lunch outside, he normally orders this. I didn’t like it and I found it strange like you did but I’ve begun to love it.”
I didn’t even know.
“Tell me more Nervisa. When and where do you meet him?”
“His house, school, swimming lessons, and when you’re not around, I spend most of my time with him. He’s a nice ..”
“That’s enough.”
“You’re the one who wanted to know.”
“And I don’t want to anymore. You’re a girl. You shouldn’t be spending so much time with a boy and don’t tell me he’s your friend. Boys are dangerous. You should know that.”
“Not Marion. He’s..”
“Will you listen to me?”
“Yes yes.”
“Come here.” She came and I put her on my lap and let her head fall on my chest.
“You’re my only sister and literally the only one I have now. I will be lonely without you too. Please don’t ever leave me for Tricia. I’m already lonely without her.”
“Just be good. Is that so difficult?”
“Hmm. You don’t know.” I put my chin onto her head and closed my eyes for a moment.
All I see is Marian’s deceit. I seriously hate what she did. Maybe it’s not so bad leaving her. I will manage on my own. I will live without her and I will make sure she sees that she was also not that special.
The words didn’t make me feel better. My heart is aching and I feel bad. There’s this emptiness I feel deep inside of my soul. I feel the weight of losing something significant. I feel something missing out of me. I don’t feel the life bubbling inside me anymore. I feel I won’t be able to even fake a smile or something close to it anymore. So many bad feelings I can’t even describe. I know only she can feel in that emptiness that she’s created. I miss her and I don’t know if I can do this any longer. However, I’m hoping to overcome this soon. She’ll see. She dared to tell me that Edward loves her. That bastard. Mutilating his face wasn’t enough. He dared to tell her about his pathetic feelings and she foolishly believed and didn’t hold back bragging it out in my face. What did she say?
“Edward must’ve betrayed me but he still loves me and whatever he did was for the love he has for me.”
Seriously?
I will fucking kill both of them happily…
“Nova?”
“Hmm”
“You said boys are dangerous and that girls have to stay away from them. Is that why dollface left you? You’re dangerous?”
Maybe you’re not so mature like what you try to show after all.
Maybe I am dangerous…
||•MARIANA•||
I knock by the door followed by someone coming in which draws my head to the door.
“I’m sorry,” Morgan mumbled.
“Say what you came into my room for.”
“It’s okay. I don’t want to bother you.”
“Then don’t come to me again. I won’t be ready to listen to you some other time.”
“Okay. It’s Betsy. She said you don’t want to talk to her anymore and she’s blaming me for it. She’s pretty upset and I don’t like to see her that way. Please let it go. I’m at fault. I shouldn’t have told you anything.”
“Don’t blame yourself. Betsy should know better than come begging me for forgiveness. I’m mad at her which is true but after my conversation with Novan…no. after thinking it through. I understand her to some extent.”
“Then why are you ignoring her? She’s so sad.”
“I was only mad at her and whatever I must’ve said to her at the restaurant was just out of rage.”
“You’re not breaking up with her then?”
“No, I just don’t want her around me now. I’m mad at her.”
“I understand. I will leave now.”
“Morgan do you love Betsy?” I asked before he even make it out.
“Of course I do. I love her.”
“Then why the insecurity? Do you not trust her?”
“I do but I’m afraid she’s going to leave me because I’m young and inexperienced..”
“You thought wrong Morgan. Betsy loves you. She loves you more than anything and she wishes she’s a virgin for you. Whatever happened was out of her control. Why are you making it difficult for her?”
“She fucked two people and I hate that one of them has to be that Ronnie. I also wish that she didn’t have any experience except for the one she had with me.”
“Not everyone ends up with their first love Morgan. And not all married women get married as a virgin yet their husbands don’t judge them for it and make them feel bad because they understand and sexual status doesn’t really matter to them. Take your parents for instance. We all know your mother loved Jude so much and got betrayed by him for it yet your dad didn’t think about it. He didn’t make an issue out of it. Why? Because you don’t live in someone’s past and make them feel bad about it. If the person tells you then fine but you don’t have the right to question it and make them feel uncomfortable about something that happened when you weren’t even present in their lives. Same as Betsy. Whatever happened before she met you are in the past. She didn’t tell you for you to condemn her, she did because she trusts you and wants to be honest with you. Was that a crime? Please tell me.”
“No.”
“Then why are you causing her pain by reminding her of something as degrading as that? With your insecurities, you make her suffer.”
“I didn’t know.”
My back is turned to him so I can not read his expression but his voice is remorseful.
“Her past is her past Morgan. Please stop bringing it into the future. It will ruin it just like it’s doing now. Betsy feels frustrated and she thinks you’re too possessive and clingy. Very soon if you don’t stop she’ll say you’re obsessed with her and she’ll begin to get fed up. Gradually, your relationship will be collapsing till it’s beyond amendment level. Let the past stay where it is and enjoy this moment with her and you’ll see. You’ll see that she’s not actually ashamed of you, tired of you or anything. She loves you.”
“I understand you but what must I do? How do I act now? I know I will apologize but after that what?” I felt him walking closer but he stopped. I’m just having a towel around me. He must’ve forgotten while walking closer and stopped when he remembered.
“When you love someone, you don’t impose things on them and you don’t suffocate them. Let them live freely and if they’re really yours, they’ll always come back and be for you.” These are Novan’s lines. Why am I even thinking of him? I tried to delete his face and stop memories from coming then continued.
” Betsy love you, Morgan. Believe me. I’m her friend so I know better. Be free-minded and don’t feel insecure. Don’t let your age make you insecure either. There’s no age barrier to love. You love Betsy. Don’t let anyone put you down because of your choice and you don’t have to explain your love to anyone. Do your own thing and forget about everyone….and
..Uhm.” I’m suddenly lost. I haven’t moved a limp since I fell here and I still haven’t gathered enough strength to pull myself up.
“That is all I can say. I will talk to Betsy if I have the chance. Now you can leave and please lock the door on your way out. Tell everyone that I’m resting. ” Disturbance is the least I need now.
“Are you alright?”
“I am. I just need to be alone.”
How foolish. I can offer words to save a relationship while mine is dwindling? Is it even dwindling? It has already. I am in no position to talk to anyone. Who gave me that right?
★★★
THE KISS
{Loving him with all his flaws.}
By KELSAY (M.M.A.)
CHAPTER 190
|•MARIANA•|
How foolish. I can offer words to save a relationship while mine is dwindling? Is it even dwindling? It has already. I am in no position to talk to anyone. Who gave me that right? Wow, Mariana. You can only preach and not be practical?
I managed to raise myself though I was still feeling pain in my waist and bottom. I tied the towel properly on my body. If I can talk to people then why don’t I make it applicable so that Novan and I won’t face problems? I should start by thinking about what is wrong with me.
“I don’t like this type of Mariana I am telling you.”
He had said that to me.
“Ungrateful needy bit…”
Bitch.
“Yes. Bitch. Stop this. It doesn’t suit you.”
I should’ve stopped maybe. Maybe I was being a bitch for bringing something that already happened to surface. I shouldn’t have brought it. Maybe I expect too much from him. I’ve made him do so much and he has expelled that energy. He can’t go more and yet, I’m just pushing, pushing, and pushing.
“you’re here questioning me. Questioning my behavior when all I’ve spent my life doing is trying to improve for you. I talk like that. You knew it! You know me better than that woman and you knew me before her but once she gave…”
Maybe I am wrong after all. Novan is just being himself. When he’s sober, he’ll be nice again.
I have always wanted to improve. If I can give up on drugs what is this that I can’t do? You should know me, Mariana. I love you more than anything in this world.”
Yes. Why am I even fretting? Novan loves me and he’ll change. We’ll get over this too.
I took my phone from the floor. He likes to be pampered. I will call him now and I will tell him that I will give him all the time to change. We’ll come back together.
” I love you but today I feel betrayed. I won’t apologize for anything and you can go and be with Tricia. As you said, you actually made me but today, you broke me. You’re full of deception and today I regret ever falling in love with you. I’m not good for you. Go for someone who will be perfect. It’s done… it’s done…”
No!
I hit the phone to the floor at the reminder.
Why the hell did I say those things to him?
Novan doesn’t deserve it no matter what. What will he think now?
In my rage, I said a lot of things I shouldn’t have. Flaunting my wealth is the last thing I will do and in front of Novan but today I did. I insulted and degraded him.
He’s never going to forgive me. I lied to him about the competition. Yes fine. His skills played a huge role but then those greedy officials weren’t ready to take someone as young as him. I had to use my parent’s name and I accepted to pay the huge sum of money they said they’ll take from me if he loses. I had so much faith in him so I didn’t think twice about the money. I told them I will pay double and that he should be made a chief chef instead. It took a lot of effort before they agreed but my Novan is good after all and so he won.
But he’s never going to forgive me for he warned me not to interfere but what could I have done? Novan didn’t believe he could do it so I have to do that. I didn’t want him to be an assistant and he sure didn’t want that too.
Why did I tell him that nobody will want him? I must have hurt him so much more when I said I will replace him.
How did I manage to lose my cool?
He also said it’s over for us. Just why did I do this?
I dropped back to the floor and hit my fist against it repeatedly. It didn’t mortify the anger I feel within for myself.
But I feel the pain and it reminds me of Novan’s knuckles and I feel how much pain he’s been taking each time he uses them on something when he’s angry. Right now I’m sure he’s destroyed his new room or beaten up someone to get rid of his anger and sorrows. Something that I caused. I shouldn’t have ever done this to him. He doesn’t deserve it one bit and not from me. I was so harsh and mean over the phone.
I picked my phone to call him again when the shattered screen pierced through my nail.
“Dad!” I let an involuntary cry out while the phone dropped again.
“Mariana are you okay?”
I shut my eyes and cursed. I didn’t mean to call him here. How did he even hear? Looks like he’s hiding under my door or what?”
“It’s nothing.” I put my hand behind me. The shit hurt a lot.
“And you’re crying?”
“My phone.”I reduced my gaze to the floor when my eyes opened.
“What happened to it..wait.” my dad saw it and picked it up. “Is that blood?”
I shook my head.
“Come on show me.” He reached behind me and took my hand.
“How did it happen?”
“Please don’t call any doctor.”
“Alright. I’ll try and get the glass out okay?”
I nodded but when he tried, I flinched.
“Hold your breath and close your eyes.”
I obeyed and he got his keychain out which always had a nail cutter on and trimmed my nail.
Thank God I don’t put on the artificial.
“Why didn’t you use a screen protector in the first place? Not for durability but your safety’s sake. Anyway, forget it. Next time use it.”
“I don’t think that’s the problem. I was careless. Tell me that, dad.”
“Yeah you were careless but since you’re hurt, I didn’t want to scold you and I’m glad you know it yourself. There’s nothing that can be better than accepting your mistakes and owning up to them. Anyone who doesn’t do that at least is a proud fool that shouldn’t be entertained until he accepts that he made a mistake and get forgiven for it. Without that, the person shouldn’t be entertained until his realization otherwise, he’s going to do it again.”
It’s like he’s speaking directly to me as if he knew that I was actually going through something of this sort. This advice passed me hurting my hand alone. This advice will stay with me for the rest of my life. My mind traveled back to Novan and I remembered the dream. Now I am convinced. Novan has to apologize for his behavior, not me going to him. I admit I also said pretty awful words to him and I will apologize to him for that. Not only Novan is at fault. We both were.
The only thing is if he’ll do what I am thinking as his ego is voluminous.
“There you go,” Dad said and took me to the bathroom where he cleaned the wounded part and put band-aid around the finger.
Thanks.”
“It’s okay. Your mom is going out to shop with the others. I think you should go with them as well. You look gloomy so it should light you up.”
“Alright.” Shopping doesn’t seem like a good idea right now but it’s better than to sit in this room and sulk over the loss of the boy who’s actually my world but refused to accept his faults and treat me the way I am supposed to be treated.
||•DONOVAN•||
Sitting on the sofa with my laptop, I look up from time to time at my sister who seems to be enjoying her weird combination while going through her phone. That actually annoys me because I know she’s somehow chatting or doing something that has to do with that Marion boy.
“Nervisa?”
“Hmm.”
“Why don’t you focus on your food?”
“Is that your problem?”
She’s got a sharp tongue and I don’t know what in the hell to do with it so I just put up with it.
“Yes.”
“How did it become your problem?”
“Because I know it’s wrong and stops questioning me.”
“Okay. Tell me what I will be doing at home while you’re out to work.”
“I’m working on it. I will get you a nanny and..”
“Fuck! Oh hello? Why are you gonna get me a nanny?!”
“One, don’t curse. Second, I didn’t finish my sentence. Now listen to me.”
“Fine but don’t you dare get me an old hug and don’t you think I’ve passed the baby stage? I don’t need any nanny.”
“I know okay? But now that you’re on holiday, I just want to get you, someone, at home so as not to get you bored and lonely.”
“I don’t need an older person.”
“You should know me better.”
“So who is it gonna be?”
“I’m looking. Someone young. 18, 19, or 20.”
“Girl or a boy?”
“Are you seriously asking that?”
“Okay but I don’t want a blonde. Dark or brown or even red but no yellowish things.”
“When you’re a blonde yourself?” I mock.
“That’s why I don’t want it and it won’t be for long. I want to change my hair color to black. Mariana makes you wanna do that. She rocks in those dark locks.”
I look at my side to look at Mariana’s face before catching myself. She’s not here.
“I’ll get you something other than black and blonde and also, I’m looking for a school for you here…”
“It shouldn’t be a boarding school.”
“You know I won’t do that to you.” After my sister then Mariana leaves, I will prepare to settle into a special puddle of loneliness. Now that my sister is here and not married to some fucked dude which I pray isn’t what she settles for, I won’t send her to any fucking boarding school. I didn’t do it before so why will I do it now?
“I should say it. You’re capable of anything.”
“Really?” I copied the contact info of the school close to mine, the University of California Los Angeles. Not the same as Australia University but it’s okay and the fee is huge since it’s ranked as one of the best.
I have to work even harder now since I’m not using the properties Jude transferred in my name before his demise. He deposited millions into my account without my permission and even changed his bank details into my name but I refused it when the lawyer came with it then I made sure I didn’t touch a dime of the money he sent into my account. He also doubled our fixed deposit. That man gave everything to us without thinking about the orphans who need it more than us.
I know I should be able to forgive and look past everything but it’s just not easy as it seems and until I’m able to, I won’t be spending anything that belongs to him. If that doesn’t ever happen, then I will give them out to charity. But then, this is not only about forgiveness. There’s more which I can’t bring myself to say out loud or think about.
If Mariana were to be here and I’ve said this to her, she would’ve given me a better idea or her opinion.
Will she ever come back? I know she will. She loves me too much to leave and who leaves her first for someone else anyway. I look towards the door.
One of these days, I will see her come into this room from there. I’m so sure. And when she comes, I will forget that she deceived and did something that I forbade her not to. I don’t care about the harsh words she threw at me because I deserve it and everyone knows how much I don’t deserve her. I will forget about everything for a moment and hug her. I really do miss her and for why I am not calling her, only my wicked demons know the answer to that. Well, I’m still mad at her for everything.
“How are we celebrating Christmas Nova?”
“Just the way we do it.”
“You’ll take me to a church?”
“Not this time.”
“That’s the only way we do it. Last year we went for dinner at your Mariana’s house. Are we going to go this year too?”
“No.”
“That was quick to say.” She muttered beneath her breath.
|•MARIANA•|
“What do you think of that maroon dress Mariana?”
“Nice.” I look on absentmindedly. I didn’t even see the dress.
“You haven’t even seen it.”
“I have.” I lied and stared at my damaged phone. There’s nothing new and I yearn for Novan to call even if not to say he’ll try again for me.
“Paula, I haven’t found anything so far apart from the Christmas tree”
“Me too” Marion appeared, ice cream in his hand as he licks.
“It doesn’t look that way.” Mom teased him with a smile.
Marion has just been taking ice cream since we arrived and I’ve been looking around for something thoughtful I could get as a gift for someone.
“I wonder who says we should come here when we could shop everything online,” Marion said back and unwrapped another ice cream.
“It’s not bad if not you won’t be on the tenth ice cream now.”
“It’s nice to come for your own shopping this way.” Amy supported her friend.
Who comes to shop at a mall when they have a shop ten times bigger than this filled with everything a human will need to wear to look good? My mother of course.
“If we don’t have anything to do then shall we go home?” I suggested and looked for the nearest exit out of this mall. The reason why I came here hasn’t been fulfilled so I must as well leave. People were staring and taking pictures of us already and I’m starting to feel nauseous.
“We’ll do one last round then we go okay?”
“Then I will wait for you guys outside.”
“Why would you..”
“Please, mom.”
“Alright.”
I gave a slight wave of my hand at them and scrambled my way towards any exit I could find.
Passing among a crowd of people who I’m sure also came to shop, I felt a hand wrap around my wrist then began to pull me out while I struggled to make out the face.
Fresh air hit my face when we were out and the hand let go while I looked up. A handsome tall built body is what I see.
“Why did you drag me here.” Is what I asked and he looked away with a shy scared look.
“You don’t pick my calls.”
“So you stalk me here or what?”
“No no. It was only by chance. I came to shop and I saw you.”
I didn’t say anything else and hold my purse in place from sliding off my shoulders.
“I’m sorry Mariana. I really am.”
“Okay.”
“No no. Don’t say okay.”
I crossed my arm over my chest and took in the man in front of me who’s dressed casually in just a blue Lacoste shirt that was so glued on him and showed his well-built abs, jeans trousers, and sneakers.
“Why did you bring me here?”
“I’m sorry. I went too far than I was supposed to.”
“I know and I’ve forgiven you. You did whatever you did because you loved me and it’s really not a crime to love someone. It’s just that, you couldn’t control the craziness that comes with falling in love.”
“Thank you so much.” He beamed beautifully.
And I return it with a forced smile.
“Hope we can still be friends.”
My head shakes sideways. “No.” His face dropped. I didn’t mind. I turn on my heels.
“Please don’t leave yet.”
I didn’t stop.
“Please Mariana.” He followed.
What did he think? That after what he did I will still have him around me and pretend as if nothing happened? I forgave him because I understood him in a way but we’re not coming back.
“Mariana.” He grabbed my wrist again and made me stop.
“What?” I snapped.
“We’re still friends?”
“I said no! I can’t give back what I gave you willingly but you slapped it back in my face saying it was not what you wanted. We can’t be friends anymore and that’s final so would you let me be?!” I yelled but regretted it when a few heads turn in our direction.
“Please Mariana.”
“What are you ‘ please'(ing) me for? You know friendship can’t work for us anymore. You love me and I’m sure it’s not something that’s gonna fade so quickly so why hurt yourself when you know I can never be yours? I don’t love you, Edward! Stop wasting your time on this dream of having me because it’s never going to happen. You’re only going to hurt yourself if you keep me around you which I don’t want. You’re a nice guy and if not me, you’ll find a good girl who will actually love you..”
“You care about me.” He mumbled with a hurtful face even though he tried to mask it. It was still there.
“I care about everyone,” I said before he starts to read into that. I resumed my steps and this time, he didn’t stop me.
★★★

||•DONOVAN•||
Sitting on the sofa with my laptop, I look up from time to time at my sister who seems to be enjoying her weird combination while going through her phone. That actually annoys me because I know she’s somehow chatting or doing something that has to do with that Marion boy.
“Nervisa?”
“Hmm.”
“Why don’t you focus on your food?”
“Is that your problem?”
She’s got a sharp tongue and I don’t know what in the hell to do with it so I just put up with it.
“Yes.”
“How did it become your problem?”
“Because I know it’s wrong and stops questioning me.”
“Okay. Tell me what I will be doing at home while you’re out to work.”
“I’m working on it. I will get you a nanny and..”
“Fuck! Oh hello? Why are you gonna get me a nanny?!”
“One, don’t curse. Second, I didn’t finish my sentence. Now listen to me.”
“Fine but don’t you dare get me an old hug and don’t you think I’ve passed the baby stage? I don’t need any nanny.”
“I know okay? But now that you’re on holiday, I just want to get you, someone, at home so as not to get you bored and lonely.”
“I don’t need an older person.”
“You should know me better.”
“So who is it gonna be?”
“I’m looking. Someone young. 18, 19, or 20.”
“Girl or a boy?”
“Are you seriously asking that?”
“Okay but I don’t want a blonde. Dark or brown or even red but no yellowish things.”
“When you’re a blonde yourself?” I mock.
“That’s why I don’t want it and it won’t be for long. I want to change my hair color to black. Mariana makes you wanna do that. She rocks in those dark locks.”
I look at my side to look at Mariana’s face before catching myself. She’s not here.
“I’ll get you something other than black and blonde and also, I’m looking for a school for you here…”
“It shouldn’t be a boarding school.”
“You know I won’t do that to you.” After my sister then Mariana leaves, I will prepare to settle into a special puddle of loneliness. Now that my sister is here and not married to some fucked dude which I pray isn’t what she settles for, I won’t send her to any fucking boarding school. I didn’t do it before so why will I do it now?
“I should say it. You’re capable of anything.”
“Really?” I copied the contact info of the school close to mine, the University of California Los Angeles. Not the same as Australia University but it’s okay and the fee is huge since it’s ranked as one of the best.
I have to work even harder now since I’m not using the properties Jude transferred in my name before his demise. He deposited millions into my account without my permission and even changed his bank details into my name but I refused it when the lawyer came with it then I made sure I didn’t touch a dime of the money he sent into my account. He also doubled our fixed deposit. That man gave everything to us without thinking about the orphans who need it more than us.
I know I should be able to forgive and look past everything but it’s just not easy as it seems and until I’m able to, I won’t be spending anything that belongs to him. If that doesn’t ever happen, then I will give them out to charity. But then, this is not only about forgiveness. There’s more which I can’t bring myself to say out loud or think about.
If Mariana were to be here and I’ve said this to her, she would’ve given me a better idea or her opinion.
Will she ever come back? I know she will. She loves me too much to leave and who leaves her first for someone else anyway. I look towards the door.
One of these days, I will see her come into this room from there. I’m so sure. And when she comes, I will forget that she deceived and did something that I forbade her not to. I don’t care about the harsh words she threw at me because I deserve it and everyone knows how much I don’t deserve her. I will forget about everything for a moment and hug her. I really do miss her and for why I am not calling her, only my wicked demons know the answer to that. Well, I’m still mad at her for everything.
“How are we celebrating Christmas Nova?”
“Just the way we do it.”
“You’ll take me to a church?”
“Not this time.”
“That’s the only way we do it. Last year we went for dinner at your Mariana’s house. Are we going to go this year too?”
“No.”
“That was quick to say.” She muttered beneath her breath.
|•MARIANA•|
“What do you think of that maroon dress Mariana?”
“Nice.” I look on absentmindedly. I didn’t even see the dress.
“You haven’t even seen it.”
“I have.” I lied and stared at my damaged phone. There’s nothing new and I yearn for Novan to call even if not to say he’ll try again for me.
“Paula, I haven’t found anything so far apart from the Christmas tree”
“Me too” Marion appeared, ice cream in his hand as he licks.
“It doesn’t look that way.” Mom teased him with a smile.
Marion has just been taking ice cream since we arrived and I’ve been looking around for something thoughtful I could get as a gift for someone.
“I wonder who says we should come here when we could shop everything online,” Marion said back and unwrapped another ice cream.
“It’s not bad if not you won’t be on the tenth ice cream now.”
“It’s nice to come for your own shopping this way.” Amy supported her friend.
Who comes to shop at a mall when they have a shop ten times bigger than this filled with everything a human will need to wear to look good? My mother of course.
“If we don’t have anything to do then shall we go home?” I suggested and looked for the nearest exit out of this mall. The reason why I came here hasn’t been fulfilled so I must as well leave. People were staring and taking pictures of us already and I’m starting to feel nauseous.
“We’ll do one last round then we go okay?”
“Then I will wait for you guys outside.”
“Why would you..”
“Please, mom.”
“Alright.”
I gave a slight wave of my hand at them and scrambled my way towards any exit I could find.
Passing among a crowd of people who I’m sure also came to shop, I felt a hand wrap around my wrist then began to pull me out while I struggled to make out the face.
Fresh air hit my face when we were out and the hand let go while I looked up. A handsome tall built body is what I see.
“Why did you drag me here.” Is what I asked and he looked away with a shy scared look.
“You don’t pick my calls.”
“So you stalk me here or what?”
“No no. It was only by chance. I came to shop and I saw you.”
I didn’t say anything else and hold my purse in place from sliding off my shoulders.
“I’m sorry Mariana. I really am.”
“Okay.”
“No no. Don’t say okay.”
I crossed my arm over my chest and took in the man in front of me who’s dressed casually in just a blue Lacoste shirt that was so glued on him and showed his well-built abs, jeans trousers, and sneakers.
“Why did you bring me here?”
“I’m sorry. I went too far than I was supposed to.”
“I know and I’ve forgiven you. You did whatever you did because you loved me and it’s really not a crime to love someone. It’s just that, you couldn’t control the craziness that comes with falling in love.”
“Thank you so much.” He beamed beautifully.
And I return it with a forced smile.
“Hope we can still be friends.”
My head shakes sideways. “No.” His face dropped. I didn’t mind. I turn on my heels.
“Please don’t leave yet.”
I didn’t stop.
“Please Mariana.” He followed.
What did he think? That after what he did I will still have him around me and pretend as if nothing happened? I forgave him because I understood him in a way but we’re not coming back.
“Mariana.” He grabbed my wrist again and made me stop.
“What?” I snapped.
“We’re still friends?”
“I said no! I can’t give back what I gave you willingly but you slapped it back in my face saying it was not what you wanted. We can’t be friends anymore and that’s final so would you let me be?!” I yelled but regretted it when a few heads turn in our direction.
“Please Mariana.”
“What are you ‘ please'(ing) me for? You know friendship can’t work for us anymore. You love me and I’m sure it’s not something that’s gonna fade so quickly so why hurt yourself when you know I can never be yours? I don’t love you, Edward! Stop wasting your time on this dream of having me because it’s never going to happen. You’re only going to hurt yourself if you keep me around you which I don’t want. You’re a nice guy and if not me, you’ll find a good girl who will actually love you..”
“You care about me.” He mumbled with a hurtful face even though he tried to mask it. It was still there.
“I care about everyone,” I said before he starts to read into that. I resumed my steps and this time, he didn’t stop me.
★★★
THE KISS
{Loving him with all his flaws.}
By KELSAY (M.M.A.)
CHAPTER 191
|•ARIA•|
Normally, when people die, we mourn because we feel we’ve lost them and everything but it’s not the case with Donovan’s dad. That dude actually changed for real and he actually did save Mariana’s family from us. I lost every hope of a good life and even started checking out for anywhere I can get employed after learning of his death when my mom run out of the rain to Melbourne. Little did I know that my life won’t be as miserable as I thought. Jude actually did love my mom and made plans for her. That is what I think after he gave us his mansion in Melbourne. I was scared that his deranged son would come and throw us out but found out he finally left Mariana to America. That’s good news for me and I can’t wait for school to resume just to catch a glimpse of Mariana’s pathetic face. My mom has still been mourning since. It seems her tears don’t ever run out.
I walked across my big room to find mom and as usual, she’s still in Jude’s bedroom sobbing and sobbing. Will she ever be over it?
“Is this what you plan to do with the rest of your life?” I sit beside her with no damn clue on how to console this adult.
“Let me be.”
“Oh really? You sit here and cry all day when it’s been a week already when he died and already buried. You should move on and be grateful that he gave us this house and loaded our account.”
“I didn’t get there on time..he closed his eyes before…” She breaks again.
I pinched the bridge of my nose. I’m tired of watching her cry every day.
“He left me.” She broke into a deeper hysteric. “It was so soon. I had a lot of plans for us. I love him but why would you understand that?”
“It’s okay.” My voice didn’t come out comforting as I thought. I tried to think and I remembered those times Mariana usye to console me when I remember my dad and cry. She always seemed to have nice words to say to make you feel better. Even when I fail my exam, she says nice things and never called me dumb. She’ll tutor me then motivate me.
“It’s okay if you fail. You’ll do better next time. Just work on your weak points.”
And when I do it and miss one step of the formula, she’ll say. “You did so well. Let’s try it again.”
I couldn’t fathom why one person can be so patient, understanding, and have empathy. As if that was not enough, her beauty is graceful and flawless even when she only wears shabby clothes and lived in a cottage.
When I found out about how rich she is, I couldn’t control my jealousy. They grew. I mean, how can she have it all in her life? Beauty, riches, amazing family, and brains.
And now she got the only boy I’ve actually ever liked so crazy about her.
Is there anything else lacking in her life? I will wait and listen but first I have to say something to this crying adult.
“You’ll be fine. This is not the end of life. I’m sure you’ll get someone who won’t leave also. You’ll be happy.”
“Nice attempt.” She smiled through her tears.
“So what do you want to do next?”
“I want to learn something. A trade or anything. You know the money Jude left won’t stay forever.”
“What trade?”
“I don’t know yet but I have to do something don’t you think?”
“Of course.” I looked away. I just hope she won’t drag me into it since I have a low GPA.
|•MARIANA•|
“Give me the bells Marion.”
He gave them to me and I clipped it to the tree in a decorating way.
“The stars?”
He passed it to me and I rubbed my hand on the colored plastic object. It reminds me so much of Novan’s star tattoo on his back. It’s Christmas tomorrow. I wish he’ll come but America is really far from here. It’s another continent on its own and I am here in another.
Why did he have to go so far away?
“This looks wonderful,” Nicolas commented.
“It is?” I smiled at the big Christmas tree we bought yesterday.
“I helped her,” Marion said and went to stand beside our granny.
“But you didn’t do it.” I pulled my tongue out childishly and walked away.
“Mom!” I looked around the hall filled with busy workers who were decorating the entire house.
After some minutes of looking for my mom, I walked to their room and opened her drawer.
She used to keep extra new phones and I will be glad if she still does that. While I searched, I heard their voices from the balcony. I didn’t want to pay attention until I heard my name fall from their lips.
“To think that we couldn’t see the end or success of what we planned,” Dad said.
“It was working if you could remember.”
“Yeah. Then boom, Jude appeared and his plan supersedes ours.”
“That was a well thought out plan if I must admit. He really got me. Did you also?” Mom asked.
“Didn’t you see? God! I saw red.” Dad laughed and mom joined.
“A full proof plan.”
“Yeah. I’m glad It wasn’t serious. I’m just sad that we didn’t get to see our plan work.” Mom said and I hear their voices coming back to the room.
“Why do you sound worried?”
“Do you see Mariana? I think something is wrong again and that boy traveled so far away.”
I pretend to be concentrated on my search.
“Where did he go?”
“America I think. You know Jude used to live there before they came to Australia.”
“I thought he couldn’t live without her. Why would he go so far… Mariana, you’re here.” Dad couldn’t finish his sentence.
I can’t believe what they were discussing and what plan are they talking about?
“What do you want sweetheart?”
“My phone has crashed and I thought I could get some here but first tell me what plan you too were talking about.”
“Plan?” The voice at the same time and looked at each other in the face.
“We didn’t make any plans apart from the Christmas celebration.”
“Don’t lie to me.” I got up from my kneeling position and closed the wardrobe. I didn’t find the phone either.
“It was long ago.”
“I still want to know.”
“Fine. Have it then. The changing of your course, your appointment as MD. You doing work all was part of our plan to test the love you two had for each other and see if the distance can change that but you know what happened next.”
“Can’t believe you two conspired against me.”
“We didn’t have bad intentions. We were scared and I didn’t want to oppose you anymore but I needed a way to ensure that you two aren’t just infatuated with each other. It was very necessary at that point.”
“What if we didn’t make it and there was no Jude?”
“We don’t have anything to lose. It will only prove that you two didn’t actually love each other because Love stands tall through thick and thin and you if really loved each other, then some hours apart won’t be capable of breaking you two.”
“Good plan. Can I have your phone?” I opened my palm towards mom.
“What for?”
“I didn’t find any new phone here and I need a phone to buy some online.”
“We were at the mall yesterday and you said you didn’t have anything to buy.”
“Dad please can I have your phone?” I scowled at her.
“That won’t be necessary.” Mom walked to the closet and came back with a brand new iPhone and a dress.
“When did you get them?”
“Yesterday. I saw you cracked up the phone and this was the dress I thought would look good on you but you wouldn’t even glance at it.”
“Thanks.” I took them from her and walked to the door but turned.
“No more conspiracies against me please.”
“We’re done.” They raised their arms up and I couldn’t help but chuckle at my playful parents.
I got to my room and with the iCloud, I got all my things back on the new phone without stress. The only reason why I love iPhones. I put the dress away without looking at it yet again.
I sat on the bed and flipped through my old pictures. I saw the picture of me in a strapless dress ready to go to the club with Betsy and Lenna. I wanted to send this picture to Novan but couldn’t. I looked at more pictures Betsy and I took and I felt nostalgic. I miss Betsy and I really hope she’s fine. Maybe I should go pay her a visit. It’s Christmas Eve so she won’t be at work.
On my way to her house which was just a stone throw, I received a call from Tricia.
“I’m glad you called. How are you? Were you able to send Nervisa off?”
“I did but I want to know something. Did you two break up?”
“Why?” I don’t want to tell her more about my relationship. Novan didn’t like it.
“Nothing. He was just angry when I got there…”
“Wait. You took Nervisa to the house? How did you?”
“It was simple. He’s GPS was on and with his message I tracked his location.”
“Okay. I’ve been meaning to ask you something for a while now. I hope you wouldn’t mind.”
“Not at all. What is it?”
“Did Edward call you to come to Seattle during Novan’s auditions?”
“I don’t know the person but a young man did call me to come but he didn’t reveal his identity. Is there a problem? Who’s Edward?”
“Edward was my friend.” I can’t reveal more.
“The same one Everett hated?” Seems her mind is fast.
“Yeah.”
“Alright. I can’t see you’re not so comfortable telling me about it but that’s okay. Have you heard from him?”
“Yes.” I lied.
“No fights?”
“No fights. We’re okay.”
“I’m glad.” I feel her smile.
“Okay bye. I came to see my friend so we’ll talk later.” I said when I was in Betsy’s territory.
“Sure.”
After some seconds I end the call.
I was told Betsy went out by her parents when I got there. I called Marion and he said she just set off to his place.
I ended the call and went back home where I helped with the rest of the preparation.
Last year I couldn’t spend much time with my parents but it wasn’t the same case as this year. I forgot my problems for a moment and enjoyed the moment but that constant mild pain was still present throughout.
I couldn’t get my family any presents this year but I got a bunch from them as usual and the entire time throughout the diner, prayed for a dej盲 Vu. I keep looking towards the door not only to see Betsy who has been avoiding me and didn’t come for the diner but Novan.
I remember last year, the function wasn’t over when we came up here and I wanted us to have sex and he said he didn’t have condoms. I foolishly suggested going to get some from my parent’s room and he laughed. That same day he talked rudely to my mom and called her bitch and I had to scold him. We didn’t talk for some days and when he called, he said he felt bad since no one ever scolded him before. It seems this year is no different. He’s across the country and wouldn’t even talk to me because he said we’re over.
My phone began to ring and when I saw the name flash across. I didn’t believe it as I blinked a few times to know I’m not hallucinating.
It was actually him. It’s him. After almost a week he’s calling.
When I picked, no one spoke for at least an hour but I could hear him breathe softly.
“You called.”
“Why wouldn’t I call? You also picked so quickly. I didn’t expect it.”
“Well…”
“You didn’t replace me as you said, did you? I know. The cheerfulness and relief in your voice said it all…”
“Wait? Why did you call?”
“I called to check if you’ve moved on yet or not but the excitement in your voice proves you still want me. You really didn’t find someone special like you boasted Mariana. I told you didn’t I? That if it’s not me then no one else?” He chuckled and I tried. I tried so hard to check for any symptoms of being drunk in his voice but none.
I looked at my phone to check if it was actually him.
“Novan are you drunk?”
“You can console yourself with that idea. Do you remember what your mom usually says? You’ve told me before. But how will you know? I will remind you.”
“What?” I spurt out. I don’t know if I should end the call to avoid Novan’s upcoming words which I’m strongly suspecting will be mean.
“She used to warn you that, by the time I am done with you, no man will ever want you again, and now do you see how it’s manifesting? You’re lonely while I move on. You can ask Nervisa..”
Is this some sick joke or what? What is wrong with him?
My hands work faster on my phone than before to call Nervisa while I prayed that she’s not asleep.
Well, she picked.
“Dollface.”
“Nervisa.”
“Did you miss my brother’s number? I will send it to you. I’m sure he’s not asleep by now.”
“No. Don’t hang up. I want to talk to you, not him.”
“Oh okay. What is the matter?” She yawned. “Is Marion okay? Hope nothing happened to him.”
“Did Novan get a girl?” My heart is racing and threatening to get out of its protective shield.
“Yeah, he did.” She answered in a heartbeat while mine stopped beating.
“He..he..did?” My lower lip escaped into my mouth and my teeth clawed on it to stop my sobs from breaking loud.
“Yes, but why do you ask?”
“No… nothing.” My hands are ready to tap on the red button.
“Are you… wait..” she’s trying to say something but I already hung up and my mind is in a haze.
★★★
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