✍️✍️✍️✍️ The Kiss πŸ’‹πŸ’‹πŸ’‹πŸ’‹ 18+ Reading Episode 151 || 152... 160 ✍️✍️✍️✍️

{Loving him with all his flaws.}
I’m stupefied at the same spot and for the last few seconds, I’m surprised at my immobility. Mariana didn’t say those things to me, did she? As in we’re done?
“We ended the day you betrayed me. We’re no more Novan. There’s no us. We ended and for good. You can’t keep tormenting me all the time. I don’t deserve it.”
Her words resonate back into my ears and as a huge blow in my gut.
We’re over?
I admit I always threaten her with that but I will never be able to say those words to her ever and.. I never imagined that I would hear it from her this soon. I feared she’d leave me one day but not like this and so soon? What am I gonna do with my life?
Not the religious type but I know parents are supposed to be some sort of earthly guardian angels for their children. They’re a blessing and the only people who will wish you good and love you unconditionally but my parents are so evil. They’re my doom, a curse on me. I was trying to be good and things were going well then this man…god.
I came home yesterday only to realize I don’t even know where my dad lives here in Australia and I didn’t have his contact. I waited for Nervisa to be back and I got his number and also knew that he’s in Melbourne and works there too, quite far from where I stay. I called him and told him to return every shit he took but he refused and only said I could get everything back for her after I get married to Mariana. I called him a fool and hung up on him but after some hours of still not knowing what to do, I called him back. I told him that I’ve agreed and that I will get married to her but right after the marriage, he will give it back. What he said was..”I’m not a fool. I will only give everything back after a year in your marriage” After that he hung up.
I didn’t want to go with it and especially with how marriage was between my parents, it never interests me to get married. It’s just a formality that doesn’t keep two people together like it’s supposed to. People can come and go at any time but I think love binds people…not marriage. I’m happy with Mariana, marriage won’t change shit between us. On second thought, this girl of mine seems to like the idea ‘marriage’ so like the good guy I want and trying to be, I thought I could compromise, lay down my wants, and get married to her if that is what will make my dad give everything back to her. I just wanted to help her out of something that she brought to herself but she misunderstood me. Already she doesn’t trust me and the solution I brought only pushed her to break up with me. I thought I was making everything right but it backfired negatively on me. If only she trusted me. The more I think about it irk at me. Right now I’m so helpless and at her mercy. I love her so much that I can’t imagine my life without her in it. What am I going to do? She’s like the air I breathe. When I see her I get happy within and anytime I wake up first thing in the morning and I remember that I have her in my life, I feel complacent. I’m not perfect but Mariana is my complement and with her, I feel I am better.
How can I hurt her in that manner? I can never do that to her and it pains me that she doesn’t know that.
I don’t want to believe or accept that she broke up with me. She couldn’t have done that. She’s just groggy about everything and must’ve said that to me out of anger.
I will give her some time to put herself together and I will see her tomorrow. I want her to believe me and I wouldn’t have to fret this much.
It’s piling and piling. If this move of my father’s affects me in any way, then he’s extinct. Has he not caused enough pain to others already that he needs to retire? What was the need to frame me in this disgusting way? That man is a joke.
The day couldn’t have been any longer. Every second seems like a decade and no matter what I do to get her off my mind for a moment I couldn’t. I kept wondering and worrying about how she’s doing, especially when it began to rain. I picked my phone several times to call her but I fear she’s going to get more pissed. I just want to give her time but it seems impossible. I couldn’t eat, nor did I sleep. I tried but I felt restless. I miss her and I want to hear her voice. I badly want to. Sleep finally found me at 3 am but it only made me late. I jumped out of bed to the bathroom. Came back, picked my car key, and scurried off. I got into my car and drove to her house. I just want to see her and I hope her father doesn’t stop me. Hell, he won’t dare.
I went back to my room when mum left and the weather became unbearable. My body hit the bed but I didn’t go straight to close my eyes. I picked my laptop. Most of my dad’s workers have been laid off and Jude brought in his own employees. Even Mike is at home and Edward is at the hospital. I need to see him. I owe that to myself. Right now all I have is my cars and the penthouse…and..the money in my account. Lastly, my orphanage. All my shares in my father’s business have been given out and even MD. Jude has the greatest share now and he seems to be ruling. Even my dad doesn’t have a say in some of the changes he’s making. I hope we get everything back sooner or else, I won’t be able to look after the kids properly like I used to. We get donations but it’s not enough and homeless children keep coming at least two a day. I don’t think my dad will be helping again like he used to.
I picked my phone and decided to call Jude but he didn’t pick. I called several times but I couldn’t reach him. I put my phone down and closed the laptop.
I tried to sleep but I couldn’t. I kept tossing and turning. I’m restless and my heart is aching… I don’t feel okay.
I miss him.
I woke up late the next day and mum has already left before I could finish dressing up. I packed my breakfast and hurried out to my car. I didn’t look at myself in the mirror, I hope I’m not disheveled. I hardly slept last night.
I gave the key to the driver and got in. I began to take my breakfast when the car took off. I paused when I remembered that I couldn’t go to the hospital. Hope I’m fine. I don’t want any pregnancy now that I finally want to sever ties with Novan. I still don’t know how I’m going to do that though… I love him.
I wanted us to fight this out together but everything is getting messier each day. The fights and now this. It’s too much. Why did he do this to me just because he wants to tie me to himself?
“You finally came.” Mum walked into my office once I sat. She still puts on that Amora Lawson mask on. I should tell her to put a stop to it since i will be taking over soon.
“You should’ve woke me up.”
“I can’t do that. You need your sleep.”
“Well, thanks.”
“I’m going out for a meeting. I will be away for at least an hour. Please take care.”
“Sure. Have a nice time.”
“Why won’t you let me come?” I asked when she was almost at the door.
“I would’ve but it will take time to fix you up and I’m already running late.”
“Check the mirror.” She smiled. “Bye.”
The door shut close and I ran to the mirror in the washroom.
I gasped at my reflection. Untidy hair, dress worn inside out and I only have one earring on. I don’t look good.
I took a brush and ran it through my hair. I picked a hairband and held it in a high pony. I raised my dress up and about to pull it over my head when I saw the new reflection in the mirror.
“What are you doing here? How did you get in? I’m changing.”
“I came to see you.” He stepped closer.
“You don’t get to do this…not anymore.”
“What?” He stopped walking closer.
“Please go out..”
“How long do you intend to stay angry? I said I’m innocent. Can’t you believe your boyfriend?”
“You’re killing me, Mariana. Please don’t do this. I will take the blame because he’s my father and it’s because of me he was able to do this but I didn’t do anything.”
“I want to change.”
“You can. I’m not stopping you.”
“I mean you should go out.”
“Nothing I haven’t seen before.”
“Novan!” I know there’s nothing he hasn’t seen but must he say it out loud and so proudly?
“Sorry…I’m not gonna look” he turned around.
I took the dress off and wore it back correctly. I took the earring off also and brushed my brows. I looked better than before.
I turned around. “Let’s go.”
He turned to me and smiled. “You can’t say you don’t miss me?”
“You can’t come here and be smiling as if nothing is wrong Donovan Anderson.” I brushed past him into the office and sat behind my desk.
“I’m not responsible for what happened so why should I let it affect me? I can only sympathize with you.”
“Well, I don’t need your damn sympathy!” I yelled.
“I’m not shouting so why are you doing it?” I asked quietly.
“Leave Donovan.”
My heart did a flip. This is not happening again. I didn’t expect this when I went all over crazy to see her.
“Why?” I walked to her desk and sat.
“I’m at work.I don’t need any scenes over here also.”
“I can see that but I came to talk to you and I won’t create a scene.” I tried to meet her eyes but she wouldn’t look at me. Her eyes have been looking anywhere else but me.
“What is there to talk about? You couldn’t get my assets back from your psychotic dad?.”
“I can only get it back when we’re married but you don’t want it.”
“Not that I don’t want it. I just don’t wanna fall into your trap. I don’t want to give in where you’ll feel like I’m some property that you own and start putting stupid restrictions on me.”
“I never put any restrictions on you.”
“What do you call those rules you gave me, telling me not to talk to Dylan or Edward whom you’ve hospitalized?.”
I’m glad he’s in the hospital where he rightfully belongs. Thus, it’s good news for me.
“Pray nothing major happened to him that will compel him to take legal charges.”
The fuck.
“Those were no restrictions. That man likes you and I didn’t want you to keep entertaining him for our own good and why do you want to keep entertaining him anyway? Do you like him too?”
“I do.”
“I like him, Novan.”
I gulped and gaped at her astonishingly.
“Why…why will you like him?” My voice betrays me.
“Because he’s nice.”
“And me?”
“I broke up with you. I don’t know what you’re doing here.”
“What? You didn’t mean that. We didn’t break up.”
“We did. I wasn’t joking.”
“Stop saying those things, Mariana. I said I have no hand in this Mariana. I love you. I love you so much please don’t do this to me. I’m begging. I will do anything but please don’t push me away. I can’t do without you. You know how much you mean to me so why are you doing this? First, you didn’t trust me and I’m yet to get over that now you want to end us? That’s heartless. Think about me. How can you say it’s over? Don’t you want me anymore? You said you love me” I can feel my whole world crashing down already. If Mariana still insists and she’s in fact, serious about this then I’m ruined.
“Mariana, tell me it’s a joke.” I wanted to hold her but she got up and turned her back to me.
“It isn’t. I can’t do this anymore Novan. I’m scared for my family and your dad doesn’t have a stop button. I’ve overlooked it all the time but I’m sorry…not anymore…”
I pulled her into my arms. “So then it’s because of my father. You don’t actually want it.”
She struggled to get out of my arms but I refused to let go until he softened.
“That’s not just it. I don’t want you anymore. It’s over Novan. Accept it.”
I pushed her away. “It might be over for you but not me. Whose permission did you ask before turning the lights off on me? How can I accept when I still love you? And what reason do you have to break up with me? I’ve been trying to be good lately. I could do more.. just don’t…” I’m breaking. Can’t she see just how much I love her?
“Mariana please…” I’ve been begging a lot these days, something I will rather die than do before.
“What do you want me to do? I can do anything… anything at all.” I dropped on my knees before her. “Mariana please.”
“Stop apologizing and get on your feet Novan. My mind is made..”
“Fuck you!” I got up and kicked at her desk.
“I’m begging you and yet you don’t wanna listen to me? What the fuck did I do? What is my crime? I only have Lucifer as a dad and that’s all. I didn’t wish this upon myself? Why are you dropping all the blame on me? Did you plan this? To accept me then leave me? You made me tell you everything and poured my feelings out to you. You know how sincere they are and yet you want to break up with me? Did you ever love me at all? Or perhaps this is your way of taking revenge for what my dad did to you and your family. That is it. You never loved me. You used me and now that you succeeded in rendering me helpless, you want to leave me. Give me a good reason why you’re doing all this and i will go and if it’s because of how messed up I am and the things I did wrong then I’m sorry for all the things I did to you in the past. I’m really sorry but you should know me. You already broke my heart when you didn’t believe me and now this. I’m trying everything possible but you’re not seeing that. All you wanna do is leave me..”
“Shut up. This isn’t about my father but because you’ve always planned to leave me for Ed. You were just awaiting the right time and you striked when it immediately surfaced. What is happening isn’t any fault of mine? You’re using everything so well to your advantage. You could’ve told me earlier before I fucked you. I would’ve tried to understand but you’re leaving me after everything. You brought all I’ve ever feared to life. You ruined me, Mariana. If anything happens to me you’re responsible. And let me tell you this, you better don’t make me see you with any guy except me of course. I won’t care about the reasons. Whoever I see you with is in trouble. Bear it in mind!” I knocked her computer to the floor angrily.
“You know what, you’re right. I actually did this. I’m behind everything. I wanted to take revenge on you when Nervisa’s health deteriorated because of you. I went to my dad and he gave me this idea. I told him I don’t need the properties and he said I could have you. I started planning how to woo you since then. Being Novan wasn’t working so I became Shane. I was desperate to get my revenge on you that I went any length. I planned all this. I pretended I didn’t wanna fuck you but it was always my target. Finally fucking you in France was all my plan. Now I’m so happy that I took everything from you. I’m happy! I’m happy Mariana…!”
“No, you’re lying. I don’t believe..”
“Why? Why won’t you believe? Because I made up some childhood crappy lie that I’ve always loved you so? You believed? Well, guess what, I don’t love you. I never was in love with you!”I yelled and left her office and out of the company.
I came to talk to her. I told her that I’m innocent. I begged her. I went on my fuckin knees to show her just how much I can’t lose her but she didn’t budge. She broke up with me. How am I going to live this life without her?
I can’t believe I lost her. That she left me.
Reaching home, my hands made use of any piece of item in my room and soon my room was trashed and I had bleeding knuckles
I don’t regret loving her but I regret having to approach her and taking this far. I was a bit okay loving her from afar and keeping my feelings to myself. I don’t know what pushed me to want for more. See where it landed me.
I’ve always had this fear that she will leave me so I tried everything possible. I was bad from the beginning… well I still am but I’m improving just for her. I wanted to be a better person for her. Why would she leave me? I didn’t do anything.
I’ve hardly moved past my parent’s rejection, it broke me and I still haven’t healed and now….god… I’m finished. I will never be able to get over this even if I want to.
I thought she said those things out of rage but it turned out she actually meant them. How could she? She has broken the last resolve that was actually holding me together.
“Nova? Are you okay?”
I looked back and saw my sister peeping her head in my room. Fuck me for not locking it.
“Yes, go play and don’t come to my room.” I walked to the door and closed it.
“Okay, just don’t kill yourself in there. You’re all I have. Whatever that is worrying you will go away. You’ll be fine.” I heard Nervisa say.
I don’t think I ever will be fine.
If I had not gone into any relationship with her, then I wouldn’t be suffering this much. I will be with Nina and the rest in a bar, smoking shit or just chatting about useless things and Aria will be giving me her usual lap dances or blowing me.
I will be seeing her from afar and it will make me happy. I will smile and walk over to her just to pester her. She’ll get angry and yell at me and I will chuckle and walk away. That is how it has been until…I decided to go in for more. I wish I wasn’t much of an Oliver twist.
I got my keys and got out of my room.
“Donovan, are you alright?” Sharon asked in concern.
“I’m fine. Please nobody should worry about me.” I got out and into my car.
I didn’t know where I was going but I stopped by a bar for a drink. I only wanted to take a bottle but after the first one, I went for more.
I just want to drink my sorrows away till it disappears. I don’t know for how long but I will be grateful if it’s just for a moment. Her beautiful face just keeps flashing by and all the good times we had together. I laughed at some like a mad man while I cried like a bitch when I remember me on my knees and my girl wouldn’t even look at me. She said she has made her mind up. After an hour, I began to see double, I lost count of the number of bottles I consumed and I couldn’t feel my feet.
Getting up from the chair was a struggle. This is so fucked up. I took five more bottles of vodka along with me in my car. I hope I don’t meet any cops on the road.
I got into the car and drove really slow because I kept dozing off. I could barely keep my eyes open. Cars honked madly behind me but just like the tortoise never gave a shit about people mocking its slow steps, I also didn’t care. Slow but sure it is.
I got home finally and stumbled to my trashed room. My reflection in the mirror angered me for no reason and I got a bottle out and smashed it against the mirror, shattering it.
I sat down and opened the next bottle, taking gulp after gulp and assuring myself that it’s all a dream but it’s not.
I didn’t know when I slept but I woke up with a splitting headache and Mariana’s fragrance around me,
“Dollface,” I whispered and got up. I looked around but didn’t see her. I looked on the bed and realized that I slept on her clothes that I pulled out of the closet.
On Sunday, she was here with me, I woke up next to her and seeing her on my bed made my heart so happy. Everything was okay and we were happy but now…
What am I supposed to do with you gone and sitting here in solitude with your lingering perfume hovering around me?
Loving Mariana is all I’ve ever done and nothing else. She’s a major I had
This isn’t what I wanted to be, a man in misery. if only I didn’t try this. My mind kept moving back a thousand times. I still can’t believe she left me. Why did you leave me, babe? Why couldn’t you understand me and my pain?
How do I explain all this to you? What did I do wrong this time? This isn’t fair. Why are you passing this injustice on me?
It even hurt more that you never took the little time we spent together to know me, to understand me. I thought you did that’s why you’ve been able to put up with my shit and still stayed. Why did you give me hope and crushed it in front of me Mariana?
How did you not know that you’re the only light in my world? That I need you more than anything? Now that you’re gone, I’m lost with no direction. Maybe you don’t know what impact your presence in my life made me. I depend on you to live, Mariana. Please come back to me.
You’re all I need
You’re all I see
And I wish that we could do it again, everything.
Because of you, now I’m just a lonely sad man. I will never be happy just like my dad said. Wait, dad? He caused this. He’s responsible for my life being ruined.
I got up carefully and held my head for a moment. The headache is severe and bits of the alcohol are yet to leave my system. I got my jeans and shirt off and put on another. I looked for my car key and finally found it among shattered glasses. I know I look a wreck but I could care less about that now. I looked for my phone from my jeans and walked out while booking a flight to Melbourne where my dad lives. I already have my passport in the car.
“Thought you died inside there.”
“Wish I did,” I whispered and cast one look at my sister before leaving.
I drove to the airport and after an hour and a half, I was in front of my dad’s automobile industry. It was big just like Mariana’s father’s own. Dad is rich, his only problem is greediness and all other horrible things.
“I want to see Mr. Anderson,” I told his assistant.
“Apparently, he’s not around but who are you?”
“Where did he go?”
“I know you’re our youngest chef but what’s your relation with him and why do you want to see him?”
“Will you stop all this?!” I yelled.
“Now you look scary. I can’t allow you to see him. If only you had an appointment.”
“The fuck, he’s my dad so tell me where the fuck he is or say bye-bye to your job.”
“No. He’s at the warehouse. I think…”
I didn’t hear more. I asked directions on the way until I got to the huge warehouse. A lot of workers were around and I spotted my dad moving about the automobile parts and the person with him keeps taking notes and nods to whatever he says to him.
The bastard. He’s here doing his work peacefully while I suffer.
I marched forward and from the back, I threw him onto a pack of windshield glass. He groaned and spit out blood before looking at me in surprise.
The securities came around me in their numbers. “This is between me and my father. You all will stay the fuck away!”
“It’s not allowed. We’re calling the police.”
I don’t care, I’ve already lost. “Is this the man you all are standing up for? Well, let me tell you he’s an evil man with a first-class degree. He’s a thief, a common thief!”
I faced Jude. “You evil man, what have you done now? You ruined my life. I lost my girl just because of you. Did you need money that much?”
“No. You have caused enough problems for me, Jude. This that you’ve done, you crossed all lines. Haven’t you done more harm to me already? Why do you want to do more?” I grabbed him up and threw a punch that sent him flying back to the glasses. He groaned and spat more blood.
“Don’t… do… this. Why.. are you …always like this?” He struggled to say.
“Me? Do you have any idea what you did? You finally destroyed me. You destroyed your own son.” Another blow got onto his face and his eyes rolled back and began to shut slowly. I got up from him and, moving about, I raised one of the engines parked to be taken away and smashed it into the multiple windshields. I began to destroy whatever I set my eyes on as if that was going to solve my problem.
Looking at the man who has caused me so much pain, I picked a random metallic part to smash his head with when my hands were held.
“Stop this young man, you’re under arrest.”
What I picked to finish my dad off dropped from my hands and I saw him being carried away to an ambulance. Okay, is he dead or dying? Hope I didn’t kill him.
“You can not arrest me? He’s my father.”
“Not only did you assault Mr. Anderson but you also went on to destroy important parts here. You have to come with us.”
“This place belongs to my father. You can’t arrest me?”
“He doesn’t own it alone. Now enough talking. You’re coming with us.”
“Are you alright?”
Why does everyone keep asking me that? Is it written all over me that I’m not happy?
“I should be asking you that Ed.” I stared at his stitched lip and the cut he got on his eyebrows plus the multiple bruises littering his face.
“I’m fine as you can see. I will be discharged today.”
“I’m sorry.”
“No, it’s okay. Where’s he?”
“Are you asking that? I mean your crazy boyfriend.”
“He..he.. he’s there.” My mind went back to what happened yesterday in my office. I couldn’t sleep the entire night yesterday. I kept thinking and thinking about him and his welfare. I wanted to know badly how he’s fairing but I didn’t know how to. I’m so sorry Novan.
“He’s there? Where?”
“School.” I tried to smile but it came out sadly.
“I learned you gave out everything to Donovan’s father. Why? I thought your family had a bad history with him.”
“It’s contemporary.”
“I see..but why would you do that?”
“I don’t wanna talk about it. I’m sorry.”
“No, it’s okay.” He smiled.
“I hope you’re not going to press any charges on Novan for the…”
“No, I won’t. I didn’t think of that.”
“Really?” My eyes lit.
“Yes ”
“Oh, thanks. Thank you so much.” I was scared that Novan is going to get arrested for beating him up.
“Just tell him to reduce his aggressiveness. I might not have pressed charges but somebody will if he tries it on the person. Jail is not a good place and I won’t wish that for him. It doesn’t mean I won’t do anything if he tries it again. He doesn’t seem to have any limits…”
“I will make him understand.” I cut him off. I don’t want to hear any bad things about Novan from him.
“Do so.” He rested back on the bed and crossed his legs.
“Is there anything you…” I tried to say but the ringing of my phone interrupted me. It’s Novan. My stomach churned and I swallowed. I stared at the screen and watched it ring and ended. He called back again.
“I’m sorry. I have to pick this.” I waved my phone at him and he nodded. I got up and walked some meters from him before answering the call and putting it to my ears.
I stayed silent, waiting for him to speak first but the voice I heard was different. It’s not Novan.
“Who’s this and why do you have his phone?”
“I’m the police and the owner of this phone got arrested. He won’t let me call anyone but I know from the media that you’re his girlfriend so I decided to call.”
“Which police station please?”
Oh god!
“Please get him out right now. Whatever the cost is, I will pay. Just get him out and no matter what, this shouldn’t appear in the news. Please officer”
“It’s not possible. His crime is huge and his bail is not something that can be done over the phone. Be here. And we will make sure the media doesn’t hear about it just like you said.”
Crime? Huge?
Novan what have you done?
“Thank you. I’m on my way.” I said quickly and ended the call.
“I gotta go. I’m sorry once again. I wish I could stay longer but this is urgent.” I picked my bag from the chair as I talked. I wonder what Novan did that he got arrested. I pray it’s nothing serious.
“Oh okay. Hope I will see you again?”
“You will. Bye. Take care.” I smiled and stepped out of his ward and out of the hospital.
I got into my car and began to drive before realizing that driving to Melbourne is going to take hours to get there but a flight will be faster. I want to be there as soon as possible but I can’t fly. What do I do?
I drove to my penthouse and picked my teddy bear. I’m going to die of worry if I should go there by car. I will risk taking the flight. I hope this teddy actually helps me or I’m going to end up in the hospital again.
On my way to the airport I received another call and thinking that it was the officer, I picked and spoke. “I’m coming.”
“Really? I’m at the airport and just got down. You’re so sweet. How did you even know that I’m here?”
Huh? I looked at the screen and it was Tricia. She arrived today of all days and at this time. How will I help her when Novan and I are not in any good condition?
“You’re here?”
“Yes. Why? Don’t you know?”
“No no.”
“Okay please, can you come and pick me? I just came and yet to get a car.”
Fuck, it’s almost sunset and I’m still trapped in this cave with my hands cuffed behind me.
My shouts and yelling for them to get me out of here fell on deaf ears. I struggled to break free but I feel the pains the cuff was inflicting on my wrist. I can imagine it bruised already.
I wish I got arrested in Canberra. Mariana would’ve come to bail me out but I’m so far away. He broke up with me but she can’t be heartless enough not to get me out of here?
“I called your girlfriend over to keep you company not to bail you though.”
” Why can’t she bail me? Do you know who she is?!” Mariana won’t have to talk before I will be out of here.
“The man you used your hands on is helplessly battling for his life at the hospital and for the parts you destroyed, they need to be replaced. Pray he survives or you rot in here forever. And your lab results should also be clean because we suspect you’re on drugs or something ”
I couldn’t say anything more. What if he dies? I will be done for. I don’t want to think about it but on second thought, I don’t mind if that man dies. He was never good to me so his absence won’t affect my life in any way.
And for the drugs, it’s only alcohol they’ll find but that could make a serious issue for me. I can’t believe I was forced to take my blood sample. They’re lucky my hands were tied up.
A little panic but I don’t regret any of what I did. I don’t.
“Another info we got about you. So this isn’t your first time of being arrested. You’ve been caught on drugs before and that was last year. You were among those who were caught at a club. We have everything here.”
Okay, now I’m scared. Will I ever get out of here? I remember getting caught some time ago together with Nina and Ronnie at a club. I just arrived and picked a blunt along with a sniff. I didn’t do much before the police arrived and took us away. Evan’s dad bailed us out. It was difficult but her dad was quite loaded so he just paid the cops off. We were warned not to indulge again else there won’t be bail next time and now…I hope it’s not used against me. And what if Mariana finds out about this? I never told her. She said we’re over but I’m still terrified of her reaction when she finds out about these new bits about me. She’s going to hate me even more and might not even get me out of here.
“Why are you bringing the invalid past? I was suspected, not caught red-handed?” I tried to defend myself.
“The drugs were found in your system, says the reports.”
“That is a lie and I don’t do drugs.” I looked away.
“It’s okay. Pray this result is clean and the man survives else you’re not getting out of here..”
“Shut up! Why the fuck do you wanna scare me?”
“So you can be scared?” He mocked with a laugh.
“Nobody picks on me like you do officer, you’re fortunate to have me trapped here else you’d have received your fair share. Better still, pray that I don’t ever get out if you keep up with taunting me.”
“Enough of the tantrums and look who’s here. I think somebody came for you…” He smiled cheekily at me and left.
I craned my neck but couldn’t see who. After some minutes the bar got open and I was uncuffed. I rubbed my bruised wrist and got out of the small cell.
“You’re bailed but not free. The man is still in the hospital.” He gave me some papers to sign and I rolled my eyes before collecting it.
“You know, I can strangle you right now,” I muttered under my breath.
“You’re not far from the cell you just came out from. You can easily go back in.” He whispered back.
I scoffed and walked past him after collecting my phone and wallet. I looked around expecting to see my girlfriend…well ex-girlfriend. Fuck, I can’t believe this. I still don’t.
After looking around and outside without seeing her, I came back to ask.
“Who bailed me?”
“Amora Lawson, owner of MD jewel in Canberra.”
Huh? I thought Mariana’s mum was the owner. Who’s this Amora and why would she come and bail me? And where the fuck is Mariana? I’ve been in the cell for almost 6 hours so why isn’t she here yet if she took a car because I know there’s no way she’d get on a plane and even with that teddy, I’m not sure. Is she in a car coming or she’s not coming at all? I don’t think she will. She broke up with me without thinking twice and now if she hears about the reason why I was arrested, she will be mad at me and will not even come.
I expect to see her though. A simple hug from her is okay to make me feel better even if we’re no longer dating. I miss her.
I waited outside for thirty minutes before hailing a taxi to the airport… I always manage to keep my bad ways covered from my sister.
I pray she doesn’t hear of this one too. She’s going to cry if she hears I got arrested and I haven’t even called home to check on her yet. I should do that.
I arrived at the airport after the call and waited to get on board. My stomach growled and growled but I don’t feel like taking in anything.
“You look horrible. What happened to you? Relationship matters? Did you get a broken heart?” Nina bats her lashes at me, looking at me from head to toe once I enter the bar. I just arrived and I thought I could meet her before going home.
I sat down and took her bottle of water.
“She doesn’t believe me. She thinks I betrayed her. She thinks I deceived her and lastly, she thinks I wasn’t real and that nothing we had was real.”
“Make her understand. Talk to her.”
“I tried but she broke up with me instead. She said she doesn’t want me anymore. I begged her Nina. You know I don’t beg.”
“Yeah. I think you’ve done everything and they’re all things you rarely do so why won’t she forgive you?”
“Forgive me? I never did anything, Nina. It’s all my father’s game. That man planned to ruin me and he succeeded.”
“Why don’t you kill him? I can help you.”
I chuckled. ” The fuck I already did and I got arrested for the second time. I just got bailed by some mysterious woman named Amora Lawson.”
“Oh that was fast and that Amora should be your girlfriend’s mother. I think there were rumors like that.”
“Don’t talk rubbish. That Paula woman hates me as much as I do her. She would gladly lock me away from her daughter and not bail me?”
“I just thought. Then who helped you?”
“I don’t know.”
“So you’re single now?” She gave me a cocky grin.
“Don’t tell me you’ve suddenly fallen for me.”
“No, I didn’t. I’m asking because you changed when you got a girlfriend. You don’t do what we used to do but now that you’re no longer dating, we could get back to what we normally do. I came with something.” She brought the white rolls from her pocket and dropped it on the table. “One for me, one for you. That’s how we do it.”
“You’re such a crackhead. You can’t keep doing this.”
“Don’t tell me you repented.”
“My girlfriend broke up with me and you’re not telling me anything to get her back.”
“What do you want me to tell you? Haven’t you fucked her yet?”
“Shut up!” I looked around.
“You fucked her and she’s still leaving? Didn’t you do it well?”
“Jesus Nina! Keep quiet.You know what I can do”
She throws her head back in laughter. “I’m sorry but you know I don’t date therefore I know little to nothing about these issues. What can I tell you other than to tell you to get high with me? We can fuck afterward to get over your heartbreak if that will help at all.”
I looked at the multi-colored haired girl with lots of tattoos like mine and picked one of her rolls. I opened it and brought it to my nostrils. The scent alone hit me hard, traveling straight into my head.
I brought it back and closed it. The fact that we broke up doesn’t mean I will do something she doesn’t approve of. I still respect her likes and dislikes. I feel like I will lose her all over again if I should do this.
“I’m not gonna do this. Ever.” I dropped it in front of her and got up. “You should also put a stop to it if you can.”
“Okay, gammy.” She said and brought a blunt out instead and lighted it. I don’t mind if she smokes.
“I’m going.” I began to walk away but came back and picked the stuff from the table. “I’m just gonna trash this.”
She nodded. Look, I don’t know how to give pep talks and I’m probably the worst buddy ever but I want to say, you shouldn’t give up on her. Maybe she’s just confused at the moment. She lost something belonging to her family in a twinkle of an eye. It’s not a small deal. She needs you.”
I just nodded. If she needs me, she wouldn’t have pushed me away.
“You’ve really changed.” she added.
“I did?” I didn’t wait for an answer and left. I dropped the coke inside the trash can outside and got into my car which I picked from the airport.
It was almost dark when I got home. I parked the car, got down, and walked to the porch only to see someone there. Someone familiar. A woman.
“Excuse me?” Once the words left my mouth, she turned.
“Paula madam?” I’m in shock and surprise.
” Yes, I’ve been waiting for you.”
{Loving him with all his flaws.}
Waiting for me? I got to be fucking dreaming.
“Have you come to lash out at me?”
“Yes, I want to do that so much”
“Okay but save it for another day. Right now..” I pointed to myself.” I can’t.”
I don’t even remember the last time I ate. I’m weak and exhausted. I still have my room to clean as well. If Mariana were to be around, she would’ve done it for me.
“What happened?” She pouted and crossed her arms over her chest.
“Listen, I still don’t know why you’re here. I had enough from your daughter and finding out about your past with my dad…”
I turned and saw Mariana’s car drive in recklessly. She didn’t park before jumping out and I was scared for her. I hope she didn’t come to yell and slap me again for drinking and beating up my dad to death. I’m suddenly scared of her. She has a right over me. She can choose to make me happy or sad so I need to be careful. I’m at her mercy.
I returned my eyes to my side but I didn’t see Paula. Where did she go? I thought she was here? Or I was actually dreaming. It must be if not, what will Paula be doing here at my house. I think I’m finally going crazy. I kept looking around for Paula madam when a body rammed into me like a trailer. I stumbled back a little before balancing. I’m so weak.
“Novan…” Mariana’s little arms came around me and I closed my eyes, coming alive all at once. Is this real?
“Novan.” She called again and hugged me tightly, her soft body was merged with my hard one. I missed this. It’s only been three days but felt like ages.
I don’t need money, cars or fame. I don’t need anything…I just need my Mariana. She’s my all.
She pulled away and held my face between her little hands before running them on me.
“God! are you okay?” She was crying and I just stared at her. Is she here or I’m just hallucinating.
“Are you here?” I raised my hand to her face and caught a falling tear. She’s here.
“You this crazy boy! Why won’t I be here? What have you done? You got arrested, Novan. I lost it. I couldn’t sit and do nothing. Tell me you’re okay please.” She dropped her head on my chest with her hands taking a fistful of my shirt.
“Do you care?” My voice is low and dry.
“Why wouldn’t I? Tell me why won’t I care? You think you can just go about and be doing anything? Didn’t you think about me? I was so worried and I finally got there but you were gone. How could you Novan? I care for you so much.” She let out in a cry. If I didn’t know her, I would’ve said she’s faking these tears.
“I thought you wouldn’t come,” I said to her.
“Of course I will.”
“Why? You broke up with me. You said you didn’t want me again didn’t you?”
She got away from me and sank her teeth into her bottom lip for a second before removing it and releasing a sharp breath. “Yes I did but it does not mean you can go about and be getting yourself into trouble. Look at you, you don’t look fine and all these bruises on your wrist and your knuckles. Your arrest, everything, and my dad wouldn’t talk to me. Novan this is too much for me, I can’t take it. I’m trying and you’re just creating more problems for us and…I can’t bear to see you like this…”
“Then take your words back babe, don’t break my heart by leaving me” I plead. And hoped that she would change her mind.
She didn’t say anything instead, she walked into the house and I followed. Is that an answer? Will she spend the night with me? I will be so grateful.
“Dollface you’re here! Thank Goodness, I thought you two are fighting.” Nervisa runs into her and she bends to her level, hugging her.
“How are you Nervisa?”
“Me I’m fine but I don’t know if my brother is. He’s been…”
“That’s okay Nervisa,” I interjected before she could say more.
“Are you okay?” She turned to me.
“Yes, I am.”
“Good, I will just join Sharon in the kitchen.” She said and ran off.
Mariana took the stairs and I followed. I can’t explain how I’m feeling now that she’s here and going to my room..my room? It’s destroyed.
I quickened my steps but she already opened and got in. Now that I’m sober, I just realized how bad I made my room.
“What have you done here? This is also another cost. You destroyed everything.” She said and got a broom.
Now she’s worrying about costs. Is she really broke?
“Don’t do anything. I will clean it up.”
“No, keep quiet.”
I obeyed and she began to clean the room. I helped her and an hour later, my room was clean with just a few things missing like the mirror, lamp, and all breakable things. She went to the washroom and came back with the first aid, made me sit and cleaned my busted knuckles, and bandaged it neatly. I watched her quietly until she was done and proceeded to pack her clothes from the bed.
“You left a drool on my clothes.” She said and folded the last bit of her clothes into the closet.
“I’m sorry.”
“It’s okay, I’m leaving.”
“Already?” My face dropped in disappointment.
“Yes, you should freshen up and eat something..you don’t look too good.”
I closed the gap between us and wrapped my arms around her. I’m relieved when she didn’t fight me off.
“Please don’t leave me. I miss you.”
“Novan?” She pushed me off.
“I’m going…I just came to check on you. Don’t think deep into it.”
“So you still want to leave me? Tell me you don’t love me anymore and I will accept that…”
“I’m not saying anything”
“But you can break up with me?”
She didn’t say anything and turned to the door.
“Okay fine. Go but remember not to show your face even when I am dying. You can’t give me hope and break it in the end. Why did you even come here? To laugh at me? To see how miserable I am without you? Well, then this is it. This is me without you. Are you happy? I know you are. Now get out of here!”
“You needed not to tell me that. I’m already leaving.” She said and left.
My chest tightened and I struggled to swallow the lump in my throat. Tears welled up in my eyes and began to stream effortlessly.
Watching her go makes me feel so rejected, helpless, and useless. As if I am a piece of trash that nobody wants. That I am worthless and do not deserve anyone.
Why do all the people I care about keep leaving me? Am I that bad? I loved my mom so much. But she left without turning back and my father, he was my role model when I was very little. He was a little nice when I was small and I thought of him as the best with my childhood mind not knowing he was just pretending. I still hate that they left me and now my girl. How many more people do I have to lose? Am I cursed or destined to lose all I hold dear?
I closed the door and dropped on to my bed. I feel like a loser. I’m a loser. I sniffed and got my shirt off. The week has already ended and the weekend is tomorrow. I need to start work and get back to class on Monday but how am I supposed to do that? I’m not in the right frame of mind yet. Oh, Mariana, I don’t even know how to beg her and tell her to not leave me again. This hurts so much.
I can live without any other thing but I can’t say the same for Mariana. I need her. Anything can be taken away from me, the world can turn against me but I don’t care as long as she’s with me.
I got up and managed to get to the washroom where I just stood under the shower and let the water run down my form.
I came out with a towel around me and my phone was ringing. I picked it up while I dried my hair and stared at the caller ID. I dropped it and let it ring and then end. Why is Paula calling me? The call came in again but I ignored it. I went down to the kitchen but nothing Sharon prepared raised my appetite and I didn’t feel like cooking.
I picked honey nut Cheerios and dropped it for Nervisa’s favorite frosted flakes. I prepared it but I only took a spoon and ended up throwing it up into the sink. I tried to take it again but I couldn’t. I washed it away and decided to try the Cheerios but it was worse. I spent my entire night retching and retching. What is wrong with me? This is not the first time I’m consuming those cereals? I laid back on my bed but kept getting up to the washroom to throw up and that was how my entire night was spent.
I had dark circles around my eyes and looked sick the next day. It’s four days and I need to take something even if it’s just coffee or tea.
I picked my phone and checked messages. When I picked my laptop, as usual, my mail was overflowing with job offers from restaurants.
I got a message from Paula also after I refused to pick her call. I checked it and it was an address for me to meet her at one coffee shop in town. She said 3 pm and it’s 8 am now.
I wonder what she wants from me and about last night, was she actually here?
I walked out to the room downstairs where I had a piano perched and sat behind it. The last time I played it was when I was coming home from one of our parties on a rainy night with my friends and I saw Mariana’s car parked at the roadside and a cloud of smoke coming from it. I made Evan stop the car and jumped out.
Being my crush, I went to her rescue and she has already passed out. I took her home and called the doctor. Sharon changed her into my clothes and stayed by her till morning. It was the first time having her so close and near and in my bed. I didn’t get tired looking at her astonishing beauty. Even in her sleep, she’s stunning. I didn’t have a problem staying awake. I wanted her and seeing her in my bed pushed me to want for more. Knowing that she’d freak if she sees me by her side, I got up once she began to stir in the morning. I left and began thinking of ways to get closer to her. I knew she hated Donovan because I’ve always been an asshole to her so I thought if I could be someone else. For once in my life that day, I wished I was someone else, someone better. So I became Shane. I ordered a new set of clothes and dyed my hair and styled it differently that it changed my outlook. I applied a lot of concealer on my arm to hide my tattoos and the end result was great. I looked different. I sat by this very piano and played my heart out to the only song that reminds me so much of her. It was as if Ne-Yo knew my girl because the lyrics were all about her. That day I got to know that not only is she beautiful but she has an angelic voice too and she sang the song perfectly. We became friends and she liked me until she got to know who was behind Shane. That day I thought I lost her. Well, I did because she was furious after learning that I’ve been pretending all along. Betsy and her celebrity boyfriend saved the situation and we started dating. It was a dream come true and the fights kept coming. We worked through it which I’m always proud of until this one that did not only threaten our relationship but shook its foundations and uprooted it, leaving it out to dry. No moisture, no sand. How will we come back? I just pray there’s a miracle. Mariana can’t leave me like that. She wants me to die? I never thought I would be broken than I already was until this or that anyone will be able to consume me this much. I love her but until she left me, I didn’t know this was how deep I was into her. I realized I love her more than my own self. That she’s what I need to to remain sane and survive. Slowly slowly, she was pulling me out of the darkness I was embedded in but suddenly left me in the middle and now I’m lost. I don’t know where to turn to. I need Mariana to come and find me. It’s either she takes me back to the end of the dark where she brought me from or help me out of it. She can’t leave me in the middle all to myself. Did she not realize what she has been doing to me? I told her she can’t leave me and yet she did…
A soft hand on my arm jolted me and I paused moving my fingers on the keys. I didn’t turn but she began to sing.
If you had a choice
Then what would you choose to do?
I could live without money
I could live without the fame
And if every day was sunny
I could live without the rain
And if I ever went up to heaven
I would fall right back down
That life wouldn’t be living
‘Cause you’re the one I couldn’t live without
And I know that something’s wrong
And I’m afraid that you’re moving on
How can I fly when you’re my wings
I need these things
Like I need you
You can take it all from me
And it wouldn’t mean anything
Turn the whole world against me
As long as you don’t leave
It’s getting hard for me to sleep
Even harder for me to breathe
I’m used to life with you
Tell me what I need to do
“Did you realize that you’ve been playing this song in a flat note for five hours now? It’s so sad. What’s wrong?”
For five hours? I didn’t realize and that this was what I was playing.
“What you sang…Was that the words to my notes?”
“Yes, son.”
“It was not intentional,” I whispered.
“That’s why I’m worried. They came out naturally from your heart. You just poured everything within you out. You can talk to me.”
I looked at her and her face formed into my mother. I blinked but it was there. I dropped from the chair before her and hugged her legs.
“Mum, she said she doesn’t want me anymore. I did everything I could. I think we weren’t meant to be because I always had this fear deep inside me that she’d leave. She’s the same girl mum. Same girl, I had a thing for since I was a child. She doesn’t want me and now I don’t know what to do anymore please help me. I really can’t do without her. Please mum..” I feel like shit. I can’t believe I’m doing this but it’s happening.
” I’m sorry Donovan but you have to pull yourself together and tell me everything” She brushed my hair from my face and I looked up. This is not my mum but Sharon.
I got up and stumbled back. My knees are weak and everything began to spin around me. I wiped my face and tried to stand but landed back down, hitting my head to the floor.
“No Donovan!” Sharon gasped and jumped to my side.
My vision blurred and my head was pounding vigorously.
“Nova! Sharon, what happened to my brother? What’s wrong..”
I could hear my sister’s voice but they were so distant.. I’m slipping and sinking…
{Loving him with all his flaws.}
I could hear my sister’s voice but they were so distant.. I’m slipping and sinking…
I blinked for some seconds and got myself on my feet.
“Sorry, I lost balance. I didn’t die. Please don’t worry and Nervisa, don’t cry.” I wiped my sister’s tears and tugged her hair behind her ears. “Your brother is fine okay?”
“Are you sure?” Her lips quiver.
“Super sure. I just need to eat. I lost my appetite. Sharon, can you please make something for me? It should be light.”
“Of course.” Her hands reached to my face and stroked it gently before leaving.
“Won’t you go for swimming lessons today? It’s Saturday.”
“I already went and I just came. It’s almost three in the evening.” Nervisa answers.
“Oh,” I muttered. Her little hands came around my waist. “I will walk you.”
“I’m not disabled Nervy. I can walk.”
“I don’t care.”
We walked together to the living room and she ran to get me water after I requested it. Minutes later she arrived with a glass full and I drank it all. My head was still pounding and my temperature seemed to be running very high.
“Can you get me another glass or two?” I asked and she nodded and rushed to the kitchen.
If I could take more water, it would reduce my headache and normal my temperature. I can’t get sick.
She came back with three bottles for me instead. “Thanks,” I said to her and tried to smile but I couldn’t.
After taking the water, I got to my room and decided to take a bath. Nervisa went to prepare it for me despite my insistence. She can be so stubborn and sweet. She’s all I have now. I wish she could stay with me forever but she’d get married and move to her husband’s house. I don’t like girls. They don’t stay with you forever and you can’t make them stay. I wish to have boys. They stay at home and they bring their girls home too.
What am I even thinking of? Children? I never thought of having a child of my own. All thanks to Riana now I get to think of children and my preferable gender. And those adorable things… Evermar. I hate to admit that I like them. They shouldn’t have been girls. I can’t deal with their tantrums.
“I’m done and so is your bath.”
“It’s nothing.”
I walked inside the washroom and laid in the tub which had a lot of bubbles. The water was calming and it helped. After half an hour, I came out and wore my normal clothes. I still don’t know if I should go see Paula.
I got down and walked to the kitchen. “Is it done yet?”
“Yes, I was just about to bring it.” She gave me the tray filled with food and I placed it on the island.
I stared at the food with no interest before picking a spoon. My hand reached into my pocket and fetched my phone. Before I could stop myself, I went to photos.
“What are you doing?”
I looked to my side and Nervisa along with Sharon was staring at me. I put the phone back into my pocket with a shake of my head then focused on the nice looking food. The chicken soup she prepared was more and looked delicious. I can tell it will be nice but my appetite was just not there.
“If looking at her pic will help you eat then do it.” Sharon smiled softly at me and pulled Nervisa along with her out of the kitchen.
Is that what I really wanted to do? I don’t think so. I raised the spoon to my mouth but brought it back. I sighed in defeat and brought my phone out. I went through the five pictures I have of her and wished I had more. I position the phone in front of my tray after putting the pictures on a slideshow. I pulled a tall stool and sat. With eyes on the phone and a spoon in hand, I took the first spoon. I managed to swallow and tried the second one. It was better. I stared at the screen the entire time I ate and I was able to finish half of it.
Mariana, look what you’ve done to me. I’m no longer myself. I’m so into you and it’s not healthy. I should be able to live normally without you not this way.
I put the leftover away and walked out.
“Going somewhere? Thought you will rest for a while.”
“I don’t have to. Will be back early… and I’m not sick.”
“Alright, take care.”
“I will. Bye Nervisa.”
“Be back early.” She said.
“That’s what I said.” I got out and moved into my car.
Some minutes later and I’m walking into the cafe I’m supposed to meet Paula Madam.
I checked the time from my phone and I was thirty minutes late. I doubt if she’s still waiting around if she didn’t even call me.
“You must be Donovan?” A man dressed in a white shirt and black pants asked.
“Madam has been waiting for you on the rooftop.”
I nod. “Anything else?”
“No you can go but I will take you if you can’t find your way up there.”
“I will.” Coffee fills my nostrils as I walk to the lift which conveyed me to the rooftop.
Out of all the tables, only one was occupied. Rich people. She must’ve bought the entire place.
“What if I didn’t come?” I tapped my fingers on the table and my girlfriend’s..uhm..ex girlfriend’s mum looked up at me.
“I would’ve gone home after waiting for an hour. I believe time is money and if I could make time out of my busy schedules to be here then you should know I meant business. You should’ve been responsible to be here earlier but you made me wait for you. Why?”
“You should be glad I came and not complain.” I pulled a chair and sat.
“Always rude.” She said under her breath.
“Can we go straight to the point?”
“Yeah. I want to know everything that happened and please don’t be grumpy. I want to know everything.”
“Did you not ask your daughter?”
“I want to know your side and please be nice for once.”
“Stop reprimanding me. This is how I am. Don’t force me.”
“Okay fine. So tell me.”
“Were you present at my house last night?”
“Yes, I left when Mariana came.”
“Were you running from her?”
“Why will I do that? I just didn’t want to interfere and I also felt like you two need the time since you just got released.”
“What do you mean by I got released?” Is this like mother like daughter shit? A bunch of poke nosers.
“I know you got arrested.”
“You know?”
She nodded. “Almost everything.”
“Then why do you want me here.” I moved to get up. The last thing I want is Paula scolding me then judging me. Lastly, she will say I should leave her daughter alone and delete all her photos I have. The last things I have of her. It’s crazy but I know what some mothers are capable of. Paula won’t be different.
“I know I’ve been judgemental but that’s not why I’m here. Please sit back down.” She says calmly.
“Tell me why you wanted to see me then?”
“I already did. Your father has something that belongs to us and it’s sad that we can’t use the law to get it because my daughter made it known that she gave it out freely. Everybody knows it was given out willingly but we know the truth. Did you do this? You helped your dad?”
“Help my dad.” I scoffed and looked around. The air up here is so strong making it impossible for my hair to stay out of my face. She has tied her hair if not it would be flying everywhere including her mouth and I would’ve been grateful.
“Your appearance speaks a lot and I know you’re capable of helping your dad. You can but I want to still think otherwise that’s why I’m here. Just tell me something.”
“If your daughter didn’t believe me then why the fuck will you?”
“She may be my daughter but I’m older than her and our thinking differs.”
“I didn’t do anything. I only gave her ownership share of my cabin to sign. I wanted us to own it. She signed it and I didn’t know my dad replaced those papers. I don’t know how he did it.”
“Literally you’re the cause then.”
“You can say that but I don’t have any intentions of taking your property. I’ve always wanted a simple life and nothing else.”
“Is that why you went to beat him to death?”
“What? How the fucking fuck did you know?”
“Just tell me and don’t cuss.”
“I wanted him to give everything back but he gave a condition that I have to marry her. She didn’t want it and that even worsened our state. She misunderstood me. I couldn’t take it and I had to do that.” I whispered the last parts.
“If you can beat your dad, then you will try to beat Pablo too.”
“I can beat anyone if they cause me trouble. I don’t stand up and do anything. There is always something.”
“I don’t care about that but you don’t raise your hand to someone who birthed you or someone who can. You are only limited to your mates. Quit putting your hand on him no matter what. There is always another way to do it. Don’t use violence.”
“Don’t tell me what to do. I didn’t come here for that.”
“Yes, that was just by the way.”
“And don’t ridicule yourself. I know about you and my father.”
“What about me and him?”
“Don’t act innocent. Did you not have an affair with him? It was all because you that my sister and I were abandoned.”
“What are you saying? I think you misunderstand.”
“I know what I’m saying.”
“I honestly don’t know where you’re heading but one thing must be made clear. I never had anything to do with your father. I only know that he had this kind of obsession for me. He was willing to destroy me at all costs and I can’t bring myself to tell you some of the things he did. You must believe me on this. I’ve always loved one man and he is Pablo. Even after our separation I never looked at any man the way I do to him. Your father was like the sun in my life. I wanted him far away from me and I do all things in order to avoid him. He’s toxic and dangerous. I’m sorry to say that but I don’t like him even one bit and I don’t want any of my family to be in any association with him or anything related to him. You included. I was extremely determined to separate you and my daughter. I feared that something bad will happen and I still have that fear but I realized she has a genuine feeling towards you. I didn’t want to keep upsetting her so I decided to put up with you for her and with another means before this happened.”
“You might not have anything to do with him but it was because of you that he abandoned us. Your rejection did him bad and it affected his children.”
“Same way you’re the cause of my family’s loss but you have nothing to do with it.”
“Don’t try to put us in the same boat.”
“Accept it. We’re both being blamed for something we didn’t actually do. Accept it Novie.”
“Don’t call me that.” I looked away. Only Mariana calls me that. It should remain that way.
“Why, Novie?”
I glared at her. “it’s reserved for the girl who loves me.”
I looked at her. “You won’t say you’re that girl. I’ve been suspecting..”
“Don’t go there.” She raised her hand up and I could see she was battling with herself not to smile but her lips were turning up into a smile anyway.
In a way, she’s right. I don’t know but I believe whatever she just said to me and I will like to think that we can relate. Taking for instance how without knowing I helped my dad and just because she was there, I blamed her for being the cause of the rejection I suffered. I believed she was the cause of everything meanwhile it was just because she was there and happened to be the one my father had eyes for.
“You can smile,” I said and a smile threatened to appear on my face after seeing her struggle to keep her face straight like mine.
“Yes yes…I find this a little hilarious.” She smiled finally and it was infectious but I stood my ground.
“I’m glad you’re not using the bad language around me a lot today.” She acknowledged.
“How the fuck did you know about my arrest?”
“You’re not helping matters. I was commending you.”
“I don’t need it.”
“Alright, I got to know of your arrest from my best friend and the reasons followed.”
“And what again?”
“I got you bailed.”
“You did? Why?”
“Because I know you’re innocent.”
“You don’t know anything. I actually beat his ass.”
“I know.”
“Then what are you saying?”
“I know you didn’t help your dad and in fact, the turn of events was a blow to you as well.”
“Why..why will you believe me?” I reduced my gaze to the floor. Even her daughter whom I love with ‘my all’ didn’t believe me. Why would she? She hated me. She even bailed me.
“I’ve gone through a lot including hell to be where I am today Donovan. I have life experiences so I understand perfectly how things work. I don’t know you and neither do I like you like I have to but there are certain things I know someone like you can not do. I like to be independent and I take my hat off to anyone with that mind. You work and you take care of your sister without the help of your parents. I’m sorry but I got to know a few things about you when this matter came. I’m not nosey. I just want to know the type of person you are and compare to see if you can actually do that. Before that, I knew you couldn’t. I was doubtful but after considering a lot of things, I knew you couldn’t, and the fact that I don’t like you won’t make me sit and allow injustice to be ruled on you. You’re bad but your type is rare and I’m beginning to like the person you are..the good part of you and that is what I’m going to dwell on. If anybody can’t see it, I have. I also know how wicked your father is so I understood when you proposed marriage. I’m sure he just wants to prove a point. You get what I’m saying?”
I’m too shocked by her words to be able to speak. It gave me immense hope and got me a little emotional. I can’t believe this.
“He couldn’t have me so he wants to prove that his son succeeded in something he was never able to do but I don’t have his time. I just don’t want my daughter to get hurt in any of his schemes. She has had enough and I’m sorry that I couldn’t give her a rosy life after everything. If you love her then you should work this out with her.”
“I can’t work anything out. It’s late.”
“What are you saying?”
“I don’t know but she ended things between us and now there’s no us but just me and her.” I felt pain in my chest and I hope it doesn’t reflect in my face that I’m hurt.
“Aww, is that why you look so miserable?” She’s teasing me and I won’t have it.
I looked around me for something I could hit her with and she laughed. It lightened the mood, ridden off the tenseness that was building up. I could’ve broken down in front of her but I’m glad she brought that up. It wasn’t funny but annoying and the way she laughed when I wanted to hit something at her did it.
“Did she really break up with you?”
“That’s what I said.”
“Okay?” I’m surprised. Is that all she could say? Oh, how did I forget, she’s finally gotten what she wanted. We separated.
“Yeah. It’s okay.”
I’m sad that she couldn’t say anything to uplift my spirit but I couldn’t help making a joke out of the situation.
“Don’t think because she’s not there you can take her place Paula madam.”
“How do you read me so perfectly? You should see how exhilarated I am.”
“Oops! sorry. Even your husband will annihilate you for that and my heart was created for only one person. Bad market.”
“My bad.”
“So tell me why you’re doing all this? You bailed me and asked me to come here. To top it all, you said you believe me. That’s a lot and I don’t know why it was you. We don’t like each other and could barely stand the other. I’m amazed at the turn of events and it’s sort of hard to believe.”
“I find it hard to believe also. Who would’ve thought? But anything is possible under the sun. I just want you to know that I’m with you in this. I will play my part if I have to and do it well…”
“I can’t believe this!” I exclaimed. “Come on, pinch me. I got to be fucking dreaming! Unbelievable!”
“No, I will slap you instead. I didn’t know you’re also this dramatic.” She put her hands under her chin and looked at me with a smile.
I blinked to get the image away but Paula madam was actually sitting in front of me and smiling at me.
I smiled much to my surprise. “I didn’t know you love me this much.”
“Oh please, don’t start.” Her genuine laughter is gentle and low as her beautiful hands went to cover her mouth.
I can’t believe this. Me and her together. coffee. Joking. Smiling.
You’ve got to be kidding me!
“Hey, listen here. It doesn’t mean I will put up with any nonsense from you if you try. You’re still the evil man’s son whom I detest with passion and wrong move and I catch you in it and you’re dead.”
“I don’t conspire so I won’t die but I have evidence.”
“What evidence and why?”
“Just look over here.” I moved my chair closer to her and drew my phone from my pocket.
“In my direction.”
Once she did, I took a perfect shot. I wasn’t looking into the camera so it looked like she was stealing glances at me without my notice.
“Someone got eyes on me.” I flashed the phone before her and she attempted to snatch it but I was fast. I went over to where I sat previously.
“What was that for?”
“An evidence that you have hidden feelings for me. Just look at how you were drooling over me in this picture. Now I will have to think about who should see this first.”
“You won’t dare.”
“On one condition. It’s simple.”
“You said you won’t take any nonsense from me and I’m full of it, I can’t help it. This will serve as a check if you try to flip on me. You have no choice but to tolerate me if you don’t want anyone to see this. Be a good girl and I will keep your secret safe.” I winked and my face split into a grin.
“You’re absolutely crazy to be threatening me with that.” She laughed hard and for a second I saw Mariana. Mariana shares more resemblance with her father than her mum but this laughter of hers changed her face and brought Mariana into it.
The fact is that there won’t be me for her to try and tolerate because there’s no Riana.
“You should be wondering why I chose a rooftop and as you can see.. we’re alone. Anything can occur.” She waved her arms around us with a shrug.
I leaned back in my chair and stared at her, totally amused. “I see. Is that how you are Paula madam.”
” I guess so Novie.”
“I scowled at her. “I said don’t call me that.”
“Okay, Novie.”
She won’t stop.
Throughout my drive back home, I still couldn’t believe I met Paula. It keeps baffling me that we had a real chat on a rooftop at some coffee shop.
And the things she said? For once she didn’t judge me and she acted humanely towards me. This Paula I saw today is different from the Paula I knew from the beginning.
Fake people around pretending to love you. They make you believe that they’ll stand tall by you through the bad and good times but end up leaving once something real pops up. I hope Paula is not faking as her daughter did. I don’t even know why I’m thinking of this. I just have to avoid her to prevent matters that touch the heart.
There is a white unfamiliar Audi in my compound when I arrived. I got down and walked inside.
Nervisa was in the living room with someone I can only make out as Tricia Salvatore. Why is she here and how did she know that we live here?
My question is answered when a brunette stepped out of the kitchen and walked to them, sitting beside Nervisa.
So she knows my mum too. Since when? It should be in France. I knew something was off at the airport when my mum got closer to her. I asked her when we got back if there was something she wasn’t telling me but she didn’t tell me. Now I know.
She doesn’t want me anymore but won’t stop meddling in my affairs.
There’s one thing she forgot to realize and I will make it clear.
I marched forward and, taking the wrist of my sister, I hoisted her from the couch.
“Come with me Nervisa.” She held onto my hand with her other hand tightly making me know that she wasn’t comfortable with Tricia around.
“Shut up and get the fuck out of here!” I growled.
“I brought her Novan. Please have a little patience.”
Of course, she fucking did. Miss meddler contestant number one. Or is it miss nosy? What does it matter? Both names flawlessly suit her.
“You have no right to get involved in anything concerning me, Mariana. Now if you’re done with your union program you may leave.” I walk my sister away from them.
How dare her? She thinks she can do anything?
I didn’t like her involvement in my life even when we were together. How will I like it when all I’ve ever done is tolerate it and now that she’s broken up with me?
When she broke up with me, she did with everything associated with me.
{Loving him with all his flaws.}
“Why are you shouting at her? She didn’t do anything.” Nervisa stopped walking when we got to the stairs.
“She’s not doing the right thing.”
“As in? She brought our mum after all these years. Something you couldn’t do.”
“Who says..” I stopped myself before my sister found out that I’ve always known where our mum was but decided to hide it from her.
“Do you like her?” I asked instead.
“Yes but not entirely. I want to get to know her more. We look so much alike and she’s so beautiful and rich-looking. Doll face is a darling.”
My naΓ―ve little sister.
“I thought you were scared of her.”
“No, don’t get me wrong. I was just in shock and overwhelmed so I didn’t know how to act around her. I was relieved when you showed up and thought you would talk to her but you shouted instead.”
“You know I’m not in the mood”
“You should apologize for shouting at them.”
“Fuck no. Don’t tell me that and I don’t want to see you with either of them!”
“You mean?”
“Don’t make me repeat myself. You won’t see the two of them again and it’s..”
The doorbell rang and Sharon appeared to go for it. Seconds later, a man in a suit with a briefcase walked into the living room where Mariana and her client in the name of Tricia were still standing.
“Who’s he?” Nervisa whispered.
“I don’t know.” I held her hand and we walked back to the living room. If I’m not mistaken, he looks like a lawyer.
Panic runs through me like electricity waves. I’ve seen in so many movies where the deceased lawyer makes an appearance like this. I hope Jude is not dead. Not like I cared if he’s alive or not but I fear the consequences. What if I get arrested for it? I will spend the rest of my life in a goddamn cell.
“Who are you and what do you want here?” I asked the older man in a three-piece fucking suit.
“I’m Kenneth, your dad’s lawyer and you must be his son Everett?.”
“Okay? Why are you here? Is he dead?” Once the words left my mouth, I heard the ladies gasp.
“I would like to talk to you about something if you don’t mind. And if your girlfriend is around, please I want her here too. The matter concerns you both.”
I looked at Mariana and her eyes met mine immediately.
“Come with me and…my girlfriend is not around” I let go of Nervisa’s hand and walked outside with the lawyer following.
“Are you my girlfriend?” I asked Mariana who was following and her steps halted.
“I was…”
“Correct, you were but not now.” I can’t believe she admitted it. If she had said we still are and insisted on it, then I would’ve felt a lot better.
“Yes but you don’t have any new girlfriend and there was none before me so I’m the one the lawyer wants to talk to and there’s no doubt about it.”
“Who says I don’t have a new girlfriend? I got a girl, Mariana so stop thinking yourself so high, precious, and special. You can easily be replaced and that is just what I did. It wasn’t hard.”
“What…No…you didn’t.” Her eyes turned glossy.
I left her and walked out with the lawyer.
“So tell me.”
“It’s about your marriage and what your dad said was that you two will live together under the same roof for a year. And during that time…”
“Forget about it. There is no girl so no marriage. If he’s not going to give what he stole back then he can take it. Tell him that.”
“He’s in a critical condition at the moment and…”
“Don’t worry Mr. Ken there is a girl so there’s going to be a marriage.”
Kenneth and I turned to the voice.
Yes, I broke up with him but I still love him and I want to think what he said to me a while ago that he got a girl is a lie but it scared me. What if he actually got it?
I walked after them anyway and heard their conversation.
Novan did wrong again by going over to beat his dad. If he dies now he’s going to be jailed forever. I pray he doesn’t die, not just for Novan but I want him alive to return everything amicably.
“What did you say?” Novan asked when they turned to me. He doesn’t look like himself. His young stubbles were not shaven and he needs a haircut and also rest. His eyeballs were dull and had circles under them. Did I cause it? How has he been faring without me? Nervisa didn’t say anything to me when I came with their mum.
“I will marry you.” I got close to him. “We will get married, Kenneth. Is there anything we need to sign?”
Novan stared at me as if to say. ‘You again?’
“Sure, you can go through then sign it. Since you’ve agreed, then the marriage is tomorrow at the court..”
“Tomorrow?” We both voiced at the same time.
“Yes, that’s what your dad said. You can do it in a grand style or anyhow you want it but it should be finalized in a court. I will be ready whenever you call me tomorrow. If you don’t have anything to say or add, then here is what you have to sign.” He opened the briefcase and gave me the papers.
“I will take my leave.”
“Can’t we have time to think this through?” Novan asked.
“You can take all the time but it will only delay the transfer. It’s up to you. Every time counts.”
“Are you okay with it?” Novan asked me.
“Not really. What about you?”
“I don’t care. I will do whatever it will take to get them back.” With that, he walked back inside.
Kenneth gave me a nod and waddles away
I sat on the chair outside and began to read through the papers. What happened to me can’t occur the second time. I went back inside after reading then got a pen and signed where I was supposed to.
I didn’t find Novan or Nervisa except for Sharon who was talking to Tricia in the kitchen so I took the stairs to his room where I saw him sitting at the edge of his bed.
He got up and took the papers when he saw me. I’m supposed to leave but for some reason, I couldn’t move. My eyes were on him but his eyes were somewhere else.
“We will go our separate ways after this right?” He asked before picking a pen from the bedside table.
“We can be friends.”
His piercing eyes landed on me and he huffs “Friends. You know you and I can never be friends but if that is what you want then fine but I don’t want you as a friend. I’m finding my way, before the divorce, I will be there. Now leave. Call me when you are ready tomorrow for us to get married.”
I didn’t say anything again until I decide to ask about the reason for my current heartache.
“Did you really get a girlfriend.. already?”
” I did.”
“It’s barely a week, Novan. That was too fast.
“Just leave!” He turned his back to me.
“You could’ve told me the marriage was a condition you dad gave. I thought..”
“How could you not have trusted me?”
“I’m sorry.”
“I told you to leave.”
“Before we get married…I know it’s not valid but you should break up with the girl before we get married tomorrow.”
“This marriage means nothing to me and I’m not like you. It’s not so simple to end things..please leave.”
I turned my back and scurried off.
“What’s going on between you two?” Tricia asked when we got into the car. She said she’s going to stay for a week so she rented an apartment and a car.
“I’m sorry for not saying this to you earlier but we broke up.”
“Whose fault was it?” I’m amazed at her calm tone.
“Something happened and I had to end things with him. It was the best thing to do at the moment but now I don’t know…” Seeing Novan in the state he is now is breaking me but I have to do this. If I’m able to unite him with his mother at least and after I’ve restored whatever was taken after a year, I’m going to leave this country to somewhere far. I can’t be a reason for my family’s misfortune again. Novan will move on and I will try to be okay. If I’m no longer with him, Jude will leave my family in peace. After all, they went through, I can’t make them go through another again.
Thinking about my separation from Novan, tears blind my vision. This is so hard. I have to learn to live without him if I want to actually do this. For once, I wish death on someone. I wish Jude would just die and let us be after I’ve restored everything. I regret ever trying to help him and now his ex-wife whom I can’t say no to. I just wanted her to meet Nervisa. I had no intention of making Novan like her. Only Nervisa will be enough.
“Is this about me?” She put her hand on my lap and I shook my head.
“Then what is it? You can talk to me.”
I wiped my tears and focused on the road. “Jude didn’t change. He has been a hurdle in the path of my family for some time now and recently, Novan gave me some papers to sign for one cabin almost close to campus. I didn’t know him then and I didn’t know whatever I was signing was everything I owned. He took my dad’s hard-earned properties and now the only option he gave was that I have to marry Donovan for a year.”
“After that year, will he give it back?”
” Yeah,that’s what he’s saying.”
“Is my son his partner in this?”
“I don’t know. He said he didn’t.”
“Do you know him?”
I nodded. I know Novan more than anything. I was confused but I knew deep down that my Novan will never stoop that low.
“And trust?”
“I trust him..more than my own self.”
“Then why do you want to leave him?”
“My family matters even though I love him.”
“I understand but this isn’t Bollywood where the characters go through unnecessary sacrifices. This is real life and whatever that makes you happy, you do it.”
“Not when my family’s happiness and life is on the line. I can’t be selfish or even self-centered. It’s not all about me.” My happiness is what I’ve been focusing on since and this is where it brought me. I couldn’t protect what was mine or take care of it. My dad trusted me including the entire board but now I’m just a big disappointment.
“I understand but this has been going on before you were even born. Sorry to say but the story won’t change even if you part ways with my son. I know you’re doing this because of what happened but you’re both suffering. Think about it or go on with what you think is best. I’m sorry if I’m interfering and I didn’t say this because it’s my son.”
“This will be the best for us all..” I said quietly.
“Okay if you say so.”
“I will be dropping at your apartment,” I announced when we were getting closer.
“I hope we will continue being friends even after..”
“Yes.” I smiled. Even after the mistake she committed, the past two days with Tricia gave me another insight of her. She’s a good human and I would like to think that circumstances made her do what she did. She’s nice and I like her also because I feel she’s genuinely sorry for what she did. Left for me alone, I would like for Novan to give her a chance. I know my first experience with Jude should teach me a lesson but why must her chance be ruined because of what Jude did? This is my last shot. If she also tries anything then I will lose faith completely and never will I endeavor in this type of thing again.
I parked the car in the garage and we both got out. I walked to the beautiful fair blonde to say goodbye. She’s wearing a fitting spaghetti strap and her shape is a killer. Her smile is also bright and full of life.
If anything, Novan’s mum looks like a model and I would’ve mistaken her for that if I didn’t know she is a chef. She’s so fit and gorgeous with a class of her own. Jude shouldn’t have done what he did to her. This beautiful woman didn’t deserve it.
“Thank you so much for everything Mariana. You’re so nice and it baffles me that this type of being exists. I’m really grateful for making me see my daughter after so many years. I’m so so happy and it’s all because of you that I will never forget. You’re an angel really. This alone is enough even if Everett decides not to ever forgive me, I’m satisfied. I got Nervisa’s number and I will contact her regularly once I leave.”
“That’s good. Don’t relent in winning her heart. I must say, you guys look so alike and you’re beautiful.” I just have to say it. Beauty runs in ‘the Anderson’s’ blood and Jude is not left behind but his evil and ugly ways took his beauty away.
“Thank you.” She beamed. She’s the type who loves compliments, I can see that.
“And I also would like to apologize for Novan’s behavior and also whatever Mr. Anderson ever did to you. I feel I should do this since..”
She hugged me. “It’s okay. I think it was just my luck but I’m thankful for whatever happened in my life so far including the bad and good ones. Even I feel like apologizing to your mum and entire family for what Jude did. In a way, I’m also responsible for whatever that happened.”
“How?” We disengaged from the hug.
“I knew Jude had eyes for your mum and I was just one of his flings back then but I loved him a lot. I just wanted him for myself. I wanted more from him so when pregnancy came, I refused to abort it like we used to do. He became furious because he knew who my father was and what he can do if he doesn’t marry me. He didn’t marry me because he wanted to but was forced to. I gave up when I couldn’t take his maltreatment anymore and his lack of respect for me. I thought he was going to fulfill his fatherly duties when I left but he didn’t and I regret that I couldn’t come back for them.”
“Why couldn’t you?” I asked the one question I’ve been dying to ask.
{Loving him with all his flaws.}
“Why couldn’t you?” I asked the one question I’ve been dying to ask.
” He threatened me not to after I left. He said It’s either I stay with them or leave without them. I thought he was willing to be with them and that’s why he said it. I came for Nervisa but everything was just against me, I had to bring her back. I’m sorry. I know all this is not any concrete reason why I should leave my children behind. I was selfish, only my happiness mattered to me then and not that of my children. I left them to another country and settled. I hurt them so much and I really don’t want their forgiveness. My son has every right to be mad at me and he can say anything because I’m in the wrong. Seeing them alone is so enough of me. I couldn’t have asked for more. I’m forever indebted to you Mariana. This means a lot to me than you can ever know.” She dubs the corners of her eyes.
“It’s okay. We all make mistakes but the most important part is realizing it and repenting. You’ve shown that and it makes me happy.”
“Who are you?”
I smiled.
“You’re so understanding and your thinking is so different. I want to have a heart just like yours. You’re so right for my son but I know things can’t be forced. What is yours comes naturally and it was foolish of me for trying to tie Jude to be with me with the pregnancy. He wasn’t mine and we weren’t meant to be so I lost him anyway. Right now I’m happy with my partner and I know without a doubt that if it was ordained, you two will find your way back to each other no matter what happens.”
“I hope so. I will leave and you can call me if you need help with something.” I hugged her briefly and she followed me to my car.
“I’m missing you already.” She muttered.
I wish I could stay with her for some time but I have a lot to think about at the moment. The thought of my marriage makes my heart beat. I can’t believe this.
“I’m sorry.” I opened my car and leaned on the entrance.
“It’s okay.”
I nodded and got in. She stood there for some minutes before getting closer and placing her hand on the window.
“I know I’m taking advantage but I will like to come witness your marriage tomorrow, please. It’s not valid but I would like to be a part of it.”
“It’s alright. I’m gonna text you the address when Novan does.” I said without thinking mostly about Novan’s reaction. Seriously, now that we ain’t dating, I feel like I’m truly intruding. Like I don’t have the right to get involved in what concerns him. He even made it clear that I lost those rights. It’s sad.
I told his mum that I trust him and believe him that he will do no such thing but that is what my heart is telling me. Right now when I look around, it’s just him I see who’s responsible for all this. Whether it was his father’s conspiracy, he was the one who gave me those papers to sign. He did this to me. He should’ve read them before giving it to me to sign. Or he read and knew but chose to help his dad.
God. My mind is wagering back and forth. One second I’m saying I trust and know him more than myself and the next, that thought is jumbled and I start to get ideas that he’s involved. What is this? Everything is falling on me in a cluster of confusion. I’m confused.
But I know..
Novan doesn’t need properties or money and he won’t take it from anybody. We all know that and that is giving meaning to what happened. He didn’t need it so he gave it to his greedy dad instead. It’s just as simple as that but my heart tells a different story. Without my heart with me, Novan is guilty of every accusation.
The only thing I did wrong here is thinking that he proposed marriage just to keep me to himself and I apologized for that and I’m also sorry for this decision that I’ve made.
“Thank you so much!”
“You’re welcome. Bye.” I waved for a second and drove away.
I’ve been spending a lot of time with my grannies lately ever since the day I broke up with Novan. I didn’t wanna sit in solitude and cry my eyes out and neither do I want to keep thinking about it. I want to do this. My dad traveled the day after my break up and he’s yet to come. He didn’t tell me when he’s going to come and when I call him, he doesn’t sound like he used to. Mum has also been pretty busy lately and hardly at home but right now, she’s in the living room watching a program and chatting with Victoria and Toby. Toby has started getting sick lately and it’s a worry. Betsy also went back to school finally and even though I miss her, I can’t make her stay with me. I’m thinking of spending some time with Amy one of these days since she’s been complaining that I don’t care about her anymore. Their house is just a stone throw but I hardly go.
“You’re back. Come watch this program with us. It’s so nice.”
“No mum. Thanks. Hi Vic.” I kissed her on the cheek. “Hi, Toby.” I did say before walking away to my room.
I paced around once I entered. My heart hasn’t stopped beating and the goosebumps just keep forming. I’m getting married? And tomorrow? When did my life take such a dramatic but serious turn?
I’m just 18 and Novan is 21. Getting married on its own is one thing and divorce? I can’t be a divorcee at nineteen or twenty?
I know our upcoming marriage is baseless with no meaning and I shouldn’t be fretting a lot but I can’t help it.
I never imagined myself getting married at this age or all other preparations that come with it. What am I supposed to wear tomorrow? And do I have to inform my family? I really don’t want any of them to find out about this. I will love my mum to witness it but I can’t hurt her. She didn’t want him for me and now I’m getting married. I will tell her after it. But Nicholas has to know about this and my brother.
My nervousness increased when my phone beep with a message from Novan giving me the address and name of the court which is at the center of Canberra. I forwarded it to his mother and she sent me a long paragraph of appreciation which I didn’t bother to read.
Should I do this?
I have to…
I have to do it for my father and my brother especially.
My phone rings and I picks it up. It was Novan.
“Hey…” my voice is shaky and I hope he doesn’t notice.
“Uhm… I wanna ask if you’re sure about this and you want it in a court. Simple?”
“I…I don’t have a problem and don’t want it publicized. Just the two of us and two more other people should be okay.”
“But..okay. it’s at 2 o’clock tomorrow. ”
“Okay.” My voice comes in a whisper.
We both went quiet and it was only his breathing I heard. Even over the phone, I feel the tension between us.
“Mariana.,” he says slowly in a deep hoarse voice.
My heart thumped and drummed wildly as my pulses quickened along at my name coming out of his mouth. I felt warm all of a sudden and I felt goosebumps rise behind my neck and the skin below. I could almost imagine his lips over there and the feel of his cold metal triggering a deep and erotic sensation. I clamped my legs together and a gasp left my lips.
“Are you okay?”
“Ye…yes. you wanted to say something? You called me?”
“It’s nothing. I’m hanging up.”
I wanted to push him to say it but he ended the call before I could. I’m so curious to know what he wanted to say.
I spent the night getting anxious as I think of my wedding tomorrow. After breakfast the next day, I went back to my room and slept the time away. I woke up at one in the afternoon with my nervousness at its peak. My heart just keeps beating. I picked my phone and texted Marion and Nicholas.
I have just thirty minutes to get ready and yet I don’t know what I will wear. What will Novan wear? A suit? Never. I’m expecting him in his normal blacks. I spent a few minutes in the bathroom and came out. I went through all my clothes and the only one that caught my eye was a black illusion dress with a white bow at the back. I held my hair in a messy bun and unintentional loose curls escaped from it and, falling over a part my face and the sides. I painted my lips black and got my earrings and necklaces out including bracelets. I put my feet in a pair of black pumps and looked into the mirror. With my dark hair, black dress, and shoes then lipstick, I look dark. I didn’t want to look all dressed up, just simple. I’m going to look like a fool if I appear there in a long white gown and Novan comes with black t-shirts and skinny jeans.
“You asked me to get dressed. Where are we going?” Marion walks in.
He looked smart in black trousers and a white shirt.
“You’ll see.” I picked my bag and walked out with him.
“Where’s mum?”
“She left for Aunt Amy’s house earlier and the rest are having a nap. You know today is a Sunday.”
I gave the key to my Lamborghini to the driver along with the address and we settled in. Tricia has already texted that she’s almost there and I haven’t heard from my groom at all. I only gave my grandfather the address and I’m certain he’s already there and wondering why I asked him to be at the court. I hope he doesn’t call my father or mum to tell them. I forgot to give him a hint and even if I did, it would only get him suspicious of me.
After some minutes we arrived. I took deep breaths and stepped out of the car. Marion threw questions at me when he realized where we were.
“What is this new madness about Mariana.” My grandfather appeared to my side. “When I came I made enquiries but I didn’t wanna believe”
“I’m sorry I didn’t say this earlier but I’m getting married.”
“You’re what?!”
“Yes, grandpa.”
“To who and why?”
“Donovan and it’s a long story. I didn’t tell anyone except for you and Marion of course. Please don’t tell anyone?”
“Is this not a little too much?”
“This is the only way grandpa. After a year we will get divorced and I will get everything back.”
“I don’t want to get involved in this. Your parents are going to get mad at me.”
“Please, I could count on only you.”
“You’ve been playing offbeat lately dearest granddaughter. You should just let it be.”
“I can’t.”
“I really don’t want to do this. It’s not right.”
“You’re getting married and so soon?” Marion whispered and I saw Kenneth coming out of the courtroom.
“You may get in Miss unless you don’t wanna do this anymore. The procedures have already begun.” Kenneth said when he got to us.
“Okay.” I looked at my grandfather. He sighed and took the lead.
It was just Tricia, the registry, the celebrant, and one more person whose eyes were on me.
Novan never disappoints. He didn’t even attempt to look different. Not like I cared but I just wish he wore something other than his normal clothes.
His eyes were still glued on me as I got closer to him…I wish he could just give me a smile.
Give me a smile Novan.
This might not be a real ass marriage but it’s freaking me out as fuck.
I was up the whole night after talking to Mariana. I almost said how much I missed her last night but held it. I can’t keep begging her and I don’t want her pity.
I wanted to wear something formal but then, it will make me look desperate and that’s going to be awkward for me. Plus, I don’t do suits. I can manage a dress shirt but not suits and ties. I wore my usuals and again, I know I’m going to look out of place but I don’t care. If it were to be a real wedding, I would’ve done something new about my appearance. I keep imagining what she will wear. Is it going to be a fucking long white gown that’s gonna sweep the floor with a stupid bouquet of flowers in her hand as she takes dramatic slow steps? I can only imagine.
I walked out of the house and within minutes, I parked my car and got out, walking into the courtroom alone. Who do I bring? My crazy friends? No way! Nervisa is also underage and I don’t want her to find out about this. I didn’t tell Sharon and she has gone to visit her family.
Kenneth showed me a seat and I sat, facing the marriage celebrant. Per my research, to get married in a court, the preparation takes a month but we got told yesterday and today we’re getting married. It only means my dad has been planning this for long.
Twenty minutes into my waiting time for my bride to show up, Tricia walked in instead.
What the hell is she doing here?
I got up to confront her or probably send her out but sat back down. This is all the doing of Mariana. She never listens.
“Hi, Everett.”
“Don’t come any close to me ” I warned before she even makes the attempt.
“Yes..fine. I won’t. I thought you could wear something more appropriate.”
“Say more and I will kick you out of here. Who said I need your damn opinion on what the actual fuck I wear? You shouldn’t be forgetting your place so quickly Tricia and my mind is never gonna change about you, keep that in mind.”
“You don’t have to get angry. I just thought..”
“Please find somewhere to land your ass or leave. I’m begging.” I cut her off. She didn’t say anything else again much to my relief and I didn’t care to find out where she sat.
Some minutes later and I’m bored sitting and waiting for Mariana. Did she change her mind?
“Mr. Ken, where are the bride and groom? It’s time and I can’t wait any further.” Our celebrant said as he checked the time and Ken walked out.
It’s almost three. Where the fuck is my bride? I turned my head to the door and my mouth fell open.
She’s in a black dress yet looking innocent and smoking hot. She’s gorgeous and rocks anything her body found herself in. And those hairs falling over her face, I just wanna tuck them away and kiss her forehead then hold her. She’s all I see. All those following her blurred. I even wish I could smile at her but things changed.
I didn’t know how much I was staring until she got closer. I slowly dragged my eyes from her and we were called closer to the altar.
Ken passed the celebrant some papers and he went through them for some minutes then he looked up at us.
“Do I understand that you, Donovan Anderson and Mariana Dominguez that, you’re here for the purpose of becoming a husband and wife?”
“Yes.” We said in unison and turned to look at each other at once.
The celebrant began to say a lot of things which I didn’t care to listen to until it was time to make the last declaration.
“I call upon these persons here present, to witness that I, Donovan, do take Riana to be my lawfully wedded wife.”
She repeated the same thing and the signings were done by us and the witnesses, my mom inclusive. It signified the end of the marriage.
One of the signed documents were given and I gave it to Mariana, before anyone could start any congratulations bullshit, I stormed out, got into my car and sped off.
{Loving him with all his flaws.}
I got married?
I’m married?
To Mariana?
Holy fuck!
So I’m no longer a bachelor?
Should I hold this marriage dear and respect it?
Mariana said she doesn’t want me anymore and I know this stupid marriage won’t change shit.
My phone rang and I picked it up then tapped on the speaker.
My eyes rolled at the annoying sing-song voice of Aria. Why would she call me today of all days? It’s late. I got married.
“Hi, sexy.”
“Did you just call me that?”
I can imagine her smiling and twirling her hair between her fingers. Stupid ass bitch.
“Is that you Aria? I’m sorry, my wife was here.”
She’s going to freak.
“Wife?!” She screeched. “You got married? When? Did time stop for me?”
“I got married and now have two kids, Aria.”
“Now I’m sure time stopped for me alone if you’re not just pulling my legs. When did you even start dating that you’d get married with kids already?”
“Answer that yourself but the truth of the matter is that I’m married. So now tell me why you chose to call a married man like me? We don’t do shit anymore.”
“I missed you.”
I rolled my eyes again. “Did all your fuck mates abandoned you?”
“You never fucked me yet you left me for that plain girl. We were supposed to do it, Donovan. Why did you even have to get a girl? And the fuck must you be faithful?”
“I never fucked you but I fucked others. Don’t you understand, I didn’t have the interest.”
“If you didn’t have interest we wouldn’t have done all that we did.” She calls me out on my lie.
Yeah, Aria is pretty and all. I would’ve fucked her other than playing around but she hated the love of my life. I can’t fuck Mariana’s enemy no matter what the case is.
“Fine. I wouldn’t fuck someone who was once Mariana’s friend. It’s like fucking two friends and I’m not that fucked up.”
“We’re no longer friends. You know I like you a lot Novan.”
“That’s why you told her all the shits you heard from my sleep to turn her against me?”
“I didn’t have a choice.”
I sleep talk sometimes. I fear Mariana is going to know that I’m not dating anyone and how much I still love her and want to fuck her if we start sleeping in the same bed every day.
That is how Aria got to know some things about me. Mostly, I talk about Mariana and how I don’t want her to ever leave me.
“You’re not married are you?,” She asked.
“I am, Aria. A little advice for you. Don’t waste your life away. Get yourself useful and a good boy who will love you and don’t call me again.”
“I changed. I swear I don’t have Mariana’s time anymore and I want to focus on my life. I just miss you. Can we meet? I won’t bite and I won’t overstep.”
“No, we can’t meet.” My girlfriend.. uhm..wife is crazy. If she should see me now with Aria, I bet she’s going to meet up with Ed as well or worse, bring him to my home just to spite me even though we’re not together. I trust that girl to irritate the hell out of me. Just because I met Aria, she will by all means use it as a benchmark and careoff to meet Ed. What she’d say when I get mad is ‘ so you can see Aria and I can’t?’ fuck her. She can act like a spoilt brat sometimes.
“Don’t do this Donovan…”
“I’m a little glad you changed especially and that you won’t cause problems for Mariana anymore but I really don’t want to have anything to do with you. Not again. I can’t see you and if you want to see me at all costs, then it will be with the guys. As I said, I got married. Don’t call me again. Bye.”
As if Paula madam was waiting for me to hang up, her call came the moment I got Aria off the line.
“Hey, Paula madam.”
“You sound a bit cheerful. What’s the news?”
“I got married and guess who?”
She went silent for a minute. Did she faint?
“No.. you two didn’t do this to me. You got married to my daughter?”
“Yes” I prepared myself to hear her scream.
“Why did you not tell me? How could you?!”
“It was just a stupid ass shit, not proper marriage. Say some boring-ass lines and sign that’s all. You didn’t miss anything.”
“Still. It’s not fair. I was supposed to be present. Where’s Mariana?”
“I don’t know. I left after the signings.”
“You don’t know? You two just got married.”
“She will find her way. We broke up, remember?”
“But she’s your wife now by law. Unbelievable!”
“I hope you haven’t sent thugs to cross me on my way back. I still don’t trust you and I don’t wanna believe that you’re cool with this new alliance.”
“It’s okay to have doubts because it’s mutual. You might be innocent of what happened but I don’t trust you too and yes, if I had my way, I will get another guy for her.”
“I know I’m not good for her and that is why it happened and happening. Don’t remind me of how worthless I am of her. I’m gonna hang up and don’t call me again. Thanks for believing that I’m innocent.” I pressed on the red button.
It’s still the same. Nothing changed.
She begins to call again. I picked it and didn’t say anything.
“Are you mad at me?” She asked.
“I wouldn’t have picked if I were.”
“Okay, so I will keep calling you if you like it or not. My daughter is married to you don’t forget that even if that marriage holds nothing.”
“Okay.” I’m bored. I wish I could get just a stick or sniff.. anything. I miss Mariana too and all I can imagine is her body beneath, taking me all in. The feel of her around me and her kisses. Oh, those soft lips. I want to hold and touch her. I want to do all the things but I will be content with just a hug from her and assurance that she’s always for me and never leaving.
“Is she going to live with you?”
“I guess.”
“Why not come live with us with your sister?”
“The fuck! No! Never!”
“Just saying. I know you won’t.” She laughed.
“Good you know. Now should I cut the call or you will?”
“Patience. It’s not like I got nothing doing with my time. Now tell me, do I have to congratulate you?”
“Don’t. Save it.”
“Till when?”
“When I get a proper marriage or anything worth it,” I said to her.
“Alright. It’s Savingggg…and done. Bye.”
I chuckled. She’s being playful. Not bad.
My mind goes back to thinking about my marriage when I got to my junction. I can’t deny how the thought of having Mariana in my house and by my side every night of the 365 days make me feel oddly at peace, kinda happy, and warm within.
Is she gonna behave like how wives do? She’s gonna stay up all day because I was late to come home? Is she gonna cook for me and pack my room always? What will she do?
And me?
What am I supposed to do? Do married men have a specific way of behaving? What do I have to do? God, I have no idea and yet we’re married. Maybe things are actually in my favor but just happening the wrong way. I actually wanted her with me. Not for a definite time but a lifetime. I want her to be my forevermore.
And what happens after marriage? Uhm.. consummation. Is it going to happen?
Hell no! We broke up and now I can’t even kiss her.
I turned around and drove to the only place I could think of. It’s better than being stuck with Mariana in awkward silence in my room.
My heart breaks as I watch Novan leave the courthouse.
Maybe because this isn’t a proper marriage that’s why he left this way without looking back at me. Where’s he even going?
“Why did he leave like that? Are you two fighting? He didn’t even come to greet me. Is he always like this.. unmannered?” Nicholas asked.
“I’m sorry grandpa. He’s just unhappy.”
“Yeah, he didn’t want our marriage like this. He’s mad at his dad.”
“Okay but I’ve heard of his lack of manners and rudeness though I’m yet to see one. If this is it, then he’s just as the rumors say….”
“It’s okay. I won’t say anything but be careful. We love you.” He kissed me on the cheek. “I gotta go.”
“Hey, big man.” He fist bumps with Marion. “See you guys around.”
“Yes but meet Tricia before you go.” I motioned for her to get closer.
“Who’s Tricia?” Nicholas looks around.
“Here she is. Donovan’s mum.”
“Oh hi, you must be Vlad Salvatore’s wife right?”
Oh. Grandpa knows her already?
“Yes, nice meeting you.”
“My pleasure. I’m running late if not I would’ve had dinner with you but I believe there’s some other time.”
“Sure, I will look forward to it.”
Grandpa hugged me and with a ruffle of Marion’s hair he left, leaving Marion pouting angrily as he arranged his hair back.
Tricia held my hand and we walked out.
“Get inside the car Marion. I will join you soon.” I said as I walked Tricia to her rented car.
“I’m sorry for his behavior.”
“Who? Novan?” I chuckled quietly.
“Yes, is he always like that?”
“Like what? I don’t see anything but his love for me and mine for him.. it covers everything even in times like this that we ain’t together.”
“You haven’t seen anything though.” I laughed. Novan has more shades than anyone can imagine including his mom whom I believe knows nothing about her son at all.
” Yeah yeah…I can only imagine.” She laughed along with me and it was so nice.
“So when are you leaving?” I asked and she stopped laughing.
“Oops. So soon?”
“I will be coming more often and I will keep in touch.”
“Okay, we still have tomorrow. I will see you after work and I’m gonna see you off at the airport also.”
“Yeah.” She embraces me warmly. She got into her car and I got in with Marion.
“I can’t believe you’re married, sis.”
“Please don’t go telling anyone at home.”
“I’m not like you.”
“You told mum what I told you even after I cautioned you.”
“Yes but I’m not a gossip. Please do not tag me as one Marion.”
“Okay, Mrs. Anderson.” His face breaks into a wide grin.
“Wait..” my stomach fluttered just hearing him call me that. “Don’t call me that.” I looked away as I felt my cheeks heat up. I just got Novan’s name to mine legally. Wow. I still can’t believe this.
“So tell me what the feeling is like getting married at your age?”
“Don’t get things mixed up Marion. None of us decided to get married on our will. This is just a solution. The solution to getting everything I lost back.”
“It wasn’t necessary. You could’ve just let it be. Dad still has his shares intact and there were other properties he didn’t pass under your name. There is no way we could go hungry. Dad and mum got us covered.”
“I don’t want to live with the guilt Marion. I caused this so I have to rectify it. I can’t just sit and do nothing about it?”
“Okay? Why didn’t your husband bring his sister?”
My heart skipped a beat.
“Marion please will you stop it? You can call his name.” I groaned. This marriage is nothing but why is he having so much effect on me? I feel like it’s a real wedding even without rings.
“That’s the reality! You’re married, Mariana. Congratulations!”
I looked at him and slowly shook my head.
“You’ll go on. I will alight at..”
“Your husband’s house?”
I buried my face in my palm. “I told you to quit this Marion.”
“It’s okay. When a girl marries, she moves to live with her husband and they stay forever. So tell me, you wanna drop off at your husband’s..”
He laughed and threw his head on me. “Sorry. I will miss you. Please come visit us every day but you can spend your nights with him..just come every day.”
“I will and please don’t tell anyone about this okay?”
“Your secret is safe.”
“I love you, sis. Please don’t forget me.”
“I won’t. I love you too a lot dear brother.” I kissed his forehead and his head remained on me till I got to Novan’s house.
I got to the house I will be living in for a year as a married woman and the door was locked from the outside. It means there’s nobody at home. Where did they go?
I got the keys from the vase at the doorpost, opened it, and got in.
I walked to Novan’s room and took my clothes out. I folded it neatly and stepped into the bathroom.
I’m tempted to wear his shirt after I’ve taken my bath. I missed wearing them and having his scent around me. Can I still wear them? Do I have the right to them?
He said he got a girlfriend and it hurts. I can never bear to see him with someone else. I can’t take it. I rather die. I pray he never goes for anybody else even if we’re not together. That’s selfish but I rather prefer him to live loving me only. I don’t want anyone to take my place. Nobody.
I decided on his white shirt and selected cotton pants. I got down and looked around the kitchen for something to eat. I’m hungry and it’s almost six. I prepared instant noodles and fried chicken. Just like I always do, I jumped on the island and began to eat. It’s so lonely here.
After eating, I picked my phone to call Nervisa when the door opened and she came in with Sharon.
“Was just about to call you.” I walked to meet them.
“Really? I’m surprised to see you here. Where’s Tricia?”
“Have you been here for long?” Sharon also asked.
I decided to ignore Nervisa’s question for the meantime.
“An hour ago. Where did you go?” I answered Sharon.
“We went to watch a movie at the cinema after I came back from my mother’s place,” Sharon said.
“Oh okay.”
“Come with me doll face.” Nervisa took my hand and we walked to her room.
“I’ve been seeing you here but my brother is always sad. He used to be happy but happier when you’re here. What changed? Did you two have a fight? Tell me what’s going on doll face.”
“Nothing is going on Nervisa.”
“I’m not a child you can tell me everything. Please don’t lie to me. I saw the condition my brother was in a few days back and I haven’t seen him so broken and sad as that before. He wouldn’t sleep or eat for days and he doesn’t smile anymore. He got sick and fell to the floor. He blacked out for some minutes before coming back. He told me he’s fine but I know deep down he’s lying. He’s all I have Mariana. Please tell me what happened or what he did and I will apologize on his behalf. I know he’s not an all too nice person and you’ve been generous enough. I don’t know what happened but my brother is not who he was. Our parents have already done enough damage to him. Please tell me what happened.” She begins to cry.
I got closer and hugged her. What am I supposed to tell her?
“It’s nothing Nervisa. Your brother will be fine.”
“I don’t think so. He’s been crying too. I always catch him doing that when he’s alone. My brother doesn’t cry, Mariana. Please make him happy.”
“I’m here,” I whispered.
This is going to be hard. What do I tell his sister?
“Please promise me you’re gonna make him happy for me Mariana.” Her teary eyes looked up at me.
I’m sorry Nervy.
“Your brother will be fine. I promise.” I wiped her tears.
“I’m gonna trust you on this.” She smiled through her tears.
I left her room for Novan’s and got my phone out. I called Betsy and we talked for over an hour then I called Dylan and Lenna on video. Seeing them brought tears to my eyes. I miss them a lot and miss school. Edward and I talked shortly before I called Marion.
It was nine to ten when I was done having my calls and Novan hasn’t come back yet.
I moved about till it was 12 midnight before sleeping. Only one question was in my mind.
Where did he go?
He left me behind and didn’t come home as well. How can he spend our first night as married couples outside? I know this isn’t a real marriage but it must be respected.
I woke up late the next day at 8 but Novan still didn’t come back from wherever he went and I began to worry.
Nervisa already left for school so after I’ve taken a bath and got dressed, I said my goodbye to Sharon and left for home.
“Look who’s here.” Mum met me at the door. She’s already dressed for work.
“Mum,” I called and hugged her.
“So Mrs. Anderson, did you consummate your marriage yesterday? Is that why you didn’t come home?”
I flushed. What is she saying and so easily?
“How did you know?” I asked slowly, still surprise, embarrassed and in utter shock.
“I have my ways. So tell me about your marriage.”
“MARRIAGE?!” My dad’s voice boomed from behind me and I jumped up in fright.
Here comes another trouble for me. This mother of mine will only be the death of me!
{Loving him with all his flaws.}
“Who got married?” My dad asked again, looking between mum and me.”
“You’re welcome, Pablo. You didn’t tell me you’ll be coming today.”
“I have some work to take care of so I have to come earlier than planned.”
“Alright… I’m off to work.”
What is mum trying to do? Swerve dad’s question? Is not going to be possible with how dad was still looking at us, especially me.
“Mariana, you gave your position out so hope you know you’re no longer working for me?”
“Yes, I’m going with mum.” I looked down at my shoe in shame.
“Paula please tell me who got married. Don’t think I forgot.”
“We will talk about it when I get back, I promise.”
“You won’t lose a penny if you don’t go to work today Paula. I just came and I miss you and today is..”
“I know but it’s important for me to be there today if not I would’ve stayed behind. I missed you too. I will be back early.”
“Alright.” They hugged and I heard kiss sounds.
I turned and walked to the car where I sat inside. I could have Novan kiss me the best of the day before I leave for work if things were okay. My parents are so in love even after so long. I just wish.
I swiped my phone screen and my eyes caught a notification. “Happy Valentine’s day Mariana.”
Valentine? I checked my date and it was 14/02.
I didn’t realize.
Is that why my parents are getting so romantic? Maybe that’s why dad came early from his trip.
Mum came finally and sat beside me at the back. The car took off and mum won’t stop stealing glances at me.
I ignored her and looked out of the window.
“I saved your ass, don’t you think you should be thanking me?”
My gaze swept on her in shock. I don’t care about the question but her words. She hated Novan also because of his language.
” I didn’t know you got a new vocabulary.”
She just smiled and pulled her laptop on her lap. “Answer me.”
“You created a mess, it’s not bad if you cleared it yourself.” I didn’t tell her to
blurt such a sensitive topic out. Because of her, dad is going to find out and yell at me.
“You didn’t tell me you finally decided to marry him.”
“I’m sorry, I wanted to keep it a secret since it will be over in just a year. There was no point in telling you or anyone.”
“Who was your witness?” Mum asked.
“Your father.”
“I see, I didn’t know dad has been supporting you secretly.”
“He does always and you know it.”
“I didn’t expect this reaction from you. I married him, mum.”
“What do you want me to do? I can do nothing.”
“You changed.. seriously. You’re so cool and trying to be understanding these past few days and I’m glad.”
“I just wanted the best for you but I don’t know if he is the best but I would like to think he is.”
“Thanks.” I smiled. I just wanted her to see the good in that beautifully flawed man whom I’m helplessly failing.
Mum focused on her laptop until we got to work and went on our separate ways to our offices.
Mum was right about today at work. The orders we received were insane. The demand for a piece of diamond and gold jewelry was higher than normal days. I helped mum as she designed lots of personalized jewelry. It was fun yet hectic.
In between, I decided to call Novan for once. I haven’t heard from him since. He picked after the second ring.
“Don’t ask me why I wasn’t home yesterday.” He said immediately he picked.
“You know I have a right to ask.”
“I don’t think so.”
“I do but I didn’t call you for that. Where are you?”
“I’m driving home. You?”
“At work.”
“Okay.” He said and cut the call.
The hell. He didn’t call me, I did. So why hung up on me?
With a heavy sigh, I put the phone back into my bag and got back to work.
We closed a bit early anyway since she wanted to go celebrate the day with dad. In fact, dad came to pick her. I waved them and entered the car we came to work with.
I glanced at my phone and read the messages I received from Betsy “Hey Quinn, party tonight on campus. Coming?”
” Won’t come.” I typed and sent it. I didn’t have to think twice about it.
What will I do at a college party when I’m no longer a colleger.
I made the car stop by a chocolate shop and I got down. Not to buy chocolate but to get a hot chocolate drink or cold. Any will do.
I walked in, took a seat, and called a waiter to get my order. In five minutes’ time, I had my steamy delicious chocolate drink in hand and, walking out of the shop. A message sound from my phone made me take my phone out and tapped on the message while I walked.
Edward is wishing me a happy Valentine’s day and asking if we could meet for dinner or something. He wanted to see me.
Is he not supposed to spend the entire day with his girlfriend?
With one hand and my face buried in my phone, I decided to reply to him when I walked into someone. My phone drops and my drink spilled, burning my hand and making me drop it. A painful groan made me look up to the person. My jaw detached as I stare wide-eyed at the unfortunate person who got bathed in my drink. I blinked my eyes at the resemblance.
He’s bathed in tattoos and piercings just like Novan and they have the same hair color but his own was curly and he was wearing a white shirt which was now stained over ripped blue jeans.
“Fuck, can’t you watch your way?!” His sharp green eyes met mine angrily, causing me to flinch.
“So..sorry” I stammer.
“Don’t tell me bullshit sorry. I wonder what the hell is wrong with you stupid girls. The hell couldn’t you wait to get your dumb ass home before chatting your asshole of a boyfriend?!”
What? I whisked my head around. We were standing in front of the shop.
I feel humiliated by this rowdy churlish boy.
“You don’t insult me after I apologize for something that was not wholly my fault. Where were your eyes turned to when I was coming? You could’ve taken another direction or made way for me to pass but your eyes were busy sticking in your ass so you couldn’t see and you were to dumb to make that decision huh?.”
“So because you’re Mariana so you think you can say anything to me? You know who I am?”
“Yes, the boy who couldn’t deal with his issues so he thought it’s nice to hurl his frustrations out on innocent people.”
“Why don’t you set up an NGO instead since you think I have a problem. I will be your first client and major case to solve. what do you think, Mariana?”
I’m not surprised he knows my name, a lot of people know me.
I huffed and picked my phone up from the floor. I frown at the part of the screen which has gotten broken. Not only did I lose my drink but my iPhone cracked.
I hissed at the boy whose type I have as a husband and once a boyfriend. As if their appearance alone is not enough to put people off, they add rudeness to it and a mean attitude.
I brushed past him and began to wonder how I fell for someone like him and now I’m living with it normally. My love for Novan doesn’t allow me to take this part of him to heart. I even forgot I once saw him like this and he pisses me off just like this boy but now everything is changed. His bad attitude is a minor and I could care less about it. Those are the things that make him up… it’s part of the package and I love him regardless. Even if Novan betrays me in the worst possible way, I know my love for him will always remain and never change. But..why are we not together even though it looks like we are..we aren’t.
A strong hand grabs me back and I feel my body pressed against a body. I looked up at the harsh green eyes with a scowl taking over my face.
“Not so fast. You have to pay for burning my skin and ruining my shirt.” He smirked. “It’s a dinner, you won’t refuse.”
What in the hell does this obnoxious boy take me for? Now I wished I had a ring as evidence of my marriage to throw in his face. The hell.
“You’re out of your mind. What makes you think I will come with you? I told you I’m sorry.”
“Apology not accepted until you come with me or I won’t let you be.” His smirk remains and reveals a faint dimple on the left side of his cheeks.
He’s handsome.
“Don’t ask me why I wasn’t home yesterday,” I said though it was all I wanted her to say to show that the care she has for me is still there. I was giving up when she didn’t call me but now, I want to believe that she still cares that’s why she called.
“You know I have a right to ask.”
Of course Mariana. I know.
“I don’t think so.”I lied. I actually wanted her to ask, shout, and fight with me till I tell her where I was.
“I do but I didn’t call you for that. Where are you?”
Her response pissed me and the little hope I had slipped away.
I reached home and as I began to take the stairs, the doorbell rang. I returned to get it but Sharon beat me to it.
I waited to see who it was when she opened it but it was just a delivery man. Sharon took the parcel with a large smile and sniffed a red rose which was attached to the parcel. When she turned, her cheeks were red.
“What’s that and why are you so happy and acting like a teenager in love for the first time?” I raised my brows at her.
“It’s Valentine’s day Novan..”
“Valentine’s day?” I have no idea what that even is. I think I heard it before but never bothered to know what it is about.
“It’s also called lovers day and on this day, we receive gifts from loved ones just like I did. On this day, lovers show how much they mean to each other by expressing all the love.”
“Oh, that cheesy bullshit where people go about in red or pink stuff and eat chocolate to their fill?”
“Oh okay, I count myself out of that madness. They have the entire time to love someone but chose to do it a day. How ridiculous.”
With Mariana, I want our every day to be spent as if it was a valentine’s day but our fights won’t make it possible. There’s always something that we always fight about. This one has taken long and out of hand. I feel us pulling away further each fucking passing day.
“It’s not madness. Mariana will be happy if you do something for her. Be it a gift or any other thing.”
“You said lovers day right?”
“Yes but not necessarily your lover. It could be anyone you love. A friend or relatives is also included.”
‘What about exes?’
“I see. So who sent you these? Are you seeing someone behind my back?”
She laughed. “No, but I got someone.”
“Have fun.” I smiled and jogged up the stairs to my room.
I don’t know much about this kind woman who took a natural liking to my sister and looked after her as if she was her own but I know she’s suffered failed relationships in the past so if now she wants to give it a chance, then I can only wish her all the best. I will personally kill the asshole who will dare to mess with her. Good people don’t deserve to suffer in this unfair world but it is them who suffer a lot. This world is so fucked up and bad. Nothing goes on well… except few.
My room is sparkling clean with the sweet scent of my temporary wife hovering around every corner. Signs that she spent the night. I opened her part of the wardrobe and the pervert man in me had to look at where her undergarments were kept. I picked her hot pink lacy panties up and wrapped my hand around it in a squeeze as my eyes closed. My imagination runs wild and I feel my boxer tightening around me. I snapped my eyes open and dropped it after inhaling it like a psycho. God. I just wish she was here. I will kiss her and I will see how she’s going to resist me. I know that’s something she can never do. She’s going get mad at me and yell but I don’t care as long as she doesn’t label it rape or sexual harassment.
But to kiss her, it will be a lot easier if I make her happy as Sharon said. We will all blame it on that if something should happen out of that instead of the blame landing on me alone. “We got carried away”. That’s what we will say. Yes.
I got down the stairs to ask Sharon what I can get her. I don’t care if we broke up. I still love her so I can do this since it’s a lover’s day. So low and superficial of me but I can’t help it. I know I have perverted intentions towards getting her a gift and it’s wrong. God, I’m planning on seducing her. This is so wrong.
“Uhm… Sharon?” I knocked on her door.
“Yes? What can I help you with?” She opened the door and smiled at me. She’s all dressed in a white dress with something like a thin red sage tied around her stomach.
She’s going out.
“I wanted to ask for help in getting something for Mariana but looks like you’re going somewhere so can you give me any ideas?”
“You can get her a teddy.”
“God no.” It’s the cheesiest thing ever. I gave her that teddy only to help with her phobia and nothing else.
“She eats that like every day.”
“You can give her a note of you listing out your happy moments with her and ending it with how much she means to you. It’s simple but I’m certain it will make her happy.”
If only we were together and this would have been a perfect idea because it makes sense.
“Thanks.” I smiled and left.
I’ve already spent an hour in a mall looking for something that Mariana actually deserves so I could get it but nothing at all made sense.
It’s always difficult when I want to get her something. I keep thinking but I can’t arrive at anything and nothing I think of is worthy of her. Sometimes because she’s rich and can get anything I get her. I always want something priceless and out of this world that she hasn’t seen before or can acquire for her. I went back home with nothing to add to the note I wanted to write for her but I shopped for baking shit and groceries. Yes, I want to bake something nice for her and prepare an Italian dish which I’m positive she’s going to love. I will put my all into making it perfect.
Sharon wasn’t around when I came and Nervisa was not back from school. I went to the kitchen and set to work. I gave the food my full dedication and applied all my skills just to make it perfect. After the Italian dish, I went on to prepare a heart-shaped red valentine cake and pizza. I put them in the oven and went to take a bath. I did few changes to my appearance but still wear my usuals. I came back to the kitchen and calculated the time from which I will spend from home to MD and set the timer according to it. The cake and pizza should get ready by the time I arrive. I set the fire low for that. I picked a pen and paper and began to reminisce about all our moments onto the paper.
I got another idea after I finished writing. I set the normal time for the cake but not the pizza then waited some minutes for it to get ready. The pizza doesn’t have to get cold.
I went to the balcony that joined my room and set a table for two in a candlelight dinner manner.
As I drove to her company to pick her, I realized this is beyond seducing her. I want to win her back. I want to impress her so she will go back on her words. I want my girl back and I pray this works for me.
Almost close to MD, I saw some couples standing in such an intimate position in front of a chocolate shop. I took my eyes away but a black hair caught my eye and I slowed. The guy had his back facing the road so I couldn’t see his face but the girl is so familiar. Is she…no but…
The guy moved back and the girl’s face came into view.
I choked on a spit I was swallowing and coughed severally.
What is she doing with my type?
I parked the car and watched as the tattooed guy laughed and walked towards a black classic car that Mariana followed and they entered. Minutes later and they took off. A car I recognized to be the Dominguez turned around and left as well.
What’s going on and who’s this new guy?
I shifted back to the road and sped after their car. Minutes later and they stopped in front of a big restaurant and got in.
I just stared and stared, not able to comprehend what is happening. Did Mariana move on? If she did then did she have to go for someone like me? Dylan would’ve been okay though I don’t support it and never will but Dylan would’ve kept her happy. He’s nice and decent and he won’t have malicious intentions but that boy looks dangerous and bad. I want to go in and drag him out and away from Mariana but what I saw didn’t look like he forced Mariana. She liked it and that’s why it’s happening. Even if he asked, she could’ve turned him down.
I lost again. All my efforts are not yielding. Yet again, my hopes and expectations are crushed.
I was busy making preparations at home to have dinner with her but here she is on a fancy date with a guy like me on a fucking Valentine’s day. Who the fuck was she supposed to spend it with if not me? Even if we are not dating, I’m her husband. A title I never claimed until now.
Mariana, I’m done. Done trying. Trying to beg, to make up.
You can’t keep breaking me.
“You ain’t eating.”
“That’s because I’m not hungry.” I eyed the creepy boy.
He nodded through mouthfuls. I looked at my cracked phone and realized I promised Tricia that I will be seeing her today after work. It’s almost night. I need to go.
“Listen, enough of all this nonsense. I don’t know why I agreed to come in the first place but I’m leaving. If you want a girl to have dinner with on a valentine’s day, there are lots of them around you can easily pick.”
“They’re all out of my league. You’re all I see when I look around.”
I looked around and got up. “I’m gonna call the security on you if you dare follow or try to stop me.”
“I’m scared.” He grinned sarcastically. ” Okay, I won’t come after you. I’ve given you enough punishment. Now you’ll look on the way henceforth and not be typing. Greet your boyfriend for me and I hope we can be friends, Mariana.”
“No thanks.”
“Oh please. It’s not like you can’t deal with someone like me?”
“You’re overstepping.”
“Okay.” He put his arms up. “I’m Haden, I mean no harm. Nice meeting you.” He presents his tattooed hand for a handshake.
I eyed it and shook my head.
“It’s okay, you’re more than a president’s daughter, and getting you here with me is a great honor. I’m sorry but I’ve always wanted to do this with you but didn’t know how but I succeeded today. Congratulations to me and happy Valentine’s day to you. Bye.” He waves me and focused on his food.
“Happy Valentine’s day,” I whispered and turned on my heels.
I called the driver to check if he was around and he responded affirmatively and came to pick me after some minutes. I got my phone out and called Tricia.
“Mariana. How do you do?”
“I’m sorry Mrs. Salvatore. I promised to come to see you but I failed. I’m on my way right now.”
“No, you don’t have to worry. I understand, it’s Valentine’s day and I want you to spend it with my son. I even forgot the day but now I just want you to be with him. So turn around..please.”
“Okay but send me the time you’ll be leaving tomorrow. I want to drive you to the airport.”
“Sure, I will.” I directed the driver to Novan’s house and began to call him. He didn’t pick until I got home. No one was at home just like the other day. I called Nervisa and she told me that she came home and no one was there so she’s at a friend’s house. I requested Sharon’s number from her and called but she didn’t pick. I called Novan again but he wouldn’t pick.
I changed into jeans, a cropped hoodie, and sneakers. I picked my key to the cabin and got out.
I called Betsy forgetting that she will be busy. She didn’t pick anyway. I called Lenna and she also didn’t pick.
I called Dylan and when I asked what he was doing, he said he’s studying. I asked him about school and kept quiet as he narrated everything to me, throwing me in a state of nostalgia. I miss school.
He went on and rambled to me about classic novels and the current books they were studying.
Dylan and I have so much in common —bookish souls and not a fan of valentine.
Imagine him studying on Valentine’s day.
I ended the call to give directions to the driver when we got into the woods that lead to the cabin.
I made the driver go and decided to walk the distance to the cabin. The same cabin that brought about our separation but I found it the best place to spend my time on a valentine’s night. I will sit by the lake and light a fire if possible and recollect all the happy moments I shared with Novan while throwing pebbles into the water, listening to every splash sound.
I heard Novan’s faint voice behind when I got to the porch. I didn’t expect him to be here.
Mission aborted. I wanted to spend alone time with myself and my thoughts. Novan is a total distraction. I can’t imagine what could happen between me and him in this secluded area.
I turned to leave but then I heard another voice and it was a girl’s.
I got curious and before I could stop myself, I began to waddle towards the voices.
“You look so much like someone I know.” Novan said.
“What makes it so?”
“Everything. Your innocence, behavior, and facials. How you talk and see things… it’s a lot.”
“Wow. Who’s that person?”
“Never mind. Can I kiss you?”
My movements along with my breathing stopped.
“You don’t have to ask but why?” The girl asked.
Bitch. He’s my husband.
“I want to see something,” Novan whispered and leaned into the girl who’s black hair was shining in the moonlight. They were sitting by the lake with their legs dipped in it.
So romantic.
I sucked my teeth into my lower lip and blinked back my tears.
I can’t take this. He’s cheating right before my eyes. I can never forgive you for this Novan.
“Donovan..” I wanted to scream but my voice came in a whisper.
“DONOVAN ANDERSON!” I called loudly this time and he broke away from the girl. He got up and I walked to him.
My hands fly in the air in rage to hit him but he held it.
“Don’t.you.dare!” He seethed through his teeth, putting more emphasis on each word with clenched jaws and eyes filled with contempt blazing at me.
I flinched as cold chills run down my spine.

{Loving him with all his flaws.}
I just wanted to collect the rest of me left after I left the scene. There is a party at the frat I could attend but it’s no more like before. I don’t get moved or excited by those parties like I used to anymore. It bores me and remembering all the ladies with bright red colored lipsticks make me cringe, make my stomach churn and I get headaches. Those girls are so horrible and gross. I regret ever laying a finger on some of them. Fuck!
I drove the two hours to the cabin and parked my car at the roadside instead of driving into the woods. As I walked, I kicked my foot at the gravels that meet my boots.
Mariana has finally made this clear to me. Even if we can’t live as couples, she could just come home or go to her parent’s place. Why did she have to go meet up with that bastard?
He held her. His hands touched her and they were so fucking close. How dare both of them? And that bastard, I’m more surprised and disappointed at myself for letting him go scot-free but that’s okay. He will get it from me anytime any day from this day on.
Mariana is mine even if she’s not with me or doesn’t want me anymore. Nobody touches what is mine.
As I walked, I heard light footsteps behind me. I stopped and it also stopped. I began to walk again and it came again. Someone is stalking. Who could it be?
I turned around and saw in time the person turn and began to walk in a different direction. It was a girl.
I go back to walking and heard the footsteps again.
“Why the hell are you following me? Who are you?” I turned and caught her right behind me.
Her gaze fell on her toes as her dark hair fell at the side of her face like a waterfall. She looks innocent. What is a girl like her doing in these woods at six in the evening?
” The fuck will you talk to me?”
She raised her head slowly and my breath caught when my eyes hit her beautiful round face. Full lips and innocent eyes. Her petite form was clad in a loose flowery dress.
Her looks are so virginal.
“It’s nothing. I just feel like following you.”
“Huh? Are you mad or something?” Is she not afraid of me?
She shook her head.
“Well, then you’re caught now. Please don’t follow me.” For once I thought it was a ghost.
“You were scared weren’t you?” She smiled.
” How’s that your problem? I wasn’t.” I began to walk and she walked by me. I eyed her to stop her but she just shrugged and continued.
“Lies.” She muttered.
“I’m not lying. I was just curious to know the crazy creep following me.”
“Okay, but how did you get here yourself?”
How does that concern her?
“Me? There is a cabin not far from where I’m going.”
“You live here? I’ve never seen you before.”
“Will you cut all the questions? You’re so nosy. Why will you be asking so much about a stranger?” I quickened my steps.
“Well because I don’t see you as a stranger and your appearance doesn’t move me.”
“It better move you.”
She chuckled and increased her steps to catch up with me.
“It’s not safe to follow a guy at this time of the night in a goddamn wood young lady.”
“I don’t mind. You don’t look like someone who will harass me.”
“So why are you following me?”
“We can be friends.”
My steps halted and I faced her. “I don’t want to be friends with you.”
“Just like that?”
What does she mean? Oh, these stupid girls. She can’t be liking me right? Before she starts let me tell her first that I’m not single though it seems I am.
“Look, I have a wife.”
“Wife?” She burst into laughter.
I shook my head and start to walk.
“Where’s your ring?”
“One does not need to wear to a ring to show that he or she is married.”
“It’s solid proof and it counts a lot. You should get some if you’re indeed married.”
Will I ever wear that band? If this nosy lady was not following me, I would’ve raised my hand to check if it will fit me.
“So please answer my question. Do you live here?”
I looked at her and she gave me puppy eyes and muttered ‘please.’
I wonder why people like Mariana like to know so much about people.
“I don’t live here but I do come occasionally.”
“Why do you care to know? What’s your problem?”
“Don’t be rude. You should ask me this. “So you live here right?” She touched my arm and looked up at me with a smile.
I swat her hand away and a smile stole its way to my face but I hid it away. “ok, so you live here right?”
“Yes, we moved in a month ago.” She answered happily.
“We?” Now I’m curious.
“Yes, I live with my parents.”
“They must be old fashioned then.”
“Also part but largely, they prefer simple lifestyle and not fancy things.”
“Okay.” It’s good to know some people and I share the same mind. I don’t know why Mariana doesn’t understand this part of me. Okay, she does believe that I’m not into fancy things but doesn’t believe that I didn’t help my father. It looks like it but I didn’t.
“My name is Ciara.”
Did I ask her? I hope she doesn’t expect that I will mention my name too.
“Okay, Kiara.”
“What I said was Ciara.”
“Whatever. That’s my cabin there. It’s time for us to go our separate ways.”
“Wait. Your cabin? As in you own it?”
I rolled my eyes and fetched my keys from my pocket. “You should go before your parents come looking for you.”
The least I want now is some angry parents storming my cabin to accuse me of messing with their daughter. It’s not going to be pretty.
“They won’t come. I’m nineteen and I told them that I’m going for a walk.”
“But I don’t want you around me so fuck off.”
“Why? Your girlfriend will get mad?”
“Go please!” I yelled. She’s starting to annoy me just like Mariana does.
“Okay calm down. Just tell me your name and I will go.”
“Donovan. Now leave!” I put the key into the hole and with a turn, I opened it.
“Nice name.” She giggled but didn’t go.
“Which part of ‘leave’ do you not understand?” I hold the metallic knob about to get in.
“Where’s your girlfriend or is it your wife? It’s Valentine today. Don’t you think you should be spending time with her instead of coming here alone? What’s wrong are you two fighting?”
“Why should I tell you anything?” I closed the door back and stood facing her with my hands folded over my chest.
“A problem shared is half solved. Who knows.”
“I won’t say anything to you. You’re a jobless meddler.”
“I don’t care. Come with me.” She ran towards the lake and kicked her shoes off. “If you don’t come then I’m going to throw myself into the lake.”
“Not like I care.”
“Okay. I’m diving and I don’t even know how to swim.”
“Are you out of your mind?”
“Are you coming?”
“Yes fine.” I ran to her.
She sat on the deck and dropped her feet into the water. “It’s warm. You should have a try.”
“Is it?”
I got my boots off and sat beside her. She was right. The water was warm.
“So what happened between you two? Was it your fault?”
I glanced at her for a moment and looked away. I’ve never done this before. Should I tell her? Maybe I can.
” Long story short. She broke up with me and then we got married. I really love her but today I saw her with someone else. I couldn’t take it so I came here and met a nosy parrot like you.”
She laughed. “This summary is not clear. Please help me to understand.”
“You’re dumb. What did you study?.”
“Zoology.” She chuckled.
“No wonder.” I smiled.
“I bought this cabin months ago before we started dating. I even bought it because of her because I’ve always loved her and I see myself with her here. All I wanted is to have it in our name but then a bastard thought it was nice to replace the documents she was supposed to sign and being a dumbo for the first time, I didn’t read before giving it to her and she also didn’t read because that woman trusted me. She ends up transferring almost all her father’s properties which were transferred in her name to that scoundrel. She broke up with me and the scoundrel said, to return everything, we have to get married for a year. We got married yesterday and today I saw her with someone else.” I looked at her, expecting to see her laughing at me but she wasn’t.
“She didn’t trust you? Why? and why will the scoundrel do that?” She asked.
“The scoundrel is related to me and has a bad history with her family so she thinks I’m working with him to get back at her family. It’s all false but the bastard made it look so real. Even if she trusted me, she couldn’t overlook that.”
“Then you won’t blame her for what she did because if I were in her shoes, I would’ve reacted the same way because you presented those documents for her to sign. What should she make of that?”
“Are you taking sides? I thought you just wanted to listen.”
“I’m listening but you can’t prevent me from stating my opinion.”
“Okay. Even if she won’t trust me, she shouldn’t have left me. We could work it together and I could’ve earned her trust back. She’s stubborn and just wants me to suffer because she knows I couldn’t leave without her and she has succeeded.”
“And you still love her?”
“With everything in me.”
“She’ll come back. I think her love for her family is what is pulling her away from you. Give her some time.”
“Time? I’m running out of it. Every second is so precious. I won’t survive if she doesn’t come back quickly. I’m even scared that she actually doesn’t love me anymore. If that is the case… then I don’t know what I’m gonna do with myself.”
“I don’t know you’re an emotional freak. You look hard but now you’re soft and broken, weak.”
“Shut up!”
“I won’t. I will say you shouldn’t give up on her. I know it’s painful and at the same time difficult but you just have to take things slow and be tolerant. Try to be nice always. I know you’re not always nice but you can put more effort into that and she will come naturally. What I see is that you both are not at fault at all. You’re just a victim of what happened and she is the center of it. Just don’t jump into conclusions too quickly. Be understanding and patient even if things are not in your favor. Break your silly egos also if you have any. It will go a long way.”
“Good speech and lecture.” Mariana is good at giving lectures and speeches as well.
“It doesn’t matter how well the lecture or speech is delivered. If the student doesn’t take it to heart and learn, then it will be meaningless and that lecture won’t be considered a good one even though the lecturer tried. It didn’t make the necessary impact.”
“Are you a teacher?” I thought it’s only my girl who’s good at giving nice speeches.
“No. Why?”
I took a minute to examine her features in the dark. It was hard but I figured some things like her dark hair and her face just like Mariana’s. She was wearing something I can only see Mariana wear. And her innocence. They have so much in common. Why’s it possible?
“You look so much like someone I know of.”
“Really?” She grinned.
“Yeah.” I picked at my jeans.
“What makes it so?”
“Everything. Your innocence, behavior, and facials. How you talk and see things… it’s a lot.” I whispered.
“Wow. Who’s that person?”
“Never mind. Can I kiss you?” I waited for a harsh reaction from her. I slap or something. That is what Mariana will do.
“You don’t have to ask but why?”
Fuck. She’s nowhere near my Mariana. She’s so decent but this girl isn’t. She’s an innocent slut. She must have the same features but they’re different and my girl is better.
“I want to see something,” I whispered and leaned into her. I’ve already seen what I want. I wanted to see if the feeling will be different even when I kiss her since they have similarities. It’s stupid of me and I’m a fool to be doing this for the wrong reasons but I want to see if she can make me feel what I feel with Mariana. It’s not like I like Kiara or I’m attracted to her. This is just a kiss.
I kissed her slowly. I didn’t feel anything but I heard a faint sound. I felt bad. I’m cheating. Cheating? Who am I cheating on? She broke up with me.
A second into the kiss and I feel disgusted. It was raw. There is no fire. Nothing like what I feel when I kiss Mariana.
“Donovan Anderson!!”
I separated away from her instantly as if a bomb was set between us. Guilt blanketed me coldly as I stared at a furious Mariana. What is she doing here?
Her hands fly up to reach my face but not anymore. She has not that right again.
I caught it and bored my eyes on her in rage. I’ve never looked this angrily at her before or with so much anger. There’s always been nothing but pure love in my eyes towards this girl but today I am so mad at her.
“Don’t.you.dare!” I said each work through my teeth.
She flinched and I dropped her hands.
I never want her to fear me no matter what.
“What.. have.. you done Novan?” She pointed faintly behind me at Kiara or whatever with tears pouring from her eyes. I instantly regret it.
“Mariana… I’m..so..” No. I’m not gonna apologize. She broke up with me and went out with some asshole.
“You’re what Novan?” Something close to what I think to be regret flashed in his face for a moment before anger took over again.
“Nothing! Get out of here! Don’t think you have that right over me.”
“Is that what you say? I caught you in this act and all you do is yell at me?”
He’s about to talk but the bitch got up and grabbed his hand. It didn’t help my state. I rushed forward and pushed her away from him.
“Don’t you dare touch him! He’s my husband okay. My husband.” I cried. “Get away from here!”
She was still standing there. “Novan please make her go before I do something that won’t be so me.”
“You don’t have to. I’m going.” She said. She’s so pretty and that annoys me the more and my jealousy is so large.
“Don’t call his name you low class bitch!” I pushed myself towards her. “Only I can call him that. Now leave from here and remember to never return.”
“Donovan. I hope to see you soon. Remember what I said. I’m here, always if you need me.” She wore her shoes.
“Bye Kiara.”
“Again, it’s Ciara.”
“Yeah, sorry.”
She smiled and I watched her leave. Once her back disappeared in the woods, I turned to Novan.
“So?” I stared into his face and he looked away then began to walk from me after wearing his boots.
“Novan.” I follow him.
He wouldn’t stop.
I ran and grabbed his arm to make him stop.
“What is it, Mariana. You broke up with me. Should I remind you of that?”. He brushed my hands away.
“So you can do anything?”
“Yes, if that’s what you want to hear.”
“I’m so disgusted in you Novan. It’s a pity you have no shame. Before we got married, I made it clear that you should break up with the girl you claim you’re dating but no. You didn’t stay home yesterday after leaving me at the altar then today I come to see you kissing a random girl. Shame on you Novan. Something that I can never do to you, you did to me. I will never forget this. You should mark it boldly somewhere and don’t expect my forgiveness ever. You’ll pay for doing this to me.”
“What did I do? Tell me, Mariana. You left me knowing you’re my life and I can’t do without you. You moved on. You fuckin did.”
“Yes, I thought I meant the world. That you couldn’t live without me but I barely took a step from you and you’re doing perfectly fine. You’re a liar Novan. A big one!”
“I’m not. You are! You’ve always wanted me out of your life so you took the opportunity when it came. You broke up with me then you went out to have dinner with some ugly ass today at some restaurant. You think I didn’t see it? That you’re cheating on me long ago? I’m more disappointed in you Mariana..”
What! Is he talking about Haiden? He saw me with him?
“You must be referring to the guy you saw me with at the chocolate shop and at a restaurant right? Well, I don’t know that guy and I only followed him because I spilled my drink on him and the only way to pacify him was coming with him to the restaurant. I didn’t even eat with him and I left not long after we entered. I don’t even know that guy and you’re here saying what? Nonsense and bullshit!” I screamed my lungs out.
“What? You don’t know him?”
“How will I know him? You know I don’t make friends with such people except you so how could you assume that of me and go acting like a stupid spoiled boy? You could’ve asked me first but you jumped into conclusions and came out here with an equally stupid girl to romance her…”
“No, I didn’t…”
“Keep quiet! You kissed her! You kissed her Novan. I can’t forget that. How could you? I’m supposed to be the only one for you. I will never do what you just did. Never. When you said you got a girlfriend, I didn’t take it to heart. I felt it somewhere deep down that you’re lying but now I know. You actually got a girlfriend. Also, I know it deep down that my Novan would never help his father against me and my family but right now, how am I supposed to believe and follow my heart? It will deceive me. You were my heart Novan but you keep deceiving me. I can’t fight for you anymore and I will never follow my heart. Henceforth whatever that will come from me will be from my head and right now my brain is saying you’re deceitful and a betrayer. You’re guilty of everything. Everything.”
“What are you saying, Mariana. Please.” He moved to touch me but I backed away.
“Don’t you fucking dare to touch me. Those hands you put on that girl. You never changed Novan. You still sleep around. How did I not know? I regret you.” I shook my head but the image of my boyfriend kissing some other girl won’t go away. How easy was it for him to just kiss someone? I could never do that.
“You said you didn’t want me anymore Mariana. I thought you meant it..”
“Foolish! Stupid! Silly! How can you say that? Yes, I broke up with you but it does not mean you can come and do this. It’s just a week. What you were supposed to do to get me back you didn’t do it but you did something that will keep me away from you forever. I broke up with you but my soul never did. I still love you as much. A lot. I didn’t stop loving you? How can I? I think of you every single day and night. And I’m always worried about you but it’s clear that you don’t think of me anymore. You got my replacement. Congratulations Donovan. Congratulations to your stupid ass for doing this to us. You broke us!.” I wiped my tears and walked away from him. I pulled my phone out to call my driver.
“Mariana, wait! I’m sorry. I’m so sorry but it’s not what you think…”
“I don’t want to know Novan. God knows what else you did with her in this dark. You fingered her right? I know you like doing that a lot.”
“No. Don’t say that. I also don’t know the girl.”
“Yet you kissed her? I didn’t kiss that guy?”
“We were talking and I realized she’s more like you…”
“Hold on! Talking? What the hell were you talking to her about?”
“Us? Since when did you start doing that? We’ve always solved our problems so why should you come talk it out here with that girl. One more lousy lie from you and I swear I’m gonna throw something at you.”
“It’s the truth, Mariana. I told her some part of us..”
“And since when did you start talking to people? That’s not like you. How dare you talk about our problems with that bitch? Same way you told Aria all the things you ever said to me. Who are you?!”
“Mariana please you have to trust me…”
“Trust you? Did you trust me when you saw me with that guy? The best thing for you to do like my normal Novan is come there and beat that boy, scream at me and ask me why I have to do that. Not run here to your darling girlfriend. So low and childish. You don’t trust me. If you did, you’ll know Mariana will never break up with you just like that. You’ll know that it’s even impossible for us to be apart. I still love you and seeing this broke me. You cheated on me because you accepted our break-up.”
“God!” He grabbed his head. “I’m so sorry babe. Please… The kiss meant nothing…”
” I don’t care! Just think of how you’d have felt if you see me kissing Edward.” His eyes went wide and I began to run.
I just want to get far away from him as fast as I can.
{Loving him with all his flaws.}
**Not Edited**
I doubled up when he was almost close to me.
“Mariana please don’t go.”
“You should rather stop following me.”
“No! I don’t wanna see your face because when I do, all I see is you kissing that Ciara girl. It hurts so much Novan and my head is bashing.” I rested the phone against my ear and ran through the woods. I sighed when I saw how close I am to the road.
A minute after, I was at the roadside and the driver picked my call. Before I could speak, the phone was snatched and I turned to see Novan.
“Allow me to take you home please.”
“No.” I refused. He got closer to me and held my face in his hands. “I’m begging.”
His warm breath fanned my face and my eyes shut at his calm tone, his touch melting me in a way.
I didn’t say anything when he took my hand and walked me to his car. He opened the door and I sat. He rounded the car and got in.
“Your phone.”
I looked up and snatched it, my face turning to the window at once. The car took off and I rested my head on the window.
She didn’t say anything for close to five minutes when I started driving and I kept looking at her from time to time. She appears to be calm but that’s not the case. She looks like a time bomb ready to explode at any time. I’m so fortunate that she accepted to ride with me.
“Keep looking at me and I will jump out of this car. The consequences will be on your head.” She spits angrily.
“No. Sorry.” I bring my focus back to the road fully.
How wrong I was. I should have known better but it has already happened. Some hours back, I felt I was the one Mariana was being unfair to but now the tables have turned. I felt offended but now it’s Mariana who’s offended. And what I did, I can never see her doing that with someone and stay alive. When she asked how I would’ve felt if she was the one kissing Ed? I almost run mad just imagining it. It was then I knew what I did.
As much as I am scared for what will come next, I feel-good knowing she still loves me and her jealousy made me warm inside. It’s a pleasant feeling to watch and see her claim me as hers. I will take that part over anything. I thought I was the only one so mad about her but that’s not the case. Mariana still loves me and now I just want to do anything to win her just like Kiara said.
When I looked at her again hesitantly, she was fast asleep. Her breathing was deep and her lashes were wet from crying. I hurt her.
I should’ve known she won’t do anything with someone like the guy I saw her with. I regret everything and it pains that I’m the one in the wrong this time. I sent our already damaged relationship to jeopardy. How will I get out of this one? Will she ever forgive me? Will it be sooner or later. Whatever it is, I will prefer to be a victim whenever it comes to our fights.
A gentle tap on my thigh made my eyes fly open and I looked around. I’m still in Novan’s car and..my eyes land on him and outside. We’re home.
I didn’t realize when I slept. I unfastened my seatbelt and got myself out. Everything spins around me for a minute and I felt dizzy. I struggled to keep my balance and not fall when I started walking.
“Are you okay?”
“That’s not your issue.” I snapped and walked inside. It has stopped spinning but the dizziness was still there.
I walked inside to our room and got my shoes off. I put my phone on the bedside table and threw myself on the bed, covering my cladded body with the duvet.
“Are you sleeping already? You haven’t eaten.”
“I’m sleeping and I don’t want to eat. Stop acting like you cared and please don’t make me yell. You have done so much to me already.”
“I’m really sorry. Please forgive me for this one at least. I didn’t feel anything when..I.. kissed her… it’s not like what we do or how you make me feel. Please believe me.” He gets closer to the bed.
I feel a little okay knowing he didn’t enjoy the kiss.
“Stop it okay. I told you I’m never forgiving you for what you did. How can you kiss another girl?”
“You’re the one responsible for that behavior of mine Mariana. You made me feel unwanted. You didn’t want me anymore and when I saw you today with that guy, I was already exhausted from wallowing in self-pity of you not trying to make us come back together. I got furious and I lost it and gave up all at once. I didn’t want to fight it anymore. I thought you didn’t love me anymore. All was lost for me and my thoughts were in complete disarray. Please forgive me. I didn’t take any girlfriend and that kiss is nothing. It doesn’t mean anything. I don’t like Kiara and in fact, I just met her some hours ago…”
“What does that make you? You meet someone a few hours ago and you’re ready to get inside her. Get away from here Novan. Get the fuck outta this room right this minute. I want to sleep.” I raked my nails in my hair.
That image was still flashing by and it’s tormenting me. My heart ached as the scene replayed, the pain piercing through my heart like a dagger.
I’ve never felt this way before. I’m over jealous. I really can’t bear to see anyone with him. I never knew how strong it was but now I know. I will gladly turn to a Jezebel and rip their throats out including their fake extensions and eyelashes if I see those bitches. I feel like I could do that now. That stupid Ciara won’t be spared.
“Leave Donovan,” I said when he still stood there looking at me.
“You want me to go?”
“That’s what I said. You don’t deserve to be in this room with me though it’s yours.”
“It’s either you stay and I go. If that’s what you want then I’m leaving.” I threw the duvet off of me and tried to get up.
“It’s okay. Sleep. I’m the one supposed to leave. I’m going.” He walked out and closed the door.
Fuck me. I wish he hadn’t left. I wish he was a little pushy and stubborn. That he doesn’t listen to me sometimes.
But then, I will go crazy if he doesn’t leave.
A lot of things have happened to us… unpleasant things but this is what hurt me more. How can he go and kiss someone? I can never do that to him. I gave up on thinking and gave in to nature.
My heavy eyelids dropped on each other and I covered myself completely.
I went to Nervisa’s room after I left my room and saw my sister giggling into her laptop.
What’s going on?
I’ve not been watching her lately. Hope she isn’t up to anything bad.
“What are you doing Nervy?”
“Nothing.” She shut the laptop, looking caught off guard. I stared at her suspiciously before sitting beside her.
“I’m sorry. I ate some of the food but I didn’t touch the cake and pizza.”
“It’s okay. Which friend did you visit today when I was away?”
“It’s not Tricia.”
“Okay, so who?”
“It’s a new friend. I will do an introduction later.”
“Have you heard from dad? I called him and someone else picked saying he’s not available. Can you check up on him for me?”
“No, I can’t. Forgive me.” I got up before I change my mind when she start giving me those faces that would make me dance to her tune.
“Alright. I will keep calling him myself. Goodnight” she switched her lights off.
“Yeah.” I got out and closed her door.
I walked back to my door and began to pace to and fro at the front for hours before sitting myself down at the foot of the door. With my head against it, I try to close my eyes. I did and I don’t know how long they kept close till I felt a weird feeling and I needed to free my bladder. I opened the door quietly and entered.
I walked to the washroom first and when I returned, Mariana was moving uncomfortably on the bed. I turned the lights on and she was bathed in her own sweat.
It’s not hot in here if not I would’ve on the AC.
I got onto the bed and removed the comforter from her. Her hoodie top was wet and her hair was damp, sticking all over her beautiful face.
She needs to get out of her clothes for fresh air. I can’t go and wake Sharon from her sleep to do this when I can. My hands reached to her jeans and I opened it.
She’s going to chop my head off if she should wake up and find my hand close to her zipper.
As I slipped her tight jeans off, I flinched at the contact of her soft skin to mine.
My hands fly to her forehead and I gasped. She’s running a temperature.
Is she getting sick? Did I cause this? Oh, God!
I began to take the remainder of her clothes off and despite her state, I can’t help getting hard and big. I keep reminding myself that we’re fighting and she’s getting sick until I am done, leaving her in just her panties.
I got off the bed and went to open the windows to let the midnight breeze in. It didn’t help. She began to shiver and I ran to cover her.
What do I do? Her temperature is still up.
I went to the wardrobe and got a thin strap top for her and helped her into it.
I rushed to the washroom and wet a towel. I folded it and placed it on her forehead then lay beside her.
What is happening? I won’t forgive myself if what I did caused this.
Mariana, I’m so sorry. I turned on my side and looked at her. Her parted lips are dry and her face lacks color.
I checked the towel and it was warm. I got up and went for another. After changing it for almost ten times, I closed my eyes but only for her phone to start ringing. I silenced it without looking. A minute later and it begins to ring again.
I got up, looked at the time which was 4:38, and picked it up. It was my mum calling.
I could hear silent movements around me but it was difficult to open my eyes. After my phone rings for the second time, I decided to open my eyes.
A tall figure stood with his back to me and one hand on his waist.
I looked at the bedside and my phone wasn’t there. A towel was on my forehead so I got it off.
“Are you with my phone?”
“Yes, I’m sorry.” He turned to me. “Are you okay? What’s wrong? Looks like you’re getting sick?”
“I’m fine,” I said. “Who phoned?”
“What did she say? Is she leaving?” I began to get up.
“Rest Mariana. You don’t need..”
“Shut up!” I got up but staggered back. I held my pounding head. Before I realized, I fell back to the bed.
God. What’s wrong with me.
“Mariana!” There is panic in his voice.
“Don’t come near me Novan. I’m fine. I do not need your help.” I got up and balanced myself properly.
“I called my mother here and I will be driving her to the airport since you’re not well. Please stay in bed until she’s here. You can bid her farewell after that.”
“You did?” I’m shocked.
“I didn’t have a choice.”
I nodded. “Okay but I’m not going back on the bed.”
I walked slowly to the bathroom and brushed my teeth. I splashed water in my face and I’m surprised when I saw what I was wearing. Just pants and a thin top. Did he change me? Of course, he did. I’m sure.
I got out and wore a short then walked past him. He began to follow me and I stopped.
“Please don’t follow me. I’m not an old lady who needs support.”
“I know but..”
“No buts. Please let me be Novan. Your presence is suffocating me.”
“I..I am suffocating you? You feel suffocated by me?”
“Yes.” Hopefully, this will keep him away from me in the meantime.
It did. I didn’t hear him following when I was taking the stairs down.
I sat in the living room and buried my face in my palm. I don’t feel fine but what could be the problem?
Some minutes later, I heard a movement behind me and got up.
“Hey.” I got up and walked to meet Tricia with a smile.
“My dear.” She opened her arms and I walked right into it. I feel so comfortable with this woman. The energy is so positive and each time I’m around her, I feel as if I’m with my mum.
She pulled back slowly and stared at my face. ” Are you alright?”
“I am.” I smiled.
“Please be fine for me.” She patted my cheeks and hugged me again.
“I will. You look so happy. Is it because you’re leaving?”
“No. I should be crying but I’m not. For the first time, my son spoke to me in a calm tone and said he’d drive me. I’m so happy Mariana and it’s all because of you. Tell me, how did you do it?”
“Nothing.” I shook my head.
“I know you did something but forget it if you don’t want to disclose. I’m just over grateful and I don’t know how I can thank you. Please take me to see Nervisa will you?.”
“Sure.” We walked to Nervisa’s room and I watched her rain kisses on her before Nervisa woke up and hugged her.
They talked for sometime before Nervisa hugged her again and laid back on the bed.
“I can’t wait to come here again but first, whatever magic you’re working on my son, please keep on. It’s working and don’t stop loving him. That is so important. Next time when I come, I want to see that glow instead of this dull look. I feel things are not right but I hope it gets better and you should also pay a visit to the hospital and take care. My son is good at cooking. Worry the hell out of him to prepare you the best food.” She rambled and stopped at the door.
“Thanks, take care. You’re a nice person and I will miss you.”
“I will miss you too. You should also come to Russia one day. It’s a nice place.”
“Okay, that’s enough. She won’t go anywhere and Mariana please get back in.” Novan said and walked outside.
“Don’t mind him,” I said.
“Yes, I know. I’m running late. We’ll talk.” She pecked me and I hugged her for the last time before she left.
I padded over to the kitchen for some water and while leaving, I saw a tray with a cake and pizza sitting on it. I got closer for a clear view.
The pizza was cut into the alphabets that make up my first name instead of their usual shapes and the cake was heart-shaped and it was written. “Happy first Val to us, M&D ”
Only Novan can do this but when and why?
Why will he go through all this trouble then end up kissing someone else?”
I’m in my car with this wicked woman in it and unfortunately, I happen to be driving her. This selfish woman. Oh God have mercy.
We haven’t spoken since she entered and we’re almost there. I pray she never speaks until I drop her off. I hope this act of mine moves Mariana even if it’s just a little. I’m desperately in need of her forgiveness and I’m eager for things to get to normal. All this is exhausting and I miss her so much.
“This is so awkward. I wish I came with Mariana instead.” She gushed out, fanning herself dramatically.
“So you can gossip about me?”
“What is there to gossip about?” She asked back.
“You should be grateful that I decided to pick you but I can change my mind. Throwing you out won’t be a bad idea.”
“I’m sorry Everett. I really am. I don’t know how to make you understand that..”
“Well then stop it. I’m tired of you singing the same shit to me always. Don’t you get tired?”
“I won’t stop until you forgive me.”
“Good luck on your mission.” I snorted.
On the other hand, I’m busy begging Mariana and my parents are also busy begging pathetically for me to forgive them for years now..
I wonder if the Anderson family was specially created to commit a crime and keep asking forgiveness for it.
And could it be that same way Mariana’s refusal to forgive me is affecting me, my parents are also being affected by my decision not to ever forgive them?
I hope not!
Those two deserve every taste of my wrath but not my forgiveness. Never.

{Loving him with all his flaws.}
What they did to me is nothing to be compared to what I did to Mariana. Just a kiss I hated. But their cruelty was set on a whole next level. They made my childhood miserable and ruined me.
“Mariana is a nice girl..”
“I know!” I snapped curtly.
“Let me land will you?”
“You have not right to talk to my girl talk of talking about it to me, Tricia.”
“You always manage to throw a fit but it doesn’t get to me.”
“Because you haven’t stood it for long.” I fired.
“Still, I’m your mom and the only one who could tolerate your tantrums forever.”
“Mom my bloody foot!” I deadpan mockingly. “You know what, you don’t deserve to be counted among moms. You know it. You’re so heartless and mean and I hate you so much. So so much. You couldn’t sacrifice for us, to give us happiness. The happiness that we needed. When we’re talking about mothers, please don’t fool yourself by coming. Safe your face.” I know these are splintering words but it’s as hell the fact. This woman chose her Russian boyfriend over her own flesh and blood. Low.
“That’s why I keep begging you. Honestly, I regret it Everett. I really do. I don’t know how to say this anymore. I acted so immaturely and I couldn’t protest when my in-laws were against me bringing my children. You know Vlad is a politician. The kind of things that go on and how I hardly stay in one place, Nervisa’s coming there won’t do her good and your father was on my neck even when I left. He wouldn’t let me be and he threatened me when I took Nervisa. A lot of factors worked against me Everett but I’m not blaming it on any. I know I didn’t try and now I just want another chance with you, my children.” She threw her face into her palms and began to sob.
“Don’t cry in my car or I leave you out here.” I threatened.
She looked up at me and I looked away, maintaining my hard countenance. I won’t allow her emotional state to get to me.
“How long do you intend to keep doing this?”
“As long as the pain you caused me lives and your face keeps being a reminder. The wound I sustained as a result of your cruelty didn’t heal and as you keep appearing and offering pathetic apologies, it keeps opening up, cutting deeper than before and it hurts me.” My eyes burned into misty liquids and I wiped my arm against my nose and looked ahead. I’m not gonna cry. I’ve done that a lot in the past. When I was that lonely sad boy who sits in a corner of our house, my small frame coiled into a ball to hide away from everything then cry my eyes out till I could cry no more and my tear tissues were tired and out of more fluid. And when I look around, all I see is my loneliness and the deafening quietness around me until Nervisa let’s out a loud cry when she’s hungry. There was no mom or dad. Just me and my little sister. I called for them in full tears but they weren’t moved. They didn’t show up. They were so cold and now that I’ve grown and actually don’t need them, they show up in fake tears to apologize. I don’t care about what anyone thinks. They could call me names for not having a forgiving heart because if they had gone through what I went through, even half of it, they wouldn’t spew nonsense and preach goddamn forgiveness to me. Everything is forgiving, yes but it won’t change what happened. That scar will always remain.
I don’t have a big problem with this woman but the fact that she sets her priorities clear to me by leaving us, I will never forget that. She prioritized over us. She showed me that her boyfriend was more important whereas I’m worthless of her. How can I forget that? I have no fucking clue.
“I just want you to know that I’m sorry after all and I regret everything as much. Everything.”
” You’re supposed to.”
“Yes, but allow me to say what I wanted to. Take it from me as a stranger but not as your failed mom.
Mariana is a nice girl, please don’t ward her off with your belligerent attitude. You’ve always been like this since you were a kid…”
“If only you were around to correct that but you run off like a silly teenager to marry a fucking Russian. I am this way because of you, none of you should forget that when you decide to look around for who to blame. And I am trying okay. To be better. Don’t fucking annoy me by trying to advise me. Keep shut if you have nothing sensible to say you got it?!”
“Yes.” She wiped her tears and I do my best to keep my focus on the road. We’ve reached. I can’t wait to park and throw her out of my car.
“Allow me to talk, please. I just want you to be happy and this is my only chance to make that happen if there’s anything left at all for me to offer. You found a nice girl. Please treat her right and she’s going to stay forever. It will be hard but ‘letting go and giving up’ should be out of your dictionary. It’s going to be difficult but just keep trying. You hate rich people and you have your reasons and I’m sure difficult and stubborn is one of their traits because sometimes they think they have it all. I’m not saying she’s that way but whatever it is, just know that no one is perfect and keep trying to give and stay your best. I see how our irresponsibility is taking a big effect on your relationship. Please take care and even though I don’t have any right to say this, I have no choice. I love you son. And once again, I’m deeply sorry. I won’t stop trying to make you forgive me though. I won’t stop. Bye.” She opened the door but her eyes were on me.
“Get out!” My voice is sharp and harsh.
Unexpectedly, her hand rested on my shoulder and gave it a gentle squeeze. They move to touch my face and I swat her hand away.
She didn’t say anything else and got out. I’m supposed to drive off instantly but I stayed and watched her drag her luggage behind her slowly into the airport.
I felt empty. She’s leaving me yet again and again. My heart breaks as she disappeared and I felt like jumping out and running to hug her. It’s been so long and I miss her. No matter how much I deny it, I need her in my life. That mother figure. Even when Mariana stops to take my shits, I believe my mom won’t get tired of me and I will always run to lament about my problems to her and she will cool me down and make me rest my head on her lap and tell me that everything is gonna be fine.
I just wish my story was a different one.
I turned and drove back home where I’m going to meet that stubborn girl who has refused to make my life simple.
Can she not just forgive me and let us be happy? What did I even do?
She went out with Ed and I caught them in her office and I forgot about it. I’m still pissed though and I wish Edward’s mutilated face never heals. Next time he’ll think twice before coming close to my girl.
I reached home in time, expecting to see her around but she was in bed.
“I’m back. Have you eaten?” I sat on the edge of the bed to take my boots off.
“You should remember to always take your heavy boots off at the door, not in the room.” She says without opening her eyes.
“Yes, but I didn’t get out. I mean I didn’t walk on the ground.”
“So there’s no dirt under it?”
Her cleanliness is also going to be another problem for us. What is wrong in taking my boots off in the room.
“I don’t see you taking yours off at the door.” I point out.
“Mine doesn’t accumulate dirt like yours and you don’t walk gently either. I doubt if you watch your steps. You can step in some poop and come smear it around. I won’t spare you.”
I smiled. It feels like forever since we bicker like this.
“You didn’t answer my question if you have eaten or not.”
“You’re not my mother. Don’t think I forgot about your unfaithfulness.”
I sighed and stayed quiet for a minute. Her eyes were still closed.
“Don’t you think you’re overdoing everything? I’ve been apologizing but you’re adamant. Tessa is forgiving so Hardin never suffers this much. She always forgives him for every little thing and even Christian’s Ana. Why are you being so hard on me when I’m not even half as bad as they are.”
“Stop relating us to those fictional characters. I told you.”
“How long?” I asked.
“How long is it going to take you to forgive me?” I need to know because my patience is fastly running out. I can’t keep doing this with her.
“I don’t know?”
“You don’t? How can you not know?” I almost raised my voice. Is she mad?
“Allow me to sleep please.”
This cunning girl. She fucking flipped the tables smartly on me with just that small ass mistake of mine and now she’s all high and mighty with a final say. If I hadn’t done that, she’s the one who will be at my feet begging for not trusting and leaving me.
I don’t know if I will keep doing this if she doesn’t put an end. I’m getting fed up gradually. Soon, I won’t be able to keep up. I’m tired of playing this begging game. It’s not fun.
“This is wickedness, Mariana. We’ve always solved our problems. Why’s this keeping so long?”
She didn’t answer me. Her eyes were closed with a frown. Seems she is feeling some pains. Is she bleeding?
I got out and asked Sharon if Mariana has come down to eat and she said no. I prepared breakfast for her and took it all the way up.
“Mariana, get up, and eat something.”
“I don’t feel like eating?”
“Are you sick?”
“I don’t know.”
I put my hand over her forehead again and her temperature was no longer as drastic but it’s still there.
“Are you on your period?” Apart from normal sickness, I learned menstruation is another special sickness for just girls.
Her cheeks reddened and she buried them in the pillow in embarrassment I guess.
“You get so comfortable in saying that.”
“It’s just some blood. I can talk about it.”
“That’s the problem. This is a woman thing and you just say it as if it’s nothing.”
“It’s actually nothing. I told you I don’t mind a few bloods.” She groaned at the familiar words and my mind flys back to the sex we had under the shower when she was bleeding. It wasn’t bad.
“It’s okay Novan.”
“Then get up and eat something if you don’t want me to keep talking about blood.”
“No, I don’t wanna eat.”
“Come on babe, I took my time in preparing this and it’s so bloody deliscious.”
“Ahhh” she covered her ears and I laughed.
“Oh no! Didn’t you wear any tampons? You fuckin stained my bed with your menstrual blood.” I screamed and she jumped off the bed and began to check.
“Really? Where?” She squeaked.
“Just come and eat.”
“So I didn’t stain?”
How did she not know?
“I was just fucking kidding with you. Now come and eat.”
She sighed and crawled to the tray I placed on the bed.
She stared at the food with no interest before taking a bite of the muffin and chewing it slowly with a wiggled nose.
She picked tea over the cereal I made and drank it slowly as well.
I helped myself to the cereal. (same cereal or couldn’t take some days back) and watched her struggle to swallow while making faces.
She looks like someone who’s ready to vomit on our bed any minute.
She didn’t finish breakfast before sleeping back on the bed.
“Is it your period? I can get you some pain relievers.”
“No, I don’t know what is wrong actually. I guess I’m just stressed. I will be okay after taking proper rest. Don’t worry about me.”
“Are you sure?”
“Let me know if you need anything.”
“Won’t you go to school?”
“Not today. You don’t seem to be fine. How can I go and leave you?”
“Sharon is around.”
“She’ll go to work. I’m sure she already left.” She was dressed up and ready to leave when I got down.
“Still, I will be fine.” Her eyes closed and her breathing is so deep.
“What actually is wrong with you?” I’m worried. I don’t like this at all. Mariana is maybe is sick. Her skin is damp. Her cheeks and lips are not left out. They’re so pale and her image is so frail. Once again I hate this. I don’t like this one tiny bit. I’m going mad.
“I’m having a headache also.”
“I think you have to see a doctor,” I said to her.
“No, I’m fine ”
‘I will strangle you’
“No, you’re not!” I got up and put the tray down. I cursed, biting my tongue when it hit the table louder than I planned. Such a jerk I am. This is going to increase her headache.
“Go out Novan.” She glowered at me.
I said it. Her headache must’ve increased.
“We need to got to the hos…”
“Get out I say! Go make yourself useful and let me sleep.” She turned her back to me and hugged the pillow close.
“Okay.” She’s so stubborn. I threw one look at her, at her peaceful yet breathtaking face before going out. She’s pretty even when sick. My sleeping beauty.
I fetched my phone from my pocket to call any of my asshole of friends but stopped. They’re all dicks, not proper people you can talk to. Nina will also just lure me into getting high with her. A crazy-ass fellow. She said I should get myself useful. What can I do? I should be in class but that’s not important now. I could clean but it’s already done by Sharon and the cleaners who come to clean thrice in a week. I could learn but I have no interest. I wonder why Paula madam hasn’t called me.
Fuck. Since when did I start looking forward to her calls. That woman is probably done with me. I should forget her but… should I tell her that her daughter is sick? No. That will only show that I can’t take of her. I won’t tell her anything. I went to the kitchen and disposed of the pizza and cake I invested my all into. It has gone to waste and I didn’t get the praises I would’ve got if she had just a taste or bite.
After moving about the house aimlessly for some hours, I went back in and lay beside her. My eyes are heavy from not having enough sleep last night. I got my wallet out and pulled the drawer beside the bed then got the Nook she gave me out. I switched it on and began to read through some Chinese recipes. This is so thoughtful of her and yet I haven’t been able to give her anything yet. I opened my wallet and got the personalized chain she got me out and admired the glistening piece that cost a lot of fortunes.
I touched my lips and brows and got my metals out. She doesn’t know that I don’t have the diamonds she got me on. I’m gonna attract robbers if I should put millions of dollars in my face. I will be a number one target for every thief in this vicinity and beyond. I can’t risk my life at the same time increase theft.
I put them in but removed it again. They’re too expensive. I will put them on some other time. I put my old ones back in then put the chain back in my wallet.
I pushed towards her and brushed her damp skin. “Please forgive me quickly. I can not take this anymore. I need you.” I whispered.
I closed my eyes and welcomed sleep at midday. This must be a sick joke. I can’t remember the last time.