✍️✍️✍️✍️ The Kiss 馃拫馃拫馃拫馃拫 Episode 51 || 52 || 53 || 54 || 55 ✍️✍️✍️✍️

{That changed everything ✓}
When I was finally up from the couch, I walked to the bedroom and laid down.
I called Betsy and she said she’s on her way.
It wasn’t long before she came but as usual, she went to take care of her stomach and only came after she was done.
After she’s bathed,she came to sleep beside me.
“You don’t look alright. What did he do?”
I turned to her. ” Did you know that Aria attend ANU?”
“What! No way!. She can never attended this school.” She looked astonished.
I’m convinced that she never knew that Aria is in this school.
” This school is expensive you know. She can’t afford unless some rich ass helped her.”
She’s correct. I never thought of that. But who could it be?
” I saw her with Mergan.” I stated flatly.
“That’s not news. They’ve always been together.” She replied the obvious.
” Yeah but that day he didn’t call me and he didn’t prepare my breakfast then i went to see him eating with her..” I sound foolish. Why did I even mention breakfast?
” Wait wait. Breakfast? Why would he do that?”
” We made a deal, he cooks and I kiss him. His been cooking for three days now.”
” Wow. I’ve missed out a lot. When did all this take place? You even kissed him.”
I rolled my eyes. ” I only kissed his cheeks.”
” Still, you’re making progress. It won’t be long until the real thing happens.” She said optimistically.
” You’re talking rubbish.”
” I’m sorry. So you mean he neglected your breakfast for Aria?”
“Yea, that’s what am saying.”
” Wow, that’s what I call priorities.”
I felt bitter.
” So what happened next, did you guys fight?”
” Yeah, he left not long ago. I got angry and shouted at him so he left.” My face dropped sadly.
” Aww,do you wanna call him since it’s your fault?”
“That’s a massive ego you got there Miss Dominguez.”
I sighed and shot her a glare. “Mergan told me to get close to Shane to see if Novan will be moved. So I’m not calling him.”
” Novan likes you there’s no doubt about that. You don’t need to go ahead with what Mergan is saying. Besides it’s not going to yield anything. To be frank, you’ll just end up making a fool out of yourself in the end. I will even advice you choose between the two and break up with the other. Trust me, it will be worth it.”
” How can I ? I can’t do without either of them.”
” What? Don’t tell me you like both of them.”
” I do.”
” OMG! You’re in deep shit, bursted and trashed! How can you like the two?”
” Stop being overly dramatic. I like them yes, but not like the way you’re understanding it.”
” You look heartbroken Mariana. What do you want me to think of that? You love them, you just don’t know it.”
” Stop being sentimental about this whole issue. There’s nothing like love. I’m not ready for any romantic relationship. At least not with Novan.”
” Are you sure? I’m just looking out for you. If it will be best, stick with only one of them please.”
” It’s pointless speaking to you.” I ducked under the covers and closed my eyes.
I hear her sign then the bed dipped beside me.
I barely slept and when I woke there was bugs under my eyes so I took time to conceal it with concealer.
Betsy has already dressed and was waiting for me. I felt dull and weak and unhappy. Thank God today is Friday, just tomorrow and I’ll be seeing my parents. That should help brighten my mood.
After I was done we left but passed the popular eatery for a cup of coffee. I keep checking my phone from time to time in case Novan change his mind and try to talk to me but it never happened.
“You should stop checking your phone.” Betsy said, shaking her head as she pulled me along inside the eatery.
I looked around when we got in. The place was filled as usual with students. I stopped in my track when my eyes fell on Novan.
I felt like throwing myself to the ground and cry and maybe this new pain will vanish.
He was having a milkshake with Nina in one cup and they were talking and laughing like love birds.
I was sulking for him but he was here having a nice time with Nina. I wonder what kind of relationship he has with her.
But I think they fit each other. She also has those tattoos on a nose ring and all.
When Betsy saw that i stopped, she traced my gaze to where Novan sat with Nina.
She heaved a sign and we walked out of the eatery.
Novan didn’t even notice me.
“They’re just friends.” Betsy tried to make me feel better.
I shook my head and raised my hand to stop her.
We drove in silence until we got to campus and Betsy spoke.
“Will you be alright?”
“Yeah” . I smiled and got down.
My feet went stiff and my shoulders slackened like it has been loaded with something heavy as i walked dejectedly to class.
It seem Dylan was waiting for me because I saw him by the door.
I flashed him a smile and we got in. The front seats were occupied so I we sat at the back.
I tried my best to grasp what was being taught but it was unfruitful. I heaved a sign of relief when the class finally came to an end.
“You don’t look okay, what happened?” Dylan asked when the class was over.
I shook my head and kept my lips tight.
“Did someone do something to you?” He took my hand and squeezed it slightly.
I looked at him and hug him. My tears wet my cheeks and didn’t know why I was even crying. I hate that I don’t understand anything at all.
He rubbed my back and surprisingly, it comforted me.
“I’m sorry.” I said after I pulled back and wipe my tears.
“Do you wanna talk about it?”
I shook my head and rushed out of the almost empty room leaving him behind.
Once I was out, I started running to nowhere until I stopped in front of the library and entered.
I wonder what I was going to read in this state.
As if the universe doesn’t want to see me happy today, I saw the both of them in the library again pretending to be reading i guess. I mean Novan and Aria.
Just like the Usain bolt I’ve turned to, I took to my heels again and run to the parking lot where I got into my car and drove home.
When I got inside I threw my bag somewhere and sank my face into my pillow and cried my heartaches away.
I don’t know why I’m feeling so miserable. This is maddening, I can’t help it.
I didn’t know I slept but when I woke up, it was noon and I was hungry with a lot of missed calls from people but none from Novan.
I got one from Shane so I quickly called him back.
But he couldn’t pick.
I ordered a lot of my favorite junk foods thinking I will feel better after taking them but nothing changed.
Damn it!
I picked my phone and dialled Novan’s number.
He picked after some seconds.
“Hey!” I squeaked.
“Why are you calling me? Thought you didn’t want anything to do with me?”
” I saw you.” I said and closed my eyes.
” So?”
” I saw you with Aria and..”
” So what? Let me be please.” He interjected harshly.
” I’m sorry.” I whispered as tears sipped from my closed eyes.
“Oh are you?” He scoffed.
“Yes I am. Can…can..you come?” I sounded pathetic and desperate.
” Busy right now. Will you come to the party tonight?”
I stayed silent. I promised myself never to go to any of those parties.
” I know you won’t come. Bye.”
The phone went dead in my hands.

“Is there a party tonight?” I asked Betsy when I went to her place.
She looked at me strangely before nodding. “There’s a frat party. Why do you ask?”
“Will you be going?” I was careful wirh my words.
” I guess. I wanted to.”
” Then?”
” What?” She asked back.
” Won’t you go?”
” You’re being strange. What do you want?”
“Can I come with?”
” Are you mad? No you can’t! Have you forgotten what happened the last time you went.”
” Yeah I know. I just want to have some fun. I’m sure you don’t want me to look sad.”
“Okay, but no drinking.”
” Yes, thanks.”
” One more thing, it’s not a mask party.”
” I’ll manage.” I whispered.
I just wanted to see Novan that’s all. I want things back to normal; I don’t wanna fight with him again.
I’m foolish. I shouldn’t have blow up like I did yesterday. That was petty and irresponsible of me.
I let Betsy dress me up and I looked pretty after she was done.
My hair was covering my face enough for me to not be easily recognized.
I felt nervous when we started the journey. I can’t wait to see him, I miss him even.
“Is this the place?” I asked when Betsy’s car came to a stop in front of a big house.
“Yes, it’s a frat house.”
I nodded and we got down.
Betsy looked at me with concern as if it was sure about my decision.
I nodded that I was alright with everything.
I know this is crazy. Mum and dad will be here tomorrow and here I am at a party because of some boy.
I hope everything ends well because i don’t want my parents to suspect anything.
The room was filled as usual with students in scanty clothes dancing and grinding into each other.
Betsy held my hand as if I was a child and helped me out of the crowd.
I don’t like how she’s being cautious.
“I’m going to the washroom!” I shouted over the music.
“I’ll take you.”
I frowned, I’ll manage just wait for me here.”
“No you don’t understand, only boys live here…”
I hugged her and whispered into her ears, ” I’ll be fine. Just wait for me here.”
She nodded and i left.
The truth is I just wanted to be away from her. She’s treating me like a baby and I don’t like it.
I disappeared into the crowd then passing the kitchen, I walked on the stairs.
I pushed a random room and it opens. I peeked and what I saw almost made me to vomit.
I closed the door and ran back downstairs.
This young adults don’t seem to know their limits. They couldn’t be any less discreet.
I took the opposite direction from where I left Betsy towards a group of people.
I suddenly felt thirsty so i went to the kitchen and got some water, this time I was careful not to take any alcohol.
I push through the crowd to rhe living room then spotted a familiar figure. I felt sick when Aria’s face came in view and her legs were displayed on Novan’s laps. That was not all, he was trailing his hands on her long legs playfully and she was giggling. Nina was sitting beside him with her head on his shoulder.
Looks like the universe really didn’t want to see me happy today. Else could it have been anymore heartless.
I came here to make things right with Novan but now I feel like it would’ve been better if I hadn’t come at all.
“Mariana!” Someone called and it felt like everything came to a standstill as i felt everyone’s eyes fall on me including his.
His eyes widened in what I think looks like shock. Aria smirked at me and moved to his laps and …and..he didn’t stop her. Nina just stared at me as if to say what the hell are you doing here.
I shouldn’t have come here.
The short haired girl among their group appeared beside me with a bright smile.
“Want a drink?” She asked.
I forced my gaze from him ans tried to smile but all of my energy has been used to prevent myself from bursting into fresh tears.
I nodded and she gave me her cup.
Ronnie walked to me and wrapped his arms around my shoulders. “Long time no see” he laughed.
What is funny? I feel like slapping that laugh out of his face.
I have two options; I can either run out of here and make Novan see that he got the best of me and make him see that I was affected by what I saw and hence proving that I was jealous or I can stay and show him that i really don’t give a shit about what he does.
I go with the second option.
It’s not like I like him or he’s my boyfriend so he can do whatever he wants.
I can also do whatever I want.
{That changed everything ✓}
“I’ll just call Aria and join you guys.” I turned around and disappeared into the crowd.
Betsy was still standing at where I left her and when she saw me, she looked relieved and came to meet me.
“Are you alright? I got scared when you weren’t coming.”
“Yes I’m fine. You shouldn’t worry too much about me. Now let’s go.” I presented a smile.
” What are you holding?” She asked looking at the cup I took from the short haired girl.
“Water. Just water.” I replied.
She walked ahead of me, shaking her ass and singing loudly to the music that was being played.
I laughed and hit her ass.
“Thank God you guys came!” Ronnie shouted when we got to them.
I tried to avoid Novan’s eyes as I sat across him.
He didn’t do anything about the girl straddling him. She was still perched on him proudly. He seem comfortable with it and he wasn’t even looking at me.
“Where’s your other friend Betsy? I mean Ria?” Nina ask getting her head off Novan’s shoulder.
Betsy and i exchanged looks then i spoke before she did.
“I was the one.” I answered.
“I knew it. I thought you won’t admit it.” She smiled revealing the freckles of metal she has on her teeth.
“Why are you here? You don’t fit in.” Nina added and I understood. This is really not my place to be. My family will be so disappointed when they get to know.
I came to see this dickhead but he doesn’t even have my time.
The pair who’ve always seen together glared at Nina. They haven’t said anything since I arrived. Do they not talk?
” I came because I wanted to talk to Novan.” My voice was loud enough for him to hear.
” I’m busy.” He snorted.
I looked at him but he wasn’t doing anything apart from having Aria on his lap.
Is that what he call busy? I wonder what other stuffs he does with Aria in the name of ‘busy’
“BURN!” Aria shouted and laughed.
Nina joined her including Ronnie.
I looked down in embarrassment.
” Okay Betsy do the dance. We’ve been waiting.” Ronnie said and I looked at him.
” Have you all danced already?” Betsy asked already getting up.
“Nope, you’ll open the floor for us. Maybe Mariana can join since we’re dancing in pairs today.”
I was lost. What are they doing? And there’s no way I’m going to dance.
“You’re not expecting queen Elizabeth to dance for you are you?” Aria hissed.
” No, she’ll never do it.” Novan laughed.
” Why don’t we show her what we’ve got?” Aria asked.
Novan eyed her but didn’t say anything.
I stared at my nails then raised it to my lips.
I haven’t gotten over my bad habit yet.
“What are you waiting for Betsy?” The short haired girl shouted happily.
“No, we’ll start first.” Aria said and bounced on Novan.
He laughed and held her waist, giving her a squeeze.
She laughed even harder and began to whine and twirl her waist on him.
Those two has no shame. I feel disgusted with their behaviour but worried about the pang that keeps hitting my chest and guts.
“We wanted you guys to dance, not twerk. Get that into your girl’s head Novan.”
Betsy said while looking at me sympathetically.
I released my nail from my mouth and dropped my hand to my side.
I tried not to look at the two lovers but I failed miserably.
Novan took the cup in front of him to his lips then after he has taken a sip, Aria requested to drink some but she pointed to the one in his mouth.
Without hesitating, he beckons her closer and tilted her head to the side then captured her lip, transferring the drink into her mouth.
My eyes closed without my knowledge as I felt the air being sucked from my lungs. I suddenly couldn’t breathe and my heart drummed, deafening me. All I could hear was my heart beat.
I felt hot tears on my face, i couldn’t watch anymore.
Thank God I had my phone on me. I push past the crowd and stepped out. The fresh air filled my guts bringing me back to my senses.
Coming here was a bad idea and choosing to stay was equally bad. I wished I never came then I wouldn’t have to see this horrible side of Novan. I wished he wasn’t my friend and I wish he had not come back when he left.
I came because of him but he was too busy to even spare me a glance. What happened to our friendship?
I looked back as a part of me wished that it will be him but it was Betsy.
“I need the keys.” I requested.
“No. I’ll drive you.”
“The party hasn’t ended.” I told her.
“So? I don’t care.” She got into the car and waited for me to join.
I sat down and we drove in silence back home.
“So why did you leave suddenly?” She asked.
I have the feeling she knew why I left but just didn’t want to say it.
“I came to talk to Novan but he was busy. I’ll talk to him some other time. Yeah.” I smiled.
” Okay, you’ll be fine.” She said and stopped the car in front of my house.
” Thanks for taking me but I’ll like to be alone for now.” I said and got out before she protests.
I ran inside then stripping naked I went under the cold shower.
I stood under it as I my mind went back to what happened. The scene of Novan feeding Aria with the drink mouth to mouth kept replaying.
Must he do that right in front of me when he knows Aria and I are really not in good terms?
I hate Novan but I hate myself more for feeling like this. Novan is just a friend, I shouldn’t feel bad when he’s kissing someone.
When I was out of the bathroom, i picked my phone and deleted Novan’s number and picture from my phone.
I don’t want anything to do with him anymore. He’s a bigger asshole than I thought.
If anyone tell me again that Novan likes me am going to beat the person to a pulp.
He doesn’t like me. He never did and never will. The person he likes is Aria and Aria alone. Maybe Nina too.
After spending almost two hours on the bed and sleep was not coming, I got up and wore my hoodie then a denim short. I wore my Adidas shoes and picked my phone.
I scrolled through my phone and called the only person I thought will make me feel better.
If only I knew.
{That changed everything ✓}
I went back in inside and fetch my keys while I wait for Shane to pick the call.
Yeah I’m calling Shane.
After the third ring he picked up. He spoke in a sleepy tone so I was forced to look at the screen and it was 1am.
“I’m sorry, it’s late. I’ll see you tomorrow.” I apologised.
“It’s okay. What is it?”
” I wanted to see you.” I blurted.
” What? Now? Where?”
” Anywhere. I just want to see you please.”
He went silent for a while and i waited in anticipation.
” Meet me in front of the Cafe. I’m on my way.”
” Thanks.” I said and rushed out.
I got into my car and drove into the night streets.
Everywhere was quiet and I was suddenly wondering why I was going to see Shane at this ungodly hour.
When I got to the place I waited inside the car because it was freezing outside.
It wasn’t long before I saw a car approaching.
Sensing that it was him, I got out and leaned on my car as I rubbed my palms together.
The car parked beside mine and Shane came out.
He was wearing a similar hoodie as mine but his have a zip at the front. He wore only cotton pants with a converse and his hair was covered with a blue beanie.
“So I’m here now!” He jumped on his car and sat. ” Are you alright?”
I walked to him, nodding.
” What do you want to talk about then?” He asked and stepped down, closing the gap between us.
I shook my head. I’ve suddenly forgotten why I decided to meet him.
“Come on, say something.”
I looked up at him and our eyes met. How can two people look so much alike yet so different?
“I..I don’t know… what to say. I just wanted to see you.” My voice broke.
” Is everything alright?” His eyes flashed with worry. And his eyes looked a bit different today.
” No. Nothing is alright.” I shook my head as my eyes brimmed with tears again.
I was moved by the concern in his eyes and before I knew it, I was hugging him and sobbing.
“What’s wrong Mariana? Why are you crying? Did someone do something to you?” He rubbed his hands on my back till I calmed down.
“I’m sorry.” I whispered.
“No, it’s nothing. You don’t look happy. Tell me what I can do to make you feel better.”
My eyes searched his eyes then my hands move to his chest and grope the zipper. I remember what he told me that when I see his chest i will become his girlfriend.
Maybe i can finally make use of a boyfriend then Novan won’t flaunt his relationship before me anymore.
I can also have my own boyfriend at least.
His hand moved to mine stopping me from unzipping his hoodie. “What are you doing?”
“Nothing. I’m just ready.”
” Re.. ready for what?” He stammered and I could hear his heart beating loudly.
” Ready for this.” I pulled the zipper down but he quickly pulled it up.
” You told me that I’ll automatically become your girlfriend if I see your chest so..”
” You want to be my girlfriend?”
I nodded, blushing slightly. How stupid of me. Who would’ve thought that Mariana of all people will be asking a guy out?
“Are you serious?” He breathed as he moved his hand down. He didn’t put up any fight again.
“Yes.” I said and zipped him down. His chest came in view but it was not as I expected.
My mouth fell open as I scanned his inked torso.
His chest was covered with all sort of drawings
I didn’t expect this of him.
I looked up at his face and met his eyes again then my hands began to tremble and my lips quivered.
Those are hazel eyes not grey.
It was as if looking at his chest break the spell that has been casted on me unknowingly. Everything suddenly made sense.
How could i have been so blind, naive and stupid?
“No.” I stepped back and tried to fold his hoodie up as I prayed that it wouldn’t be what I’m thinking. I know that Novan’s left arm is covered with tattoos and i want confirm that.
“Don’t.” He stopped me and zipped his hoodie up. “It’s of no use.”
He rolled his sleeves down.
No. I don’t want to think that he’s Novan and that there’s no Shane.
” This…this..is.. it’s a joke right.”
He shook his head. ” I’m sorry but I have something to say. It’s not all about this. Let’s talk..”
I took a slow steady step back then another.
“You’re Donovan. There was no Shane.” I felt my entire body heating up and shaking like a leave.
All the anger I had for Novan melted into hurt. I was hurt beyond.
I palmed myself as the two personalities flashed before my eyes. All the happy times I had with Shane or Novan. All those times when I was so happy with them. It was all a lie. Why didn’t I notice earlier? Everything was right before me but I was too carried away to notice. I’ve been fooled and played.
It was all a game for Novan. It was his plan all along. He played with my feelings and made a big fool out of me. He has always made a fool out of me. The last time too he deceived me and disgraced me. Why didn’t I get the hint earlier?
He was never good. He never had any good intentions for me.
I felt a hand on me the I realized that I’d stopped walking and now crying.
“Stay away from me!” I flinched and stepped back.
I tried to picture the two faces and oh yeah, they’ve always been the same. Even the voice and their heights were the same. Everything makes sense now.
Novan has always lied to me over and over again.
“Let’s talk about this. There’s more to this than you’re thinking.”
“Oh yes, there’s more. I’m sorry for cutting short your perfectly laid out plans. ” My voice breaks into laughter.
” I’m sorry okay?. I really mean it. I didn’t want you to find out like this.”
” Sorry? Your sorry? Oh come on Novan. Enough of your drama, i really appreciate your acting skills and I’ve had more than enough. Wow! you even switch from one character to the other so easily and you do it so perfectly. I really appreciate your efforts Novan.”
He sighed and came even closer to me.
I remembered what he did with Aria and my anger boils over.
” Get out of my face Novan. I’m done playing this game with you. I’m done being the puppet you kept tossing each time you feel like.” I shouted in his face.
I nibbled on my lip to stop myself from crying in front of him as I took backward steps from him.
When I was away from him enough, i turned around and took to my heels. I forced my feet to move faster as I disappeared into the streets. I just want to be away from Novan and everything.
Once again, i wished we never met.
I’ve never really been the athletic type and i can’t remember the last time i exercised but right now, my adrenaline was in full effect.
I looked back and for once, i thanked God that he wasn’t following me but it still hurts that he didn’t.
When i got to the campus I rushed to the hostel and to Betsy’s dorm.
The door was left ajar and i was too hurt to think of why she left her door open.
I pushed it open and entered.
Some people say that, when you think you’re running from your problems, you’re met with a bigger one.
I should’ve stayed and given Novan a piece of my mind or go jome and cry myself to sleep but i came looking for a shoulder to cry on however, with what my innocent and naive eyes are witnessing, I am beyond shattered.
How could she? How could Betsy do this to me?
Here I was thinking that Novan is the only one who has lied to me but the friend I consider to be my sister has kept an important thing from me. I consider her my own so what was the need to hide things from me? I told her literally everything about me and she..did she not consider me her own?
I don’t care about Mergan but why Betsy? I loved her so much and perhaps that’s why it hurts.
They were too busy making out that they didn’t sense my presence.
Since when has this been going on? Mergan told me he was dating so it was her all along.
I stood transfixed to the same spot ; i couldn’t move any of my limps as I just stared at them.
When I was finally out of the shock, I found my way out quietly.
I wasn’t watching where i was stepping until i tripped and fell. In a moment, the two love birds were beside me.
“Mariana? What are you doing here? Are you alright?” Mergan asked and tried to help me up but I stopped him.
I managed to get up on my own and looked at Betsy.
She wasn’t looking at me but somewhere else.
“I’m sorry for interrupting.” I muttered and began to walk out.
” Mariana I would like to explain..”
She was following me.
I turned to her,” Please Betsy, I’ve had enough for the day and i need a break.”
She nodded.
I really hope she’s not hiding something else other than this.
I didn’t know how I got back to my apartment but I did somehow.
It was only when a message popped on my phone i saw my lock screen and burst into fresh tears.
There was Shane or Novan and i laughing to the camera beside the spring pool.
This shouldn’t be happening to me. I never did anyone wrong so what was Novan’s reason to play this games with me?
What did i do to deserve all this from him?
This is maddening. On the other hand is my only true friend and the other is someone i was really beginning to like but they both took me for granted. Novan played with my emotions and deceived me.
I buried my face in my pillow as I tried to forget about everything that took place today..
I sniffed and shot up as my blazing eyes land on the cause of the pain I was going through.
“What are you doing here Novan? Haven’t you had enough fun already? What else do you want from me?”
” I..I..” he tried to say.
” Get out of here Novan! Just go and never show your face. I don’t want to ever see you again!” I screamed loudly that my throats hurt.
” I’m sorry Riana but I’m not leaving this time. I have already done that too many times.” He runs his hand over his head.
He has now changed into his normal clothings and his tattoos and piercings were in full view now.
How did he managed to hide them away that i didn’t notice?
“I know i messed up but please give me a chance to prove myself. I just need another chance please.”
” Chance? Why should I ? I don’t even want you as a friend anymore. I thought we could be friends but you ruined it all and now.. ”
” I don’t want us to be just friends Riana…..I want more.”
What does he mean?
{That changed everything ✓}
” I don’t want us to be just friends Riana…..I want more.”
What does he mean?
” And what do you mean by that? If you never wanted us to be friends then you’ve won. You succeeded in making us enemies for good. That should be enough or you want me dead before… ”
” That’s it Mariana! You always misunderstand me and you don’t get anything I try to tell you. ” He walked to me.
” Maintain your distance young man. You no longer have that right.”
He stopped as pain flashed in his eyes but it can’t equal to what he has caused me.
“And if possible please just leave! I really don’t want you here.”
” Listen to me first.”
” No! Just leave. I won’t give you another opportunity to lie to me.”
” Okay. If that’s what you want.” He nodded multiple times and his eyes zoomed on me but I quickly looked away.
He sighed heavily and walked out.
I equally signed and sat on the floor then burying my head in between my knees I let my tears fall unrestrained. I feel like I’ve lost something today. But what could that be? Novan of course. He just left and I don’t know when I’ll see him again. I made him leave and I should be happy about it but as he walked away, I felt a part me leaving with him. This crazy.
I’m crying over the loss of something I never had. How ridiculous.
Someone tapped me on my shoulder gently.
“I told you to go Novan. Just go. I’m begging you this time.” My voice breaks into hiccups.
When the person didn’t talk, I lift my head up and saw Betsy standing in front of me.
“Oh Betsy..” I cried and hugged her waist as I cried into her abdomen.
She got to my level and hugged me properly.
“I’m so sorry Mariana. Please forgive me.” She cried.
I wondered why she was asking for my forgiveness then I remembered what I saw in her dorm.
I tensed. I forgot that she also played a part in the pain I was going through.
I pushed her away when I remembered again what she told me back home that Novan and Shane are one.
I didn’t know what she was talking about then but now I do.
She even told me just recently that i should choose one of them.
So she knew? No. This can’t be! I can’t believe this.
I got up and paced around my spacious bedroom, my feet digging into the hard polished floor.
“You knew?” I stopped in front of her.
She nodded and got up from where she knelt.
“You knew about Novan being..”
“Yes, I knew but he wouldn’t let me tell you and I thought since you’re friends now he will. I wanted to tell you so many times but..”
” But you didn’t. You didn’t tell me Betsy. What happened to us? Even you.”
” I’m sorry okay?”
” No you’re not. Stop fooling yourself.”
” I am. I really am sorry.”
” You were my friend Betsy..” my tears flowed.
” I still am please don’t do this.” She cried.
” I loved you like my own. You were not even my friend Betsy. You were my sister. And what did you do? You watched on as Novan deceive and humiliate me. You couldn’t do anything instead you supported him. You couldn’t tell me as a friend if not for a sister.
You know what, No amount of excuse can justify what you did Betsy. You even hid your relationship from me which means you don’t regard me the same way I do. Thanks for letting me know that I was in a one-sided friendship and my love for you were unrequited. I’m sorry if I was forcing myself and this friendship onto you all this while. I’m so sorry…” I went down onto my knees shaking and crying.
This hurts more than anything. Who would’ve thought Betsy will do this to me?
She was the realest person I ever had. What will I do now? I lost two peoples in a day. Why? Why me.
” I’m really sorry for everything Mariana.” She apologized.
I couldn’t hold my tears, I let it all out until my eyes hurt and went out of fluid.
I was crying but no tears came. I tug on to my hair and pulled it. Hard.
“You should leave now.” I finally said.
” No I won’t.”
Someone should tell her she’s in no position to be stubborn.
” Really? Then you want me to tell mum then. How about that?”
” Don’t talk this way Mariana. I said I’m sorry.”
” Yes, I’ve heard but just leave. I told you I needed a break.”
” We’ll talk tomorrow right?” She asked.
“Just go now Betsy!” I shouted. “Go or I’ll be forced to make an impulse decision in this state and trust me, it’s not going to favour either of us.”
” Yes, I’m going… you don’t have make any decision” She said and hurried out.
Once again loneliness welcomed me and silence swallowed me as I stood rooted to the same spot.
I’ve always been alone; why didn’t ever noticed? Apart from my family, Betsy was the next best thing to me.
I got up to switch my lights off when someone suddenly burst into the room.
I should’ve closed this damn door when Betsy left.
Novan’s infamous voice boomed inside the entire room.
What is this? He’s not allowed to shout in my apartment.
And why’s he back? I told him to leave me the hell alone. Does he not listen at all?
In a second, he was back in front of me with bloodshot eyes and busted knuckles.
I almost run off to pick a first aid kit to treat his wounds but stopped. He deserve it.
“Get away from me Novan. I told you to leave.”
“I’m not leaving until you hear me out Mariana!”
” Don’t make your case worse Novan! You don’t know what I can do if you keep being adamant.”
I’ve never felt the need to use my status for anything but Novan is pushing me.
” You’ll send securities or the cops? Well do it because I don’t really care. I won’t rest until you here me out.”
” Don’t be like this Mariana, you can at least here me out please. Let me get this out of my chest once and for all.” He pleaded.
I wanted to refuse but then I’m curious to know why he did all this and how he did it because I’m confused. Besides he was pleading.
I could recall that Shane saved me when I had that accident and took me home and I saw his mom.
And I thought I saw Shane the other time at the pup or something and Novan was right beside me.
And what of Shane’s mum? Was it all staged?
Why would Novan go to that extent?
“If you’re still having doubts, then don’t. I’m Shane or Novan. Whichever but we’re the same.” He breathed, still staring at me.
So it’s true? I turned my back to him.
” I didn’t have any choice and i still don’t have a choice. I wished you hadn’t find out.. ”
” What? That means you enjoy playing me right? How long did you intend to keep fooling me? ”
” I let you find out because I wanted to. You said you wanted to be my girlfriend and that’s what I’ve always wanted and the reason behind all this drama. ”
” Are you fucking shitting me? No. Are you crazy? You were sucking someone’s face just a while ago. What exactly do you take me for Novan? Just another girl you could play with while you have real fun with your main bitch? What do we call it? Side chick. You never liked me Novan so don’t tell me that bullshit!” I yelled turning back to face him.
” You’re getting me wrong again Riana. Why don’t you understand anything?”
“Well make me understand. ” My hands went to my waist.
” I know you don’t want someone like me and if I even try I won’t stand a chance. I’ve always troubled you in the past and even now but that was only to get your attention, to get you to talk to me. Maybe I shouldn’t have because you hated me instead. I knew you hated Novan and though we’re trying to get along, I know you won’t accept me the way I would like you to. To you, I was always that Novan who troubled you for no reason other than for fun. And when I blamed you for my sister’s health, I realized that I have no hope even after we agreed to be friends again. You’ll always think of all those horrible things about me when we’re together and that is something I never want so I thought If I could be Shane, you’ll like me without any judgements and you can see me in a much better perspective. So i planned all this.
The first time you saw me as Shane was all planned. That woman is my aunt, she’s not my mum. Forget about the last time we met at the pup, it was my friend Mason; I just has to make him look like the Shane from the last time. Mason was being Shane when we were at home but I’ve been Shane since we started university. I was the one, no one else and I’m sorry.
But trust me, i did all this for you and nothing else. Whatever i did, I did for you Mariana . I know it was a ridiculous idea but what could I have done? I can do anything. Literally anything, anything just to be close to you. ” He breathed heavily after he was done.
His words came out naturally and seems sincere but what do i make of Aria?
I just stared at him as i tried to process all that he just said but I couldn’t. There was so much going on in my mind right now but why would he claim he did all this for me?
“Say something please.” He begged and snapped the beanie from his head.
So he’s been dyeing his hair too. How far did he go with this? Was he that desperate?
“You were kissing Aria right in front of me.” I stated and looked down at my toes. I never got my shoes off.
“That was because you told me to go away. You said to Shane.. well to me that you liked Shane and it crushed me. I realized you’ll never accept me for me. You don’t want all this stained skin and holes and I saw how you always looked at Shane; it’s different from how you look at Novan. I told you that I’m done trying because honestly, I don’t enjoy this game I was playing. I realized that it was not going to yield anything and once you find out, all my efforts will be for nothing. So I’m done with the game Mariana. And what I did at the party with Aria, it was all to get you off my mind and perhaps make you feel the pain you made me feel when you kicked me out last night. You’re stubborn and you really drives me crazy but I just keep coming because I can’t do without you really. I never succeeded with that. When you said you wanted to be my girlfriend, it gave me hope and I was happy. You have no idea but I couldn’t build it on a lie that’s why I thought I should come clean once and for all but it didn’t go well. However, I’m glad because I don’t enjoy being two-faced. Gosh, you should’ve seen the trouble I went through. I like to be me. This is me. Novan and nothing else. I like who I am and if Mariana doesn’t like it then it’s fine.” He was out of breath when he was finally done.
I stood speechless and utterly shocked.
Novan has just surprised me in ways that I never thought.
But he got it all wrong. He doesn’t know or realized what really draws me to him.
“You’re silly Novan. I never judged you. I’ll never do that. You were annoying and all in highschool but not now. I liked you flawless or not. I liked you for you. You’ve always been you and that is one thing I always admire. You say anything whenever and wherever you want, piss me off intentionally and I never took it personal because i know that’s how you are. You like getting on my nerves. Those were the things that made you. I never judged you. Not even once and I’m not going to do it now. So what was the need?”
” Because… because I loved you since. I love you Mariana.” He breathed and cupped my face in his palms.
My heart drummed loudly and I felt a pleasant kick in my gut. I’m dumbfounded and i wondered why I was still standing after his declaration.
Despite the fact that I was angry with him I can’t overlook the things that awakened in me when those words left his mouth.
My throat went dry including my lips and my tongue snaked out and wet my lips.
I gulped as I stared into the overwhelming intensity of emotions I was seeing in his eyes.
He wasn’t blinking but just staring at my face.
I wonder what was going inside his mind now.
Did he mean what he said at all?
But he sounded sincere. He couldn’t have been lying to me again right?
His eyes spoke with emotion for the first time. I’d not seen this side of him. Softened. Lifeless. It was not anger. Was it guilt? Was it hurt? Pain? I forcefully swallowed a nervous lump.
My arms went up and my hand settled on his. I tried to remove his hand from my face but he won’t budge.
“Let go of me,” I said lowering my voice and dropping my gaze to the floor, unable to look at him.
He wouldn’t. He kept looking at me with a strange look on his wearying countenance. I struggled to break free but his strength was way beyond what I could wrestle with.
“Novan, please. Let me go.” Tears were starting to pool my eyes as I looked him in the eyes.
It was hard for me too to see him this way. So I wanted to get away from him as fast as I could and forget about what he said, if possible.
But the ever tightening grip of his hand on my face let me know that he was hurt and he was not at all in a situation to let me go. Not that he wanted to hurt me. But that he wanted me to stay like this with him.
“Novan.” I whispered.
His eyes were staring deeply into mine like a raging fire.
I finally fumed as I tried yanking his hand away, “Novan, let me go!”
BUT INSTEAD OF LETTING GO, he pulled me in and the next moment I knew… He was kissing me.
{That changed everything ✓}
BUT INSTEAD OF LETTING GO, he pulled me in and the next moment I knew… He was kissing me.
For a moment, I was completely taken back in astonishment and lost to somewhere no one knew, no one, not even me, not even Novan.
My breath froze mid way on my throat and I solidified. His lips were moving fiercely upon mine with no lack of passion. He was kissing me passionately like his life was dependent on it.
I grappled in his grip to break free but he clutched my arms even the more tighter that my arms began to hurt.
His might was out of my league. He forced my mouth open and ventured deeper, the warmth of his breath sending spirals of chills down my bones. At some point, I couldn’t even help to fight him off.
I was helplessly losing to the fire of his passion. Something about him, something about the way he was holding me, something about the way he was kissing me whispered and tempted in the deepest and the most secretive part of my soul that I should let him go on.
And a smaller part of me, in fact, didn’t want him to let go of me.
But the bigger part of me, the rational part of me screamed that it wasn’t right. It shouldn’t be like this.
I’ve always loathed this act called kissing. It’s so gross and i never wanted to kiss but here was this boy forcing his lips on me without my permission. When I was even mad with him. What the hell is wrong with him?
With that thought I snapped out of my subconsciousness. I gathered every bit of strength left in me, cast them all together at once and finally tussled out of his hold.
The next thing I knew, my palm was up, about to land sharply on his face and as if he knew what was coming, he turned his face to the side, waiting for me to strike but I decided against it. I brought my hand down and balled it into a fist beside me.
I’m not like that. I know better than to slap him and besides I’ve never raised my hands to anyone before. I’m not going to do it now. There are so many ways to make him regret what he did.
But how could he? Out of all the things I expected from him, i didn’t think of this.
He just kissed me for fuck sake. Something I vowed not to do until forty or something. That was childish but I didn’t expect to kiss too soon.
When the slap didn’t come like he expected, he turned to me with a guilty and a disappointed face.
What kind of a person is he? He was just apologizing a while ago and trying to explain things to me and the next he was kissing me.
I brought my hands to my lips and wiped it with a disgusted face.
Hurt spread across his face and instantly felt okay.
But wait, it was really not disgusting as i thought. Something I would describe as nice.
Anyway I’m still mad. I still think it’s gross. He got his saliva all over my face and for that he deserve some butts spanking.
He looked very surprised as he just stared at me. He didn’t believe I was still calm after what he did.
“Won’t you talk? Has the cat suddenly cut your tongue? Or you’re just too ashamed of your irresponsible behavior? ”
” I’m sorry, believe me” He lowered his gaze.
” Believe? What do you want me to believe Mr Anderson? Is it the fact that you served me with those pathetic emotional words? You were saying something and i was actually trying to believe you. I wanted to believe you but what did you do? You let me down again. Now I think all you just said is deception. You told me that you love me just to move me, calm me and when you suddenly think you’ve succeeded, you pounced on me and started kissing me. Yuck, you disgust me. And i don’t believe you and i won’t ever. You’re full of deceit. You should’ve at least let your fake ‘I love you’ set in..” i was out of breath so i stopped.
I was actually believing what he told me especially his declaration but how do i believe all that he said after he has ripped a part of my innocence away without warning?
He took the the next available opportunity to strike and showed me how perverted he is.
I really didn’t think this of him. I trusted him that’s why I always don’t mind how close we stand but he just made me lose the faith and trust i have in him.
He’s just like the others, I can’t expect anything better from him.
“I wasn’t lying when I said I love you and about what I told you, it was all true please believe me. I’m sorry for kissing you like that but please don’t use that to judge my real intentions. I really do love you, i always have.”
I turned away.
He’s trying to bribe me with his sweet words but I’m not going to give in.
“You know, I wish I could just show you how mad I am about you. I wish I could let you look into my mind so that you would see how in love with you I am. I’ll spend my entire life proving that to you if I have to.”
He’s at it again. How can he say he love me? It weird.
” I don’t care about all the bullshit you’re trying to feed me . Sorry but I’m not buying them you should try them on Aria. Now get the hell away from here!”
I swallowed a lump as I thought of Aria.
” Yes am going… for now. Think about what I said. I really mean each word of mine. I’m not really good at words and all this but I love you. It’s the most honest word I could say to you yet it feels like a lie..”
” Yes yes it’s okay. You can leave now.” I dismissed.
He turned around with a sigh and began to walk away.
” Wait.” I stopped him and he quickly turned to me with hopeful demeanor.
“The keys.” I snapped my fingers and opened my palms.
I don’t want him coming into my house anytime he feels like it.
“Why do you want them?”
“Is it not obvious? I simply do not want to see your face again and I don’t want you close to me again. Understand that and keep the little respect I have left for you. You really shouldn’t have kissed me. I was trying to understand you and make a decision but your actions changed everything. There was already something on ground that we’re yet to solve and you’ve done something much worse. How do you expect me to forgive and believe what you’re trying to tell me? I’ll repeat this again, I didn’t expect this from you. You crossed all the line Novan. You really deserve a slap in the face but I’m better than that. Sorry if I proved you wrong.” I screamed and snatched my keys from him.
He didn’t say anything as he walked out.
I hope I wasn’t too harsh on him.
Why am i even trying to feel pity for him? He actually deserve it and i should be happy.
Yes, i should be happy.
I’m happy.
When I checked the time it was 3am so I just removed my clothes and wore my nightie. Mum and dad will be here soon I need to get some sleep.
When I laid down on the bed, my head began to ache. I guess I wept too much that’s why.
Soon my headache became so terrible that I couldn’t sleep. I began to shiver.
I managed to sleep but when I woke up up, I saw a group of people surrounding my bed.
I looked around and realized that my room has been turned into a hospital all of a sudden.
My eyes met with my mum then my dad. They both walk to my bed and my mum sat on the bed and sit my head on her lap.
“Good morning mum.” I said.
Why would they decorate my room as a hospital when i wasn’t sick at all.
“Good afternoon sweetheart.” Dad replied and I instantly shoot up.
I stared at the clock and it was actually noon.
They’re right. What happened to me? I remembered my headache but that was all.
“Princess, you were shivering and running a very bad temperature so we called the doctor. ” Dad explained.
” That was nice but I’m fine now.”
” What do you mean…” Mum tried to say but someone barged in, disrupting what she wanted to say.
When I looked at mum, her mouth was slightly parted in surprise. She was looking gobsmacked.
Dad’s eyes were focused on the door and they widened a little but he looked subtle.
Slowly… slowly, I turned my head to the door.