✍️✍️✍️✍️ The Kiss πŸ’‹πŸ’‹πŸ’‹πŸ’‹ 18+ Episode 161 || 162 || 163....170 ✍️✍️✍️✍️

{Loving him with all his flaws.}
I hope I don’t move to sleep on her like I always do but before that, I will rather worry about how she’s going to push me off the bed with her entire strength when she wakes up and find me beside her.
Until then, I will make use of this little time. Nobody knows how it feels to sleep beside this amazingly annoying girl. It’s heavenly. The best feeling ever even when I have my head on her and those unconscious moments when I feel her hands sliding into my locks as I sleep. God. I never wish to part from her ever.
Okay. Why am I thinking instead of snoring already?
I push forward and wrapped my arm around her stomach and placed my face close to her back. This way, I can sleep faster.
It did.
The sunlight streams into the room and falling on my face, causing my eyes to open. I looked around and my eyes met the stained skin of an arm wrapped tightly around me. I looked behind and his mouth was slightly hanging open with soft snores generating from it.
I need to go pee and I still feel sick and weak. I got his arm off quietly and got up. I stared at his face and I don’t know whether to brush his brown soft hair off his face and kiss his forehead or swipe my thumb on his full pink lips. He looks so peaceful and beautiful when asleep. A rebel when awake.
He’s been apologizing so much since yesterday when I caught him kissing that girl. He really regrets it and is sorry. I know it, I can see it in his eyes, voice, and actions. And he’s trying. I was blown away by his decision to drive his mom. That’s a big step and something I never expected. I wanted to tell him how grateful I am for that single step he took but I was mad at him and my headache was intense and unsparing.
By he’s trying; I saw the cake and pizza. He made that for us but I guess the mysterious appearance of Haiden and Ciara didn’t do us good and he went far with Ciara. I don’t know if he actually asked her out or not. Still, I don’t want to revamp everything so quickly between us. A lot has happened. Now I just want us to take things slow. I don’t know how much more fight or misunderstanding this relationship can survive and I don’t want it so we both need to learn. We can’t keep doing this all the time. Fight, break up, ask for forgiveness, come back, fight again break up, ask forgiveness, and come back. I’m sick and tired of that back and forth cycle. I already have more problems to deal with, if this continues, it’s going to break me. That’s why after forgiving him, we’ll be careful with this. We gotta take things slow. I never knew being a newbie from both sides of this relationship can be this hectic.
I walked into the bathroom and after taking a pee, I stared at myself in the mirror. The top Novan wore me from last night was still clung on me from my sweat. My hair was sticking everywhere, my eyes dull and the color has completely drained from my face. I look horrible. Like a ghost.

I got my clothes off then washed my hair and after a quick shower, I prepared a bath and stepped in. It relaxed my muscles instantly as I put my head on the cold lip of the bath and breathed in the sweet scent of the wash as I began to think of Novan.
It’s true, my Novan isn’t as fucked up as those characters he mentioned, and whatever they did was actually drastic but it was this same love that saved them, pulled them out of the darkness into broad light. Apart from Novan’s bad sides, there’s something else he proved. He proved to his parents and to the entire world that even without his parents he attained a considerably excellent height. He made something good out of himself. Not much but Novan has achieved and I can say, he’ll be or he is a role model to all those homeless children out there whose parents left them to their fate. To all those children who suffered same thing as him, he’s a great inspiration to them and someone that could be looked up to and someone that can empower and encourage. I hope and can’t wait for the day he’ll come out to share his experience to the world. It will be an eye-opener and will save a lot of children and then correct the mistakes some parents make. If only he’ll come out and do as I’m thinking.
I got out of the bath and wrapped a towel around my body before getting out.
My eyes fall on Novan and he was still sleeping. I know he stayed up all night with me, trying to control my temperature even after I sent him away. I felt his hands on me and our close proximity when he was taking my clothes off and apart from feeling weak to fight him off, a small part of me was enjoying everything. I miss his touches and the closeness that merges us to one.
Picking a dress to wear, I tie my wet hair and stepped with barefoot out to the balcony. The weather was up and the feel of it on my skin gave me a bit of relief.
A table in the middle which had it satin decorated fabric peeling off because of the wind got my attention and I take a step closer. The fabric finally peels of and flys away with a folded paper. I ran to save them before it falls up but was only able to grab ahold of the paper while the fabric is taken away by the air up into the sky.
Curious to know what was in there, I opened the folded note and I’m surprised to see blue inclined scribblings all over the page and half when I turned it. It’s a handwritten letter but from who? I turned the pages again. One thing is certain. it’s not complete.
I went to the front page and my heart dropped into the far pit of my stomach when I saw my name being addressed. I blinked a few times before realizing who wrote this. Novan. First, it was the cake and pizza then I saw a table here and I letter. Was it something he planned? Why? My eyes fell back to the paper and I began to take in the words.
Before you proceed in reading, I will like you to know something I’m sure you yourself is aware of. I suck in literature and neither do I have the nice words to melt your heart and make you swoon. Advance sorry if I don’t use the right words. Okay, I’m really awful at this. But I’m gonna try. I believe that’s what you always want of me. I’m gonna borrow some few words also. It could be from you and anyone else.
I know the past week has been a difficult one for you, for us in which I almost lost you completely or I did and I nearly gave up but today being Val’s, I decided to bring it on again. This is just one of them. Not because of Val’s though because I can choose any other day to do it but I just wanna be a little of Mr romantic today. Pardon me. I’m already flopping but I really wanna do this in hope of…
“Mariana where are…” He appeared and his gaze settled on the note.
“What..what are you doing with that?” Red appeared on his ears and neck.
“Yes..yes..but don’t.” He got forward to snatch it but I send my hand behind me.
“I told you I’m reading it.”
“No don’t. It’s nothing. I don’t want you to read it.”
“This is for me so why are you tryna snatch it from me?”
“It’s not complete. It won’t make sense if you read. I will complete it and give it back. I promise.” He stepped closer and I didn’t fight it when he took it, scrunched it up, and dumped it into his jeans pocket.
My curiosity is still alive to know what he actually wrote in there but I will wait for the day he finally complete it if only he meant it.
“Why are you here?” I asked.
“I was looking for you.”
“I thought you left.” His face dropped.
“To where exactly?”
“Your parent’s house.”
“No, I’m here. You don’t have to be thinking that way all the time.”
“You make me think that way.”
I sighed. “Yes.” I won’t fight in my defense anymore. I know his breakdown, arrest and every other thing that happened after I broke up with him was because of me. I came to realize. Getting mad and beating his dad till he visited the hospital and the arrest and what Nervisa told me got to me and entered the deepest part of me. I don’t want Novan to suffer anymore and I don’t want to be the cause of it. If he said I’m his entire world, then I have to make it a happy place and be his happiness.
But I’m scared of how I’m going opposite of how I was some days back. I actually broke up with him because I didn’t want any comeback from his dad at us and I wanted to go away from here, from him after the divorce for everyone’s good. I was looking for reasons to hold tightly on against him to justify my separation from him and the fact that he had a hand in his father’s plot was not enough because I feel deep down that I was wronging him since I believe he’s innocent. It wasn’t enough to leave him. Seeing him kiss someone actually did it but then, he has been apologizing and I couldn’t be so heartless not to forgive him and now I don’t have anything against him that I will use in my defense if I leave. I don’t know what to do.
The truth is also that, no matter what Novan does to me, it won’t be enough to leave him. I can’t leave him and that’s the fact am trying so hard to hide. So if Novan says I actually just want an opportunity to leave, he’s right to an extent but it’s not my will. I just don’t want anything to disrupt and take away the last bliss my family has now.
“Earth to Mariana.” Fingers snapped in my face and I snaked my tongue out to add moisture to my dry lips.
I feel Novan’s eyes on my lips and when I looked up, I catch him swallow.
“Did you say something?” I asked.
“No, you just zoned out. What are you thinking about?” He got closer to me. “I think we have to go to the hospital and if you refuse again then I will have no choice but to call your parents…”
” No. Don’t tell them. They’re going to get worried and I don’t want that. I think I will make use of some antibiotics.” I said to him.
“It means we’re going to the hospital?”
“Thank God. I’m running mad from not knowing what the hell is wrong with you.”
“Can I go in this?” I gestured to my dress.
“Sure. You look good in anything. I will take you.”
His face lightened up and it warmed my heart somehow, something I’ve been missing.
“Mariana Dominguez.” A middle-aged nurse calls my name and I sprang to my feet.
I pass Novan a small smile and followed the nurse. I’m glad he didn’t try to go in with me.
After close to an hour of series of thorough check-up being run on me then giving out a urine sample and explaining my symptoms and stress level, I’m ready to leave with a clean health bill, a warning to avoid getting stressed often and a prescription of antibiotics.
I got out and saw Novan pacing about like a man who brought his wife to give birth. Give birth? First of all, I’m glad this isn’t pregnancy but I don’t mind playing on Novan a little. His being dramatic by pacing around like that. He turned to me when his eyes set on me.
“For goodness sake what the fuck kept you in there. I was going mad!”
“Calm down, I just have to go see the gynecologist to take me through my prenatal prescription then we leave.”
The color disappears from his face and his jaw dropped low in horror.
“Gynecologist? Prenatal?” He whispered with a scared face.
For the first time in days, I’m thrown into a fit of laughter looking at his frantic state. He looks like he’ll pass out any minute.
“I’m kidding. It’s just a fever and I just have to get antibiotics” I watch his shoulder drop in relief then he took the prescription from me.
“It wasn’t funny.” He runs his hand through his hair as we got to his car outside. He opened the passenger door for me and I entered.
“Your face said it all. You should’ve seen it.” I said when he got in beside me and I laughed some more.
“What did you expect, I should laugh and congratulate you?”
“Then what?” He snapped, clearly irritated.
“I want to know what you were thinking,” I said.
“I wasn’t thinking. I was dying with regret and guilt.”
“See, it’s undeniably true that I don’t want a baby now but I wouldn’t have escaped my responsibilities either. I’m just concerned about your future, my future, and the child’s future. It’s going to be ruined. You know what I passed through and how our relationship is going. We can’t have a baby now in this condition where you don’t wanna be with me or forgive me. We will end up separated end at the end, we both are going to fight over custody shit of the child at a court. I don’t want all that. What I passed through growing up as a child, I don’t want anybody to go through it to talk of my child. That’s why I for one, will only think of bearing a child when I know there’s a home. A home filled with love and peace fit for a child. Hypothetically, if you should get pregnant, I will be mad because we’re still young and I’m not ready but if it occurs after we’ve completed college and are working, I won’t mind. Not at all.”
I couldn’t talk again. He said everything with so much conviction and I feel like I’m falling in love with him all over again. This is one out of the thousand reasons why I love this boy so much.
“Alright but I still will do anything to see that face all over again though.” I teased.
He smiled and drove out of the hospital.
“Are you feeling any better?” He asked.
“Not really but the medicines should help.”
He nods his head and I placed my against the window. We stopped by a pharmacy and got my prescription before going home.
I stood by him in the kitchen like we do a few times and watched him cook us a meal.
“You won’t sit on the island.” He said after he dished out my meal and I was about to jump.
I stopped and he took my plate from me. “Come with me.”
I followed him to the sitting room and when I sat, he gathered my legs on his lap and gave me a spoon.
“If you keep treating me this way, I’m going to pretend to be sick always.”
“I don’t mind. Your mouth doesn’t run when you’re sick. You’re being nice to me as well.” He muttered.
I chose not to say anything until we finished eating. He took the plates away and I coiled on the couch, my knees pulled to my chest.
“Don’t sleep yet. I brought your medicine.” He poked me lightly on my side and I got up.
He dropped the pill in my palm and I threw it in my throat then washed it away with water.
“Thanks,” I said.
“It’s okay.”
“I want to ask a question.” I stopped him from leaving.
“Go on.”
“Why did you leave the letter uncompleted?”
“Thought you said you didn’t read finish. How did you know?”
“I saw it. I didn’t read it.”
“It wasn’t enough so I thought you could add so we explore together but I got a better idea. I will fill it up myself hopefully if I get a chance.”
“I’m confused. I don’t understand.”
“You’re not supposed to understand but you will… someday.” He captured his button lip between his teeth and stared into nothing.
“Novan.” I got up.
“Mmm.” He looked at me. His face was full of emotions.
“I’ve made my mind.”
“You have?..what.. is it?” His eyes turned glossy instantly and he blinked them away.
I can’t stand him crying before me again. It’s heartbreaking. I hope this helps him a little.
“I’ve forgiven you.”
“What? He gasped.
“Yes, I’m sorry for breaking up with you and all other things. I was mean.”
“You don’t have to be sorry for anything. Do you mean what you said?”
I nodded. “I’ve forgiven you. Really, there was nothing forgiving for except you kissing that girl.” I cringe.
“I’m sorry again Mariana. For everything.”
I play with the Hem of my dress not knowing what to do or say next.
“Come here.”
I looked up at him.
“I don’t even want you to say anything. Just an action. A kiss from you will make me happy and I will be convinced.” He stepped closer and traced his long fingers on the side of my face to my chin and tilted it up.
“Kiss me, Mariana…please.”
{Loving him with all his flaws.}
“Kiss me, Mariana…please,” he begs as his eyes search my face with so much intensity that makes my knees go weak.
When I didn’t move, he leaned further. Close enough that our breaths are mixed and the tip of his nose brushes mine. My eyes met his and they traveled back to his tempting lips.
I really want to do this but…
I stepped back and looked away. “We’re taking this slow Novan. We can’t.”
“I didn’t say I will fuck you…now?”
“I know but we are taking everything slowly…I can’t kiss you now.” I bite my lips as silence falls between us and only his fast breathing that could be heard.
I couldn’t look at him or just stand here so I ran back inside and closed the door.
Minutes later, he came knocking and it turned to pounding when I wasn’t opening up.
“It’s okay. You don’t have to lock yourself? I understand. I won’t force you. I will do as you say.”
I got up slowly and opened.
“It’s better if you hadn’t said you’ve forgiven me. There is no difference.” He said and walked past me towards the bathroom.
“Novan I…”
“Don’t say anything. I will give you all the time.”
Must he make me feel bad?
“We’re taking this slow Novan. We can’t”
Once the words left her lips, I knew she didn’t actually forgive me and I’m tired. The fuck I can’t do that distance shit with her when she’s not even far away. She’ll be close and I can’t touch her until that wicked mind of hers changes.
I wanted her to kiss me on purpose because I know it is what will show that we’re cool and back together but she proved what I feared. I just said a kiss..not to fuck her. Maybe I didn’t say it well but still..hmm.
After doing my business in the washroom, I came out with a towel around me and got my clothes to wear. I left the house when Nervisa and Sharon came to nowhere in particular.
“Hello?” I snapped into the phone without looking who.
“Someone is not in a cheerful mood.” Paula’s voice is teasing.
“What is your shit?”
“Nothing but I will break your sister’s tiny legs if I see her in my house again.”
She laughed. “I’m messing with you. Your sister was here though.”
“What for?”
“If you don’t know that she’s friends with my son.”
“Since when?”
“Maybe you should ask her.” I imagined her rolling her eyes like her daughter always does.
“Of course I will.”
“How’s Mariana? She isn’t picking up. Is she fine?”
“Uhm..yeah. I will tell her to call you.”
“Okay. How have you two been? Is it getting better or she’s vexed.?”
“Since when did you care?” I snapped.
“You don’t want me to care? Okay bye.”
“Don’t hung..” she already did. I’m a dick. Why did I have to say that? She’s my mother-in-law so of course, she’ll care.
Should I call her back? But for what?
Maybe I can get some free tips to be able to handle her daughter better.
I’m going to look like a fool. It’s just like going to her for advice. I don’t see myself doing that ever.
I’ve forgiven him. Yes. But we can’t start being romantic almost immediately?
His response in action and words made me feel and look complicated. He wanted us to go back to our ways..and I don’t want that..now… we’re taking it slow.
Moments after he left my phone rang and it was Betsy.
“It’s been a while. What’s going on in your life Mariana.”
“I got married three days ago.” I blurted and waited for her reaction over the phone. It was what I expected.
“What?!” She screamed.
“Yes, Betsy. I got married.”
“Tell me everything or I’m coming home NOW!”
“Keep quiet and listen.” I begin to tell her everything from scratch to this evening. Leaving out my intentions and how Novan and I relationship has been fairing.
“Your life is so dramatic I must say. But it’s all good since you married the man you love.”
“I guess. So tell me about you.”
“Nothing much. I crushed into your penthouse drunk as fuck and now I have a terrible hungover. And guess what I found in here.” She giggled.
“The evidence.”
“What evidence?” I chewed the inside of my cheeks and sat on the bed.
“The evidence that you’re no longer a virgin.” She said loudly.
“What?” Heat rose to my cheeks. How did she find out?
“I found your blood-stained sheets in your bag. You didn’t unpack.” She laughed hard at my expense.
“They..are.. not mine.” I lied.
“And the condom wraps I found in here and inside the bag?”
“Enough of this Betsy.”
“Tell me the truth. You guys fucked in France didn’t you?”
“Betsy..” I bite my lips too hard. This is so embarrassing for me. How can she find those things? I remember that I didn’t unpack my ‘France’ luggage.
“Tell me, Mariana. How can you even think of not sharing something like that with me?”
“We shouldn’t talk about this Betsy,” I begged. My headache is resurfacing again already.
“Why not?”
“Okay, admit it else I won’t stop.”
I closed my eyes and sighed.
“Say it already.”
“Yes yes. We did it in France. Happy?”
“Very happy.”
I feel her grin victoriously.
“Anything else?”
“I want to ask how it was..”
“No. I’m not saying!” I sprang to my feet in objection even though she isn’t here to see it…
“Yeah right? I know.” She giggles some more.
“So tell me about school.”
“Nothing New. Now the party is up every night but you know Morgan is more of a club person but Friday is going to be for me. You should’ve come to see Aria take the pole while everyone cheers her on. Next Nina joined. The noise was insane as her moves were mad. In a nutshell, I had lots of fun.. everyone did.”
I don’t see anything fun in drunk half-naked girls dancing in front of a whole room of perverts. It’s so irresponsible of them.
“You don’t have a life so probably you won’t see the fun. I’m sorry. Get a life and you’d know.”
“Thanks for the advice and please, trash the sheets.”
“I already did.”
“Yeah, it’s late and I have class tomorrow. I will call you tomorrow after class. Goodnight.”
“Yeah. Goodnight.”
Storming every party. Getting drunk as fuck till you can’t even remember your name and getting a good fuck that will send your brain reeling out and shifting the womb is just something I crave for sometimes. These are the days where I actually think getting a boyfriend whom you’d be committed to is a waste of time. I can’t keep a boyfriend but if I would like to keep one, then it’s going to be a fuck mate. If I get Novan, I won’t fuck any person again I promise. I promise.
I stumbled into the house I stay in with my whore of a mom and it was pitch black.
I found the switch in the dark and turned it on.
My mom is sitting in the living room with her hands supporting her chin.
I broke into a burst of hysterical laughter, taking in her solemn look.
“Had I known is the fuck always at last.” I teased and got to her.
My mom played the fool. She has been foolish to not have taken my warnings seriously.
Such an old woman like her wants to fall in love. Adolescent shit. Not with anyone but Jude Anderson. My bad.
“Mom dearest, what are you busy spending your time thinking about?” I stood in front of her.
“Are you regretting how foolish you’ve been that you made us lose everything?” I slurred.
“You’re drunk Aria. Go to your room.”
“Drunk doesn’t mean my brain is dead enough not to pass some common sense into you.”
“Don’t talk to me in that manner Aria.”
“Why won’t I? You foolishly left such a nice and kind man as Nicholas for Jude. As if that’s not enough, you again stupidly gave everything he ever gave us back including the boutique that feeds us. What are you?”
“I didn’t love him and I didn’t want to deceive him or give any false hopes when I have Jude who is equally as good and I actually like him…”
“So you played Mrs. Noble-lina and now we earned ‘church mouse’ as a second name. Wow.”
“Doing good is not a bad thing. Nicholas deserves better.”
“Oh yes! Preach on mother dearest.” I clapped my hands and dropped down on the couch in front of her.
“So tell me something. Why do you look sad? Sitting here in the dark with that face..tell me, mom.”
“I’m not sad. Just thinking. I haven’t heard from Jude in a while. It’s been a week and I’m worried.”
“Don’t be fooled. He left you. He’s done…”
“No, don’t say that!” She got up with a horrified expression.
“How sure are you?”
“I don’t feel fine. It’s like something happened that didn’t favor him. He’s in some kind of unfavorable condition. I just don’t know what.” She brushed both hands in her hair frantically and the alcohol in me made it look so funny so I clutched my stomach and laughed.
“Why don’t you go visit your lover at home?”
She didn’t answer.
“Wait, don’t tell me you don’t know where he permanently lives.”
When she didn’t answer, I laughed some more. “This is what I’ve been talking about. Jude is so smart. Didn’t you see how he made Mariana transfer her family properties without anyone suspecting? How can you play with someone like that? He wanted the properties and you were a threat. The greedy man kicked you out and came for it and now he has disappeared into thin air. Do you accept what I’ve been telling you all along that you’re a fool?”
“Think of the good side also. He has everything so think of what will happen if we get married.”
“If only he would come back for pitiful ass. ”
“He will.”
“News flash; Nicholas got a new chic and we’re poor.” I grinned at her.
“No problem. You should start looking for a job already. I can’t lavish on you anymore.”
“I won’t go look for any job.”
“What will you do then? Party, Drink, and get laid?”
“You took our only livelihood and now you want me to work? How you’ll do to make sure I lack nothing is your problem. I’m never going to work.”
“I’ve said my piece. If you like, take it or leave it” She walked towards her room and I followed.
“Get the fuck down here mom!!”
{Loving him with all his flaws.}
When I put the phone down, I saw Nervisa’s head peep in then left and return after a minute.
“Are you like here to stay forever? You’ll never leave?”
“Come here,” I called her in and went for my bag. I just remembered the things I got her.
“See what I got you.” I brought the package out showed it to her.
Beaming, she walked to me. “What’s inside?”
“I got you a..”
“Mariana there is someone here to see you,” Sharon shout from downstairs.
Someone? Who could it be?
“Get it open and see for yourself. I will be back.” I tell her and saunter out.
“Where’s the person?” When I came down I didn’t see anyone.
Okay. I opened the front door and behold, the love of my life.
“Dad?” I gasped, my heart drumming.
He turned to me and took his sunglasses off. He’s dressed in a black shirt dress and he’s had a new haircut.
My dad is always handsome and he manages to take my breath away every single time.
“So this is where you’ve been hiding? You don’t wanna come home?”
I shook my head from side to side.
His eyes roamed me for a second and settled on my face. “Are you alright?”
I shook my head again.
“What’s wrong?” He takes a step closer.
“I miss you.” Tears slide down my cheeks.
I run into his arms and his hands came around my frame soothingly.
“Dad..” my hand is hooked on his shirt as I tug at it.
“I’m so sorry dad. I’m sorry.”
“Hey, it’s okay.” He pulled me back and wiped my tears before hugging me again.
“Do you forgive me? I swear whatever happened was not intentional.”
“I know. I’m just not happy about your marriage. It’s not proper and nothing like what I imagined for my princess. I was supposed to take you down that aisle. It’s all my fault. I shouldn’t have gotten mad at you.”
“No, dad. You didn’t do anything. Whatever happened was not your fault. I’m so sorry for letting you down.”
“Don’t be sorry.”
“So you forgive me?” I looked up at him, blinking my wet lashes.
“I didn’t hold anything against you in the first place but I broke up with you.” He smiled.
“You know that’s not possible” I smiled back.
” I guess so. Come home with me.”
“Sure,” I replied immediately. The reason why I’ve not been going home is because my dad was giving me a cold shoulder but now we’re back. I like to spend a lot of time with him.
Nervisa joined us when I went inside to pick my phone and I told her I’m leaving with my dad.
Sharon informs me about Mariana and my sister’s whereabouts when I returned from meeting the drive.
Tomorrow is Wednesday and I haven’t been to one class and neither have I resumed work. I can’t stay at home tomorrow and besides, I’m bored. I’m glad I have Mariana here with me, sick or not, invalid marriage or not. I’m just grateful though she’s making things difficult for us.
Anyway, it’s her choice. If that is what she wants then fine. I will respect it.
Mariana didn’t return for the night so I slept alone. I got ready and left for campus.
I can’t wait to be out of this place. I only came to this school because of Mariana and even this country. Australia isn’t bad but I prefer to be in California.
I don’t really talk to anyone when I come to school. I take my classes late and sit with the guys for some time at the cafe or bar then I work and come home to my apartment, home or cabin late.
Now that Mariana is no longer in college, I don’t feel like taking my English classes and that is what I have now.
I use to sit at the back and watch her with that girlfriend of hers and the asshole Dylan.
English classes are so boring to me, really.
I turned to go out of the hallway when a lady walked into me.
“Nov… Donovan. What a surprise. What are you doing here?” The obnoxious girl beamed.
“I came to eat,” I remarked sarcastically and she rolled her eyeballs.
“Whatever, it’s so nice to see you here but I wonder why I never saw you before. What do you study?”
“Look Kiara, I’m running late for my class. We’ll talk after.” I lied.
“Okay, I also have a class I am running late for. I will see you.”
Once she turned to leave, I called her back.
“May I know why you let me kiss you?”
Her lips form a pout as her brown eyes dances around my face mischievously.
“Because I saw your girl coming. I wanted to see her reaction.?”
She laughed and try to go but I drag her back by her bag.
“Don’t take offense. I believed it helped you but if it didn’t then I’m sorry and I’m dating. Tell her that I’m not a threat.” She said and I let go of her.
Thank God she’s dating. It’s a relief because now I know she doesn’t want me or she does?
“It was a pleasure meeting you both. I didn’t know you were Donovan Anderson, the chef who won this year’s Bocuse d’Or. And your girlfriend is also none other than Mariana. Wow. You guys are the perfect couple trust me. There is love so Mariana will come around if she hasn’t yet…”
“So much talking for someone who says she’s running late.” I chimed and turned on my heels towards out.
“Asshole.” Her voice echoed in the hallway and it’s followed by whispering.
When I turned, she gave me the middle finger.
After my classes, I went to meet the guys at our usual place but I only saw Courtney busy jotting something into a little colorful diary. I forgot there was a party yesterday and the ‘partees’ have all successfully passed out in their homes and dorms.
I didn’t stay long since I didn’t know what to talk to her about and she was being awkward. We’ve never been at a place just her and me so it’s normal. I look intimidating anyway and she looked innocent for our group. Again, I wonder why she’s part of us. She deserves to be friends with Mariana and her little crew. I mean Dylan and Lenna. She doesn’t even have a tattoo. And also, I hardly talk to them when we’re together. We just do shit together and I throw in snarky comments or jokes while sitting at the bar. We also compare tattoos and plan on our next. That’s all I ever do with them except Nina of course. I talk to her a little more than the rest.
I meet Betsy at the door on my way out of the bar and she smiles knowingly at me.
“Don’t start with me, Betty,” I said when she’s about opening her mouth to say something.
“Is Betsy.”
I rolled my eyes. I always call her name wrongly on purpose just to piss her.
“I can’t believe how far you came. Now I can’t help but imagine only you with my friend. You claimed her totally and gave her your name and now she can’t help but be with you forever. Are you not fortunate?” She bats her lashes with a smile at me.
She’s right. Mariana is mine. I don’t know why I can’t see that and I’m always afraid she’d leave. That girl loves me but then, our marriage will dissolve soon and I’m not sure what will shake our relationship next. There is always some problem, fight, and something to argue about. I’m afraid of what will come next but I pray it won’t be me that will be the cause.
“You’ll agree with me that the journey has been rough right?” She asks.
“It has but..”
“It’s all okay now.” She finished my sentence but wrongly.
Things are actually not okay. My father’s mess is still breathing between us. And our marriage is a constant reminder of what happened.
Leaving the bar, I drive to Applebee’s.
Yes. I will be working there officially from tomorrow. I will be working along with their male chef since I have classes to attend. It’s a prestigious company and the pay is good so I dropped McDonald’s. It’s a better offer and I’m proud that I’ve been able to land myself such an opportunity to work in Applebee’s.
For the first time, I call Paula when I left Applebee’s after getting the final paperwork done.
She didn’t pick after calling three times.
Before I knew it, I was driving to MD. It’s crazy but I find myself doing it.
I stepped into the massive building and walked directly towards her office. Her secretary tried to stop me from entering but I was far gone already. I pushed her door and entered.
Her eyes lowered on me with a scowl then back to the grey-haired man she was talking to.
“Ma’am I’m sorry. I tried to stop him.”
“It’s okay Cynthia. You can leave.”
When the Cynthia girl left, her eye returns back to me.
“Go back and collect your manners, Anderson.”
“I’m going nowhere.” I pulled a seat and sat stubbornly.
She didn’t say anything else but went back with her discussion with the man. After what seems like forever, the man left and it was left with just me and her.
“To what do I owe this visit, son-in-law?”
I remain quiet.
“If you knew you’ll be coming here then why did you not unpack your rudeness and replace it with some manners?”
“You know I won’t answer that.”
“Yes so tell me why you came here and almost disrupted my meeting?”
“Tell me why you didn’t pick my call.”
“Is it a must? I was busy.” She spins in her chair with a pen between her teeth.
“Busy,” I repeated.
“Tell me why you’re here. Did you come for some advice?”
“No.” I lied.
“Then what?”
“Your daughter. We’re not really okay.” I muttered and she smirked.
“You want my advice then?”
“Then it must be my help.”
“Maybe.” I just don’t want to admit.
Her smirk deepens in sheer humor. A second later and she’s laughing.
“Nothing. I just can’t believe this is happening.”
“Me too,” I whispered.
“Okay. Leave before my husband comes.”
“I’m going nowhere and tell him to forgive Mariana. Who knows that’s why she’s being hard on me.”
“Pablo doesn’t have anything against her or you both. And as I speak, she’s in the house with him.”
“Oh.” Is all I say.
“I’ll help you but you have to do something for me.”
“You’ll agree to dress up anytime you’re going out.”
“The fuck No.!”
“Okay.” She got up and began to pack her things into her bag.
“Okay?” I asked.
“Yes okay.”
“So you won’t help me again?” I wonder what help I actually want from her. To not mess up again I’m sure. I really don’t want to mess up that will compel Mariana to leave me.
“You didn’t agree.”
“Okay, just a dress shirt and only sometimes.”
“Deal.” A smile covers her face.
After spending the entire yesterday’s evening with my dad and today, I came home and while I was doing the laundry, Novan came with a plastic bag in hand which he was hiding behind him.
“Hey.” He squeaks.
“Hi. What have you been up to?”
“Went to college and tomorrow I will be starting work.”
“Wow. How? When? Tell me more”
“What can I say? Winning the Bocuse paved the way and job offers were streaming in and I chose Applebee’s above all.”
“Good decision.” I’m so proud of him.
“Yes. How are you?”
“I’m fine.” I got up and we walked into the room together. He dropped the bag on the bed and pulled his shirt over his head. Next, he’s undoing his belt.
“Good. You’re taking your medicines right?”
“Yes.” My eyes feast on his flawed yet beautiful body as he dragged the jeans down.
He’s so sexy.
He turned to me with a hideous smirk and I tried discipline myself not to take my eyes down there.
He snapped the elastic band of his brief against his skin and walked to stand in front of the closet where he got a fresh towel out.
I bent and picked the clothes he just removed.
“No, don’t wash them.” He rushes to take them.
“No. I already did with the others. I can’t leave this one behind unwashed.”
“Okay, but I will do it myself.” He protests.
I ignored him and walked to the plastic bag he dropped on the bed. Before I could take it, he snatched it away.
“What’s inside?” I tried to see through the bag but it was impossible.
“Nothing you should be concerned about.”
“You shouldn’t be hiding anything from me.”
“I know but this is nothing.” He put it away in his wardrobe and locked it, taking the key out.
“Really?” I scampered away with his clothes and he followed.
“I didn’t mean to offend you. You’re just over-inquisitive.”
“Yeah?” I dropped the clothes into the one in the machine and restarted the whole process.
“It’s nothing okay? It’s just a few things I got.”
“Which you couldn’t show me? I thought we’ve passed that level.”
“We have. Stop making a big of a deal out of this.” He said and walked back inside.
I didn’t follow him. After an hour, the clothes are washed and dry. I brought them out into the hamper and carried them inside.
I poured them on the bed and began to fold. I looked around for Novan before calling him.
No response.
“I’m coming.” He yelled from the balcony.
I heard the sound of his feet against the floor towards the room and I took the second to rethink what I wanted to ask him.
“I’m here.” He sat and picked a dress to fold but I hit his hand away. He’s not going to do it well.
“I was thinking if you’ve heard from your dad?”
“Where’s this coming from?”
“Please don’t get angry. It’s just a question.”
“I don’t know. I haven’t heard from him and I don’t want to.”
“Okay. We can go and check up on him..”
“Spare me, Mariana. It’s as if you don’t learn. Why do you want something to do with that man again?”
“It’s just a check-up. You hit him so don’t you think it’s just nice to check up on him? I didn’t say I want to dine with him.”
“Still. Leave me out of it and I don’t even want you near him.”
“I won’t remind you that you don’t tell me what to do.”
“Yes but you can listen to your husband.”
“Husband.” I chuckled and he gave me a deadly glare.
I know I shouldn’t be doing this but I’m worried for Jude regardless. Until I know about his condition, my heart won’t be at peace. I wanted to ask my dad about him but I feared his reaction and I don’t want my dad to get cross with me anymore.
“So you mean you don’t have any information about him?” I asked again.
“For goodness sake stop all this Mariana! You, trying to be a peacemaker, to fix things when you can’t even fix us, our relationship. It’s busy falling apart and instead of saving it, you’re concerned about that greedy man who took everything from you!”
“Can you pinpoint which problem we haven’t solved? What is wrong with us Novan? Nothing.”
“Except you’re referring to the kiss,” I added and he didn’t say anything.
“Listen Novan. I do not wish to make peace with your dad and neither did I forget what he did to me. It’s just normal and human for us to check up on him especially when you’re the one who put your hand on him. Don’t you think you’ll be held responsible if something tragic should happen to him? I just want us to go and in case there’s some help we could give to aid his quick recovery, we offer it. This is just it. I won’t do more than this.”
“You have a point but that man doesn’t deserve any of that from us. He doesn’t deserve the pity or kindness.”
“I know. I just want to know if he’s alright and I will be okay.”
“You’re an angel. Come here.” He closed the gap between us then pulled me to himself by my waist, his hands wrapped around it.
“and..can kiss you now?” He whispered in my ear. Goosebumps raised on my skin and I feel the air thickening around us.
“Which part of let’s take it slow you don’t understand?” I asked slowly in a quiet tone.
“The part where I can be going in slow and slow. Rocking deeper and deeper then..”
I put my hand over his lips to stop him from saying more and he kissed my finger, lacing it with his wet tongue.
I moved my hand away and his lips came down on mine. Fires ignited furiously and sparks flew inside me while the butterflies in my tummy erupted like volcanoes. It’s been long. So damn long. He kissed me feverishly and passionately. I couldn’t hold back. I locked my hand around his neck, drawing him closer. I can’t get enough. His hand grabbed me from behind and he hurled me up so I wrapped my legs around his waist.
“Novan.” I break away from the kiss and stared into his dark eyes.
“You want me to don’t you?”
I bite my lips and shake my head in denial.
“Liar.” He muttered and closed his lips around mine again. “I can see it in your eyes.” He whispered into the kiss and I groaned, tugging at the root of his hair.
“See.” He muttered proudly.
“Oh shut up.”
He laughed against my lips and we went back to kissing. Our first kiss since we got married.
“It’s just a kiss, Novan. I told you we’re going..”
“Slowly.” He moved his hip up and I felt his hard bulge. A gasp escaped my lips and I got down.
“We’re just kissing, I know.” He said to me.
“Yeah?” I looked down at his visible bulge.
“Yeah.” He grabbed my hand to bring me closer to him but I wrigglye out of his grasp and ran for the door.
“Come inside or I come after you and I won’t mind having an audience while I fuck you!”
His voice was loud.
His words shocked me and I ran back inside.
He laughed and dropped down on the bed on top of the clothes I’m yet to fold.
“We’ll only kiss. I promise.”
“No.” I pick a pillow and threw it at his head. “Get up from the clothes.”
“Yes yes. I wished you had not come through. I will chase you and have Sharon as a witness or any other person.”
“You’re mad.” I shake my head with a small smile while I fold the clothes.
After folding the clothes and packing them, he helped me make the bed.
I went to take my bath and when I returned, Novan had selected one of his shirts for me and sky pants with the moons, stars, and a smiling sun printed in it.
I took it and walked back to the washroom where I changed.
I laid beside him and he pulled me to himself with a kiss to my cheek.
“I love you Mariana.” He whispered and I know he isn’t lying. Novan loves me with everything he has.
Minutes later, his snores filled my ears. I couldn’t sleep but it’s not because of his snores because Novan’s snores aren’t just snores. They’re music to my ears. Music meant for me alone that only I could enjoy it.
“Mariana, I really love you. I do…
When you left me in California, I was lost even at that age. I was so young but I knew you’re it for me. I was so sure about you. I loved you from the beginning and I still do now. If you leave me again I will die. Please don’t leave me again? I can never do without you… I can’t”
I turned slowly to him but his eyes were shut and tearing. I couldn’t believe it so I touched his eyes and they were real tears.
“Novan.” I shook him but he wouldn’t wake.
He’s sleep talking? He sleep talk?
Mmmm. Now I will have to stay awake to be hearing this every night we will spend together.
I felt warm lips on mine and I puckered knowing whose lip was on mine.
“I’m off to school and work. See you in the evening. Remember to eat something and take your medicine.”
I opened my eyes immediately to catch his back disappearing at the door.
And..the fuck. What is he wearing? A dress shirt?
I ran out and saw him properly until he was out.
Novan is wearing a dress shirt? It’s always so hard for me to convince him to get dressed up and now he did it on his own? How come?
Someone must’ve made him but who?
Now I’m jealous.
He can listen to someone and not me?
I walked back inside in time to see my phone beep.
I picked it up and read the message from Jude in eagerness.
*Don’t worry. We’re like this. We can’t really do without each other.*
***You told me that do you remember? Please keep to it. That’s all I want and that statement of yours encouraged me to do whatever I did.***
What does he mean?
{Loving him with all his flaws.}
Soon after Novan left, I walked into the bathroom and prepared for work. I didn’t actually work when I got there because I spent the entire day dreaming about Novan in that black shirt he wore in the morning.
He has no idea how good he looks when he dresses up even if it’s just a dress shirt.
When I finally got home, I had to wait for him to return. It was insane and I miss him to the point I began to wonder if I’m alright or not.
I raced down the stairs in haste when I heard the sound of his car in the driveway. I’ve waited for long for him to return. If he had not come, I would be so sad and disappointed. I’m going to get mad at him even.
“Someone misses daddy.” He smirked and I walked into his arms.
Of course, Novan. Of course.
Coming back from work and tired as fuck then a beauty runs from the house into your arms and knowing that she has been waiting and probably misses you as much as you do is just the right antidote and the feeling is the bestest ever. A new energy surged through me and I hugged her tightly.
This means so much to me after what we faced. Her coldness and meanness to me. She’s here now in my arms and that too willingly.
Her beautiful eyes looked at me then she did it.
Her full soft lips pressed to mine and moved against it as she kissed me. God. I feel like crying. She kissed me.
I deepened the kiss and hooked my hand around her small waist. Her hands moved under my shirt then she traced them on my spine.
My lips got rough on her and I swept her hair to the side and spread kisses on her neck. She moans and puts her head over my chest. I missed all this.
“We are back?” I asked carefully.
She raised her head and oh God. The way she looks at me.
“For good.” I’m rewarded with a charming wide smile as she takes my hand.
She led me up the stairs and into our room then slapped the door shut and turned to me.
“Have you eaten?” I asked. That is so important to me. If not I should be heading towards the kitchen to get her something.
Her head shakes slowly and before I can comprehend what is happening, her lips cover mine as her hands slide through my hair. My bottom lip is held captive between her teeth as she sucks on it slowly and harshly then her hand trailed from my hair, neck then to my chest then she began to unbutton the new shirt Paula selected for me. She let go of my lips and placed her lips on my chest, running her tongue in between my breast then they lowered to my stomach. She dropped to her knees completely before me and began to undo my belt.
I’m muted by her bold move and the overwhelming sight of having her kneeling before me to do anything.
She barely touched me but I’m hard and so turned on as fuck. I can’t wait. I want her. I want to fuck you Mariana.
My jeans and boxer brief fall in a heap around my feet and she takes me in her hand.
She looks up at me with a dirty smirk as she runs her hands up and down on me. A second and she takes me in slowly and gradually.
Holy fucking shit! Her warm full lips are around me and I feel like I will explode any minute.
Her skillful tongue slides up and down, tracing the powered veins on my cock. My vision is blurry. I’m high on this, on her sweet assault. Just watching her is..oh..fuck.
She took me deeper and closed her eyes as she sucked her cheeks in, sucking me hard.
“Mariana I’m going to…” I tried to warn her but she wouldn’t stop. I could barely hold myself.
This feels so fucking good but I want her. I want to bury myself deep inside her and if possible, never come out again.
My hips buckled and I began to push deeper into her throat.
“I want you Riana. I want to fuck you.” I let out.
She raised her pretty face up at me with her mouth full and batted her lashes at me.
“PLEASE,” I beg.
She pulled back and I dropped from her mouth.
I hope I didn’t offend her. I remember her telling me she wants us to go slow and I’m here saying I want to fuck her. What the hell is wrong with me?
Her back was turned to me as she fiddled with her fingers.
Asshole Novan. A dicky shitty move.
“I’m so…” Before I could finish she turned to me.
“I’m waiting.” Her voice is tiny.
“For…” I know but I want to hear it.
“I want you to fuck me Novan.”
I’m blown away by her boldness once again.
I got rid of my jeans and boxers then closed the space between us. Her back is facing me so I leaned into her and kissed her neck from the back. My hands wrapped around her and I did well to press my hard-on against her. She moaned and pushed closer to meet it.
“Are you not sick?” I whispered and kissed her ear.
“Only because it’s been a while you attended to me, daddy.”
Her voice is so damn sexy.
Of course, it’s been a while since we did all the things. I want to fuck her as fast as possible.
I turned her to me and claimed her lips hungrily, grabbing her from behind and squeezing her.
I don’t know where all that confidence came from but I know as hell that I want Novan. He’s all I’ve been fantasizing about the whole day and when I saw him come home and the way that shirt still looked on him, I couldn’t handle my hormones. I’m so proud of myself when I saw the shock expression when I kissed him outside that I mentally hugged myself.
I love the way I’m keeping in control yet it terrifies me if I remember that it is me doing this.
“Get on the bed for me baby.”
“Yea.” I obeyed.
“Good girl.”
I laid back on the bed and he came up, settling between me on his knees. He undressed me from the waist with his eyes never leaving mine the whole time. His gaze sent fire inside me and I can barely contain it. I squirmed under him as moans flew out of my lips. The slightest touch of every part of him is sending me insane. After staying away over a week, the anticipation of what is to come is killing. How I miss how he fills me up and rock back and forth into me in strong thrust.
My need for him rises to a dangerous point as he dragged his lips lazily on my stomach, teasing and torturing me until he stopped on top of my sex. He went up again and kissed me all the way, biting my flaming skin in the process.
“Oh, Novan…please.” I held his hand and I’m surprised when I sent it under me for him to touch me.
I feel him smirk. “Patience babe.”
“Yeah?” I gasped as his tongue swiped on me then he twirled it inside my clit.
My nails dig into the bed and I try to keep my eyes open. I do not wish to miss the sight of Novan perched between my thighs.
“Oh Mariana. How good you taste.” He praised against my core and his voice vibrated through me. I writhed beneath his filthy yet skillful tongue as his tongue lurched into my opening and he sucked me hard.
I can’t breathe.
I try not to close my eyes but the sensation is too much and consuming. I don’t seem to have control over myself anymore.
I tried to close my thighs but who am I kidding?
He spreads them further than they were to have his way which I don’t mind. I’m his.
I buck off at once with a jolt when his finger slides into me..deep.
Oh my…
“Talk Mariana.” He orders.
“It..feels.. oh…God..” I tried to make the words but I couldn’t as he doubled his finger and circled them inside me in swift moves and his tongue was still sucking.
I feel my stomach tightening. I closed my eyes and bit my lips harshly. I don’t care if I leave a bruise.
I groaned when he suddenly stopped and I opened my eyes to meet his eyes. I have my juice on top of his lips and he licked it away.
Then, his fingers drawled from me and he brought it to my lips, waiting for me to open up.
“Have a taste.” He commanded.
My face heats up in embarrassment.
“Come on..” he pushed.
I nodded and opened my mouth. He pressed his thumb flatly against my tongue. “Suck.” He instructed.
It feels so bad yet good and hot.
My lips came around his finger and I took in the strange taste of myself. It’s not good and not bad either.
“See how delicious you taste.” He grinned and got his finger out of my mouth.
He got on top of me and pulled my shirt up my head. The feeling is incredible as I watch his dilated eyes go wide when they fall on my chest and roam my body. I love to watch him see what he loves.
He spread my thighs and settled into it fully. My heart couldn’t stop beating and I whimpered when I heard him tore the condom wrapper. I held my breath. I can’t wait for what is yet to come to come and consume me.
“You were talking about taking something slow. Do you still want it?”
I know he’s asking this on purpose. All the way to the stage we are now, he should know I don’t give a shit about taking something slow. I should be mad for saying that two days ago.
“Novan..” I hooked my legs on his waist and pulled him near but he didn’t budge.
“Answer me Riana.”
“Fuck me, baby.” I closed my eyes. I’m shocking myself with my vocab tonight.
“That’s more like it.” He licks his lips and drives into me. I held his shoulders with a scream. No. We both let out a satisfying scream.
” After so long…”His eyes shut for a moment and he didn’t move. I adjust the big visitor inside me and I’m ready to move. He’s so hard and big that he filled me completely leaving not a tiny space. Right now we’re perfectly molded into one. Imperfectly perfect creation.
My eyes rolled back when he began to move a steady rhythm. Not too slow not too fast either but amazingly deep and it feels so damn good.
“After this, you must get on a birth control pill wifey.” His hands run on my thighs. “I want to be feeling the real you, inch by inch. I want to feel every muscle contracting and relaxing, your warmness, and your sweetness. I want to feel it all RAW.”
“You..can take it out.” I gasped.
“What?” He stilled.
Oh no. He didn’t get me.
“I mean.. the condom.” I also want to feel him. The last time was amazing though it freaked us out. If he takes it out, I can get those pills again or he’ll get it for me and I’ll see a doctor or something. I want him raw too.
” No more risks babe. Just get yourself on the pills like tomorrow.” He picks up speed then brought his lips on my chest. He sucks and marks me and I turned into a panting mess.
“You hear?” He slammed into me and goes at a faster pace.
“Ye.. yes.” My voice breaks at his wicked thrusts as I feel my orgasm building up and up.
“Tell me how I make you feel babe.”
I couldn’t talk instead I moan his name as I pull at his hair and I clenched tightly around him as we both come undone.
Without pulling out, he drops beside me and gathered me onto his hard chest.
“My love.” He whispered and with a smile, I hide my face in his neck.
“Look at me please.”
I raised my head to look at his beautiful face.
He smiled and it was contagious. What I’m feeling now is indescribably amazing.
Oh God! How I love this man.
I brushed his hair off his face and kissed in between his brows.
I stared dreamily at him as his eyes communicate many unspoken words to me.
I traced the tattoo patterns on his chest as he does the same to mine in silence. A comfortable one.
Our eyes met and held.” I love your shirt.”
“Really?” His smile deepens.
“Yeah.” I wanted to ask him why the change of mind but decided to put a hold on it for a while and say something else.
“You didn’t say anything about we meeting your dad.” After reading Jude’s message yesterday, my eagerness to see him grew.
“We? For fuck sake Mariana. What the actual fuck?”
“Please. We just had a good time. Don’t ruin it.”
“Me?” He scoffed. “You’re the one trying to ruin it by bringing that shit up.”
“We didn’t finish discussing it yesterday.”
“We did. I won’t see him and if you love me then you won’t go near him.”
“Don’t threaten me.”
“Of course.”
“He’s your dad…”
“Please, let’s just sleep.” He closed his arms around me.
I decided to go with it in order not to destroy his mood further.
I nuzzled into him like a baby and prepared for a good sleep in the arms of my husband.
“Mariana.” Novan’s voice against my ear wakes me.
“What is it?”
“We have to get ready for work.”
“Well then go. I don’t have work.” My eyes are still closed.
“Yes but I need you to get up.”
I raised my head and slide from his body.
He got up and after a minute returned and crawled back beside me.
“Won’t you go to school or work?” I asked sleepily and moved back into his arms.
“I will. I went to pee first. Came back to change but your body invited me over.”
I giggled and bite his chest. He jerked and kissed my hair.
“Last night was fantastic..lit.” he praised as well as taking my mind back.
“Yes.” I throw my face away.
“You were almost like a Dom…so bold that it baffled me. I began to assume if you had ‘sex on the beach’ before I came.” He laughed silently and I playfully bite him again.
I remember having that strange cocktail at a club and he had to come fetch me.
“Did you?” He pulls me back on him. “I want you again.” He blurted.
“No.” I squealed and try to get up when I felt his hard-on.
“Oh yes. I didn’t tell you to bite me like that.” He pressed himself into me. My mind went blank for a moment before starting to work.
We’re naked.
“Novan,” I whined.
“Mariana” he teased.
“Thought you’d be going to work.”
“Yes but I want you to give me a quick ride.”
“Okay then let’s go. We’ll get ready and I will drop you.”
“Not that.”
“Then?” My eyes searched his face and a dirty smile grace his lips.
“I want you to ride me.” I was still laying on him so he raised me up to a sitting position then put my hands on his chest. He lifted me up by shoulders and dropped me back. My cunt hit against his bare shaft and I shudder. “Like that.”
“Let’s try something new shall we?.” He licked his lips, bribing me into his mood.
“What about school and… work? You just started.”
“Forget it.”
“Shhh.” He put a finger over my lips.
“Be my cowgirl and take me on a ride ASAP.”
“A rollercoaster ride?” I laughed.
” No. A MariDon ride” His laughter mixes with mine.
{Loving him with all his flaws.}
“MariDon huh?”
“No, just take me on a ride already.”
“Where is your destination?”
“Take me to a place where I can’t even recognize myself or remember my name. A place, a world where it will just be you and I.”
” Great poem but 5 dollars,” I demanded with an open palm. “It’s not free.”
“I know what you want. Not 5 dollars?” He said and he was right.
Novan knows just what I wanted to be able to try this new adventure; confidence.
His hand reached for my boobs and as he fondled them gently, he lowered my head and kissed me. I lay flat on him as I kiss him back, sucking on his tongue and lacing it with his. His little man sprang and poke my stomach. I inhaled a sharp breath. I got up to a sitting position on his legs while his great masterpiece stood up proudly in front of me. My mouth watered as well as down there. I’m soaked beyond normal.
It’s so beautiful. I feel like kissing it then shoving it down my throat again.
His hand went under his pillow and he brought a foil packet out. He opened it and gave it to me.
I need not ask what for.
My hand trembled slightly when I took it out. It’s so silky with an oily feel.
“Need help?”
I shook my head and focused on his cock. I wore it to the head and rolled it down his length.
“Good, now come.”
I laid back on him but this time, his cock was right where it was supposed to be even though it’s not inside of me yet.
I kissed him and pulled on his lips, chewing it softly. His hand reached beneath me and rubbed on me. My fingers got lost in his soft hair as he touched me in the most intimate way ever. A finger disappeared into me and he began to pump slowly and teasingly. I kissed him one long time and got up to meet the slow thrust of his finger. I moved my hips and his finger disappeared deep inside me.
“That’s it, babe.” He pulled his finger out slowly then I felt his cock on my opening.
“Are you ready?”
I nodded and maintained eye contact with him.
“I love you.” He said and pushed deep inside me. I gasped for air as my core stretched to accommodate his demon. My eyes burned in tears as I felt a tear or something.
“You don’t have to take me all in. It will hurt.”
I just nodded and splayed my palms against his chest while trying to adapt to the slight pain I was feeling. It’s not really painful, just uncomfortable.
I pulled him from me and blew a raspberry.
“You okay?”
“Yeah.” I gave him a small smile and lowered myself back on him slowly, taking him completely with my eyes rolling out. We moaned together and his hand came to settle on my waist.
I moved my hips up and slided back on him slowly. He moaned as I felt his nails dig into my hip. I moved up again then descended slowly, swallowing him completely again.
“God..fuck!” He moaned.
Slowly, the uncomfortable feeling turned to immense pleasure, so intense and incredible. Out of instinct, I rolled my hips, twirl it on him, and began to bounce up and down on him. Turning my waist round and round.
“You like it?.. am I doing it okay?” My voice lacks confidence.
“Yes, babe. I love it.” I don’t know why she’d ask that.
“You’re doing great.”I praised her as she picked up speed, bouncing on top of me as her heavy chest dangled in front of me. The sight is spectacular. Exquisite. Just the way her hips roll on me alone is spell-bounding. God, she’s beautiful. Beautiful than anything I’ve ever withhold. There’s none like her. In every sense, she’s gorgeous and the best thing that ever happened to me.
Her hands are digging into my chest as she goes up and down, rolling her hips back and forth, round and round. Our skins slapped together as her movements went mad on me and I began to lose it. She has successfully driven me out of this world and into cloud 9. A world where there’s only me and her. A world of blissfulness. And she’s doing better than I imagined even her first time.
I tug her down on me and attached my lips to hers, swallowing all her moans. My hands moved to grab her backside to aid in her movements.
I would love for her to go faster but today’s her first time and she’s doing it better than I ever had anyone give me.
I move my hips and rest at an angle that will enable me a deeper penetration as well as getting that spot that will make her scream in seconds.
She goes up and down on me while I rock round and round, hitting deep at intervals.
“Novan!” She screamed into her palms as her brown eyes shut. It was quite the sight the way she looks whining on me.
“Fuck..this feels..oh shit.” I can’t help it. My hip lifts up to meet her movements as I thrust powerfully into her from beneath.
She squeezes at my sides then she tightens around me. The feeling is just..just..yeah. I can’t think straight anymore as she screams my name as I use my vocals on her and spill into the condom.
“Novan.,” she calls tiredly through pants and puts her head over my chest.
“Dollface.” She gave me an exhausted smile and I ran my hand through her messy dark hair.
I will take this feeling over any class or work a million times.
How I miss this. The past few days have been miserable for me.
I’m still laying on top of Novan’s chest as it heaves along with mine. Our breaths are missed as we try to come down from our high. I’ve desperately been missing getting intimate with him without even knowing because of my anger towards him. Not like I can stay angry at him for long. I fight myself to keep it.
I’ve never done this position for him right now and I was nervous all through though the feeling was overpowering. I can’t forget the image of Novan laying beneath me, losing control like the way I see it. And oh the way his hips buck up to enter me deep and full is fabulous…I can’t explain and I can’t get over that feeling.
His fingers tap at my bareback then all the way along my spine then he makes it up. I look up at him and smiled. I’m having so much fun laying on him and breathing his scent. A mixture of his faint cologne and raw scent. It’s intoxicating but that’s what I want.
“So no work?” I asked and kissed his sharp jaw.
“I don’t feel like it.”
“Fuck it. I don’t wanna go.”
“So what do you want to do?” I regretted asking instantly when I saw the naughty smile that crept to his lips.
” I want to fuck you all day babe.”
I feel him begin to go back hard inside me and the way my walls just clenched tightly on him causes shivers to run down my spine.
“Novan.” I purred and buried my face in his neck. God, I want him again.
It can’t happen. Novan has school to attend and work. We can continue later.
“You have to..go.” it took every self-control in me to say this. I’m suddenly insatiable. It’s like I can’t have enough.
“You sure?”
“Ye..yes..” I tried to get up.
“Wait.” He pulls me back down.
“I love you.”
I lay back down on him and press my lips to his. The kiss was short but filled to the brim about how much I love him too.
“You won’t kiss any other person again Novan.”
“I promise.”
“It’s fucked up. I lost it and I’m still pissed that you did that. I won’t have it next time.”
“You are mine,” I emphasize, looking deep into his eyes.
“Yours.” He mutters back and I smile.
“You won’t mess this peaceful bliss blowing between us Novan. Be good and avoid trouble. I will also do the same.”
“Does it mean you won’t see Edward again?”
“I can’t promise that.”
“Why can’t you?”
“Because he’s my friend and he has a girlfriend. You don’t have to get jealous. He’s no threat.”
“You don’t get it.” He frowned and I reached my hand out to smooth the crease that forms on his forehead.
“You always fear that you’ll lose me but there’s one thing you always forget. ”
“What’s that?”
“I’ve always been for you Novan. I’m yours and what is yours, you don’t have to get scared that it will be taken away. It will always come back.’
“It’s a lie. It can be stolen and Edward or Dylan are the thieves.”
“No, you’re wrong. You’re the thief. You stole my heart Novan.”
He smiled and kissed my temple. “I’m not a thief. I only took what was mine. You’ve always been.”
I hugged him tight then a gasp left my mouth when he thrust in slowly. My eyes remain on him as I bite my lips over and over.
We moan quietly as he goes in and out slowly but it was intense and I feel like I will explode.
“You..are naughty.” I breathed. I’m on top of him with my hand resting at the side of the pillows where his head lay and his hands grope my backside as he goes in and out.
“So? That’s what you love.”
“How was the ride?” I asked.
“You mean the MariDon ride?”
“Call it whatever but that’s what I mean.”
“I can’t explain it. It was just the best. I look forward to more rides with you really.”
“Me too,” I admit. I really love the..uhm cowgirl style. I felt him so deep and I’m able to look directly at his face, feel him and watch him get out of control.
Without pulling out of me, he got up with me towards the washroom.
He rests my back against the bathroom door and goes into me fully, thrusting in and out. My nails dig into his back as he pounds into me relentlessly hitting that spot that takes me over the edge each time. I kiss his neck harshly and tug at his hair. He moans and thrusts deep, bringing us to our second climax just this morning.
His phone began to ring but he ignored it and showers kisses all over me. The ringing didn’t stop and he groaned.
“Pick it up.”
“Yeah, it’s so annoying.” He brought me down and I held on him for a minute to gain my balance before letting go.
I watched him pull the condom out and tied it carefully. He picks his jeans and wears it without his boxer then taking his phone.
I love the way the indented angle of the muscles in front of him is prominent and the black thin hairs that travel into the jeans.
He puts the phone to his ears and disappears to the balcony. I went inside the washroom and let the cold water run over my inflamed skin. I lather leisurely as I can’t forget the sex we just had. I keep smiling and it’s crazy.
I reached for the shampoo when Novan walk-in nakedly and stood under the shower.
I take a moment into the sight in front of me. He’s so tall and fit and I like how his tan looks under the shower and the way his thick locks turn dark as coal when wet. I like how firm his backside is including his body. Novan is perfect and I’m a fan of his glorious body stature.
“Stop staring at me.” He looks at me and pulls me to him under the shower. I giggle and squeal.
“I can’t have enough of you even when I fuck you the whole day. I keep wanting more, more of you.” He breaths against my neck and takes my lips into his, his hands groping my bottom.
“Who phoned?”
“It’s just work. They want me there earlier today.”
“That means there’s actually no school?”
“I already missed out in school. The drive is two hours and it’s already 9 pm. I’m going to get there late and I already have just one class remaining.”
“It’s okay, you can still take it.”
“Yeah, what time are you supposed to be at work?”
“I won’t tell you.”
“Why?” I’m not pleased. I have an interest in knowing when he starts work and closes. I want to know.
“You’re too nosy.” He shakes his wet hair in my face and I squeal, almost forgetting my question.
I shook mine back at him and he laughed. He got a towel and dried my hair and body for me before wrapping it around me.
“Off you go.” He said and tied his own towel around his waist. It was loose on his waist. Hot.
We dressed together and went to the kitchen for a cup of black coffee before leaving.
“Have a nice day,” I say to him. He didn’t wear a dress shirt today and I decided not to ask.
” Same to you.”
“You’ll come home early?”
“I will.”
“I’m going to miss you the entire day. Please don’t keep me waiting.” I hug him tightly. It’s so difficult to let him go. I want him in bed with me all day but that’s too much. I’m too young for that and I can’t be selfish. He has things to take care of. This is the guy who fends for himself and his sister. He has a lot of responsibilities and work is a must.
“I will miss you too.”
“Yeah.” I kissed and hugged him for the last time for now and got into my car. I drove out first and he followed. I threw a flying kiss and he caught it before driving in the opposite direction towards college which is two hours’ drive away.
I tried calling Jude but again his line was unreachable. I decided to focus on the road instead.
I met my parents going out for an early lunch in the lobby about to take the elevator when I arrived.
“Hi, Dad. Hi, mom.” I hug them one after the other.
“You’re late and you’re glowing.” My mother says.
Trust my mom to take note of everything.
“Have lunch with us,” Dad says and I agree.
We went for Chinese and our table was reserved.
“How are you managing your phobia princess?” Dad asked as we waited for our food to be served.
‘Just being in Novan’s arms and kissing him does it.’
“Nothing, how did you know,” I asked.
“When you went to France and ended in a hospital.” My mom said quietly.
“So no measures?” Dad asked.
“Yeah, actually I got a therapist I’m yet to contact.” The food came and I picked a steak.
“Leave it, I’m going to take care of it.”
“No, I got it for myself and Don.. I mean for myself.” If I should mention Novan, they’ll ask why he needs a therapist and I can’t tell them that Novan has an addiction for drugs.
“Thanks,” I added.
“It’s okay.”
“Have you also gone for a thorough medical screening.” That is from my mom. She was looking at me with concern.
She shrugged. “Who knows, the accident might have caused extra damages that we might not be aware of.”
My eyes widened in fear and I saw my dad nudge my mom.
“Don’t scare her Paula. Nothing is wrong with my daughter.”
” I didn’t say so but there could be a possibility…”
“Nothing is wrong with me mom,” I said but my heart is beating. What if I suffer the same fate as my mom? No way. I drank some water and wiped my sweat.
“Cheer up Mariana, nothing is wrong.” My dad said and I smiled at him nervously.
“So you should go for a check-up when you’re free. I can take you.” Mom said and I nodded.
“And I will get you a good therapist.” My dad offered and I nodded.
” I would like to meet your husband one day.” My dad grinned at me.
I lower my head to my plate. I couldn’t get a proper marriage and it will be over after a year.
“You didn’t take me down the aisle so how can you accept?”
“I didn’t. I’m just teasing you.” He laughed and it was my mom’s turn to nudge him.
“Even if it’s him or not you’ll settle with forever, I won’t let anyone take that right away from me. I’m still gonna walk you down the aisle and I hope you understand what I mean.”
“Remarriage?” I asked.
“You’re smart.” He gives me a thumbs up. “Or a new marriage.” He added.
“Talk to your husband Mom.” I pick another steak.
My mom turns to my dad. “Husband, they said I should talk to you.”
My dad pouted and made an adorable face. It was funny.
I burst into laughter and they joined.
After the meal, dad dropped us at the company and left. I had a good time but I can’t stop going over our conversation.
Nothing can be wrong with me I’m sure.
I left work half through and went to the hospital, not for a check-up though. At least not now.
I saw a doctor and a pill was recommended for birth control. I called Novan but when he didn’t pick, I put the phone down. He’s probably busy and I’m here unable to stop myself from missing him. Right now I don’t know if I should drive to campus or go back home and wait.
I chose the second option. He’s busy and will come home to me soon. Just a little patience Mariana.
When Nervisa returned from school, I took her to my house where I picked Marion and we went to my foundation. Apart from wanting to spend time with everyone, I want to pass time. I will go mad from just sitting at home and waiting for Novan to come. He won’t even pick my calls. Out of coincidence, we met Edward when I was leaving with the kids and he took us for ice cream in his car.
We left the orphanage at 7 and it was eight after I dropped Marion and came home with Nervisa.
I prepared dinner but I couldn’t eat. I walked to the bathroom and took a long bath. I decided to wear something nice and sexy for Novan so I wore a thin see-through white nightwear and braid it. I sat on the bed and stared at the ceiling. I began to count up to a hundred then two hundred. I counted to a thousand then a million. When I looked at the clock, it was 10 pm.
My heart skipped and I quickly looked around for my phone.
I couldn’t find it. I turned the whole room upside down but I couldn’t find it still.
I changed into a pair of jeans and wore Novan’s shirt on it before coming out. I searched the kitchen and went to wake Nervisa up from sleep to ask but I still didn’t find it. She said she doesn’t know where I placed it.
I’m going mad and I don’t have a clue what to do.
Where. Where could my phone be? What if Novan called?
I sat down and tried to think. I remembered Edward and drew my laptop out and emailed him. He replied after half an hour and said he’s with my phone and that he went to my house but didn’t see me so he was directed to Novan’s house.
I jumped into my car after racing down the stairs to meet him.
“Thank you so much, Ed. Thank you.”
“It’s nothing. Can I drop you back?”
“No, thanks.” I turn to my car.
“Are you like.. living with him now?”
“Please Ed, I will talk to you later. Maybe tomorrow.” I got into my car and waved him goodbye. He didn’t wave back and instead, an annoyed look rested on his face.
I have not the time to know why he looks upset. Some other time.
“Don’t worry. Today is Friday so he should be partying.” Edward shouts after me.
Could it be? Today is actually Friday.
Tears pricked my eyes when I didn’t receive a single call or text from him.
Why Novan?. You told me you were going to be home early. You said you’ll be missing me so why are you not back yet?
Is he partying?
I got up and climbed the stairs back to the room we share. I looked at my phone for a long time and decided to call him.
What if he’s not okay that something happened to him?
He could be drunk and busy getting himself into trouble but somehow I just know that he’s not hurt because if he should be, I will feel it. I can’t explain but I will know somehow.
Before I could press on the green button to call, I got a call.
I picked it up with trembling hands.
“If I’m speaking to Mariana, then I’m sorry to say that you’re needed. Your boyfriend got himself into trouble. A serious one.”
{Loving him with all his flaws.}
“Look who decided to show today,” Ronnie said and heads turn in my direction. Nina got up to meet me, hitting my chest.
“We missed you so fucking much.”
“Sure you did.” I scan around first and when the place was Aria-free, I sat down at my usual position.
“You only show your face to us when your girl release you is that not so Anderson,” Evan said and positioned the cancer stick he was holding between his fingers and light it.
“You can’t do this here.” Courtney reprimanded and looked around.
Now I know why she’s among up.
Evan sure didn’t pay her mind as he began to puff smoke out. Next Nina joined and Ronnie followed. Eva also joined and it was just me and Courtney left.
“What?” I snapped when she was giving me looks and calculating my movements.
“You won’t do this,” she tells me but being the asshole I am, I picked a stick to shame her and to prove a point.
She only shakes her head and raised her red cup to her lips to drink.
The face Mariana would’ve made if she were here flashed before my eyes but I tuck it away after taking the first inhale.
‘She’s not going to find out.’ I told myself and relaxed. It’s been so long I did this. I get the feel but my girlfriend doesn’t like it so therefore I have to stay away.
After work, I just wanted to go home and rest in her arms but home wasn’t worth going when I returned one of her missed calls while I was at work but she didn’t pick and rather texted that she’s spending the night at her house. I was on my way home so I just turned around and thought I could pass some time with the assholes.
“How’s your relationship so far lover boy?” Ronnie grins at me like the pussy he is.
“You didn’t think I will answer that.” There is no fucking way on earth I’m going to discuss my relationship with them. No fucking way.
My eyes flick around then fall on a golden hair. The owner was no one else but Aria. She wasn’t alone. A guy with… wait. He’s the same guy I saw with Mariana on Val’s day.
I wanted to kick his ass before Mariana explained that nothing brewed between them.
“Hey, bugaboo.”
I pretended not to have heard. I wish I didn’t because the next her lips are on my cheeks and she was straddling me.
“The fuck Aria. What are you doing?” I speak with the stick between my teeth.
“No, you tell me why you are so proudly doing shit in front of everyone?”
“What do you mean?” Our face is just inches apart and I’m surprised she isn’t bothered by the amount of smoke I’m throwing into her face.
“I guess you forgot but I will remind you anyway. You’re in a relationship a girl belonging to a topmost famous influential family here and you recently came out into the limelight after winning that title. Eyes are busy watching you and you just sit here and smoke shit. What if camera comes in and you’re published all over the news?” She smirked.
For once, I agree with this infuriating girl. I totally forgot myself. I could ruin Mariana’s image if shit like this comes in the news.
“Bundle yourself from me this minute.” My voice is stern and she just glowered at me.
I hiss and got her off myself.
“You can thank me.” She winks.
“Don’t you have company?” I raise my gaze to the guy who if not for certain little things will look just like me.
“Yeah, I forgot about you.”
“Thank God.” I looked on the table in front of us and without thinking, I packed shit into my pocket and went upstairs.
This is the last time. I won’t do it again. All thoughts of my girlfriend’s possible reaction are forgotten as I get lost in this illegal shit.
The effect is on me full-on as I got out. I feel so alright. Not up to what I get with my girl but relatively. Mariana is my main drug. She can’t be compared to this scientific shit.
“Fuck, watch your way dweeby pussy.” I curse while climbing down. Someone just brushes his or her shoulder against mine..no is a he.
“You say?” The asshole fucking asked.
“I say fuck off.”
“This is what your girlfriend did and I had her bent over my black car and rode into her mercilessly.” He remarked.
“You say?” My jaw hangs. What is he blabbing? I turned and it was that asshole with my girl on Val’s.
“Didn’t you wonder where your babe was on Val’s? Well, I was fucking her.”
“Huh?” I’m seeing red already and my anger is boiling over.
“You don’t talk about her that way you hear?”
“What are you gonna do?” He smirked.
“One more dick word and you’ll see.”
“She was easy and so I fucked her.”
My brain traveled completely away from me and all that is present is my anger and the adrenaline rushing through my veins. My bleeding knuckles didn’t get to me as they do a great job on his face.
“What did you say again? You fucked her? Say it again fool.” He doesn’t know how much I’ve been meaning to destroy his face when I saw him that close to her and now he’s proudly blabbing rubbish about my girl.
“Stop it, man!” Evan said and after so much effort I got off the asshole. He spits out blood and stumbled away.
I checked for my car key to leave when a group of town thugs stormed the party. They came for me and it’s that asshole.
The energy was there so I didn’t spare them though and my friends joined. It got brutal and the next is the police siren I heard. It happened so fast and I only realized when I was cuffed and made to enter a car that sends me to the police station.
I knew I was done for this time when the drugs were found on me. I even forgot that I had them on.
Mariana is going to be so disappointed in me. Forget that. I don’t know how I am even going to face her. I know what to do, I won’t speak a word If she starts scolding me but then, she’s going to get madder if I keep mute.
What do I do? All this is so messed up. This time Paula won’t be able to save me after knowing what I did. Fuck, I don’t even want her help.
Now Mariana is going to know all the things. That this isn’t my first or second arrest.
“Where? Who are you and what happened?”
“I will say you should come to the police station and get your questions answered. He’s in a holding cell at the moment. I don’t know for how long.”
“Which..which one?”
“Near to ANU, the city police station.”
The call cut and I stare blankly at my phone for what seems like forever.
Wow, Novan. Now I will have to drive at 11 pm to almost campus. Pray it’s nothing serious.
I dialed his number and it went through but he didn’t pick. Well, he can’t pick anyway because he’s been arrested and for the second time already.
I wore a bra under his t-shirt and wore sneakers with a beanie on top of my head. I pick my car key with my phone then cash though I took my card. I got out and drove away, only stopping to get gas.
After two hours and over, I parked my car at the exclusive parking lot and stepped out. I inhaled and exhaled before going inside the building. I prayed this is some dream but after seeing Courtney and Evan’s girlfriend, I know it wasn’t a dream. She got up from her seat when she saw me.
“Thank God you’re here.” She sighed and we walked outside.
“What happened?”
“Well..” her gaze dropped to the floor.
“Is it serious?” My heart is in my throat. I hope she says it’s not serious.
My heart is now in my mouth when she nodded. “It’s serious Mariana. We don’t know how we’re going to get out of this one.”
“We? Who’s locked along with him?”
“Nina, Ronnie, and Evan but they’re all in separate cells.”
“What did they do?” I dread the answer.
“Well, you know Donovan…I mean they do drugs right?”
“Oh, God.” I gasped and my hands went to my hair and almost knocking my beanie away.
“Calm down okay. It’s not all about that..”
“Then what?”
“There was this guy. I don’t know his name but he provoked Donovan at the party. He was saying some things about you and Donovan couldn’t hold it. I think the drug was part. After he beat him to a pulp, the guy went and brought some bad gangs to the party. There was a brawl and Ronnie and the rest couldn’t stay calm. They were all on it so..it got brutal and the police have to intervene. They wouldn’t have arrested them but then they found it on them and their test results gave it away. It’s so complicated and the police are not willing to let go of them.”
Party? Fight? drugs? Which is worse? All of it.
Novan promised not to smoke or have anything to do with that thing so why did he do it? He said when I’m not around is when he does it but I’m here now and we had a good time in the morning before he left so why? And why will he party instead of coming home to me? Thought that was what we agreed on. I can’t believe instead of coming home after work he went to party and got himself in trouble.
Once again I feel Novan lied to me. He has been lying about the drugs. There is a possibility he still uses it and telling me that I make him happy and when I wasn’t there the drug helped was all crap. I was here but he went to do it. I wasn’t even mad at him. We were good and I was looking forward to having him at home.
“Say something.”
I looked up at the Courtney girl and shook my head. I’m speechless and I don’t know how to take all this.
“You’ll help them out won’t you?”
I didn’t talk. Until I talk to the chief police, I can’t say anything.
“I will like to see the officer in charge first.” I walk back into the police station.
An older man turns to me.
“You must be Mariana, please come with me.”
I followed him to his office and he made me sit.
“I was the one who called you.”
“He’s your boyfriend right?” He pointed to an image on his PC and I nod. It’s a photo of Novan’s ID.
“And you’re aware of what he does?”
I looked at the man who’s greater part of hair is turning grey. Will he arrest me also if I say I know that Novan smokes and use drug?
“I’m not going to arrest you. I know your family very well so I can’t accuse you of being his accomplice. As a father and not just the police I am, am just concerned about you. It’s not normal to see a girl like you with that type of guy that it becomes suspicious. Is he really your boyfriend because I don’t wanna believe.”
Here we go again. I resisted the urge to roll my eyes.
I saw Novan before going ahead in this. I knew what I was up against I just didn’t know the details and I won’t blame Novan for anything. I just want him to change for the better. I don’t want any of this for him but it seems he’s not trying to help himself either.
“Please don’t judge him, I’m sorry.” I can’t stand anyone saying anything bad about Novan even if it’s the truth. Yes. I know he’s trying and nobody sees that except me.
“So you know about him doing drugs?”
“He doesn’t do it but I don’t know why he went for it now, peer influence I guess. Please pardon him.” I rubbed my temple. My eyes are starting to burn out but I know I can’t close my eyes knowing Novan is locked up. I just lied to get him out. Since I said today is his first time, he will be pardoned with a warning and that’s all. I will talk to Novan and he’ll listen to me and he’ll stop, right? I wish but it’s not simple as I’m thinking.
“Don’t cover up for him. This is the third time he’s been arrested and two out of it was because of drugs and he was cautioned.”
“What?!” I try not to seem surprised but it was impossible. I didn’t know he’s been arrested before. How could he hide this from me? I can’t believe him.
“Is there a way I can get him out of here please?”
“No, he’s going to be punished this time. He’ll keep doing it if we make him go every time.”
“Punished?” My heart stopped to beat.
“And what’s that?” I dread the answer.
“He’ll earn a criminal record, his traveling to other countries will be restricted, two years imprisonment and a million fine.”
I feel my face pale and I forgot to breathe for a minute.
There should be a way out. Novan’s life will be ruined if he should go through all that.
“Is there not any other way? Please?” I begged.
“I didn’t call you to discuss this with you but I did because he’s your boyfriend and none of his relatives is around. I learned he drank and hit his father in Melbourne. The poor man is still struggling to live and he destroyed some properties as well then today he together with his friends used ‘legal highs’ and caused a brawl. The victim he has beaten is in the hospital as we speak. This can’t keep going on without legal action against him. We won’t wait for him to abuse the drugs further and get someone killed before he’s punished dully. He deserves a punishment to be reformed and you know it.”
Okay yes. He needs to be punished but before that, he needs a last chance.
“With all due respect, I know using drugs in this country is against the law and anyone involved should be punished but he could be your son. His life will be ruined if he gets a criminal record and nobody is going to employ him.” As I said this, I remembered his new job at Applebee’s. What if they hear about it and fire him? His records will be tarnished.
“Please sir, there should be away. Let him go and I promise he won’t do it anymore.”
“There is only one way.” He said and I saw a tiny hope.
“Get him a good lawyer to represent him at court.”
My little hope is smashed. I just want Novan out now so we can go back home. I don’t want to do any court thing and I don’t even want anyone to hear about this.
“Is that all?”
“I’m sorry. This is a sensitive and important case and the outcomes are always dire. I can’t do much.”
“What of bail?”
“Until he gets a lawyer, he won’t be out of here and that’s why you are here. Get him a good lawyer.”
I can only count on my uncle to get me a good lawyer but calling him now is like calling my dad which I don’t want. This is a side of Novan that I’m hiding from my family, the world.
I looked at the man and he looked decided. I won’t be foolish enough to apologize further or offer him money.
“Alright fine but you can do something for me.”
“What is it?”
“I don’t want a leak and the last people I want them to know is my family. Please, this information is going to ruin him if it should go out.”
“If you don’t want your family involved then how are you going to save him?”
I didn’t answer. I don’t know how I will do that but I will figure it out soon. First I need to make sure this doesn’t get to the media. It’s going to spread like wildfire and I won’t be able to do anything to clear his name after that.
“Just please,” I begged once again.
“With how he’s behaving, how are we sure that he doesn’t put his hand on you, and yet you’re hiding it because you feel you love him?”
“Excuse me?!” I didn’t know when my palm slammed against his desk before telling myself that I need to calm down. I puff air out and count to ten to control my anger. This man here is clearly older than me but he’s crossing every line. Who’s he to assume that of him? Novan will never hit me no matter what and I know it.
“I’m just saying. He’s violent and you can never know what he would do.”
“But he’ll never hit me.” I defended.
“Alright. I will try to keep the media away and keep the boys informed. Your secret is safe for now.”
“Thanks,” I said coldly and got out.
I can’t believe I wasn’t able to do anything. I’m madder at myself than Novan right now. I should be able to get him out here without even having to beg. But then, this is a big issue. Novan has been cautioned before for the same thing but he didn’t change so the right thing is for him to receive his punishment.
“What did he say?” Courtney asked me when I got out and Evan’s girlfriend looked up at me with puffy eyes.
I walk her outside and we leaned on my car.
“First tell me what the rest are doing.”
“Nothing is working. Evan’s dad used to get them out but then he’s mad at us. Eva can’t tell her parents because she left them to stay with Evan. Ronnie’s family came including Nina but none was successful. We were hoping you can help.”
Now I feel guilty for going in there and fighting for Novan alone.
“I wasn’t successful. I failed.” My eyes are glossy and I blinked the tears away. I feel helpless. If only I could tell someone in my family. It won’t take a minute to get them out but I don’t want them to know about Novan’s addiction. I don’t ever want them to know.
“Can you take me to him?” I asked.
Courtney nodded sadly.
{Loving him with all his flaws.}
The last time I was screaming perhaps because I thought beating up my dad was the best thing and getting locked in it was an offense against me.
This time is different. I can’t cuss anyone out or yell. Nobody is even here except for me and the guard with a stone hard face. I will break it for him if he dares look at me… whoa Donovan. You’re barely out of this one and you want to jump into another.
I moved away from the light in the cell into the darkness and watched my shadow on the ground.
This is so fucked up.
I wonder what Mariana is doing now. Is she sleeping? No, she can’t sleep. She’s busy moving about and calling my phone. Or she’s informed and she’s on her way.
At that thought, my stomach turned. I get that familiar indescribable feeling I always get when she’s around. It’s like the air got thicker or something. I can feel her presence. Is she here?
I turned and almost choked on my breath when I saw her standing a feet away from the bar in my shirt, tight jeans, and a beanie over her head. Her expression was hooded so I couldn’t read her.
Her eyes fought through the darkness to look for me and I didn’t want to strain her eyes so I stepped out of the darkness and pad slowly to her. Her face is neutral as she examines me with her lips pressed tightly together. A frown creases her forehead but she didn’t say anything. Just then, she turned and walked away.
She didn’t turn or stop.
I looked around for something I can kick but nothing except the walls. Thankfully, my hand is not cuffed today.
I moved about angrily with a burning chest. She left me. I’m never going to get out of here. I balled my hand and aimed for the wall.
“Stop it!”
My hand stopped in the air and I turned to the voice.
“Stop it okay?” She said quietly. “Come.”
I dropped my hand and walked hurriedly to her. She spoke calmly to me and I should be relieved but I can’t ignore the anger at the back of that calm voice I’m sensing.
“Thought you left me.”
She sighed and looked up at me but didn’t say anything. I don’t like how calm she is. I’m used to her shouting and scolding me. With that, I know and feel all her emotions but today she’s so quiet and unbelievably calm.
She had a first aid kit which she dropped and went for a chair.
What? Why would she clean my wounds here? Are we not going home?
“Do you have any seat in there?”
I looked back and saw a bench.
“A bench.”
“Bring it and take a seat.”
I obeyed and went for it. I sat and she also did, facing me. I wanted to ask her what was going on but I held it.
She stared at my hand which I believe is badly bruised and she sighed again then her eyes went to my face which I also sustained some cuts on my lips and brow.
Her hands passed through the bar and she took my hand, examining it before going for a small towel which was soaked. When she swiped it over my bruised knuckle, it hurts but it’s a pain I can take and not show it out. However, I remained an asshole because I desperately wanted to see a reaction from her so I flinched.
“Ouch, fuck.” My eyes shut and I throw my head back.
“Sorry.” She says and blows air over my wound. She kept blowing air as she cleaned the wound and I did well to mutter hurt sounds.
“I’m sorry.” She says again and I nod. She disinfected it and bandaged my both hands neatly. Next, her hand moves to my face and she cleans the cut as well then puts a band-aid over the side of my brow. She only disinfected the cut on my lips then packed the tools back into the box.
“Mariana.” I got her hand when she stood up to go.
“Will you come back again?” My voice is pleading.
“No.” She shakes her hand from my grasp and left.
She’s mad at me of course. I won’t blame her but she won’t leave me here, right?
Seeing Novan behind bars broke my heart especially when I have no idea how I will get him out.
Why did he have to do this?
I’m mad at him but the only reason why I didn’t talk much to him is that I don’t like his state and I will cry if I open my mouth.
I put the kit back and looked through my contacts. It’s 2 in the morning and everyone should be asleep.
Maybe I can call Dave Anosova but then if I can tell him about our situation, what prevents me from telling my own family? He’s not a family though my dad considers him a brother. He likes me to but will that be enough?
Morgan’s father will only have to make a phone call to get him released but he’s going to tell Amy and even after telling her not to disclose it to my mom, she will because they’re best of friends. Same as my dad and Morgan’s father. They barely hide anything from each other. I won’t even think of my mom. So it’s a dead cause to try and get help from my family though they could help easily.
I wish I could just give a bribe to get him out but then, it’s a crime I don’t want to get entangled in . Besides, that man doesn’t look like someone who can be bribed.
I went through my friendlist then dialed Edward’s number. He’s the only person I could talk to among all my friends. And he’s the only one who knows a little about Novan. He won’t judge him or our relationship. He has even tried to help Novan a few times and he supported him during the competition. As far as I am concerned, I know he’s a nice person and a good friend. I don’t know why Novan doesn’t see it.
“Hi, Mariana. Are you okay? It’s late.”
He doesn’t sound like someone who’s sleeping.
“I’m sorry for calling at this hour..”
“It’s nothing. I wasn’t sleeping anyway. You can tell me what’s wrong.”
“Why haven’t you slept yet?”
“I will be graduating next semester and I need the perfect GPA of 4.0. You know what that means.”
“Yeah. Then I won’t disturb you further.”
“No, you’re never a disturb. Tell me what’s wrong.” He asked gently.
“Well, please don’t tell anyone about this if I tell you?”
“Okay, what is the matter?”
“Novan.” I spurt. I tried to fight my tears away.
“Yeah, what about him? Have you get a hold on him finally?”
“Yes but he’s been arrested and put in prison at the city police station.”
“What happened? Did he do something?”
I nodded before realizing he won’t see it. “He did something, Ed. Something serious.”
“It’s okay. I will be there soon but you don’t have to keep waiting out there. Find a motel close by and rest in there while I come.”
No, I can’t go to sleep and leave Novan here. I got into my car instead and waited for him to come. I keep the engine running and with all windows rolled up, I on the AC and rest my body in the seat.
I don’t know but I think I must’ve slept. A knock from the window caused my eyes to open and I quickly checked the time. It’s three, meaning I’ve slept for at least forty five minutes. My eyes moved back to the window and it was Ed. He came early. I was expecting him at four. I turned the engine off and got out.
“You’re here early.”
“Yes, I took the flight.”
“Oh okay.” Silent sits between us for some minutes before I start to talk.
“I’m sorry for bothering you this much.” I pressed my lips together.
“Is nothing. Just tell me what happened.”
I hope I’m doing the right thing.
“He was caught on drugs at the party yesterday and the police don’t wanna grant him bail. They said I should get him a lawyer to defend him at court but I don’t want all that.”
“And you don’t want to ask help from your parents for the sake of protecting him?”
“I don’t want anyone to start seeing him differently and you know my parents won’t want me with..well.. an addict. I can’t tell them anything.”
“I understand. How many times has he been arrested so far?”
“This is the third.”
He whistles. “For the same reasons?”
“No, just twice .”
He nodded. “I think the police are forgetting something.” He looks at me. “Come with me to his office.”
“Is there a way?” I followed him back into the station.
“Not really but let’s try first.”
My heart swelled at his kind answer. Edward is being nice even after what Novan did to him.
We passed the desk and in the waiting area, Courtney and Eva were busy dozing.
“You’re back.” The grey-haired man grins at me. “Is this your lawyer?”
“No, I’m not,” Edward said.
“Then..?” The man whose name I just saw on his badge as David trails, looking between Ed and me.
“I think you’re forgetting something chief.”
“What is that? Please take a seat and remind me of my job.” He mocked.
” With all pleasure, I will.” Ed smiled.
“According to the law, it is only after three cautions are given that the person can be put behind bars and Donovan received two cautions so you clearly can’t keep him here.”
Oh, I see. I didn’t know.
“You’re right young man but this is a different case altogether. He has been arrested thrice and two of it came as a result of a fight after getting high. He assaulted a man who still is yet to recover and yet another person today. He’s violent and such people can’t be allowed to move around. It’s dangerous.”
“I’m sorry to say but all you said doesn’t count. Yes, he assaulted a man but did he press charges?”
“Good, that is out and you can’t use it against him.”
“You don’t tell me what to do here.” David said sternly but Ed is not moved.
“I’m not doing that but the right thing must always be done. On what basis are you arresting him?”
“For using drugs and that’s a big deal.”
“But the law should be used don’t you think?”
“Don’t act smart with me. I know what I’m doing. The quantity of substance we found on him doesn’t grant him bail but instant justice.” David said with finality and got up.
I need to do something before he throws us out.
” Please let him go this time and I promise this won’t happen again.” I intervened.
“Don’t beg him, Mariana. Donovan only got two cautions and so he shouldn’t be arrested.”
“It’s okay Ed.” I turn to the police officer. “Sir I’m begging again if not for me, for my parent’s sake whom you know very well. Take my word and let him go for today.” I said pleadingly.
“Alright.” David sat back. “For your parents.”
“You’ll let him go?” I’m hopeful. I hope this time he agrees.
“Only because I don’t want their reputation to be ruined along with this. You’re dating him and if anything goes wrong imagine what the headlines will be like. ‘Mariana Dominguez is dating a drug addict and her parents are solidly in support. Could it be that they’re involved?’ ” he mimicked a female journalist’s voice.
“I don’t want that so I will let him be bailed but not next time if it happens again. Nobody will save him again if he should be arrested for the same reasons.”
“Thank you so much, sir.” Tears spilled from my eyes. I’m so relieved. “Uhm..what of his friends?”
“They also have one last chance just like your friend here said. All of them won’t be spared the next time.”
“Thanks again, sir.” I smiled through my tears. I held Ed’s arm and we head to the door.
“Listen.” We turned back to David.
” You can’t bail them out until tomorrow. It’s a punishment by law and I won’t change anything about it and be thankful to your friend. If he hadn’t brought that argument then you’d have received a court notice already.”
He’s right.
“Seriously, I don’t know how to thank you for this. You don’t know what you just did for me.” I wiped under my eyes and stood in front of him when we got out.
“You don’t have to thank me and I didn’t do anything. I made the effort because I love you..”
I paled…
“Yes, Mariana. I did this because I love you as my friend. You’re my friend are you not?”
Thank God. “Of course I am.” I smiled in relief and walked into his arm to hug him. I was scared that he did because of his love for me and I will have to pay him to return but he said he did it out of our friendship. I’m so grateful and lucky to have someone like him. Novan thought wrong about him.
Edward stayed around until daytime before leaving and promising to come back but I told him not to.
Courtney, Eva, and I went for breakfast for them. I told them about their release date and they were more than glad. I also am but I am still mad at Novan.
“I think we have to go for some sleeping pill today or after the guys are out.” Eva, the girl who was also bathed in tattoos and most times wore clothes that always thugh matched with those of Evan’s said and Courtney laughed.
“Pills?” I look horrified but they just laughed and Eva began to tell me some funny experiences they’ve had before while partying which got me clutching to my stomach while laughing so hard.
“And you know what again, we got invited to watch a band concert we thought was going to be fun. We prepared so well but what we didn’t know is that the band’s only specialty is putting the audience to sleep. Evan, Donovan, Nina Ronnie, and I slept it through. I was like fuck. Since then, we have named the band in our own way from the experience we had. We call it SP band.”
“As in sleeping pills.” I chuckled.
“Correct.” She gave me a thumb up with a smile and throws her copper hair to the side to reveal her multiple ear piercings. She’s slim and pretty. I never thought she’ll ever talk to me with how she always remains quiet whenever I’m around. At first, I even thought she and her boyfriend were siblings.
Novan refused his breakfast and I didn’t force him to take it. He can’t put me through this trouble and expect to be pampered.
I spent the day with Morgan and Betsy at my penthouse. They were surprised to see me and I just have to tell them that I came to visit them.
“There was a fight at the frat yesterday and I learned the police arrested some people. If I had given into you then we would’ve been behind bars now Betsy.” Morgan said to Betsy who had her head on his lap.
“Really? Who were those that got arrested?”
“I didn’t bother to ask. Was your boyfriend there Mariana?”
“No,” I said rather too quickly.
“Good. If you guys were not dating I’m sure he would’ve come to that party and got arrested.” Morgan said.
“Let’s talk about something else.” Betsy raised her head and winked at me.
I have a feeling she knows that Novan got arrested or even if she doesn’t know, it’s just a matter of time before she finds out because she’s a part of that group of theirs.
“Something like?” Her boyfriend brought her head back down on his lap and brushed his hand through her hair.
“Something like her married life so far.”
“Who?” Morgan looked at me and I look away.
“They got married, Morgan.”
“What?!” He screamed.
“You can talk to him about it when am gone. Don’t do it while am here please.” I said to them but Betsy didn’t stop. She narrated all that I said to her in her own version and they wouldn’t stop teasing me about it until I had to get up to leave.
I left not because of their teasing but just because I was worried about Novan and at the same time feeling guilty over the fact that I had to leave him all alone there. He must be feeling so lonely and bored but then that’s how it’s supposed to be in prison. I hope after this he learns else I don’t know what else will make him stop using drugs. I can only help him the little way I can but the whole process depends on him. He might not be responsible for the wound his parents inflicted but he’s sure responsible for his healing.
Knowing that he didn’t take anything in the morning, I bought him dinner before arriving at the station but then, visiting time was over. I had to talk to an inspector before I was allowed to see him.
My heart goes out to him just by seeing him sitting on the bench inside with his head bent to the floor and his hands buried in his hair.
He must’ve sensed my presence so he raised his head and his eyes fell on me before he took them away.
“I got you dinner.”
He didn’t say anything.
“I said I got you food.”
“Get it away from me okay?”
“Are you not going to eat?”
“What I want is to get the fucking hell outta this disgusting place, not food?!” There are anger and frustration in his loud voice.
“Don’t shout at me,” I say quietly.
“Of course. Why haven’t you gotten me out of here already? Now you’re here busy throwing food at me as if am some kind of pet you kept in a cage. How the fuck do you expect me to eat with my condition?!”
I wanted to just throw the food with the bag at him and go back home but that won’t have helped in any way.
I put the paper bag which contains the food I got him on the small table beside the chair I sat on to clean his wound.
“I didn’t send you to do this Novan. Don’t make it seem as if I’m the one who l got you into it.” I’m surprised at my calm voice and composure when I badly want to scream at him and throw something at him for doing this.
“Yes but I’m not eating.”
“Well then, don’t. It’s fine.” I huffed and sat my ass down. My hands rest on my lap and I have my gaze ahead, not looking at anything in particular.
“So you won’t get me out of here?” He says after a while.
“I tried okay but we’re going tomorrow.”
“I can’t see how you tried. I’m trying to but I just can’t see it. You sure must be taking pleasure watching me surfer alone inside here.”
“Has the substance perhaps passed through your head? I mean the wrong way? Speak another nonsense and I will be out of here and never return. Trust me.”
“You won’t do that to me.” He challenged…
“Well then dare me.” My voice is icy. I tried that much to make it possible.
He went back to sit and I rest my head against the bar. He sure didn’t dare me. I prayed silently for tomorrow to come early so that we can be out of here as I closed my eyes not to sleep but I sure did.
“Mariana.” Novan’s voice wakes me up. I opened my eyes and looked around. “What?”
“I need water.”
I nodded and gave the entire bag to him in case he changes his mind about the food. I closed back my eyes after giving it to him. I don’t want him to feel awkward or ashamed to not eat with me awake.
“Are you sleeping?” He asked.
“Yeah. Anything?”
I sighed and folded my hands on my chest with my head still against the bar and my eyes closed. I’m relieved when I hear him open the pack of food. I was worried that he wasn’t going to eat.
Light snores close to me made me open my eyes. Novan is close to me than before. He has pulled his bench near to me and now My head is resting against Novan’s even though there’s a bar between us. He’s sleeping with his mouth slightly open just like most of the time and It’s cute. I want to peck him but I have to remind myself that I’m angry at him. I got up with a smile knowing that it’s already morning.
I went to the desk and opt for his bail finally. I paid the bail for the four of them and signed at where I was supposed to. Courtney and Eva were right behind me. After signing the papers, they were released and Novan strolled to the desk and signed. The others did the same and when we were about to leave, David came out.
“I hope you told him that next time won’t be like this.”
I nodded and he disappeared back to his office.
“Thanks, majesty.” Ronnie grins at me while Evan gave me a nod.
“I can’t believe I spent two nights here. So fucked up.” Nina said and run her hands through her multi-colored her. “Thanks, Bambi.” She winks with a grin.
“Do you need a ride?” I asked.
“No thanks. We’re close to campus anyway and we need the fresh air so we gonna trek.” Evan answered with a smile.
I smiled back at him and at the rest and walked to my car to wait for Novan.
I got behind the wheel when I saw him coming. He opened the car and got in beside me without a word.
I drove out of the lot and soon hit the road. My mind raced to find ways to break the uncomfortable silence between us but none came. I stole a glance at the passenger at my side and he had his head resting on the headboard with eyes closed as he hummed quietly a tune.
I focused on the road and increased speed. He offered to drive after an hour but I refused. We got home and after parking the car I jumped out.
“Where were the two of you?” Nervisa asked when I entered. She looked behind me and walked to meet her brother. “And Nova, you look a wreck. What happened?”
“Nothing how are you.”
“Fine that you are fine.”
“Good. I will freshen up and come down.”
“You too?” Nervisa turned to me and I nodded.
“I will be waiting here while you clean up and come.
“Alright,” I said and took the stairs after Novan.
“What the hell was that stupid police saying to you?” He growled once I entered.
I just knew something like this would happen and I am so ready for him. Bring it on Donovan.
{Loving him with all his flaws.}
I looked at him and I’m refreshed with all that he did and the pain from it. My anger boils as I stare hard at him than I’ve ever done.
Say something else again Novan. My subconscious challenged and began sharpening her mouth to lash out at him than she’s ever done while searching for boxing gloves along.
When he didn’t say anything but turned away to the bathroom, I believed he got my message and how furious I am.
I walked to the closet and got something I could wear out then a towel and my toiletries before heading out to take my bath in the next room.
I came out of the bathroom but there was no sight of Mariana anywhere to be seen. I hope she didn’t leave me for her parent’s house.
I didn’t mean to ask her about the police in that manner. I guess I need to get a filter. Think before talking, yes. But we actually need to talk. I want to know what she thinks about me after what I did.
I walked to the next room which we used for Evermar’s nursery in search of her after going downstairs and she wasn’t there.
I put my ear to the washroom door but didn’t hear the water running like I expected it to be when someone is bathing.
I opened the door and there she was in no clothing facing the toilet. I walked on my toes to her and I saw her emptying some pills in the toilet.
“What are you doing?” She stilled for a second then flashed the pills.
“What are those pills?”
She turned and picked a towel to wrap around herself with one hand. My eyes traveled to her other hand and I snatched the packet from her.
It’s the birth control pills I told her to get. Why did she waste them?
She was already out of the bathroom before I could ask her.
“What is this about Mariana?”
I picked my clothes back and walked to our room while he followed. I found the pills in the toiletry bag and I had to dispose of them as I see not their use anymore.
He got into the room a second after I did and slammed the door shut.
“I’m talking to you so fucking respond to me Mariana. What the fuck is going on?!”
I ignored him. After what he did he still has the guts to yell at me. I just won’t mind him. He always keeps doing things, things that only threaten to pull us apart, and I’m done. All that I told him the morning before he left for work fell on deaf ears. I told him not to mess our peace up. I told him to avoid trouble but he went out and did the worse. Something he promised me he was never going to do again. He’s old but he doesn’t act like it. I’m not trying to say he’s not sensible enough but he’s not responsible in certain ways. How can he go out there and do shit? As if it was not enough he had to go and fight. It’s about time he knows some things are never done.
“Jesus! Talk to me fucking Mariana!” He collects my clothes from me and tosses it to the ground. I tightened the towel around myself and looked up at him. He’s quite the tall guy.
“If you’re losing it just because I’m not talking then just imagine how I should be after what you did?”
“Sorry okay.” He breathed out.
“Sorry is not going to solve anything.”
“And so you’re mad at me? You’re angry?”
“No, I am more than angry at you for everything. Just how dare you Novan!”
“Fine if you’re angry so are you going to give me the silent treatment or leave then later come back? To me? We all know that you can’t live without me either so quit this quickly and let’s get back together.”
This is what pains me about him. He doesn’t seem to regret his actions the way he should. He think it’s normal to use drugs in public.
“You know you’re in no position to be even talking, Novan. Can’t you see how serious this is? The depth of what you did?”
“What can I say apart from sorry? I’m at no fault.”
“Oh really?” I’m shocked. “Offense number one you Novan.” I poke his chest. “You fuckin didn’t return any of my calls and while I was at home going crazy waiting for you? Number two, You were out there partying and doing what you’re not supposed to. What I heard was your arrest and I had to drive over right in the middle of the night. Number three, you fuckin hid the fact that you’ve been arrested before and had me looking like a complete fool after I was saying a lie to save your ass. Number four, you lied to me that you won’t ever do drugs or smoke but you did it again and this time was worse. There is more I choose not to pinpoint but you’re here playing it off so cool as if it’s no big deal to be doing drugs. Do you think I want someone who does drugs? Or you think my parents will allow me to be with you after they find out? No! I love you but you must know there are certain things I can’t do for the sake of it. And putting up with an addict who refuses to help himself is one of it!” I stepped away and gathered my clothes from the floor angrily.
“You think I’m not trying?”
“No, you’re not. For all, I know you’ve been sneaking secretly to have it behind me.”
“Then what? You told me that you only do it when I’m not around but Novan I didn’t go anywhere. We fucking slept in one bed, so close. We were okay. I wasn’t being annoying. I forgave you and said I won’t leave you. What did you do after all that? I can’t believe you’ve been lying to me! I can’t trust you Novan!”
“No Mariana. I don’t know what happened. I missed it and.. I felt like..”
“doing it.” I finished for him with a snort as I struggle to put my panties on.
“I wasn’t lying when I said I get lost without you. I was never happy and when I take it those days, I forget everything. I found peace and pleasure as well as bliss in it. But it’s not the same anymore because now I have you. You make me feel all those things. I never lied to you and about Friday, I.. just..I don’t know. I miss doing it and I just thought I could do it for once. I’m sorry.”
“I don’t think your efforts to stop this is enough. We stay away from things that harm us Novan. If you know you can’t resist if you see it then avoid it. You knew very well that shit like this goes on at the frat party but you went. So impressive of someone who wanna quit.” I picked my bra and fumbled to close it at my back after the third loop unhooked.
“I didn’t have anything to do. I was bored and you were not going to spend the night. Party at that time felt like a good idea for me.”
“Who says I was not gonna spend the night? ”
“What? You did? You said you’re going to your parents.”
“Stop lying or you’re drunk? Tell me, how much rolls did you burn down?” He looked puzzled.
“You texted me, Mariana. I was coming home so I had to turn. I didn’t have anything then.” He said seriously.
I studied his face and I saw honest. He’s not lying.
“But…I didn’t text you. I was calling but I didn’t.. text?”
“Then who did?”
“I don’t know.” I went into thoughts. Did I text him and maybe forgot? No way. I wanted to spend the night with him.
“Can I see it?”
He got his phone out and showed me the message. I became more confused. He’s right. I looked for my phone and checked my messages. I saw it.
* Thank God you called back though I couldn’t pick. I was calling to tell you that I won’t be spending the night at your place but with my parents. I’m sorry.*
I looked up from my phone at him in confusion. I didn’t do this. I put the phone down on the dresser.
“Did you give your phone to someone?”
“No. I only left it in Ed’s car..” I looked at him and prayed he didn’t hear. But then, I knew he did when I heard his deep breaths and the angry look he wore.
“What did you do with that bastard again?!”
“Nothing and don’t call him that.”
“I will. What kind of a person are you?! You were busy having fun while I was away..”
“Stop it! Nervisa and Marion were with us and we only went for an ice cream which we came back quickly. I left my phone in his car and I had to meet him to take it. That’s all.”
“No that’s not all. The asshole probably saw my call when it came and he texted me that bullshit. Think Mariana.”
“Are you trying to say he used my phone to text you?”
“You can’t be saying that.”
“Why can’t I? Oh because you don’t trust me but him?”
“Not that and stop making assumptions.” Novan doesn’t like him so I know that’s why he’s assuming that. I believe him that he received that message but then, I don’t think Edward will ever do that. Why would he even do that? What for?
“I told you he likes you and now he has started doing things to get us separated. I wish I killed him when I had the chance.”
“Edward doesn’t have bad intentions Novan.”
“Only because you’re naΓ―ve. Whatever he’s doing he’s just fooling you.”
“No. I say he’s not whatever you think.” I defended my friend. After what Edward did for me and him, how can I say that? He hasn’t given me any reasons to doubt him and I know Novan is just being the jealous freak he is.
“So you’ll be spending time with him? I told you Mariana. I told you to stay the fuck away from him but No. I don’t know what anymore. It kills me. Can’t you just obey me for that alone?”
“Do you ever obey me?”
“Don’t use my addiction against me. You know it’s a bit hard but I stopped entertaining Aria and all other girls because I know how it feels to see your lover with someone who has an interest in him or her. Edward loves you can’t you see? God! Your cluelessness is so fucking annoying I swear. You don’t know how that fucking feels for me when you’re with him and you say you went for a stupid ice cream? I can take you for ice cream. How can you allow him? What if he bewitched you or did some kind of voodoo powers on you. He must’ve passed it through the ice cream that’s why you’re strongly supporting him against me, your boyfriend…”
“Stop being ridiculous.” I want to laugh but this is not the time.
“You tell me how many times I should get it into your head that Edward is a good human with pure intentions especially for you? You don’t even know that he was the one behind your release. He has always supported…”
“Hold on! Hold it the fuck there. What did you just say?” He steps dangerously closer to me and I feared so I backed away. Sometimes Novan. can be so intimidating…times like this.
“Novan I…” I wanted to take my words back but I stopped. Not this time.
I stopped going back and looked straight at him from above. “Yes, Novan. Edward actually saved your ass if not you’ll be in court by now.”
“What nonsense! How? You were supposed to do that.”
“Then you’d have gracefully said bye-bye to me.”
“What? Why? You’re affluent.”
“You’ve forgotten that I haven’t actually made any name for myself unlike you. I’m only recognized around because of my parents therefore I’m popular but that doesn’t mean people will do as I say because of that and the police are definitely among those people.”
“So?” He stepped away.
“I couldn’t make the police release you and the only way was to bring my parents in and you know that wouldn’t have favored the both of us. My dad will be saving two people. Me from you and you from getting your life ruined. I will never be with you if that happens and I didn’t know what I should do. I called Edward and he helped.”
“The fuck! Why would you allow him into my issue? How could you do this to me? You fuckin told him something so confidential. How dare you and him?”
“Stop being melodramatic and be grateful.”
“You say?”
“Be grateful. He actually helped you and nothing can change that.”
“Grateful my foot! I didn’t ask him to help me and I don’t need it. I would rather take help from my bad daddy.”
“It doesn’t matter who rendered the help. Just be grateful even for the little things always.”
“Oh please, cut that crap! I know who the fuck to take help from and who I shouldn’t and that stupid fellow you’re so obsessed with is not part of those people. I will prefer to rot in there.”
“Really? I didn’t know this was how much you enjoyed being locked in there if not I will be fast asleep on this bed and wouldn’t have bothered. I regret making the effort, seriously.” I definitely don’t mean this. There is no way I will sleep peacefully knowing he’s been arrested.
“That’s a lie you’re telling me. I know.”
Of course, you’ll know. I care a lot about you.
I finally picked my top and threw it over my head then dragged it down. I’ve been arguing with him just in my panties and bra all along and didn’t even notice.
“You know what, that stupid Edward is responsible for what is happening now. He did this to me.”
“What did he do?” I asked.
“Don’t ask that now. I seriously hate that you’re blind to his antics. What is wrong with you?!” He’s yelling.
“Why don’t you tell me what you think he did?”
“I was coming home to you after work then I decided to return your call but you didn’t pick. I received the message I showed to you. If i had known that there’s Amandla number two in male version, I wouldn’t have believed the message but how am I supposed to know?”
“Okay let’s assume he actually did send that but did he tell you to take drugs?”
“No but he’s the one who caused me to do it. I get bored when I’m alone that’s why when the text said that, I had to go to the party.”
“I don’t think you should be blaming anyone but yourself. Don’t put it on anyone else. Novan you’re responsible for everything that happened okay!”
“You don’t believe me but one day you’ll know. I assure you that.” He said softly.
“Know what?”
“The real Edward. I just hope it’s not going to be too late then. I hope.”
“I also hope,” I scoffed.
“So tell me when all this occurred. Is it this morning?” He asked.
“Your rendezvous with Fucking Edward.”
I rolled my eyes at his choice of words and picked my loose sweat shorts to wear. “He came to the station at three in the morning and left in the day.”
“At three you weren’t with me but with that asshole? You practically spent the entire night with him while I was dying inside there in the hands of mosquitoes.”
“And you were at a party.”
“It’s better than you going about in the middle of the night whoring and flaunting your new-found lover..”
“Enough Novan! I won’t take more from you. How can you call me a whore? Would you love it if I should say I kissed him?”
“That’s why you shouldn’t be giving me the ideas.”
“Whatever but you shouldn’t be calling me that. You’re the one who went to a party and got into a fight. Which is better?”
“I was fighting for your honor and now I doubt if I did the right thing.”
“And what do you mean?”
“That your Valentine boyfriend said he fucked you is it true?”
Courtney did say he was provoked so was it this?
“You know me…how can you ask that? Just listen to yourself.”
“That is what I also don’t get so I beat him up.”
“You knew that I can never do that so you shouldn’t have reacted under normal circumstances but you were high along with your senses to be able to comprehend that he was only messing with you. That is what that stuff does.”
” It’s not it. If I had not taken anything I would’ve still beaten him you know why? I can never stand anyone talking rubbish about you like that. God, he was saying he fucked you for goodness sake. I could kill a man for that.!” He paced about like someone who’s mad and I dropped down on the edge of our bed.
“Why did you go take the drugs Novan? Why?” I asked quietly and his movements stopped. I’m looking forward to having a peaceful communication with him.
“Answer me truthfully. Why did you take it?” My voice is ten times calmer.
“I missed it so I couldn’t control the urge when I saw it.”
“Is this the first time you’re seeing it after the last one you took on the new year?”
“When?” I raised my head to look at him.
“After I got released last week, I went to meet Nina and she had it in possession. I didn’t take it.”
“A lot was going on at that time. You broke up with me and I just got back from being arrested. I was emotionally and physically drained. I needed time to digest everything going on and doing that just didn’t seem right. I needed my brain to be able to think and figure a way out. I was about to take it though but it felt like I will be losing you all over again. All was part and I couldn’t and I thought I’m over it until Friday at the party. I couldn’t control it.”
I gave a nod. I’m pleased with how calmly we are talking. I’m proud actually.
“You know it’s bad right? I mean for your health and mental stability.”
“I know I know.”
“Why don’t you stop it completely?”
“It’s not that easy.”
I know, Novan. I know.
“Do you remember what I said the first time I saw you doing it?”
His eyes seem like they’ll pop out any minute.
I feel my palms wet and my heart skipped unsteadily. I remember part of what she said and now I’m scared. I’m scared again.
“You said something like you’ll.. you’ll end us.” My voice shakes in apprehension.
“I will end you and me if you go back to this I promise. Taking drugs and smoking is the last thing I can deal with. I rather leave my life alone than with an addict so bear this in mind next time you feel like smoking pot or taking a sniff.”
She repeated her words from several weeks ago. I palmed my face before running my hands in my hair. How did I forget that? She said those things to me with conviction.
“Do you remember?” She asked in that icy tone she’s been using on me lately.
I nodded. I feel tears welling up.
“It’s happening.” She muttered coldly. ” I love you Novan but this complicated relationship of ours is overpowering my love for you. I realized it’s not always about love. Sometimes, it’s not enough.”
What! My heart stopped beating.
“No Mariana.” My breath is deep and heavy.
“Please not again. I can’t deal with it. I’m sorry. I love you so much and I can’t do without you. I beg you please.” I didn’t know when tears began to fall from my eyes. I’m getting that kind of deja vu feeling already. I swear I won’t be able to survive this one.
“Please one last chance. I won’t fuck it up I promise.”
“You can’t keep doing this Novan. You need to stop.”
“Yes, I’ve stopped. I swear. I won’t ever again. You mean more to me than anything on this Earth. You’re my all in all, my everything. Please.”
“I’m not actually leaving you Novan. I’m here. I will stay with you.”
“Then?” I’m crying. The depth of my love for this girl scares me sometimes. I love her too much. Is this why she trashed the pills?
When I saw his tears I looked away. This is also so hard for me but this is the only way. I realized something and it seems that’s the only way to help him. I want to help him not to ruin him and if that means drawing a distance between us, I will sacrifice.
When Novan and I weren’t together, he said he didn’t take it because he felt he was going to lose me if he does it. I was mad at him at that time and during that time he didn’t use drugs. He went back to do it once we came back together. He felt he had nothing to lose so he didn’t think twice before doing it.
If I give him some distance, he will think twice before trying to do it. He’s going to try to impress me. To try to show me that he changed to get me back.
I know he will.
“Mariana.” He got closer.
‘Novan’ my heart calls him back. I hope he hears it.
He sat in front of me and put his head on my lap, crying. “Please Mariana. I fucked up. Forgive me just this last time.” He cried harder into my lap and I felt my tears rolling down my cheeks.
I wiped them away quickly and pretended not to be affected. I want to comfort him so badly. Why’s our love so painful? This relationship of hours have always been like this. Tears and pain. Why?
I just want Novan to change for me. I want him to stop having anything to do with drugs or smoking. I don’t even care that much if he gets a criminal record or imprisoned or the fine because I will be here for him. What I can’t take is if something happens to him. What if he loses his mind or gets his organs affected? He will get sick and maybe die. That is worse and I don’t want to take any chances. He’s my life. I rather suffer today by drawing some space for some time to see that he changes than enjoy now and suffer later.
“Get up Novan.”
“No, I won’t. I won’t…I won’t.” He hit his fist on the bed continuously like a child.
“You’re the only one who can save me, Mariana. Why do you wanna go? Who will save me then? You calm me, you give me hope. You give me peace. Only you. You’re my redemption don’t you know? How will I survive without you? I’m truly sorry. I was even being an asshole earlier. I’m sorry for that also.”
Just because I love you I have to do this for you, for us. I’m sorry also.
I’m not breaking up with him but things are not going to be the way they were. Just a little hardness and he’ll be fine. We will be fine. I love you Everett.
“You have to get up now Donovan.”
“I beg you.”
“Okay fine.” He got his head up but didn’t leave my front. I got up and walked to the door.
“Don’t go.” He said and when I turned, he was looking at me from where he was kneeling looking so venerable than I’ve ever seen.
“I’m not,” I said quietly.
{Loving him with all his flaws.}
I managed to gather myself off the floor but wasn’t successful to make it out of the room after she left without turning to look how broken she made me.
I don’t know what to think anymore and I don’t want to blame her. Nobody will want something to do with someone like me but she took an interest and instead of being a nice cute fellow for her, I’ve been fucking up.
I’m not even angry. Not at myself and not anyone. I’m just sad, sad that I’m this way. Even sad that I have to love someone so deeply that I have to be at her mercy. That she can make and unmake me without even having to try. I’m sad and reeling in an emotional turmoil about my whole life and how dark it was until a ray of sunshine suddenly spread in it then it had to go off and I’m back in my darkness. She’s the ray.
I love her and I know there won’t be anyone on this Earth who can love her more than me, not even close. I love her with everything that holds me together. I love her so much that I can die for her. Not being dramatic. And I know I will love her until the day that I die. And for that, I’m willing to go into a process of complete betterment for her. I will.
I’m on the bed with my eyes glued on the door and my ears at alert, waiting for the familiar soft gentle thuds of her feet towards the door but it never came. Instead what I hear is that of my sister’s and I quickly snap at her and send her off.
And I spent the night alone. She did come but not to sleep. Picked shits and left me.
Sleep abandoned me as I had my mind racing and concoction ways and things to do from this day on…I want my forever and happily ever after with my Riana so therefore I can never and don’t ever want to part with her.
“So what is bothering my sweetheart this time?” Mum smiled softly at me and spinned slowly in the chair.
“Nothing.” I faked a smile.
“No lying. I know you.”
“I know you do but there’s nothing.”
“Just Friday you were so happy and glowing then on Monday my daughter is off. It’s not normal. I want you to be happy always for me.”
“I’m happy.” I lied.
“No, you’re not.”
“I am. Just have a lot on my mind that’s all.” I assured her with a smile.
“Have you been able to go to the doctor?”
My heart skipped.
“I haven’t but I will.”
“Okay. Since you won’t tell me what’s bothering you then I’m leaving for my office. And if you need anything at all, know that I, your mom, will, and will always be here for you no matter what.”
“Thanks.” I smiled in appreciation. I will never forget how fortunate I am to have Ana Paula as my mother. It’s just sad that I can’t really tell her what I’m facing in my relationship. Not that I can’t tell but I refuse to share something that Novan has only shown to me to her and especially when I know it will destroy the opinion she has about the man that I love. The worst thing I can ever face is someone degrading Novan for who he is and that is one thing I like about Edward if I must say. He never judged him except for once at the restaurant and I will like to assume that it was because he was shocked to learn that Novan is my boyfriend. It’s not him alone, a lot of people are surprised when they know he’s the one I’m dating.
I hope that man knows somewhere in his heart where I live and breathe in him that never will I leave him for how will I even function without him? I must be seriously mad. And he’s a bit silly for thinking that I will leave him when I’ve not even done anything about him yet. The process of change is, and always difficult, and this is just it for us just like how a piece of metal is melted and changed to something new and beautiful yet no one knew what it looked like before and the whole transformation process it went through to be what it looks like now for everyone to love so much and admire. That is how I want Novan to come out. Refined. It’s not going to be easy for us, guaranteed.
I’m missing him so much and it’s been four days. My lust for Novan is huge but can not be compared to my love for him. However, the two combined are a strong lethal feeling, so powerful and empowering. I miss him. We’re so near yet so far away from each other. I will really need the courage and self-control to be able to pull through and not let my yearn and crave for him magnify the magnetic pull that already existed between us.
I really don’t know how I’m going to survive it because I’m dying inside from missing him already. It could be the worst punishment ever and it’s pulling me down. I can barely think and do anything if not thinking about him. Spending the night outside of our room in itself wasn’t easy and that is why even though not in the same bed, we will be in the same house. That way my heart will be happy and I can appease myself. If I can’t get close, I can at least see him, fantasize and fangirl, swoon and drool all at a distance.
The way his lips move slowly when he speaks and the way the words roll out smoothly. It’s my favorite and such a delight to watch that. Even the way he stands in the kitchen then walks about leisurely yet majestic moves as he goes about picking things in the fridge. How his Adam’s-apple bob when he drinks or his eyes are on me and oh the way his tongue rolls over his lips to give it moisture makes me jealous of it. And when he smiles, God, Novan has the most charming smile ever and how his teeth are set, pure and perfectly lined. That body that is so muscular and hard yet soothing when it’s against me. How tall and athletic he is and just how mouthwatering his looks are and the perfectly molded sculpture he is. He has it all, just name it. And I love him completely, not anything of him is left behind.
The day is almost over and I packed my things to go back home, the excitement wasn’t there because Novan won’t be home. He’s probably busy at work and will only come home in the evening. I pray he comes early so I can see him before going to bed.
“I’m taking the lead mom.”
“So soon? Anyway. Have a nice evening. I will be leaving soon after.”
“Yeah.” I kissed her on the cheeks and left.
Just when I’m out and about to enter the car our driver brought, I saw Novan’s car pull in and I watched as he stopped and his feet got out first. I didn’t believe that it was him after seeing that and not even after the full body was out. My eyes travel from his feet to what he wore on his leg to his top and the air is knocked right from the lungs when I see his face. Holy moly!
You’ve got to be kidding me!
I stood rooted to my spot, utterly mortified through and through. I’m amazed, shocked even.
My jaw hangs open as I take in his new look thoroughly.
My boyfriend…well my husband is wearing dress shoes, I mean shiny shoes, neatly ironed dress pants and a dress shirt, sparkly clean. He had a haircut and his hair is gelled and brushed to the back unlike how wild it used to be falling over his face. What is causing my shakeup is that he took off every single metal from his face and even ears.
Shyness is clear in his steps as he walks closer to me since I wasn’t making the effort to move my legs.
“Hi.” He said but didn’t look at me.
“Novan.. what..God,” I stammer.
“I..uhm.. don’t you like it?”
I shake my head. I don’t know what to think. This…I didn’t expect.
“Why?” I finally asked.
“Thought I could take you for a proper dinner and well… I..yeah.” he fumbled with his words.
“Why? I didn’t request it.”
“I thought..well..we haven’t done this before. Don’t you want to?”
“I want to.” I agreed. I haven’t finished checking out his ‘new look’
“Thanks.” He smiled and even though it didn’t bring his perfect dentine out, it managed to take my breath away.
I walked behind him to his car and he stopped and opened for me when we got there. He rounded the car and came to sit beside me behind the wheel.
I tried so much to not look at him through the drive but I failed miserably. It’s nice actually but I miss his previous look and I like that look more without reason. Maybe because that is what shows who he really is. The real him. Right now, to me, he’s not being himself.
I knew he’d ask for, I’ve been staring too much that I must’ve made him uncomfortable.
He also doesn’t like to be stared at.
“Why did you do it? You removed your things.”
“I don’t have a particular reason. I just thought I should change my looks maybe.”
This is not right. After what happened and now he went to do this. Novan, how wrong you thought. I don’t really care about your looks and doing this, this whole change over didn’t do anything because it was never what I expected and want you to do and I never want you to adapt to this new look. I’m grateful for satisfying my curiosity because I’ve always wondered how it will look like to have nothing on your face and now I’ve seen it and I realized I don’t like it.
“I didn’t do this for you.” As if he’s reading my mind.
“This is just a step to becoming better and I don’t see why I should have those things in my face. If not for the title I won, no prestigious company would’ve employed me, and even now, the people I work with look at me weirdly as if I’m some new creature. Everyone does that. The weird looks. I never cared about that before but I do now and I don’t know why. But I really wanted to take them out of my face and I will do it at some point anyway so it doesn’t matter if I did earlier.”
“If I remember correctly, you have them on your face at what happened to you at each point of your life. They were like a reminder of what your parents did to you. You took them out so does it mean you’ve forgiven them?”
“No. This has nothing to do about my forgiveness. You know I don’t ever want to forgive them and I won’t repeat that to you, got it?” His face is in a deep scowl.
How quickly he can switch mood from sweet and shy to angry and harsh.
“Okay, so what about the looks? You’ve never worn this before. What’s up?” I admired the designer shirt and his trousers. The haircut is on point, adding an additional handsomeness. It’s all cuteness overload.
He didn’t say anything and I took in a deep breath.
“Look Novan, I love you, not for the way you look. It’s nothing like that so don’t ever think you have to change to be in a certain way for me to like you. No. I love you just the way you are and I never want you to try and be another and please don’t try to impress me with this, it won’t work. You’re unique the way you are and my favorite. Don’t forget that ever.” There’s clarity in my voice for it to sink deep in him.
He looked at me and didn’t say anything but I noticed the relief and the silent breath he puffed out.
This is what he has to know. I’m not in the least bothered by his looks at all.
“And you should’ve told me about this dinner so I can put something properly on.”
“You don’t have to. You look beautiful always.” He said to me.
“And so do you. You’re always beautiful.” I replied to him.
His neck and ear show a shade of red and he focused on the road. “I get it.”
“Good, so where are you taking us?”
“Where do you want to go?”
“I don’t know but I would like it if we go home then we can have that dinner you planned on the balcony on Val’s day and I want you to cook.” I love to watch him cook. It’s another of my favorite pleasures.
Yeah, or what do you think? Actually, you can do what you intended. I’m cool” I told him.
” No. I will do as you say and maybe we can go eat out some other time if you don’t mind of course.”
“I mind. There isn’t going to be another time.”
He gulped and blinked for a few seconds as sadness flashed his face but quickly disappeared.
I’m sorry but If we keep having dinners this way then where is it gonna take us? To bed of course and I don’t want that.
“I’m sorry.”
“It’s okay.” I turned to the window and he sighed.
My eyes stayed glued to the door when I heard footsteps. “Fuck.” I curse when I see them.
“Stop right there all of you!” I tried to stop them.
They came in their numbers.
“We didn’t know you’re here and why would you forbid us from entering?” Ronnie asked.
I saw Jamir raise the tattoo gun to where I chose for him for the third time to draw and stopped him. Next is a quote I want on my collarbone, right under a tattoo I just got especially for the queen of my heart. She’s always been my queen even in high school where we weren’t dating. She’s always been.
“I don’t want these assholes to see it before my girl does. Wait for a sec.”
“Don’t be a pussy. It’s just a tattoo.” Nina walked inside and took a seat. The rest trouped in.
“Is Courtney getting a tattoo?” I teased.
“Yes.” She smiled.
“What are you getting?”
“Barbie and a chipmunk.” Nina cackled.
“No. I actually want a smiley sun tattoo. It will be colored bright yellow.”
“Lame.” Eva, Evan’s girlfriend said.
“It’s good don’t mind them.” I hide my smile. Sun is okay. I don’t know why she wants a smiley one. It reminds me of Mariana’s sleeping pants though.
“So what did you have?” Ronnie asked.
“Not your business.” I snapped.
“Don’t mind him, Ronnie, he wants his wife to be the first to see it.”
“Maybe dude got her tits.” Ronnie let out and the rest burst into laughter.
“If you know what the fuck is best for you then shut up before I fuck your face up,” I warned. “Go on Jamir.”
I inclined in the seat and Jamir powered his machine, he then leaned over. I welcomed the slight sting as it moved at my collarbone slowly to form words that make perfect sense to me.
It’s been ten whole months. I still can’t believe it. A lot has happened in those hours, days, weeks, and finally months.
It was nothing but trauma for me. Not only did I miss her but I missed doing all the other things throughout these ten months. I don’t smoke, I don’t take a sniff, I don’t hold her, I don’t do anything. I just go for therapies to help overcome my addiction.
Things happened that got Mariana closer to Edward to my annoyance. I try to look unaffected but it’s killing me inside and I’ve been begging for another chance for us to come back but to no avail. She’s obstinate and headstrong. I’ve done almost anything but we’re not like we were before.
We don’t sleep in the same bed, we don’t get naughty. Just friendly kisses when we’re parting for our classes. She doesn’t smile or talk to me freely like we used to so our conversations are always short and straightforward. It’s boring. She’s so near yet far. She doesn’t even look at me and it’s been a long time since I looked into her beautiful eyes, feel her lips, body, all the things. Even though we’re living together, it’s strange. I’m always scared and I get the feeling she’ll wake up one day and pack out of my house and life. I dread that day and I’ve been praying that it doesn’t come. I hope.
Jamir rubbed cream over the new words I had engraved on my body and put the bandage over it.
I took my shirt and got up to behold my friends grinning stupidly at me.
“Ardently, my whole heart idolizes you,” Courtney said slowly and Eva took it from her with the next line
“You found parts of me I never knew…”
“Shut up both of you!” I put my shirt on.
“Seriously man. What happened to you?” Nina gave me a sad look.
“Love happened to him.” Ronnie remarked cockily.” He even went ahead to take off his metals and now he looked just like a lovely adorable pretty nerdy boy. Aww, things love can do.”
I almost gagged at his words. I hate them and I don’t want to be like that.
The first time they saw my face bare without the metals, they freaked. Everyone did both at work and school. Not forgetting Mariana’s shocked yet surprised look the first time she saw me. Honestly, I didn’t take them out for her. I just didn’t see the need to have them on my face anymore. But it’s been ten months and everyone is used to it but my assholes of a friend won’t stop talking about it. And also, Paula had to give me a tight hug for this and it was quite awkward for the both of us. She didn’t mean to. However, I saw that she was happy. She loved that my face is now clean.
“It didn’t do him good. I must say. Look how he’s grown lean and always thoughtful. He doesn’t hang out with us often and if we hadn’t stalked him here we wouldn’t have seen him. It was better when we were in school but worse after vacation. I don’t ever want to fall in love. I think it’s a pain.” Nina wiped her fake tears and I bit the inside of my cheeks.
Falling in love is good but it depends on who you fell for. Loving Mariana is the best thing I’ve ever done in my life and I will never regret ever falling for her. I will keep falling until my last breath. That girl brought meaning to my life in every way possible. He made me see a lot of things I’ve been blinded to and still doing even though we seem not to be anymore because of my addiction which I’m still fighting but it’s better. I want to get over it then maybe I can be worthy of her love again. And I can’t wait for that day to come.
I’m just sad and terrified at the same time with how she’s so close to Edward and I can’t even do anything to stop it. I have gone a few times to warn him to stay off and that she’s my wife but he won’t listen. Mariana is adamant and I didn’t want to get her angry by putting my hand on him again even though I badly want to break his legs. I can’t stand that guy.
I’m doing everything to be better for Mariana and that’s all I’ve been doing the past months. I’m not doing better but am trying but I’m really tired of seeing her with Ed. I’ve tried to stay unaffected but it irritates me to the core that I go mad. I don’t know how long I can go with that. I seriously don’t know but I think I will just let everything be. I’ve done everything and she was supposed to take my words seriously that seeing her with him kills me. It’s been killing me and now I’m choked on it. A snap and I will be gone.
“Here we go. He’s zoned out again.” I heard Ronnie’s voice and I blinked a few times before reaching for the door. I want to see her even if we won’t talk.
“See you guys around later,” I said.
“You look miserable!” Evan spoke for the first time.
“Thanks,” I replied and left.
I got my phone out to call her when I saw a text she sent me. Just like every damn time.
*I’m out. With Ed for dinner. Will be home soon.*
I take in deep breaths to regulate my growing anger. I called her number and waited for her to pick. “The fuck Mariana! The fuck..”
“Excuse me, it’s not her and stop cussing..”
“Oh, you shut the fuck up Edward. Why the fuck are you with her phone? If you know what the fuck is good for you kindly give the phone to her let me talk to her.”
“I won’t. What will you do?”
“I see, you know she’s my wife right?” Calling her my wife has never sounded this good.
“It doesn’t count. It wasn’t a proper marriage.”
“Of course.” I bit the inside of my cheeks again. It’s already ten months and every night and day of it was spent in fear and hoping the year never comes to an end so that we will remain married but I don’t know if I want that again. I brought the phone down from my ear and latched into my car.
That’s the limit.
I’m filled to the brim with this heartache nonsense, I won’t have more.
Let whatever will happen occur but this, I can’t take again.
{Loving him with all his flaws.}
“So what are you having?” Edward asked me.
“Anything you take.”
He nodded and looked through the laminated menu.
My mind drifts to Novan as Edward comes up with something for us to eat.
I wonder what he’s doing now. It’s really been a while and I wish it was him I was having dinner with and not Edward. Not that I don’t want Ed but I just wish it was him instead.
The first month was extremely difficult and traumatizing for me and I know it was for him too. The tension between us was so high that I had to hide in the forecourt of our room and I looked at him only when he wasn’t looking. And when our eyes mistakenly meet, we quickly look away and that was how it was. I couldn’t take it anymore in the second month. I went to my penthouse and kicked Betsy out. Not really though but I made her leave. I stayed there and what I did during those times is to sleep and cry. I barely eat. I look at his pictures on my phone over and over again. Just when I couldn’t take it anymore, one day he called and asked if I won’t come home and that he wants to be seeing me at least. I burst into tears on the phone and he sobbed along with me. I came home that day and his arms were where I ran into. I felt my resolve breaking away and I was giving up. But then I remembered his condition. In the third month, I spent most of my time at the orphanage and pretending to be happy in front of everyone. I stopped work and my parents didn’t question my decision. Novan leaves for school early and only comes back in the evening. And on Saturdays, he stays at the gym. Sunday is the only day we stay stuck in the house, trying earnestly to avoid each other. The fourth month was June. In June, Novan vacated and we began our therapies. It didn’t just happen because Novan blatantly refused and nothing I say moved him. Not until I found him doing that shit openly for me to see. I screamed at him but he didn’t mind. What he said was that,
“You don’t want me anymore and it’s hurting so much. This is the only way to deal with my sorrow so please allow me and don’t take it away.”
“Then there’s no need for me to be around you.” I picked a suitcase and threw it on the bed. I began to throw my clothes into it.
“What do you mean? You’re going nowhere.”
“I am leaving.”
“Please.” He threw the whitish substance away and wiped his nose. His eyes were red and turning in their sockets. He couldn’t even stand on his feet properly without holding me.
“Don’t go.” He said with eyes closed. Moments later, he regained his balance and began to smile then it turned to laughter.
“You can go, Mariana. Please go.” He said and walked out of the room, laughing.
That day I cried. Not for myself but for him. For the boy who suffered since his childhood and can not be happy without taking drugs and me. The boy whose parents neglected him and the boy who’s completely broken. I felt lost and defeated yet again. It was so difficult. The next day I was ready to leave when he came to sit in the car with me. “Why?” I asked.
“Thought you said we’ll go for therapy?” He worked with his hand on his lap and didn’t look at me.
“Yes but..”
“I’m sorry for allowing you to see me that way yesterday. I’ve been doing it lately because I can’t take it. But I won’t again so let’s go for the therapy. I’m ready to stop.”
I smiled at him with a nod. As usual, it wasn’t easy.
It was difficult for him as he always frowns when we’re about to go. And most times he will complain.
“Mariana I don’t think this is necessary. I have stopped, believe me.”
“It’s necessary.” I will say.
“The only thing necessary is you. You’re my therapy.” He will say.
“And you’re my therapy as well but I’m going.”
He won’t say anything again. I can choose not to go for the therapy and always take Novan along with me when traveling but how long will I keep doing that?
Similarly, Novan said I replaced the joy his drugs give him and that if I am around, he won’t go for it as much as he used to do and I think that is also part of the reason I chose to stay under the same roof with him.
I came to realize that, when Novan said he doesn’t take it when I’m with him, he only meant he doesn’t take as much as he will take when I’m not around. So I’m not really completely his therapy. I want Novan to stop that totally, not partly.
Novan’s addiction stage wasn’t severe so he didn’t go for detox but straight to treatment. Overcoming addiction is not easy. I saw it in Novan. He’s usually quiet when he’s at home and he’s always doing something. Never for a moment will I see him sitting idle. And there’s a particular type of snack he keeps taking probably to control his cravings. And he listens to music a lot this time and when he has nothing at all to do, he sits behind the piano and plays it. That is when I take a book and sit on the stairs while I listen to him and read. It became a routine.
He then went for cognitive behavioral treatment and that is what I’m also receiving so we drive there together when we have it. I started being affectionate towards him because I know it was what he needed during this time. I kissed him a few times though they were friendly.
After Edward’s graduation, our friendship kind of blossomed, and as usual Novan didn’t like it but I’m glad the farthest he went was giving him warnings to stay away from me. Edward is my friend and he hasn’t given me any reason to doubt him so far and so, I didn’t take Novan’s dislike for him to heart because a greater portion was because he’s jealous.
In the fifth month which was July, Novan and I started getting used to everything. He doesn’t frown when going for treatment or complain. And also, he doesn’t say anything about Edward and me again and when I tell him that I was going to see him, he just nods.
The sixth month was August and my birth month. My family threw a surprise party for me on my nineteenth birthday and everyone I ever knew was present, even Novan’s friends. My mum as usual gave them weird looks with a cringle nose but what awed me was when I saw her chatting with Novan at some point during the party. My greatest surprise was when I I’m told after the birthday party that Tricia was the one who organized it. She was the planner and Novan supervised the dishes. It was so good to hear though this wasn’t on a yacht. It was still great and I received a lot of presents that I’m yet to open. Dave was present and he announced his wedding which was set next year. My parents will be going so automatically, I counted myself in. I don’t know about Novan. My special moment was when my boyfriend/ husband pulled me to him in the middle of the hall in front of everyone.
“Happy birthday, Riana. I love you.” His nose brushed against mine. “This is what I would’ve said and done if we were together but since today we’re pretending, please take all of it. I won’t count it in my memories.” Then he kissed me.
I still remember vividly how his lips tasted and all the butterflies I felt in my tummy after so long.
The kiss went longer than we planned and we didn’t know until Morgan came to clear his throat behind us. “Gosh, everyone is watching and it’s almost five minutes. Get a room please.”
My embarrassment multiplied when the entire hall erupted in claps. Even after the party was over, my face didn’t lose the red shade. The next day it was all over the news, social media, and the newspapers. That kissing scene got edited and I feel almost everyone has it on their phone.
Tricia left after spending a week in the country and Nervisa is getting to like her more and more. As for Novan, I never saw him exchange a word with her.
Everything returned to how they were before my birthday and we resumed our therapy meetings.
The seventh week was September. Nothing changed between us except that our relationship seemed strained and I began to panic. Novan doesn’t get angry anymore when he sees me with Edward. It’s like he has grown immune or numb to it all at once. On the other hand, I assume he has finally understood that Edward is not a bad person. I stick to my assumption. I got my admission form and when college reopened, I went back to school. Still a sophomore. My parents wanted me to continue my major in English but I declined and picked business administration and studied English online. Literature and everything inclusive. Novan along with Betsy and every other person I knew in school before dropping out all were in their second year. Morgan is in his third year though. My brother is even 12 years and Nervisa also celebrated her 10th birthday. And oh, my two fairies are also walking already and will be 2years next month. Betsy and I get to spend a lot of time as we used to and I see Edward often because he has started working in his father’s company and he used to come to our house to see my dad. And his company is also not far from campus.
The eighth week was October and I took my first flight out of the country to test the effect of the therapy. I was nervous all through but it was better. Novan also stopped his medication. He didn’t relapse and I was so proud of him and he was excited to share it as well. It took him a lot of will-power and self-discipline to get there and I’m sure soon enough, he will achieve and maintain long term sobriety so that we can be back together. I can’t wait. Novan is really trying. I also noticed he doesn’t spend a lot of time with his friends and I don’t think he parties again. He also dresses once in a while when he’s going somewhere important. I can’t help but be proud but I’m still scared of my relationship and how it has turned out. I feel it falling apart and that the spell of love bounding us was fading which is not supposed to be because October is actually a special month for me. It was in October that we started dating and it was really rough. Nothing much changed as we’re not really together but I can say, Novan is no longer the Novan of a year ago. This Novan now after a year doesn’t smoke or party unnecessarily. This Novan now doesn’t do drugs and his anger is under control. He’s no longer showing quickly the rude part of him and his harshness and coldness. This Novan now is a bit softer and dresses nicely if not always but sometimes. He has changed a whole lot and that is why I’m so proud of him and why this month is so special to me. I’m just sad that we aren’t together to celebrate our first anniversary and I doubt if Novan even remembered. I stayed at the penthouse the whole day in bed and yet not a call did I get from him and nor did he come to see me. It’s really sad yet there’s nothing I can do about it. I feel this is right for us as it will bring the necessary change that we need for our relationship to survive.
In the ninth month which was November, exams started so I was busy throughout. Everyone was. Business administration proved to be difficult than I assumed and I want an impressive GPA in both campus and online school. I didn’t have a lot of time and I saw less and less of Novan though we both were living on campus but different houses. After weeks, exams were finally over and Christmas was just around the corner. Novan and I took the flight together instead of driving and he hesitated to hold me. I shifted closer and placed my head on his shoulder while his hand finally went around my waist. It seems our ailments have been overcome. My phobia has slid to 2% and Novan is doing fine. Zero smoking, zero sniffings. There’s only one scheduled treatment for us to take and that will be it. The therapist will just congratulate us with a little counseling and that will be it. We’re done. We’re free. I can have my Novan back fully and I’m sure not to toss him around anymore. There’s going to be our happily ever after.
Finally the tenth month and it’s December. We arrived yesterday and today Novan was out and Ed proposed dinner with me. I couldn’t refuse so here I am. I texted Novan that I was going out before coming here.
“So what were you thinking about?” Edward had his hand propping his chin as he stared at me with a small sweet smile.
“Really? The food came ten minutes ago and I had to get up to take your call. You didn’t hear it ring.”
“What? Someone called? Who?”
“Donovan.” He gave me the phone which I initially placed on the table when we got here.
“And..did you pick?” Please say no.
“I did, I’m sorry.”
“It’s fine.” I stared at my phone. I wonder what Novan will be thinking now. He has been distant and now this. I hope it doesn’t inform any bad idea in him. But first, I miss my old Novan. The Novan who will beat anyone if they come close to me but now it seems like he doesn’t care anymore. If Novan doesn’t react to what Edward just did, then I’m afraid to say I lost him. No, it can’t be! Please Novan. You can’t do this to me. I need a reaction. That’s the only thing I need now.
“Thanks. Shall we eat then?”
I nodded and picked the chopstick. It was a Chinese dish so… yeah. I looked at the variety of dishes on the table and went for the ramen. I remember Novan giving this to me and it was nice. I could give it another try.
I positioned the chopstick between my fingers then lowered them into the bowl of leafy green stuff and noodles with some light creamy soup. As I was taking it to my lips. My eyes met a familiar brown and black hair sitting in front of us but Edward was backing them. Only I can see. I recognized them instantly. Novan and Ciara. I met that girl a couple of times on campus and she tried to be friendly with me but I still don’t like her.
I spit the ramen back into the bowl and dropped the sticks. Two unpleasant things altogether. Neither is the food good nor the view in front of me.
“What? You don’t like it?”
“Yes.” My eye is on them.
“I’m sorry. You can try another.”
“No.” I objected quickly with my heart beating rapidly against my ribcage.
“What are you…” He turned around and saw what was causing my fume. It’s obvious he’s doing this to get back at me or he actually moved on and Ciara is his closure.
Before I knew it, I’m up on my feet and walking to their table. I want to sit back and pretend to be having a wonderful time with Ed but that will be too childish on my side and I’ve passed that ‘ do me I do you ‘ level.
It’s either I confront them or I leave out of here. I go with the first.